《Blind By Love》35. broken souls
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"How could you do this!?" Munaf yelled angrily and I lowered my head in shame.
I came to his restaurant office cause I didn't have anywhere to go and seeing my distress face Munaf force me to say something and I've blurted out everything.
"I don't know yaar what had happened to me that time! I was frightened after hearing her pregnancy. I thought my dream will be ruined. But now I think I fu**up big time!" I yelled frustratedly.
"Why are regretting now? It's done dude!" He said taunting. I held my head in hand.
"I don't think hana ever forgive you for this!" After few minutes silence munaf mumbled and my head snap toward him.
"She will forgive me" I said assuring.
"I don't think"
"Why are you saying that? I know my hana! she will forgive me! She loves me too much" I said confidently.
"Do you have any idea what you did?" He yelled and I look up at him.
"You tainted her character dude! You disgrace her.. you have said that she didn't said anything in her defence. And she said that child is only hers.. It means you broke her. And she don't want you in her life anymore!" He said and I felt my heart clenched hearing him.
"Don't say like that Munaf, please!" I begged him. Rubbing my face.
"You should happy rahmaan.! It's not what you wanted.. to get rid of her. I think now you got what you wanted cause now she's not going to bother you! Go and enjoy your dreams"
"I can't live without her" that words slipped my mouth.
"Why?"
"Because I..." I trailed off I didn't know what to say.
"Cause you love her" he announced and my head shot toward him.
"W...what?..n..no! Love is not exist" I said looking away from him
"You believe that hana loves you truly.. but when it comes to you.. love is not exist! Great!" he mock me. I stood up and turned my back toward him.
"I. I don't know what your talking about" I muttered.
"Tell me... If you have to chose only one thing hana or your dream.. whom you will chose?" He asked out of nowhere.
"Obviously my Haan" and I replied without thinking for a mere second. And turned to look at him. I was amazed of my own words and look at Munaf wide eyes who was smiling at me.
"See" he said smiling and walked toward me.
"Your ready to sacrifice your dreams for her! The dreams whom you loved very much but now infront of hana that dream doesn't matter to you.. what's that mean?" He asked putting his hand on my shoulder.
"What's that mean?" I whispered
"It's mean your in love idiot! Your crazy and madly in love with hana" he announced and small smile came to my lips as realisation hit me. Why I found my peace around her, why every time when she call me maan a smiled came to my lips. Why I couldn't see her anyone else, why I can't imagine my life without her.
"Cause I love her" I mumbled smiling.
"I love her Munaf" I exclaimed in happiness. And felt my eyes become wet
"I love my hana.. I love my jaan-e-maan" I yelled feeling lighthearted.
"Yes! your in love! Now go and tell her before it's too late" he said and I nodded smiling.
"I will tell her.. how much I love! I can't imagine my life without her! My dream my future is now everything is my hana... I will ask her forgiveness and will tell mama baba that they should do mine and Hana's ruksati as soon as possible" I said excitedly. And ran from there to my car.
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I'm coming hanu! I coming to confessed my love!
I ran toward my car muttering those words. I couldn't wait to reach my home. Where my wife was waiting for me. I know she must me hurt and angry, but I know she will forgive me as soon as I will confessed my feelings for her. She was yearning to hear my love for her and now it's time
Meri Jaan I'm coming.! Your wait is over! Now Your Maan is only yours For the rest of the life!
I speed up my car. I just couldn't wait to see her, to hug her, to tell her how much love her. I wonder how hana wait 8 years knowing she love me. And here I'm! I couldn't wait 8 minutes to reach her. I thought and chuckled.
Those feelings was so beautiful so peaceful and now I know why I was feeling uneasy all those days away from hana and when last night i got her again my heart got peace. Cause I love her. I didn't recognised this before but my heart recognised this a long time ago.
"This is not my child!"
That word echoed in my head making me tensed and then..
"... She slept with someone else...!
"....that bastard name is muneeb! She slept with mune...."
"...For this whore..."
Riya aapi's voice echoed my mind and the way she slapped my innocent hana, my eyes closed for second before reopening while my hands on steering wheel tighten. and I wonder how my hana felt when aapi accused her. I will make sure aapi will apologize to hana as well.
"I will fix everything hanu. Just hold on Jaan I'm coming"
I muttered and increased cars speed.
I reached my home in 15 minutes and park my car and ran to inside the house.
As I stepped inside. I greeted by dreadful silence and darkness. I've never saw My home this much dark and silent. Switching on the lights I roamed my eyes everywhere.
"Off this lights" I heard a loud voice behind the sofa. I walked toward there and saw Riya aapi seated there resting her head back on sofa closing her eyes and mama laying on the sofa while her head rested on aapi's lap. She also cover her face with her arms.
"Mama" I called her in low voice. She suddenly uncovered her face and look at me. Riya aapi also look at me with anger. There face were wet and red due to crying.
"Tell him riya to go away!" Mama said covering her face again.
"Mama...I...."
"I said just go away rahmaan!" Mama yelled suddenly getting up from sofa. I flinch at her yelling. I never saw her this much angry
"Mama...." She again cut me off.
"I don't want to see your face!" She spat and went away from there without giving me chance to say something. I turned and saw Riya aapi
"Riya aapi...." I was cut off by riya aapi
"I thought I know you! I thought my brother wasn't that low! I thought hana was the one who didn't wanted this marriage cause that day she refused for ruksati but NO! You are the one who made her villain infront us that her friendship with muneeb make me feel like that something was in between them... How could I think like this! Hana! Who waited for you since she was 13 how can she chose someone else over YOU!" Aapi started yelling at me and I low my head in shame.
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"Aapi I know what i did was wrong.." I was saying rubbing my face "..but aapi don't worry I will make everything right.. I will talk to hana.. I will apologize to her....I...."
"Do you think she will give you chance to apologise?" aapi asked mockingly cutting me off.
"Of course! In fact she will forgive me instantly.. she really love me aapi.. she cannot angry with me for long.. My hana's heart is so soft! " I said confidently smiling.
"That soft heart you broke rahmaan" aapi said in low tone. Tears slip her eyes And I felt uneasy.
"I will fix her... I will apologize to her..and now I'm ready for ruksati" I said. But aapi shook her head.
"It's too late" she whispered shaking her head.. And I felt my stomach churn.
"Nothing is too late aapi... I will call her here.. she will forgive me infront of you"
"Hana!" I called my hana. But got no response.
"Hana!" Again but no response
"Hana" now little louder but again no response.
"Oh! She's angry na... Now she's showing me her tantrums... I'll bring her here" I said smiling. And turned toward stairs. I know she's angry and I have to bear her tantrums. Which I will do that gladly.
"She's gone!" Came from my behind halting me on my track.
I turned and look at aapi and saw her shaking her head while mumbling 'she's gone' my heart drop to my stomach I felt dreadful feeling in my entire body.
"Wha....What..do...do...you mean?" I asked not moving an Inch.
"Hana's gone" aapi said and I felt someone knocked all the air within me.
"What..what are you saying? Where is hana gone?" I asked. But aapi cover her face. making me tensed.
"Hana!" I yelled in fear. And ran toward her room calling her name.
As I step in her room calling her name I welcome by darkness.
"Hana.. Jaan I know your angry... I know what I did was wrong.. but look I'm sorry..I wil..." My breath hitch in my chest as I switched on the lights and found empty room.
"Hana!" I call her and went to bathroom I knocked on the door calling her name but got no reply. I pushed the door open but didn't found her there either. My body started shaking with fears.
I ran out of her room.
"Hana! Jaan-e-maan! Hanu where are you!?" I yelled and started looking for her in every room.
"Hanu please came out! I know you're here! I can understand! Okay you don't want to talk to me na.. fine! But baby please come out!... Opss! Sorry sorry sorry! I know you hate baby word... Okay I'm not calling you baby... But please came out!" I came to living room while calling her continuesly and saw Riya aapi still seated there but now she's looking at me with tearful eyes.
"Hana! Riya aapi thought you gone somewhere! Jaan please come here and tell her...." Riya aapi cut me off.
"Rahmaan she's gone!" Aapi yelled.
"No! she can't go! Hanaa" I yelled back. Riya aapi came in front of me and hold me by my arms.
"She's not here! She's gone! She leave you!...."
"No! She can't leave me! She loves me! She can't leave me!" I screamed shakingly. My eyes started burning.
"Oh! She's definitely in my room waiting for me.. she wants to fight with me na. I know her.." I said reassuring myself and smiled believing that she's in my room. I ran to my room and walked in hoping I will found my hanu there.
I entered my room calling her name but found empty. My forehead began sweaty and breath heavy. I roamed my eyes everywhere and then I felt my entire world crashed as my eyes landed on something.
Walking toward that thing with my shaky legs I felt my heart stop beating and all the air knock in my chest. My eyes filled with tears.
There placed Hana's locket on my bedside table. Which I gave her on our wedding night.
"...this locket will be with me untill my last heartbeat"
I remember her words and pick her locket. I saw a letter placed there. I took that letter and open with my shaky hands.
Dear rahmaan.
First of all thank you so much for everything.
I'm never going to regret the time I've spent with you cause I loved you so much and you never force me infact you told me at first that you don't wanted this relationship but still I cling into you like some kind of cheap girl.
I always tried to make you mine but now I realised you were never mine nor you are mine nor you will be mine ever.
Sorry I really gave you hard time
But don't worry your free now.
Now I'm never going to bother you again. You can do whatever you want no one is here to stop you
You were right rahmaan this is your house and I was stupid to think that this is my house
I'm leaving rahmaan from YOUR house. From your life for good.
I'm leaving this locket which was the main reason I've never move on.
You know after i took off this locket I felt some kind of burden left from me. And now i feel that this locket was nothing but only burden.
Anyways.. can you please Do me a last favor. Please.. please never show me your face again
Hana rafeeq mirza
I was reading her letter with my tear filled eyes. I felt my whole world crashed and someone stabbed into my heart repeatedly. I was feeling some kind of pain, physical pain. I rubber my chest with my hand tried to erase that pain but that pain tenfold every passing second then i felt I couldn't breath. Small thing like breath become hard for me. I tried to catch my breath but I think air was not coming to me. And finally I felt my knees lost the ability to stand up and in the next second I fall on the floor.
And than I realised that she became my heart's beat, she became my breath's air, she became my body's strength. She became my whole world and when this reality hit me that she left me I felt my soul left with her and a screamed escaped my mouth.
"Hanaaa" I screamed
"Hanaaa" I screamed as much as I could.
"Hanaaaa! Hanu Please come back! I'm sorry! I'm sorry Jaan! I'm sorry please come back! I can't live without you! Please come back jaan" I cried out loud. Clutching that locket and her letter to my heart. I called her many times but she never came my souls was broken and heart was hurting I cried. I cried until my tears no longer.
*************
Pain
Hurt
Agony
I felt nothing. I felt I didn't have anything to feel not heart nor soul nothing.
I was looking out off the window. Sky was dark and rain drops was falling on the earth. The cloud look dark and thunder from the sky look like they were screaming, the rain drops like they were shedding tears. I wonder what happened to the sky that the sky was screaming this much. I should screamed and I should cry right? After all my life shattered I'm ruined. Then why they were look like shattered.
I was in my thoughts when I heard song started playing in the car.
Ab ke Gaye ghar se jo tere
Phir na Laut aungi
Tu bhi mujhe bhool Jana
Mai bhi book jaungi(×2)
As I'm moving out of your house now
I shall never come back here
Please forget me
As I also will not remember you anymore(×2)
Chalte chalte kartia hu, Salaam akhri
Rab se ab to mangun bas dua yahi
Hum phir na mile khabi
Hum phir na mile kabhi.
Hum phir na mile kabhi
Phir na mile kabhi.
While walking away, I bid you goodbye
I only pray to God.
May we never meet again
May we never meet again
May we never meet again
May we never
Ehsas na hua
Ke juda hone lage
Dekho haste haste
hum rone lage.
We didn't realise that we were going
Away from each other.
And see it has led us to cry
When we used to smile before.
Kyun bewjah Maine is ishq Ko Chuna
Pagalpan tha mera
Wo jo kuch bhi hua
Why did I fall in love without reason?
It was my madness that led me to do it all
Tere gali mein mujhko Jaana nahi
Tu yad mujhko ab kyun na raha.
I no longer intend to visit the streets leading to your house
Please do not came to my mind as well.
Hum phir na mile khabi
Hum phir na mile kabhi
Hum phir na mile kabhi
Hum phir na mile
May we never meet again
May we never
The song finish but I was still in my thoughts when I heard.
"Beti ham pahunch Gaye ( we arrived child)" a voice came from my right side and I look up the old man who stood there opening the car door. With concern face.
"Hmm" I hummed and came out of the car and saw a house in front of me. Rain drop was falling on me making me drenched. I started walking toward that house but stop when I heard that old man calling me again.
"Bacche apka sahmaan ( child your luggage) " that old man said giving me my suitcase.
"Thank you chacha" I said and again started walking but stop when I realised I hadn't paid him. I turned and saw him walking toward the car. I walked toward him.
"Chacha" I called him and he turned to look at me.
"Why you didn't tell me that I hadn't pay you?" I asked giving him his rightful payment. Which he take gladly.
"Because beta you look upset.. you didn't uttered a word in those 2 hours journey... And I saw my daughter in you so just couldn't bring myself to asked about my payment" he said and I just gave me small smiled in return.
"May Allah bless you" he said while putting his hand on my head. And sat inside his car and drove away.
"Allah already blessed me" I muttered with small smile putting my hand on my stomach.
**********
"Take her i will open the door" marziya said giving Reem to Nabeel and walked out of her room to open the door while nabeel busy himself playing with his daughter.
"Who must be at this time?" Marziya wonder looking at the wall clock which was showing 11 of the night. As she opened the door she saw hana fully drenched and with suitcase.
As Hana's eyes landed on her aapi more like her mother she felt all the emotions which she was holding screaming to came out
"Aapi" a painfully voice came from her mouth and the next second she fall on the floor cause she knew from here her aapi will take care of her.
"Hana" marziya ran to her and hold in her arms.
"Hana! Baby what happened? You came here alone?" Marziya ask in bewilderment. Hana never goes anywhere alone and from Mirza house to her house she came alone that thought shudder her.
"Aapi you were right" hana whisper looking at marziya her eyes filled up with tears
"Wha....what happened?" Marziya asked in fear cupping her face. Cause she knew she wasn't going to like the answer.
"Aapi he broke me" hana said with quivering lips like a little child who complaint her mother that her brother broke her doll.
"Hanu" a whisper left marziya mouth and tear welled up marziya eyes as well. Seeing her baby sister like this. And she knew she was talking about rahmaan.
"Aapi he broke me" she again said and tears started falling her eyes.
"Aapi he broke me aapi! Aapi he broke me! He broke your hanu aapi! he broke me!" Hana started screaming while crying loudly and marziya pulled her in her arms tightly.
"Shhh.. hanu.. beta tell me what happened?. What he did hanu?" Marziya asked caressing her back while hana started sobbing in her chest loudly. Marziya pulled hana back and cupped her face.
"Hanu... look at me... Tell me what he did? Bacche tell aapi... What he did?" She asked encouraging hana like a mother. While hana continues sobbing.
"Bol beta (tell me child)" marziya again asked
"He....he... Told eve..everyone tha...that..." Hana stopped and hugged marziya tightly.
"That what hana?.. your scaring me beta tell me" marziya asked scaring now. That what must be happened to hana that she was blaming rahmaan which she never did before. She knew if rahmaan would even killed hana she would never blame him. Then what happened now that she blame her maan
"That... Thi...this baby is not his" hana whisper and marziya pulled hana back.
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