I can't do this anymore

Marrying you was a mistake, Aunn was a mistake

I don't want this, I don't to be caged into four walls of Haveli

This isn't me, and I can't pretend to be someone else

I have enough

Her emerald eyes glisten with tears as she recalled the words which she just read

She never met Zeeniya, how can she met the woman who snatched her love but she never thought Zeeniya will do this

Azeen used to envy Zeeniya but now she pity her

She left a loving husband who stood even against his family for her

She left an innocent kid by calling him a mistake

Aunn who doesn't even know his mistake or where his mother is.

How will it impact his innocent mind that his mother left him because she thought he is a mistake

Azeen was angry at Zaigham but now feels bad for him

He left everything for Zeeniya and in the last she left him

The letter which Zeeniya wrote for Zaigham was in Azeen's reddish hand, she found it in side drawer of Zaigham's side of the bed

She was having headache and thought maybe he will have pain killer in his drawer that's why she searched for it there but she found something else. The letter

These were the only words which craved in her mind, Zeeniya has wrote more than this which Azeen didn't had energy to read

This was enough for her and her emotions nerves

This was enough to make her cry

She knew Zeeniya has left Zaigham and Aunn but she, never for once thought freedom is the reason which made her left her family

She left her family because she felt caged in the house

She wanted to be free like she used to in London

Azeen couldn't understand what freedom is according to Zeeniya

Whatever it was how can she left Aunn? Azeen's mind was recalling Aunn's face when he talks about his mother

How he everyday waits for his mother that now she will come back, but she won't return

She is already far away from them, not by distance but mentally too

She was busy in her thoughts that she didn't heard the door opening and someone's coming in,

The brown shiney shoes hitting the wooden floor, creating the sound in silent room didn't break her trance

Someone sitting beside her didn't break her trance

"It's not a good thing to read someone else letter..." A deep voice beside her made her startled, looking at her left side she found Zaigham

"I...I......" She didn't know what to feel right now

Pity him, or console him, or just say sorry and ignore him like she is doing in the five months of their marriage

"I didn't mean to...." Her voice was very heavy due to crying and holding her hiccups. Drying her eyes she pass the letter to Zaigham

Silence occupied them, both didn't know what to say or maybe both were too lost in their world to think about other

Maybe Zaigham also knew this, that's why he remarried in just one month of Zeeniya leaving

Maybe he knew she won't ever come back! That's what Azeen was thinking

Zaigham was thinking of the morning when he searched for Zeeniya in the whole house, he didn't find her but the letter which she wrote that she is leaving

If he wanted he could have find her from any part of the world, but it was no use,

(Janey ka irada toh shayad usne bohot pehle hi Kar liya Tha

Ab bas ussey anjam de diye.)

"Ek baat puche?...." Azeen's wispy voice came, breaking the silence

(Can I ask you something?)

"Ag.... Agar woh apko... Apko yeh sab.. khud batati aur sath London Janey ko kehti.. toh Kya aap?" She didn't know how to get her words to her lips, she just wanted to know Zaigham's feelings about this,

(I-if she had asked you to.. to leave everything and go with her to London... Then.. would you have?..)

"Main Zeeniya ke liye duniya chorhne ko taiyyar Tha lekin..." He loved her like Sufi loves their God

(I was ready to leave the world for her.)

Like the Sufis do not ask for worldly comforts. They neither yearn for Heaven nor live in fear of Hell. They seek only the enchanting sight of the Beloved.

Zaigham didn't wanted Zeeniya to be with him just physically, he didn't yearn for her love because he had loved her enough, he just wanted her happiness which was outside of the four walls of haveli

"I don't know how she felt caged here.... I gave her whatever she wanted, even stand against my own mother if she said anything to Zeeniya but...." He still had some complaint in his heart. Which he wanted to ask Zeeniya but Zeeniya wasn't there to listen

"In the end she left."

"Maybe it was my fault... I was the one who forced her to the earth when she was born to the wings." How many times before marriage, Zeeniya has told him about her dreams, Zaigham was in her every dreams but having a family wasn't

"I always knew how she is but still I thought she will change herself for me like I did for her." Once again silence occupied them

Both mind wander off to the past

Both eyes dried with the dead dreams

Both breath unsteady

Both heart trembling with pain

"We don't always get what we give." Many moments passed away when Azeen broke the silence

She wasn't looking at him but the floor

But Zaigham was looking at her

We don't always get what we give

Azeen gave her every bit of love to him and in return he broke her and married Zeeniya

He gave his heart to Zeeniya which she didn't took care of and left him alone

How cruel the reality of Love is

You never get what you give,

You always get what you deserve

He deserves the hijr with Zeeniya because he broke the trust of the girl who waited for him all her life

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