Nerluce was humming.

It was probably off-tune and half-remembered, but Nerluce hummed anyway. It wasn't like he was humming for anyone besides himself and the spirits - and they didn't much care for the quality of his humming. Nerluce had recently taken to humming - and sometimes whistling - during long bouts of silence. He had never been good with silence.

While he hummed, Nerluce dragged a dagger through an apple. It was a pretty thing. The dagger, though the apple was pretty too. Nerluce had gotten it recently. Its owner had tried to stab Nerluce with it and so Nerluce had killed him with his own weapon. The dagger sliced through the apple just as easily as it had sliced through that man's flesh.

When the was sliced, Nerluce started to peel it. He went slowly, carefully. He was still learning how to do it properly. However, Nerluce was just as skilled with a knife as he was with Magick - as his would-be assassin could attest. Though he made a couple of mistakes along the way, Nerluce was able to cut the apple slices into rabbits with relative ease.

He positioned them on the platter and swept the scraps to the spirits who had gathered to listen to him hum and watch him cut up apples into rabbits. They sniffed at the scraps and picked them up. They'd chase one another around for a while and then carry them off somewhere. Spirits didn't eat so Nerluce didn't exactly know what they did with the bits of apple. He had a feeling they buried them, using them as fertilizer because an apple tree had sprouted.

It wasn't Nerluce's fault, but everyone blamed him nonetheless.

They hadn't said anything, of course. Who would? The servants didn't have the right to speak to him, much less scold him. Lord Father didn't care. Lady Okiachi had better things to be doing. Lady Fanjie spoiled Nerluce like he was her own son. Coam was on her way back from the border. And... Lady Mother... she... well, she would probably like an apple tree in her gardens. She enjoyed the sweet fruit as much as her son.

"I finished cutting them," Nerluce said, setting the platter down on the outdoor table.

For a moment, she squinted at him, as though she didn't recognize him. Nerluce's heart skipped a beat. And then she smiled. "Nerluce."

"Lady Mother," Nerluce said. "Come sit down."

She nodded and Nerluce helped her into her seat before he took his opposite to her on the table. She picked up one of the apple slices and giggled, just like a little girl. "They're so cute. I love how you cut them."

"I cut them like that for you," Nerluce said.

"You're too good to me," Lady Mother said. "You could bring me a regular apple and I'd be happy, you know."

Nerluce knew. "You seem good today," he said, instead.

"You do too," Lady Mother said.

Ah... that was deserved. He ought to be happy that Lady Mother was feeling enough herself to jab. Unfortunately, when those jabs were directed at Nerluce himself, he struggled a bit. To soothe himself, Nerluce stole one of Lady Mother's apple slices. She gasped as he plopped it into his mouth.

"Little beast," Lady Mother said.

Nerluce grinned. "It's not my fault. You started it."

"I believe you started it," Lady Mother said.

"No," Nerluce grumbled. "I was just making the observation that you recognized me much faster than you usually do."

Lady Mother scoffed. "I always know you."

"Liar."

"You told me yourself that you were away..." Her face fell for a fraction, brows furrowing. "You did tell me that, right?"

"Yeah," Nerluce said. "But that was three years ago."

"Really?" Lady Mother asked.

Nerluce hummed. He was usually better with times than Lady Mother was. "Six years ago, I went to Ethera. Three years ago, I came back."

And two years ago, he'd stabbed Lady Mother.

Neither of them spoke of that incident. Nerluce didn't know if Lady Mother even remembered it. Most likely not. She hadn't been herself in such a long time. Nerluce never mentioned it. Better to let her think it was a bad dream. Nerluce didn't trust her to understand that she'd been the cause of that event. No one else had.

In the end, it was a good thing. Lady Mother hadn't died and with all the doctors here to heal her physical injuries... they were able to come up with something to start to heal her mental wounds as well. She had her good days and she had her bad. The worst days were those when she didn't take her medicine. All days, though, she still needed a caretaker but Nerluce was usually able to hold a conversation with her.

The doctors kept dabbling with dosage, trying new things and Nerluce hoped eventually, they'd come up with something to make her right. Like she was before. And then she wouldn't need a caretaker anymore.

Lady Mother bit the head off of one of the apple slices. "How old are you, Nerluce?"

"You shouldn't ask a lady his age, Lady Mother," Nerluce said. "It's rude." He smiled at his own little joke. Lady Mother would not remember it, but she'd told him that same thing once. "What's your name?"

"Bird Song, you know that," Lady Mother said.

"I meant your real name," Nerluce said. "You tell me that and I'll tell you how old I am."

Lady Mother huffed. "You ought to be kinder to your poor, sickly mother. I will be having words with Lady Fanjie. This is clearly her doing. She had spoiled you far too much."

No more than Lady Mother had.

Nerluce smiled. "Coam is coming back today."

"Who?" Lady Mother asked and then distaste washed over her features. "Oh. I never liked her very much. She used to pull at your hair."

"Coam might be bringing the princess with her, though."

"Which princess?" Lady Mother asked. "I knew a princess once."

Nerluce raised a suspicious brow. "Did you?"

"I did," Lady Mother said with enough confidence to make anyone but Nerluce believe her. She could talk most people into believing the sky was purple. "She was beautiful. Exotic. She had this... yellow hair. Oh, and her lips were such a bright red. All the girls wanted to know where she got her makeup but she never told us."

Ah, that made sense.

"Her name was Princess?" Nerluce asked.

"Yes," Lady Mother said.

Song Bird, Princess, all the girls in brothels had such silly names.

"Well, Coam would be bringing Princess Yume," Nerluce said. "Her Master." And most likely her lover as well if Coam's letters were anything to go off of.

"Oh," Lady Mother said. "It could be the Princess I knew. Coam has always struck me as the type to..." She glanced to the side and leaned in like she was about to reveal some secret bit of gossip. Humoring her, Nerluce leaned in as well. "She seems like a lesbian, to me."

Gods, Nerluce loved his mother.

Trying his best not to laugh at the woman who had been out of court gossip for the past decade, Nerluce nodded and said, "Lady Mother, Coam is most certainly a lesbian."

"I knew it," Lady Mother said.

Nerluce hummed.

Lady Mother pouted. "I really did know it, Luce. She was just... I don't know. I could just tell. I knew with you, too. You were just a couple of days old and I knew in my heart that you were going to be such a little charmer. Boys and girls and all those nonbinary folks would just love you." She sighed then, shaking her head. "It's such a shame."

"It is," Nerluce agreed. "I wish I didn't have to worry about an heir."

"Huh?" Lady Mother asked. "Don't say stupid things. You're too young to have to worry about anything. It's a shame that your heart already belongs to another."

Nerluce frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play coy. If you carry a picture of a man on your person, then your heart belongs to him." Lady Mother smiled. "There is no doubting it."

Ah. So that was what she was talking about. Unconsciously, Nerluce had started to reach for the small sketch of Aristide. He stopped himself. And then he made himself grab it and pull it out, setting it on the table between himself and Lady Mother. He unfolded it carefully. It was something that had been folded and unfolded a hundred times so its creases were well worn and fragile.

On the small scrap, Aristide sat, looking mournfully in the distance. Nerluce wondered if he looked different now. If his curls were longer. Or shorter. Unlike the northern kingdoms, the southern ones frequently cut their hair short. Nerluce wondered if his face grew stubble. If his height had increased any. If he still looked like a widow mourning her husband.

"He's a very nice looking man," Lady Mother said.

"Angel," Nerluce said, straightening the piece of paper bet his thumb. "Have you ever loved anyone, Lady Mother?"

"The closest I've ever got to love is how I feel about you," Lady Mother said, looking down. "And I don't think that ought to be counted."

Probably not. Nerluce sure hoped how he felt towards Lady Mother wasn't the love that so many authors and playwrights and poets had dedicated their craft to describing. "I think that's how I feel about Angel. I think he was the closest thing to love I've ever felt before. But... I don't think it can really be counted."

Lady Mother rested her hand atop of Nerluce's. Nerluce startled and looked up at her. She smiled and gently took the portrait of Aristide from his hands.

"Mind if I borrow this?" Lady Mother asked.

"If you lose it, I will never forgive you."

Lady Mother giggled. "I won't, I won't. I promise I won't. I just... want to get to know the man that won my son's heart."

It was one of her odd things again. Nerluce frowned. He knew that he probably shouldn't indulge her like this but... Nerluce knew that he had his strange habits and Lady Mother put up with them. Letting her borrow the picture for a day wouldn't do him any harm, though it would be strange to be without it.

"Fine," Nerluce relented. "But just until tomorrow."

"I promise," Lady Mother said. "So long as you promise to bring me another apple."

"Fine."

And that was when someone burst into the garden.

Nerluce turned with all the fury of a wild god before realizing it was just a servant. They startled upon seeing the plants move on their own and seemed to realize the danger of what they just did. Nerluce stood up. It was about time for him to leave, but rarely did the servants come barging in like this.

"What?" Nerluce asked.

"Y-Young Lord Herbikoti," the servant stuttered. "Your... your father... Lord Hebikoti wants... he wants you... he wants to speak to you in the map room."

Oh. It was probably something about Coam, then.

Nerluce sighed. He hated to leave Lady Mother, especially for Lord Father, but when his leash was tugged, Nerluce came like an obedient dog. He bowed to Lady Mother. "Until tomorrow, Lady Mother. Do not forget our promise."

"I won't. Behave yourself," Lady Mother said.

When Nerluce left the garden, Lady Mother's caretaker would enter it and collect her. Nerluce hated the caretakers. They knew better than to be caught in his sight. He would much rather forget their existence entirely.

Nerluce walked swiftly to the map room. Not a servant was seen in the halls. They seldom were. Nerluce knew that he scared them. Especially after an incident where he'd punished a servant. It wasn't Nerluce's fault. The servant was the one who had brought Nerluce's wrath upon herself. She shouldn't have done what she did if she didn't want to be punished. But now all the servants preferred to stay out of Nerluce's sight.

When Nerluce entered the map room, he found it much busier than he expected it to be. Lord Father was there, surrounded by his usual entourage of doctors and servants and nobles and advisors. There were a couple of generals and a couple of tacticians too.

Nerluce bowed. "Lord Father," he said. "I have arrived."

"Nerluce, good," Lord Father said. "Something has happened."

"Will Coam not be arriving today?" Nerluce asked.

"This has nothing to do with your sister," Lord Father said. "One of our spies just came back from Ethera. They're marching to war."

"War?" Nerluce asked. "Why? Against who?"

"Against us," Lord Father said. "And gods know what reason they've made up. Tilica probably just bribed them into it." He scoffed. "With Coam gone, the border is weak. I've sent generals to the south to reinforce it already. That just leaves Ethera's forces in the west."

Nerluce frowned. "Ethera will be a dangerous foe. They aren't many in number but they are all highly skilled."

"I know," Lord Father said. "That is why I am sending you."

Nerluce felt his heart stop.

"Intercept them at the Hebikoti Clan border. Don't let a single one onto our land," Lord Father said. "You are Itoroh's pride. You are the Hebikoti Clan's pride. You are my pride." He smiled and nodded his approval. "I am entrusting all of our fates to you. Do whatever takes to keep your family safe. Do not let me down, my son."

Nerluce swallowed, panic rising in his chest. Ethera. Aristide, Lyana, Eko, Taayir. The second years, the first years. All of the acquaintances and familiar faces he'd grown used to after being around one another for three years. All of the teachers who resented Nerluce and he had resented them and all of the disciples who Nerluce had hoped to one day join. Any of them... all of them would be there. He'd have to fight... kill them.

Lord Father was looking at him expectantly. Shit. Nerluce didn't have a choice. He couldn't... run away. He couldn't go back to being a disappointment, to being unloved to bring nothing but shame... and the lives of every person in the Hebikoti Clan was depending on him. Lady Mother, Lord Father, Coam, Lady Fonbi, shit even Lady Okiachi! The servants who feared him and the villagers who loved him.

Shit. How was he supposed to way these lives against one another? It was impossible. This wasn't fair. This wasn't something he was supposed to have to do. Lord Father's gaze was becoming more and more intense. Shit. Shit, shit shit! Nerluce really didn't have a choice. He couldn't- he had to-

"It... will be done, Lord Father."

Shit.