I sat on my bedroom floor,

rummaging through the stacks of paper

after deciding to get a head start

in studying for finals.

I pulled out my physics textbook,

and as I opened up to the thirteenth chapter,

a folded piece of paper fell out.

Red ink bled through the sheet

as I stopped short at the

faded A printed out on the corner of the paper.

We were supposed to write a poem

for English class.

The teacher told us to rhyme,

go with a Haiku,

or maybe to even do a sonnet.

But writing any of those

would've restricted

the reasons I've conjured up

for life's barbarity.

So I wrote in free verse instead.

And as I unfolded the wrinkled paper,

my breathing stopped.

Nathan,

a boy I used to know so well.

Kind,

and selfless,

and strong

at the darkest of times.

He was a boy I looked up to.

Someone I knew would one day change the world.

And suddenly,

it did change.

And I can't help

but sit here in agony

as I try to paint a picture

of the boy he is now.

I want to say he's cruel,

but something inside of me tells me he's just lost.

I want to say he's selfish,

but something inside of me tells me he's only angry.

Nathan,

a boy I used to know so well.

Sweet,

and caring,

and inspiring

at the brightest of times.

He was a boy I used to reach out to.

Someone I knew would always be there for me.

But that's changed now.

Everything has changed.

And I can only hope

that somewhere in the future,

he'll come back.

That maybe he'll become

Nathan,

a boy I used to know so well.

But as of right now,

he's simply a mystery,

a figment

of my imagination.

I folded back the piece of paper

and set aside my textbook.

It was at that time that I realized

that I kind of liked you, too.

I liked you

despite the harshness

and pain you put me through.

And I didn't know in what way I liked you,

but ever since you've become kinder to me,

my heart just pounds hard in my chest.

Like it wants to escape.

Like it wants to run free.

I miss you.

So damn much.

And it took me rereading this stupid poem

for me to see that you're back.

You're finally back.

So hold your position,

my heart.

I'm fine

I'm fine

I'll be fine.

| (After this, please read what's in at the end. Thanks!) It's crazy how much we take for granted. And even though I've been writing about all these depressing topics for years, it wasn't until recently that I truly realized the immensity of this world. Everyday it seems as if my eyes get just a little bit wider. We complain and worry about the simplest of things. Things that, at the end, don't really matter. Because family matters. Love matters. Friendship matters, and kindness matters. We take advantage of the things we have. And yeah, I admit. It took me watching a(n incredibly amazing and heart wrenching) TV series to realize this, but at least I was able to realize it. I love you guys. I might not know you and I might not know who you are, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're alive and that even through your worst days, I'll always find a way to love you. We're human, guys. We were made to love and be happy. But somehow and someway, there's always someone or something in the way of our happiness. Sometimes, it's hard for us to find this happiness. But once you do, don't let it go away. Don't let yourself dig a deeper grave. As my mom tells me everyday, live in the now because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. You shouldn't be fighting, or hating, or sneering. You should be laughing, and loving, and making amends. You still have to work hard, though, because that's the real world. You'll always be faced with challenges that you'll have to overcome. But there's no law in my books saying we can't find love and happiness in the midst of it. So stay strong, my lovelies. And try to be happy. And while you're trying to be happy, don't forget to Thanks guys! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY POTTER! Until next time!

Kisses,

XCrocusX |