《The Devil I Love | Jikook Smut |》Chapter 31: He Knows
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"...What?" Jungkook asked as the smile he had over his face was wiped off completely. "How... what?!"
"Jungkook, I know you like me... I've known it from the start. You don't really know how to hide it well so I caught onto it in seconds. I know," Yoongi said in a soft voice and hoped that his words didn't upset Jungkook. But it only left him speechless.
"I... I don't know what else to... to say..." Jungkook then turned over to face the bottles sitting at the table in front of him. Avoiding eye contact with Yoongi until he thought of something else to say to the older man. "But... does that.. mean... you like me... too?" The young man had rather hoped this was the case, but Yoongi only shook his head and continued to pat the young man on his back carefully to ease his mind.
"Jungkook, you're a great man. An amazing boss and everything in between that. I'm flattered you think of me that way but I don't know much about you and let's be honest, you don't really know much about me... all you know is that I'm hardworking and that just doesn't seem as if those feelings are true. Maybe you wanted to bond with me more today and you ended up finding so much more to me because of it, but it's going to take a lot to know me than just falling for the side you see at work," Yoongi told the younger in soft whispers as Jungkook couldn't dare to look him in the eyes.
Jungkook's drunk thoughts couldn't grasp onto anything but given the atmosphere of the table between the two, only left him to understand what was going on and feel embarrassed.
"I can't help but to think that the alcohol made you confess too soon... for that, I'm sorry for listening," Yoongi apologized and slowly reached into his own pocket before taking out a small promise ring and setting it onto the table afterwards. Leaving Jungkook to stare at it longer.
"Yoongi... please..."
"I can't... feel the same way towards you, Jungkook. I'm sorry... but I already have someone in my life," Yoongi confessed and set the promise ring into his pocket just so he wouldn't lose it. "Someone who knows me so well and I just can't leave him. It's not fair to him, me, or you. I just want you to know that I care about and like you, but not in that way. I hope you understand it and somehow, I hope you can remember this answer of mine when you wake up the next morning. I don't want us to become uncomfortable towards each other, things like these are normal, right?"
"Yeah..."
"You fall for someone you envy and long to be as great as and I feel as if you felt the same. I want you to know it's okay to have feelings and I don't want to ruin it for you. But, I also want you to know the truth, Jungkook. You can't like me over knowing that I'm a hard worker... that can't be all of it."
"I understand..."
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The tone of the drunk man went from bubbly and red to silent and blue. He sat at his chair, staring at the bottles further and having nothing on his mind as he listened to Yoongi. Even in his drunk state, he understood what rejection felt like and this was it. However, through the alcohol, he couldn't focus on it more to even cry. He seemed numb to it for now until it would hit him later. There was no doubt that he would remember this very moment.
"I'm so glad you understand, Jungkook... I don't want anything between us or anything that will be between us, to change so suddenly. You're a good boy and extremely intelligent. Surely you'll find someone else as hardworking and generous, alright?"
Yoongi's words were calming and soothing. Maybe that's why Jungkook didn't have the urge to cry at the sound of rejection. He was silent and as he reached for another bottle of soju, Yoongi took it from his hands and carefully held his grasps softly to look at him further.
"I think after a long night here, we should get going, okay? I'll take you home and you'll be right on your bed," the older man assured. Alas, Jungkook only stared and nodded his head. Yoongi didn't want to end the long night here, but he had no other choice. He wanted to make sure Jungkook wouldn't continue drinking and do things he would regret in the morning. It was enough that the night had already taken a quick turn and left him silent at that very moment.
"Taehyung wants fried chicken!" Taehyung called out after sitting up so suddenly and staring at the two. "Woah... who died?"
"Me and my heart," Jungkook replied with a pout as Yoongi only shook his head and stood up instantly.
"Come on you two, we've had a long day. I'll take you both home."
Yoongi then stood up and walked over to Taehyung before helping him up and holding his hand. Just as he looked over at Jungkook in order to help him too, the young man was already standing on his own and grabbing onto the nearby chair he sat on. Just then, he picked up the bottles of unopened soju and carried the three bottles in his arms as Yoongi guided the two out in order to pay.
After Yoongi paid for their table at the entrance, he took the two into the car and a long ride of nothing but the sound of Taehyung singing along to the songs on the radio surrounded the car. Listening to Taehyung left Yoongi distracted at what Jungkook said. He didn't want to hear this so soon and wanted to take back the moment Jungkook picked up the last bottle that pushed him into that state. However, as much as he wanted to forget that confession, Yoongi couldn't. It was replaying in his mind and he hoped it wouldn't affect Jungkook so much. At the end of such a long day, Yoongi worried about the young man and didn't want him to think the absolute worst the very next morning.
Eventually, Yoongi walked Jungkook to his apartment and helped him in. Along the way, Jungkook stumbled, but Yoongi was there to make sure he wasn't hurt at all. Even knowing the young man's true feelings, he still stuck by him like a brother and in no way felt distant. At the very end, Yoongi only felt closer to the young man as a friend and hoped he felt the same way.
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"There you go..." Yoongi said to the man as he dropped him onto the bed and smiled at him. Setting the bottles of soju he carried onto the nightstand where he noticed a bouquet of roses. "Now, rest... call me if you need anything!" Yoongi assured quickly before looking around to see the many more bouquets of roses in the young man's room. Just like the ones Jimin sent to the studio.
"Yoongi... please don't go..." Jungkook whispered and suddenly sat up to look at the young man and pressed his tired little head against his body. Wanting him to stay. For a lonely man, he feared being alone at this very moment. "Please stay..."
"I can't, Jungkook. You have to understand that I can't."
"Why..."
"It's not my place to stay with you when I need to stay with another. Jungkook, I would love to know you more but I can't. Now isn't the time, so please... lay down and it will all go away," Yoongi assured the man. Wanting Jungkook to lay down and rest so he wouldn't have to dwell on the pain of rejection haunting him further.
"Please... if... if you leave I'll be confused again! I won't have a stable mindset and I will only become lazy at work! I want to... I want to have the simple life I had before. Please stay here!" Jungkook begged and begged until he felt Yoongi pull his body away from him with a gentle hold on his shoulders.
"Jungkook, don't rely on me to find yourself. I'm only a man you admired because you aspired to be as hardworking as me. You only aspired to develop my work ethics, don't confuse me with your feelings for a sense of stability in your mind. It's not fair to your feelings. But hey, who knows? Maybe your real feelings have yet to be found in another." Yoongi told the young man and looked at the nearby bouquet of roses just sitting by the bedside table. "You just won't realize it until you let me go. I'm not in your heart, I'm only there because you thought it was the best place to put me there. That spot doesn't belong to me, okay? I'm what you wanted, not what you needed," Yoongi assured him once more. Leaving a tear to race down Jungkook's eyes. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight..." Jungkook whispered as he watched Yoongi walk away from him and out his door. Leaving him to throw himself back onto the bed and cover his eyes.
Never did he think he would feel so much through a drunk state he remained in. He wanted to fill the void of being alone and with the sense of stability he had before, gone, he couldn't help but to feel confused now. Will his life remain out of place? Jungkook complicated his thoughts on that word for clinging onto Yoongi as a sense of clarity while in reality, he only wanted him since his feelings towards the man sparked when his life was simple. Jungkook just wanted to return to that point of his life but little did he know that if he returned to forcing the thought of Yoongi into his heart, it wasn't going to be true.
Jungkook continued to cry because he wasn't fair to himself when it came to feelings and with his sensitive mind at the time, he feared losing a great employee because of this. In a night he hoped to bond with the one he wanted before, he only felt as if he pushed him further away. But that wasn't the case. He thought he made Yoongi despise him, but Jungkook was only overthinking at that very moment since he was still intoxicated.
"He knows... fuck!" Jungkook cried to himself. "He knows after so long! How stupid could I be... to long for someone by just loving his ethics. I fooled myself into wanting him and now it hurts! It hurts so much... I'm so careless!" Jungkook cried. Staying in bed all alone until he began to receive a call on his phone minutes after.
Jungkook's sobbing silenced in seconds as he grew anxious. His eyes became blurry with the tears filling them when he tried to look at who was calling, but he only answered without knowing and holding it up to his ear so quickly.
"Hello?"
"Jungkook, I missed hearing your voice."
The sweet whisper he enjoyed, eased his crowded mind, dried his own tears in that second, and left him silent. Right there, he didn't feel the sense of being alone. The room filled with sniffles as the man kept trying to find the words to reply to Jimin; the one he didn't expect to call when he wasn't in the right state of mind. But even then, he knew what he wanted and that was the feeling of loneliness to be shared with someone who's felt the same too.
"Are you okay? You don't seem happy... is this a good time to call you? Maybe I should call again later-"
"No... no please stay... I'm.. I'm lonely and I want to see you..." Jungkook spoke into soft tears he wanted to hold back. "If you can... please come over... I miss you..." Jungkook said. Not wanting to think about the feeling of losing his sense of stability in his mind and only wanting to distract himself with the special friend he hasn't really seen in person after so long. Surely this was what he needed to forget the pain, right? He couldn't tell... at the end of the night, he was still drunk and his mind wasn't in order. Yet, Jimin didn't know that at all.
"You're in luck, I was hoping to look for an excuse to escape tonight. Work has been cruel to me lately and I hope to smile for once this week. I already have your address after the many roses I sent you. I'll be on my way soon. I'll see you then, Jungkook~"
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