Yara slept for hours and hours until I thought she would never wake, would never stir, would never be herself. Eventually, I fell asleep next to her and woke when she did. She looked a shell of her former self, small, vulnerable, her lips chapped, and the curl of her lashes diminished.

"I don't want to talk about what happened," she said.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, it was already evening, the sky outside was dark and my belly rumbled in hunger.

"Mom let your mom know where you were," I said.

Yara turned sharply to me, her eyes capturing for a second the same vibrancy they once had. "Why?"

"Because they're mothers, they work in a different frequency than we do just like we work in a different frequency than they."

"And Victor?"

I watched as she spat his name, her lip curling, her eyes becoming slits in her pretty face giving her an ugly look.

"What about him?"

"Him? Out of all people, Becka?" She turned from me, looking out the window though she could not see anything because it was pitch black.

"I trust him," I said, and I realized my voice sounded defensive.

"Ha!"

"What is that supposed to mean? He drove out to fucking nowhere to get you," I stared at her thin shoulders.

She turned and looked at me, a snarl on the tip of her pretty lips. "He didn't come for me, Becka. He came for you. Don't get it twisted."

It was as if she'd hit Victor and I flushed in anger.

"At least he didn't leave me stranded with nowhere to go after losing his baby," I snapped.

I regretted the words before they left my lips. But there they sat, fat and poisonous between us. I didn't even understand why we were fighting. We never fought, didn't we? Or maybe we never fought because I constantly seeded to her, what she wanted over what I wanted.

She stared at me with wide manic eyes then looked away, her fist clenched and unclenched on the bed.

"Every guy wanted me," she hissed and sourly spat. This wild expression of her eyes was new to me. "Do you know what that feels like? To be able to control most men with a smile, with turn of your hips?"

She looked me up and down.

"No." Her lip snarled. "You don't know that yet. You've always been the smart one, the one with the witty reply, you didn't need to be pretty to drive guys crazy. But you've changed, the outside of you and maybe the inside too. Now you have guys like Victor Manning crossing a state with the sound of your tears."

I felt as if ocean water had gotten lodged in my ears and I felt tears prickle my eyes.

"I would've killed to look like you." I ground out.

She smiled, a joker smile, deranged. "Would have. Not anymore. I'm a wash-up."

I stood from the bed, angry when the sheets tangled themselves in my ankles, shoving at them with impatience. "Feel sorry for yourself, Yara. You deserve it after today. Sleep on it. But tomorrow you're shaking yourself off. And don't take out your shit on me, don't shit on those that were there for you! I stood by you, in the rain, while the 'love of your life' left you. Dumped you."

Yara flinched, her cheek pulling back, a fish caught on a hook. "I love Rafael to death." But her voice was breaking.

I shook my head slowly. "To death is not a way to love."

She looked at me and then I left her to her dark thoughts, to her self-pity, I didn't want to be near her.

×××

The next day Yara went home, it was a quiet agreement between her and her sister. She agreed to move in with her sister but not with her parents. I refused to be involved or give her advice. She didn't ask.

I made it to school and decided to focus, as much as I could, on my classes. Victor waited for me in the entrance to the building instead of the Atrium the next day. He asked quietly if I was OK and I agreed that I was. He nodded, studied me, and then I nodded to the building and he said nothing else. The next week was composed of me controlling the urge to call Yara and attempting to focus on my looming finals.

I did tell Mercy what Yara had said, what happened with Rafael and Mercy had cursed quietly. "Give her space. She'll come around."

There was an invisible 'hopefully' to her tone but she never said it, it sat fat and shrouded around us. So, I waited, and I gave her space.

Friday of the next week there was a big party which the boys were pumped for and I teetered in the edge of even considering attending. It was November and I had a massive project to work on which was far more important than a party. However, I was convinced to go, mostly by Steven's unrelenting insistence. I felt a powerful urge to invite Yara, she might like to go, it might be good for her. Victor didn't think it was a good idea and I regretted telling him when I could not convince him of my idea.

That was not the only thing that annoyed me about Victor that week, apparently, he was also bringing Crystal to the party. None of this should have been a problem, I had wanted him to get with Crystal, after all, she was good for him. She was good for us, him and I. Still, an awful burn tore at my stomach each time she was around, the guys liked her and always made her feel included. I was jealous of having to share the limelight and I had to get over that shit.

Begrudgingly, I decided to go, even Isla was going with her new boyfriend whom she had cut spending time with me to suck face with. I decided on a very tight, very short, black dress. When I arrived, I instantly spotted Jon and Steven because they had taken over a couch and a table at the hall and were acting as if it were their own VIP section. I glanced around for Victor and Crystal but did not see them filling me with slight relief. The boys beckoned me over and I sidled up, having to excuse myself through people to get to them.

"Let her through!" Steven shoved at people. "Becka, come this way."

He pulled my hand and finally I stood with them, the raised platform gave them the advantage of viewing the whole room.

"Victor hasn't shown?" I had to yell over the music for Jon to hear me.

Jon shook his head, sipping from his Long Island, the only thing all of them were drinking lately. We danced to the house music I could easily grind to and a few guys pressed themselves to me, nothing too serious and halfway through the first hour, I realized I was having fun. The stress of school and everything that happened with Yara had been building on me and I felt relaxed and pliable. Perhaps it also had to do with the Long Island Steven had pressed into my hand. It had been very strong but sweet and tasty and I sipped on it perhaps faster than I should have. The party was filled with people we didn't know and older men asked me to dance and offered to buy me drinks. I denied any drinks unless they came from my friends, I had heard last week of a girl who ended up drugged and I wasn't about to go through that.

After I finished dancing to a song I liked, a guy stepped up behind me and I turned to see who it was. I froze when I saw it was Clem. He had placed his hand on my waist and my butt was pressed back into him. He looked right at me and then, without warning, he kissed my neck, circling his arms around me. It was all my High School dreams come true, I was finally in his arms, he had come to me.

I saw Jon look at me from the corner of my eye and I nodded to him. I was OK. I could handle this. I placed my hands over Clem's hands, and I swayed to the beat of Juvenile and, as he asked, I backed my ass up. I rubbed back into his crotch, feeling the hard length of him. He pulled me closer and buried his face into my hair. It was incredibly sexual, something I wished we had done in private instead of in front of my friends, but there was also a detachment in how I felt. I was... indifferent.

"You are so goddamn sexy," he said into my ear.

I stared straight ahead, not sure what to do, not sure what I say. I had happily crossed Clem off my wish list months ago and yet here he was holding me, feeling me up, and whispering things he had not earned the right to say in my ear. That was the moment I saw Victor arrive and behind him was Crystal. Something happened, something awful and burning in the pit of my stomach. Victor was about to dance like this with Crystal.

The mere thought of that made me decide to let go and get lost in Clem's arms. He eagerly reciprocated my dance moves, his hands roaming up and down my sides and stomach. Then he turned me, pulling me flush against him and kissed me. A full deep, breath-stealing kiss. I could scarcely hold on to his arms to keep from toppling over, to keep from falling on my ass. The kiss was wet and desperate, not romantic or even passionate. He tasted of cigarettes and vodka and I saw that not even my imagination could fix how odd it felt to kiss him.

As he plowed his tongue into my confused mouth all I could think was of my last kiss. The last kiss I'd given and how wonderful and exhilarating that one had felt. How great it had felt to be in Victor's arms, to be in the arms of someone I trusted. I didn't trust Clem, I didn't know Clem, and his mouth felt dangerous as if he teetered on an edge.

I pulled back from the kiss and looked around, not at Clem. He didn't seem to mind, he held me closer, sucking the hollow of my neck. It was not arousing, he was clumsy and sloppy.

"I'm getting another drink!" He said into my ear.

As he pulled away from me, he cupped my ass and squeezed it. I felt used and gross. I nodded and sat on the couch, flushed and wishing I had stayed home. The idea of Clem was far more appealing than the reality of Clem.

When I turned to my right, I saw Victor staring at me. He had watched the whole thing and I felt this awful feeling of shame. Our eyes locked and I wondered if he was thinking of our kiss. Despite telling him to forget about it I desperately wished he had not. Right now, in this couch, my mouth still wet with Clem's saliva, all I could think was about Victor.

Victor broke my gaze when his phone rang, he picked it up and I saw his entire demeanor change; his arms tensed and he nodded tersely into the phone. When he hung up, I knew something was wrong. He turned to Crystal and whispered a few things to her and then he was rushing off.

Something was wrong.

My stomach lurched for him and without thinking I rushed after him. I didn't see when Jon rushed after me, Crystal rushed after us and we made a trail all the way to the outside.

"Victor!"

The chill November hit my face as he turned to look at me, he was halfway through the parking lot.

"What's wrong, what happened?" I ran to him and grabbed his arm.

His eyes were unfocused, wide, and not like him at all. "My Dad fell, Mom called 911, I'm meeting her at the hospital."

He turned from me and with shaky hands dug into his pocket for his keys.

"I'm coming with you," I helped him with the key, holding up the one for his car. He didn't respond and behind us, Jon and Crystal called out to us.

"Wait, wait – what's happening?" Jon asked.

"We've got to go," I said as Victor opened the BMW's door. "Family emergency."

"Victor, I'll come with you," Crystal said.

He didn't even look at her so she turned to me with a bright red face, her brows set. I didn't know what to say but I was saved from saying anything when Clem, out of all people, burst in on us, in his hands an iced drink.

"What the fuck, Becka?"

"I've got to go," I said and opened the door.

His eyes flickered to Victor and then back to me. "With fucking Manning, are you serious?"

His face was red, and I realized quite suddenly how unattractive he was, I finally saw what everyone else saw. He was ugly, not just because of his face but because he was a coward and a weakling. And I had wasted so much of me on him.

I didn't bother responding, I turned from him and slid in next to Victor. Victor looked at me and I met his eyes, slamming the door shut.

"Go."

He backed out of the parking lot, his tires screeching on the gravel and I saw Jon pull Crystal back, her face pinched and angry.

"You should have stayed," Victor said quietly as he drove out of the parking lot.

"No, I shouldn't have," I said.

I reached out and grabbed his hand once he was one the road. His hand tightened on mine and I felt my chest compress. I was exactly where I needed to be, I was with him, I was there for him the way he had been there for me. His hand covered all of mine and still, I held on, a lifeline into his panic.

Author note: I want to thank you so much for reading, I hope you're enjoying the story!!

Recommended 90s Playlist (will grow with each chapter)

1. Gettin' Jiggy With It - Will Smith

2. Kiss The Rain - Billie Myers

3. Come Baby Come - K7

4. Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

5. Bitch - Meredith Brooks

6. Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt

7. WannaBe - Spice Girls

8. Miami - Will Smith

9. Ghetto Supastar - Pras

10. All Cried Out - Allure

11. The Way - Fastball

12. Walkin' on the Sun - Smash Mouth

13. Can't Get Enough of You Baby - Smash Mouth

14. Stay (I missed you) - Lisa Loeb

15. Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) - The Offspring

16. Sex & Candy - Marcy Playground

17. Lullaby - Shawn Mullins

18. Inside Out - Eve 6

19. My Way - Usher

20. Last Kiss - Pearl Jam

21. She's So High - Tal Bachman

22. Slide - The Goo Goo Dolls

23. Y Hubo Alguien - Marc Anthony

24. Here's to the Night - Eve 6

25. I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis

26. You Sang to Me - Marc Anthony

27. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

28. Best I Ever Had - Gary Allan

29. Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer

30. Try Again - Aaliyah

31. I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden

32. Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

33. What It's Like - Everlast

34. Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

35. Lullaby - Shawn Mullins

36. Back That Azz Up - Juvenile