Guilt.

The raw feeling clung to her, making it impossible to carry out her assignments for that day.

She felt guilty for once again, her patient had died. It was a feeling of guilt and loss, one that pushed her to the coffee shop in hopes that she could sit there and cry without being seen. But she had indeed been seen, and by Mike. With her emotions running wild, she had unleashed her anger on him and had in the process, made light of his intentions to kill himself.

Sighing softly, she pushed the door to her house wide open and stepped inside, her mind plaguing her with the images of the look she had seen in Mike's eyes when she told him suicide was a choice and death by an incurable illness, wasn't. She shouldn't have, she thought, shaking her head and closing the door behind her. The truth was that Mike was suffering, as was every one of those kids. And while it was difficult to compare emotional pain with the physical one, the two of them had one thing in common; pain. She knew, from her time spent working in a hospital, that physical pain could translate to emotional pain and emotional pain could easily translate to physical pain. It certainly explained Mike's desire to want to kill him.

Deciding she would apologize, she was on her way up the stairs, when she heard the phone in the living room ringing. She stood still and waited for the machine to take the call.

"Hey babe, I guess you're asleep right now, or working?" Philip's familiar voice sounded in the building. Slowly, she began making her way down the stairs. "The time difference sucks here in London..."

She reached the phone and picked it up. "Hey you."

"Hey! I didn't think you'd pick up," he was saying as she settled on the couch.

"Yeah, I just got home. Dolly died today. You remember her, don't you?" she whispered, fighting the urge to cry.

"Oh? Well, better luck next time, right? Anyway, how's the wedding planning coming?"

Eden sat still for several seconds, unsure of how to feel about his reaction -or lack of if- to the death of one of her patients.

Convincing herself that he probably meant nothing by his words, or he probably couldn't possibly be able to grasp the emotions that came with losing someone you loved, she shrugged. "We decided to go with the red velvet and vanilla cake, and I'll try out my dress in two days."

"Sounds fun."

She nodded. "When are you coming home to New York?"

"As soon as I'm finished with all these business meetings -which will probably take a while. But it's guaranteed I'll be back in time for our wedding..." he was saying, when a female voice interrupted him. Eden tried to listen to what it was the person in the background was saying, but she couldn't. "Oh, looks like I've got to go. Call you later?"

I'd rather see you, Phil. "Sure. I lov--" The words died on her lips as soon as he ended the call. Sighing, she rose to her tired feet. "Love you," she whispered to the empty living room, "I love you."

Forcing her tired feet forward, she climbed the stairs and settled on her comfortable bed in her bedroom. It didn't take long for her eyelids to fall close and for sleep to take over her entire body.

The next morning, Eden settled on the breakfast table and tried to listen to her grandmother go over the wedding plans with her. But she could barely do anything but think of the conversation she knew she would have to have with Mike.

She reached the hospital, and didn't set her eyes on him until her lunch time. He was seated in the cafeteria, his brown hair certainly needing a trimming, with a woman seated across the table from him. Eden hadn't seen the woman often, but she did appear familiar, and Mike? She thought, a small frown settling on her face. Mike appeared quite comfortable with the blond head.

Tightening her hold on the tray in her hands, she made her way to their table.

"Hey."

Mike's head jerked up in that moment. Apparently, he hadn't seen or heard her approaching.

The smile on his face died, and a small frown tugged on the edges of his brows. "Hey," he said tight-lipped.

"Can I please have a word, Mike?"

He watched her for a few seconds. Finally shrugging, he rose to his feet and followed her to the window, a short distance from the blond head.

She could see the streets from her position by the window, an Ambulance speeding toward the hospital.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday," she began cautiously. "I should not have gone off on you like that. I know you were only trying to help."

Silence.

She heaved a breath. "Mike, about Maddie..."

"Do you not know when to stop, doctor?" he asked coldly.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Do you intend to keep bringing her up in every single conversation?"

Hearing the hurt in his voice, she stepped forward. "Mike!" She reached out, and he stepped back.

Shaking his head, he said, "how about we not have this conversation? Or any other conversation for that matter? How about you just do your job and I'll do mine."

He turned around and made his way back to the table and settled on it, without a backward glance her way.

~*~

Mike just wanted to make it through every day, until the twenty fifth, when he would finally end his life. It was certainly not his intention to socialize or make new friends. After Maddie's death, he turned his back on every friend and family member. It didn't matter to him that his grandmother was the sole reason he wasn't in a shelter by her decision to pay for his apartment with her pension money especially because he could never seem to hold down a job, and also because the only other alternative to housing open to him was not one he was willing to consider; he didn't exactly care about anything and anyone anymore.

But, somehow, he had agreed to have coffee with a complete stranger only yesterday, and after his confrontation with Eden, he was starting to believe he made the right decision not to socialize.

Still, as he made his way into the hospital that morning, he bumped into the blond head once more, and without an excuse for blowing her off yesterday, decided to have lunch with her that afternoon.

"How's your son?" he asked, stuffing a spoonful of mac and cheese in his mouth.

"Nate?" A small smile settled on her lips. "Acting tough."

Mike smiled as well. "Believe it or not... er..."

She giggled then. "Oh, forgive my terrible manners, Mike! My name's Grace."

He nodded. "Grace, Nate's not acting tough, he is. Matter of fact, he's the toughest little man I've ever seen."

The smile on her face broadened. "He's the only reason I haven't lost my mind yet." Tears clouded her vision.

Reaching out, he took both her hands in his and gently squeezed them. "I know. Do you want to talk about it?"

She nodded, her tears now slowly slipping down her cheeks. "Lupus. He's been on the stupid medications since he was three years old, and now he needs a new kidney. The worst part is, I'm not a match, and I can't save my little boy. I've spent every dime paying off all of these medical bills and he's on a waiting list for a new kidney that'll most likely never end."

"What about his dad?"

"I would have gorged my own eyes out before I asked Jude for a favor, but I took that pride and shoved it, and I went on my knees to beg that he does the test to try to figure out if he's a match but he won't even try. Of course I'm not even surprised. I just hate that he's Nate's father." She pulled away and wiped her tears on her pink blouse. "I should really get it together." She laughed nervously.

"It's fine." He stared briefly at her tears, before glancing down at his plate once more.

"And you, Mike?"

"What about me?" He kept his eyes on his plate.

"Who do you feel like you need to punish yourself for?"

Mike sat still for several seconds, unsure if he could even respond. He didn't want to speak of Maddie, it ripped the bandages off of wounds he knew were not healed; wounds he doubted could ever be healed.

"Hey."

When Mike lifted his head up to find Eden, he was certainly thankful for the interruption, yet, unwilling to talk to her. Even as he opened his mouth to tell her in no uncertain terms to leave him alone, he knew he didn't mean it. Yet, he wanted to hurt her as badly as her words had hurt him the day before.

And he did.

He saw it plain as day in her eyes that afternoon that he had succeeded in hurting her. And maybe -he thought, turning around to walk away from her- it had been the reason he had walked away, because he wasn't sure he liked seeing her hurt.

With his shift over, Mike finally pushed the cart into the janitor's closet, took off the grey hospital overall, and changed into his casual clothes. He locked the closet door and made his way out of the hospital.

"Mike!"

Turning to the side, Judie stood waving at him.

"Hey." He waved back.

"Want me to give you a ride?" She motioned to her black Toyota.

"If it isn't too much trouble, Judie."

"Oh, it's nothing! I'm heading home anyway. Come on."

He hurried over to where she stood, and waited until she had unlocked the doors, before settling inside.

"I talked to Deborah and you can officially start dressing up as Santa tomorrow, and spreading some Christmas cheer."

"Great. It sure beats being trash-man."

She smiled, her eyes on the road before her. "Consider it a promotion."

He chuckled. "Sure. Thanks Judie."

"Eh," she shrugged, "I could think of a million ways you can show your appreciation."

"This doesn't involve a bridal shower, does it?" He turned to her and raised a brow.

She shrugged. "Seemed to me like you had fun in the bridal shower even if you're acting all macho now."

He laughed. "Maybe."

"Eden's getting her dress fitted tomorrow and I have a date with Henry."

"What, another dude? I'm heartbroken, Judie," he teased.

She rolled her eyes. "You'll survive. I was hoping you could go with her and you know, give her your honest opinion?"

"Um..." He sat still for several seconds, unsure of what to say. Could he admit to brushing Eden off today? Could he say he had told her he didn't want to see her again? "Couldn't you get someone else to go?"

"Everyone is busy. Do it for the girls, will you?" she asked, bringing the car to a halt by the curb.

"Why do I have a feeling this was the reason you offered me a ride home?"

She shrugged. "Because it was. So, what's it gonna be?"

Eden's sad eyes flashed before his eyes in that second, and for some reason, he wanted to make up for what he had said to her earlier. She had come to apologize, and he had thrown her apology in her face.

Nodding, he reluctantly agreed. "Sure."