《The Devil I Love | Jikook Smut |》Chapter 43: My Pain
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Namjoon held Jimin in his arms; not wanting to let go of the man who was shedding so many tears. Jimin sobbed and tried his best to silence his cries to his manager, but he couldn't. All those times he would silence himself from crying late at night, were piled up that now, he just couldn't stop and turn away like nothing was wrong.
"Jimin... please... talk to me, it's not going to kill you... I want to make sure that you're okay. You're not only my client, but you're my friend!" Namjoon assured the man. Wanting to offer his shoulder so Jimin could lay his head on, but Jimin was silent. Of course, Namjoon knew better not to force anything out of the miserable and broken boy, so he remained hugging Jimin only when he needed to.
"No... no, I'm f-fine now," Jimin whispered in pain. He knew better not to speak further on his issues. Opening up would always be a challenge Jimin avoided and no matter what he went through, there were some things he would rather take to the grave than trust someone else and risk losing them. In fact, Jimin feared losing Namjoon too... even if they weren't close as friends either, telling him and opening up about his pains just seemed too scary for him. Jimin just wanted to keep things the way that they were just so he wouldn't lose a few people he actually cared for.
Namjoon listened to Jimin. Did he grow upset or frustrated? No, he did not. He wanted to be the one Jimin trusted enough to speak to and not want to use force at all. So he continued to hug Jimin before he pulled back and looked him in the eyes when Jimin was avoiding eye contact.
"I won't force you to speak when you don't want to. But just know that I will always be here for you... I'm your friend..." Namjoon offered his help and with that, he gave Jimin a smile and watched the young model pull away and press his head against the window to the passenger's side. Not wanting to speak of the moment where he lashed out at the older man about the Director. Jimin was now silently scolding himself for letting Namjoon see the side of him he hoped to silence until he was all alone.
As Jimin went on and battled the pain in his head, Namjoon kept looking over at the young man and became worried while he began to drive. The thoughts he kept on the Director was never going to change now after that. The moment kept replaying on Namjoon's mind as he began to dissect all the issues Jimin had concerning the Director and the many things he said. Now leaving Namjoon to tighten his grip along the wheel in anger towards his own boss.
While Jimin pressed his head against the window. His hands slowly met each other before he folded his hands together unknowingly. Intertwining his small fingers along the other and recalling Jungkook and the smile that he kept each time they held hands just like this. Jimin smiled softly to himself through the tears that still raced down his face, reminiscing at how lovely his day was just being around the man that made him happy.
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To add on, he recalled when Jungkook agreed to work with him. There was nothing that was going to come in between his glee until he realized that in order to have Jungkook become his personal photographer, this idea would have to be put through the Director himself. Sadly, Jimin knew he couldn't avoid that man since he would never answer his calls in order to talk business over the phone. All his meetings had to be dealt with in person and that's what scared Jimin the most.
By the very next day, Jungkook made it to the studio that morning. Just the night before, he stayed up washing the bed covers along with Jimin's clothes. He kept the beautiful man's clothes folded over a chair so he could return it as soon as possible. But along with the night, Jungkook's memories of the night before were slowly crawling back to him. He could recall the times Jimin wanted to be the only one on his mind along with the moment Yoongi rejected him altogether. With the embarrassment weighing down his shoulders, he almost didn't want to show up to work but of course, he pulled himself together and opened the doors to the studio.
Again, there were a few customers standing around the area and trying to peak in. Lately the studio was getting very popular to the point where some fans of the model would stand outside of the studio and admire the building. Absolutely losing their own minds to know that Jimin himself was in the studio before.
Jungkook walked in, noting the way a few fans of Jimin's watched him. Whispering in giggles and smiles the moment he walked past them. The young man didn't catch on to the idea that they enjoyed his presence and only smiled and ran his blond hair back. Causing a few to turn away and blush. He just assumed that they were only there to bask in the presence of where Jimin once stood.
As soon as the young man walked into the studio and stood behind the front desk, he let out a sigh just staring at the spot where Yoongi would always sit. Since he arrived a little early, his employees had yet to show up. Jungkook looked over at the desk and recalled the night where Yoongi rejected him. Now, the blurry night was becoming so clear in his memories to the point where he recalled Yoongi's words.
"I'm what you wanted, not what you needed..." Jungkook said to himself, rephrasing the words Yoongi told him that night. "I can't believe I did that... I'm never drinking around anyone anymore I'm such a-"
Suddenly, Yoongi's laughter filled the lobby abruptly as he stepped in with Hoseok walking in behind him. Jungkook's blood went cold and gulped the moment he stepped in and felt his eyes latch onto his back at that very moment.
"Boss!" Hoseok said happily before walking up behind him and patting him on the back. "I'm so glad to see you! Did you sleep well?"
"Oh... yes, I did..." Jungkook replied and finally turned around to see the two.
The first thing he noticed when he gazed at the duo was the matching promise rings they had over their ring fingers. Jungkook recalled the night he was drunk where Yoongi took it out and set it on the table to bring up the truth that he was with someone at the moment. The young man just never thought Yoongi's partner would be the one to work with him at the studio. But either way, Jungkook was rather surprised; he was surprised that he didn't feel any aches within himself. His desperation to cling onto stability when it came to Yoongi, became nothing and the cavity of embarrassment that once consumed him when he did something wrong in front of the man, seemed so little to him now.
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"Glad to see you on time today, Jungkook," Yoongi spoke up and made a smile at the young man. Not feeling uncomfortable at all. He knew he had to handle things maturely and didn't want Jungkook to feel ashamed of feeling something human. So, the older man smiled at him like nothing happened and this alone assured Jungkook that he didn't have anything to feel embarrassed about. In time, the young man was finally coming to the stage of accepting his rejection now.
"Surprisingly, I managed to get out of bed on time today," Jungkook replied and made a smile as Hoseok quickly looked to the side to see Taehyung walking in for work.
"Good morning everyone!" Taehyung said happily before digging into his pocket and throwing up a drivers license within his own clutches. "Next time we go out drinking, I'll drive for everyone!"
"Well it's about fucking time!" Yoongi teased and looked at the young man making a smile. "Finally I can drink for once!"
"I don't see why I couldn't drive you guys home, I was free!" Hoseok added on as Taehyung approached him; still holding up his driver's license like a prized possession.
"You see, Yoongi volunteered to drive us home. He sacrificed when he didn't need to!" Taehyung mentioned and leaned in to whisper, however, his whisper was loud enough to the point where even Jungkook could hear him. "Yoongi wants to feel like the main character when his purpose is to shape the protagonist like the rest of us!"
"Taehyung, how on earth did you get your license! Don't talk like that, you sound like a crazy man! I knew those theories were bad for you..." Yoongi joked as Jungkook smiled at the words they kept throwing at each other.
"I know things you don't know!"
"Anyway, I could drive next time! I can't handle my alcohol well..." Jungkook interrupted. Scared to even take a sip of alcohol after so much has happened last time. He was fully aware of how careless he could become when he's intoxicated.
However, Yoongi caught onto this and walked up to the young man to pat his back carefully. "No, you'll drink! Come on, what's the worst that could happen? You're only human. There's nothing wrong with getting a little too drunk," Yoongi assured the man. Indirectly making him feel comfortable with himself when it comes to drinking and saying things he wanted to scold himself about.
Yoongi handled it in a manner that Jungkook no longer felt awkward around the man who he used to rely on for stability. Without that vision in his mind, he didn't feel as if his life was going to be out of control anymore and knew that Yoongi was just someone he looked up to. Accepting rejection was something that didn't seem too difficult for Jungkook to come to terms with, besides, it was necessary for him to stop looking into who he wanted and finally look into who he needed.
After a while into the afternoon, Jimin was sitting alone in his room. Sitting on the bed and eyeing his medication after taking it in the morning and now, he was feeling as if the energy was pulled out of him. Smiling and laughing seemed possible for him after taking the medication when his mind rarely focused on anything that could harm him. However, he knew that without this medication, he would be crying and becoming anxious about what he had to do next.
Jimin sat over his bed wearing a full on white suit and tie; an apparel fit for an important meeting he had coming. However, he sat there as if he didn't want to move from that spot. Even if his medication allowed him to feel little boosts of glee, he didn't feel anything and was drawn out from his soul for that very moment. This was the soulless feeling Jimin hated to go through.
"I don't wanna go..." Jimin whispered to himself in a dull tone before he looked down. Knowing without the medication he would be crying now, but he didn't. He didn't even feel happy either. He was only silent in his mind but he knew he had to take the medication like Namjoon asked. It was the least he could do. "I don't want to see... ... but it's the only way I can have Jungkook work with me..." Jimin continued and forced himself to stand up.
Within seconds, the door to his room opened as he looked up to see Namjoon standing there with concern filling his eyes.
"Are you ready? is in twenty more minutes. I called in to give you the extra ten minutes you might need for yourself," Namjoon assured. Understanding how Jimin felt towards the Director now.
"When does it end?"
"I didn't put in an ending time, so if you need to cut things short, you could leave anytime even if it's the first two minutes. Just so you wouldn't have to wait until the clock strikes that given time," Namjoon mentioned and watched the blank stare in the miserable man's eyes as he nodded and walked ahead. "You have extra time to-"
"I just want to get this over with. The sooner I let him know about Jungkook working with me, the sooner my pain will be relieved."
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