Chapter Nineteen

Letter #18

Sunday September 28th 2011

Dear Chris,

Look, I don't know why you aren't answering me, these letters were your damn idea. We decided that this was going to replace Skype and you won't god damn answer me now. I'm scared out of my mind for you Chris. I don't know what to do with myself during the day because I'm too busy worrying about you!! Yes Addison has been keeping me company but we are scared as hell and worried sick! You don't know how many tears I've shed over the uncertainty of you coming home again. Too damn many Chris! Especially now that you aren't answering me. I honestly don't even know why I keep writing these letters. Maybe it's because there's a part of me that believes you still love me like you said you did, and maybe I make myself believe that you'll write back even though there's the voice of reason in my head that is convincing me not to get my hopes up because I've waited for 16 promised letters that I never received. The promised letters that would tell me whether the love of my life is okay or not. Whether he will come home or not. Whether I will see him again or not. You've left me no choice Chris. I tried calling you but you left your phone on the The Chris. As much as I hate to do this especially through a letter, I can't deal with the of it all. I love you but, it's not good for me. And I can't sit around for nine months worrying and stressing about you if you won't even bother to give me the closure of knowing whether the man I love is safe or not. I thought I deserved that at least. I'm sorry Chris. But I have no choice. We're done.

I love you and I'm sorry

Nicole

I got out of bed, grabbed my keys and headed for the door. I told Addison I was going to mail the letter and that I'd be back in about ten minutes.

I drove up to the post office and walked over to the mailboxes. I dropped the letter into the bin and walked back to the car. I sat down in the drivers seat and my head hit the steering wheel. I sobbed into the wheel as if I thought that if I cried, he would come back to me. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and started the engine. I drove home and barely made it into the house through my tears.

Addison met me at the door and cuddled me as I wept.

I really don't remember what happened after that. All I know is that I woke up the next morning in my bed. Addison and I had pretty much become roommates since Chris left because my tearful moments came at random times and she didn't think I should be alone.

Even though technically, I broke up with Chris, I still wrote him everyday. Even though I knew I wouldn't get a response from him. That little part of me still had hope I guess. That little part buried within my soul.

I still love him, and I don't think I will ever stop loving him.

I just couldn't deal with the stress anymore. And not hearing a response to my "break up" letter just made the stress increase.

'What if he died?'

'What if he was hurt?'

'What if he wanted to break up?'

'What if he never really loved me and I was just a game to him?'

What if....

------------------------------

Hey readers!

Yikes, it went down.

Why do you think Chris isn't writing her back?

What if he really is dead and she doesn't know it?

I love hearing your predictions and feedback so keep the comments and votes comin!

Happy reading!!

Eagle_Eye_13 xx