《In the Dark of Night》Thirty-Five
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After another few days of traveling, the mountains finally became visible. The mountains that held the castle once inhabited by the council of six and now by Icarus himself.
They loomed in the distance, watching them at all times with invisible eyes. Everything would end among the rises and falls of those mountains. That's what Selene kept telling herself.
As they drew closer and closer, Aidan grew more and more distant. They were back to the silence that haunted them at the beginning of their journey. He had grown more and more sickly looking, his skin ghastly white, the bags below his eyes a reddish-brown. He barely slept any longer. Instead, he would stare into the fire for hours and pick at the callouses on his palms.
She had kept her mouth shut, watching him. It wasn't until he made himself bleed that she spoke up.
"We need to stop for a day."
"Why?" he asked bluntly, not bothering to look at her.
"You're sick."
He kept walking, wiping the blood from his hand on his pants.
"Aiden."
He didn't reply.
They had yet to relax as they traveled the tall plains. If anything, they both had grown more wary and skittish. After all, the castle was growing closer; the monsters lurked there. A few days prior, they had passed by a town. Neither of them dared to get close, they could see the carnage from outside its borders.
The villagers were all dead, their bodies nailed above their thresholds. A warning of what lay ahead.
Aiden and she said nothing of it.
Now as they walked, there was speed in their step, as they wanted to reach the mountains' forest by night. The safety of trees around them gave them some solace of what was prowling. Out in the plains, there was only wind.
Selene stared at Aiden's backpack as they walked, fixing her eyes on a loose piece of string that hung from the seam. It had been bothering her for days actually, but she hadn't wanted to say anything of it. Breaking the silence to tell him to cut the string just because she was bothered by it was foolish.
Yet there was nothing else to look at in the vast expanse except those mountains.
He hadn't spoken a single word since she last spoke, and her worry grew with each minute. She hoped that getting into the treeline would help him relax. Perhaps she'd be able to get him to slow down and rest.
For what? she thought.
It was only a matter of days before they reached the castle, perhaps tomorrow. And then it would all be over. All of it. Including Selene's life.
She needed a plan. There was no way she could let Aiden near her when she killed the king. She wished there was a way to keep him from coming into the castle entirely, but she knew that was a fruitless hope.
No matter how weak or angry he was, there was no way he was going to let her go into that castle alone.
As the tree line drew closer and closer, Aiden seemed to be quickening his step, eager to hide among the trunks and branches.
Selene looked down at his hand as it swung with his stride. Her heart sunk as she saw the drops of blood fall to the ground, painting the grasses in red.
***
Twilight had fallen and through the trees, Selene could just make out the beautiful sky. In the south, the colors were more vibrant and bright. It was as if the Angels had decided to paint the clouds in hues of red and purple.
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It was so strange and foreign to her that she had to resist the urge to climb the very trees around her to watch the sun disappear.
Aiden paid the sky no mind.
He hadn't even looked at her. It was only a matter of time before the words he kept to himself came spilling out. He had yet to try and convince her to turn back, to forget her plan. She could feel them hanging in the air between them, creating a tension that made her skin crawl.
It was like a volcano waiting for that one small pebble to fall and erupt.
The forest was quiet here. The trees were different than the ones she had known her whole life. No longer were they surrounded by tall pines, but maple and oaks. Their leaves weren't just green. She saw pinks and blues, flowers that bloomed on the bushes and within the branches. She had to admit that they looked beautiful.
Tragic that they be inhabited by the monsters of the vile king.
The sun slowly disappeared beneath the cover of the trees, and then down under the horizon. As soon as it disappeared, the sky began to glow as thousands of tiny stars showed through the clouds. Thousands more than what she had ever seen.
She stopped walking and stared up at the sky in awe. How could such an evil being exist in such a beautiful part of the world?
Aiden turned to see her standing there looking at the sky. She was too entranced to notice him put his things down and slowly get to work on a camp for them.
She only noticed when he began to spark a fire.
Launching herself towards him she grabbed his wrist, "If we light a fire, every demon within two miles will know where we are"
He stared up at her with a strange look in his eyes, but all he said was, "They can smell us anyway. A fire might keep them away, even if for a short time," his voice was cold, empty. Quickly he lit the fire and stared into it for a moment before sitting back, "I'll take first watch."
"I'm not tired. You sleep," Selene said back and settled herself down on the ground, knowing he wouldn't accept her offer.
Aiden was silent and didn't move. So, they sat in silence, the sound near deafening.
The forest here was so quiet as if every insect and bird had decided to flee. The only life was the towering trees around them that looked more sinister at night.
Just when Selene was about to try to break the tension, to start up some sort of conversation and chase away the chill, Aiden finally spoke.
They were the words she had been dreading.
"Why do you want to kill the king this way?" he asked, his voice cold as stone.
She took a moment, her mind racing for an answer and her heart pounding. The pebble had dropped, and a crack had formed on the surface of the volcano.
"You know why," she answered.
He snapped a stick between his hands and threw it into the fire, "No. I don't."
"Every day that passes, he kills dozens of innocent people. There is not enough time for me to wait until Cyan has a big enough army. Especially not if the victory isn't assured," she said as she rubbed her eyes.
"People die every day. You can't stop it."
"I can try."
He gave a hollow laugh, "Right. The girl who told me how weak she was, suddenly thinks she can slay a king."
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"And the boy who called me broken is upset with how I decided to put myself back together," she retorted.
"Is that why you left? Because I called you broken?" he said as he poked at the fire.
"I left because I had to get stronger," she said, "This is my responsibility. And if I can kill him here and now, countless more people don't have to die in a war."
"Who made it your responsibility?" he said, "You told me that you were nothing but a farm girl, and now you're the world's hero?"
She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling very exposed.
"If I had the answer don't you think I would've stopped asking that question?" she laughed hollowly, "But it was my responsibility the moment people started calling me the Daughter of Night. Whether I am deserving of the title this power afforded me or not, it gives the people around me hope. I can't bear to let that die."
Aiden shook his head as if that wasn't a good enough answer.
"Facing Icarus might be the last thing I ever do, but I will fight knowing that I've given those people a chance. If my life is the price for even a few months of time for you all, then I will gladly plunge headfirst into whatever hell awaits me inside the gates to his castle."
"You can't be fucking serious," he said, laughing as if this was all a ridiculous joke.
This discussion had turned sour very quickly.
What Aiden was feeling now had been sitting inside of him for months. Now that he had cracked open, no one would be able to hold back the wave of emotion that poured out. The volcano had exploded.
"I am so sick of watching you slowly prepare to kill yourself, Selene. You know damn well that no fucking Angel decided that you of all people should carry the fate of the world on your shoulders."
"And why not? Is it so hard to believe that I have a purpose?" she said, her fury rising along with his.
"This is not your purpose," he said, standing as his hands motioned towards the direction of the castle, "Throwing yourself into an early grave at the hands of a mad tyrant will not bring the people hope. It will only destroy it. They will watch as their last ember of hope is extinguished," he leaned towards her, his blue eyes burning into hers, "It will get you nothing more than a painful, brutal death. One no one will remember because they'll be too busy being slaughtered by the same man you failed to kill. All because you didn't open your fucking eyes and see that you have friends in front of you that want to help."
His words angered her. Angered her so much that she felt that old sense of defensiveness bubble up.
"You just can't bear to lose another person you were meant to protect. You're the one who is being blind, Aiden," she said, just wanting to lash out at him, "Nothing matters in this war but victory."
He stared at her. The look of shock and confusion on his face almost shut her mouth. Almost. She looked away from him.
"Open your eyes and realize that I'm not your wife. I'm not your sister. I am a girl you found in the woods who already wanted to die. And your pathetic attempt to give me something to hold onto is doing nothing but giving the world another obstacle to overcome. Whether I was chosen by the Angels or not doesn't matter. I chose myself because no one else did. I don't give a shit if I'm remembered. I'm doing this because I refuse to keep idle while innocent people die."
Her nostrils flared as she spoke. She felt herself rising to stand as both rage and utter despair filled her chest.
"I have so much anger inside of me, so much pain that I don't know what to do with," her voice turned hoarse as she spoke, "And this wonderful world of magic and swords bewitched me. It made me forget that deep down, I still couldn't outrun the bodies I've left in my wake."
She breathed deeply, looking up through the tree branches to the stars that shone through, "When I was younger, I prayed for someone to come save me. But no one came. Knowing that I can possibly end that hopeless feeling for at least one person is enough to make me want to go into that castle. Even if it costs me my life. Because I am so tired of not fighting while people around me die. And I'm tired of not fighting for myself. So I don't care if I wasn't bestowed this power by the Angels. Even if it were just my bare mortal hands, I'd want to do this. The only difference between a battlefield and his throne room is the lives that will be lost in between."
"And what of me?" he asked, his voice a whisper, "Once you're dead, once you've accomplished your goal, what becomes of who I wanted to fight for?"
Then it was her turn to be silent. She was so confused. So many emotions rushed through her at the same time, some she knew and some she didn't. She had no words for him. Since Lily's death, she'd wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and rest. No more pain, guilt, or anger. But Aiden had done something strange in the time they'd been together. He didn't just help her forget, he'd given her a glimpse of the world she wanted to fight for. She didn't want to leave him, she knew this. But she knew that she was the only chance for this world, for him, to survive.
She looked up from the ground to his eyes, which were so full of sadness that she almost fell to her knees. Her voice softened. "You made me forget," she said as she placed a hand against her forehead, "And Angels, Aiden, I don't know why, but in those few weeks after I met you I almost felt whole again. And I was chasing that feeling all throughout my training. I no longer felt the way I used to. I had something other than that pain and sadness. I had you."
She trailed off, confused on how she'd gone from striking at his weakness to cutting open her heart and letting it all spill out. But her next words made her heart go cold again.
"But then you told me about the village. Of all those children who were--" she cleared her throat, "and nothing could overpower the feeling of rage that I've been forced to keep down my entire life and the need to do something. And just knowing that I have the ability to stop it now... For once in my life, I have the strength to make fate bend to my will and choose how my story will be written. Even if this is the final chapter, it will be written by my own hands, and that is the most a girl like me could ever ask for."
Aiden's knuckles were white as he squeezed them into fists, "You're a fool if you think that I'm trying to use you to replace my family. You're a fool if you think walking in there to die will solve all of our problems. Because I guarantee you the moment before your heart stops, you will realize how utterly stupid you were. And your death will be for nothing."
"Aiden," she said, wanting this conversation to be over. Preferring they fight with swords than say these words. She wasn't used to speaking so openly, and she wasn't sure what would come out of her next, "If I don't do this, who will?"
He was silent for a moment, his gaze staring into the flames.
"Don't leave me again," he said, his voice breaking, "Please."
Her heart skipped a beat. The tone of his voice sent guilt shooting through her. She'd done this to him when she'd left for Valdir. She'd done this. And yet... she couldn't bring herself to say the words she wanted to. She didn't even know the words.
She felt as if her heart were going to be torn out of her chest, "Don't ask that of me" she said softly.
"Why not?" he said, his voice growing into a growl.
Because I cannot bear to hurt you, she thought.
He marched towards her suddenly, yanking her towards him. His scabbed fingers rubbing against her arm as he held her inches from his face. Then he roughly placed a hand on her chest. Right above her beating heart.
"You speak of revenge. You say dying for us is your only purpose. You're wrong. This is your purpose. This thing beating beneath that hard exterior you've built up to block all of us out, that is why you should want to live. Because through all the shit you've gone through and all the sorrow and rage you've felt, this thing is still beating for you. You are still here, and while you stay alive you have every chance of taking back what the king--what Arthur took from you."
He let her go and she stumbled back a few steps.
"You have given up, Selene. Every single one of your excuses for walking in there have been nothing more than a coward's way out, hidden behind a false proclamation of instilling hope in the people. You are more than that. You are brave and strong, you always have been. And if you want to fight for the people who need you, then by all means I won't stop you. In fact, I'll help you do it. But this is not the way."
He went quiet for a moment, his shoulders shaking as he drew in a breath.
"I cannot watch you give everything up. Not when you know that's not the answer."
"What else am I to do?" Selene asked, her voice rising, "Build an army of innocent people to lead to their deaths?"
"They are soldiers, Selene. They know where they march to."
"And when I hold their dying bodies after the battle, how am I to live knowing I could have at least tried to stop it?" she said, her voice cold.
"And how am I to live knowing I let you walk to your death?" he said, his teeth clenched as if he were in pain.
She stared at him, blinking and unsure what to say.
"When was the last time you looked at your reflection?" he asked.
She said nothing, taken aback by his change in topic.
"The light that was always in your eyes, even after you lost Lily, that light is dead," he said, "I watched it die when I told you about the village. And I can barely live with myself knowing I did that to you, that I took that light away. That I pushed you over this edge."
"You didn't kill all those people," Selene said, taking a step towards him.
He smiled sadly, staring at the ground. "Please don't go to that castle," he said, the hopelessness in his voice wrecking her, "Just stay with me."
There was something he wanted to say to her. But all that would come out was his plea. But she wanted to know. Ever since she'd left that farm, her life had been nothing but confusion and riddles. And that was the one thing she never wanted from him.
"Why do you care so much?" she pushed him, "Why do you care that I left you in that village? Why is it that my life is worth so much more than the thousands who will be forced to die, Aiden?"
She stepped up to him, staring into his eyes, looking for the answer she didn't know how to find.
"Why can't you just let me go?"
"Love...", The word lingered in the air, as if it were trying to crawl its way back into the lips it had come from. Unable to find the path because of what followed. "Love that I have for a broken little farm girl who now asks the impossible of me."
Silence. There was that awful, dreadful silence. She stood in front of him, her mind completely blank.
"What?" she whispered.
Tears rimmed his eyes as he stared at her, pain contorting his face.
"I am so desperately in love with you," he breathed, his voice so quiet, "I have been from the moment I pulled that Ursidae off of you and saw the fight in your eyes. I just didn't realize it till you walked out of the village six months ago. I was awake. I was awake the whole time, even when you kissed me goodbye. And when you left without looking back. I wanted to go after you, and beg you to stay, to tell you how I felt and that I wanted you with me. But I knew I wouldn't be able to change your mind. You were too stubborn, too set on sacrificing your humanity for a world that doesn't deserve you."
He turned away from her, leaving her speechless. He was quiet for a moment as if he were gathering himself.
"So stay. Because I love you... and I cannot lead you to your death."
Selene softened her voice and said, "I can't."
There was a crack in the foundation between them. The first crack of the chasm that would grow and tear them apart forever.
"Then I will not go with you," he said, showing her a face of utter despair.
His words hit her like a punch to the gut and despite herself, she felt relief. Relief that he would not be there when she released all of her power. He would be safe somewhere, with nothing but hate and grief inside him.
Selene couldn't speak as her heart broke.
"I never blamed you for leaving, Selene. I tried but I couldn't. Everything you've ever loved has been taken from you by Icarus. But you don't know that everything I am has been taken from me by him. And now he'll take you too."
His eyes softened.
"You're the only thing I have left," he said, his voice quiet.
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