Nerluce took a deep breath.

Taayir said that breathing was important when it came to physical magic, especially for those with a fire affinity. The actual reason was something like proper breathing helped with stamina, but Nerluce liked to think it was because when he used fire magic some part of him became fire as well. Taayir said that the pool of magic wasn't an actual pool - you couldn't dissect someone and find an organ that stored magic - but Nerluce felt it inside of himself.

When he used his fire, he felt it in his throat, like it was coming up his windpipe. There had been a couple of times where Nerluce broke out into a fit of coughs. But of course, the flames were just a product of his imagination. Something he just imagined to the point of deceiving his flesh. Mind over matter and all of that.

Nerluce wished he could apply mind over matter to any other part of his life.

Taayir had them running up and down the mountain. And lifting weights. And just generally exercising. She had everyone with a fire affinity working out twice a week and she had anyone practicing physical magic working out the other five days. Nerluce barely had time to retain... well much of anything from his academic classes. He slept through most of them because he was always up late studying magic.

There had never been a single period in Nerluce's life where he was working so hard, just to stay in this stupid place. A lot of people had been sent home - including half of the disciples he'd come with and the two girls he shared a dorm with but never bothered to learn their names. Corbett was not - unfortunately.

Nerluce couldn't tell what it was about the yellow-haired boy - 'Blond,' Corbett had snapped, 'not yellow!' - that got on his nerves. Probably some combination of things. Corbett was obnoxious and arrogant and spoiled and not to mention good at magic, because, of course, he was.

Actually, Nerluce refused to talk magic with any of his classmates because of how quickly it made him want to punch them in the face. He hadn't. Yet. Corbett was definitely the closest but Hamelin's glare had been enough to discourage Nerluce. Nerluce wasn't afraid to fight, even when the odds were against him. However, Hamelin would most definitely smear Nerluce's guts across the courtyard and he was stupid, not suicidal.

Everyone just assumed Nerluce didn't like magic all that much. Which was true, in a way. Nerluce didn't like magic because he wasn't good at magic and he especially didn't like talking magic because it seemed to come so easily for everyone else and... it just made him angry. Jealous.

It was stupid. But Nerluce was the only one who had to stay up until the moon had begun its descent in order to be even a mediocre magician. And so when people who had it easy complained... his goodwill waned very quickly.

Deep breaths. Right.

Like that helped. Nerluce bit the inside of his cheek, chewing until he tasted blood, and then opening his eyes open to glare at Taayir. "What am I doing exactly?" Nerluce asked.

He was staying late - again - but this time it was for the physical magic class. It didn't help that Aristide was leaning against a tree, gold-rimmed eyes searing Nerluce's flesh. They hadn't talked about what had happened. With the wolf. Or how Aristide had saved Nerluce's life. Aristide wasn't the type to hold things over someone's head and Nerluce wasn't the type to obsess over debts.

So they just... ignored it. Or pretended it hadn't happened at all.

"A handstand, what does it look like?" Taayir asked. She was smirking like a demon.

"Yeah, I know that," Nerluce spat. He felt like he was constantly spitting. He looked at his hands he was balancing on. "I've been trying to get it right for three weeks now. But... why?"

Taayir placed a candle in front of Nerluce. Everything came back to magic in the end, didn't it? "Get the flame as high as yer feet." She smirked at him and turned around. "Shouldn't be too hard for yuh, eh?"

"You are the worst," Nerluce muttered.

But then he took another deep breath because he really didn't think he should waste any of it on Taayir when she only wished to taunt him. To get him worked up. Or... maybe he should. Emotion tended to fuel fire magic. Anger and passion. Sort of. Magic, no matter what Taayir insisted, was not a science. It was a fill-in-the-blank answer to a question that none of them knew.

Focusing on the flame, Nerluce tried to remember the prior weeks' lessons. They'd been working on making their fire as large as possible in regular magic class and Nerluce actually got his to reach his height - with three days of trying and failing - by waving his arms around like an idiot. He always looked a bit silly when he was doing his best magic. Now Taayir wanted him to do it without moving.

Or with moving different parts of himself.

Nerluce closed his eyes. His arms were beginning to ache. He'd built up some muscle since coming here but it wasn't as if he could keep a handstand forever. He tried to figure out what he could move without toppling himself over. His shoulders - somewhat. His fingers and toes. His legs would be dicey but... maybe?

This was hard. Nerluce opened his eyes, focusing on the flame, but some of his hair had escaped the ponytail he'd pulled it into before he started his handstand. It was in his eyes. He blew at it.

And the flame got larger.

Maybe Nerluce was imagining it, but... he tried again, this time with intentional magic. The flame grew as if it was consuming his breath as fuel. Fire was always hungry. It needed to eat something, whether that was magic or dry grass or wax, it didn't care. Nerluce took another deep breath, the deepest thus far, and blew with all the magic he had. The flame came up to his waist.

He tumbled over, his chest heaving, but he was grinning. Taayir had startled when she saw the fire get that high and had run over. She peered over his collapsed body, her brows pressed together.

"Kid?" she asked.

"I am going to be very sore in the morning," Nerluce said. "But did you see that?" He pushed himself off the ground. "Did you see what I did?"

Aristide came over as well and he seemed to be eyeing the candle, suspiciously. Like Nerluce had done something to it to cheat. He was always suspicious. Paranoid. If you asked Nerluce, that was the reason that Aristide couldn't get a girlfriend. Also, he was stuck up. Cold, too. Oh and Jurine said that she felt like there was an ice wall that separated Aristide from the rest of the world.

So there were quite a few reasons Aristide would never find a girlfriend.

"Your magic is the oddest thing I've ever seen," Aristide said. Rude. Or was it blunt? Could it be both? They both needed to go on the list.

Taayir shoved an elbow into Aristide's gut.

"I am simply making an observation."

"My magic is fine, thank you," Nerluce said, looking Aristide directly in the eye. Nerluce had gone through a growth spurt recently so they were the same height. Nerluce might even be a little taller.

Aristide scoffed and turned away. "It's like... vines. Or a snake."

Nerluce shuddered.

"Shut up, Aristide before I assign you extra tasks," Taayir said. Aristide merely shrugged and walked off to go back to doing... whatever he'd been doing before. "Nerluce, that was great. I'm impressed!" Taayir gave him one of her rare genuine smiles. "Let's stop early. I didn't think you'd get this far until tomorrow, honestly. Go get some rest."

"Are you... are you sure?" Nerluce asked. "I still have a bit more-"

"Remember what I said in class, Nerluce?" Taayir cocked a brow because she knew that he didn't. "You little shits are meant to be finding your boundaries. And then, not overdoing it. Also drinking water and exercising whenever you're free." She pointed her finger to the trail they ran almost every day. "If you need something to do, go run."

Nerluce groaned because he hated running, but he did as he was told, regardless. Running was a way to numb his mind to everything, at least.

It was easy to forget things when Nerluce ran. Like how it had almost been a complete year since he last saw the Hebikoti clan. Like how he knew he had two years left before he would be a Seraph. Like how he was actually thinking that he might be able to really do it. Like how he might actually want to be a Seraph. Like how he knew, in reality, it was impossible. Like how he woke up every morning in a cold sweat, afraid that it was finally the day he was going to be kicked out.

Nerluce ran until his lungs were burning. Nerluce ran until his body became fire and his mind turned to mush. Until all that was left the purest form of himself. The form that would go to dinner and eat with his friends. The form that would go to the stables, scooping shit and sneaking Eden treats. The form that would stay up late, reading and studying because for once he actually wanted to learn magic. To be good at it.

The form that could seize control of the flame on the tip of a candle and make the light last until dawn. The form that maybe, just maybe, could become a Seraph.

The form his Lord Father might actually be proud of.