"Mommy, just one hour more!", Mila actually screams in my ear, for the fifth time in 10 minutes. I try to ignore her but she is screaming in my ear.

"No Mila, its already past 10.", I try to say as calmly as possible to my 5 year old daughter.

She needs to know the truth, my subconscious pipes in.

"But I want to meet daddy!" not today, please not again. I'm already tired. My boss is being an ass lately giving heaps of manuscripts to read in just a day!

"Mila.. I told you its not possible", I say, not thinking twice before answering. This has become our usual bickering. Her asking about her 'daddy' and me giving a monotone reply every single night. I need to give her a reason someday. I can't just keep telling her 'he's out of town' or 'he can't make it'. It's stupid at this point, i wonder how she hasn't caught onto me yet.

"You always say that! I want to meet him today! Not today please mommy!" she makes a sad puppy face to make an emphasis on her point.

"Mila", I say as convincing as possible "He is not in town this month. he has gone overseas for a business trip remember?", I cringe internally. God i'm aweful at this.

Why do you always lie?!, my subconscious sneers in a nagging voice.

"Okay.." her face falls and without anymore arguments goes to bed with her favorite teddy. I feel terrible, she has never met her father. Why? Because I was a coward to confront Christian about my pregnancy. So what did I do? Ran. Ran and Ran till I found myself in a new place, unknown place with an unknown identity..

Shit! how did I forget to take the shot?! It was literally the first condition Dr. Greene put, is to remember to take shot every month. One month I did not & bam I become pregnant! Am I that fertile?!

I paced back and forth, not knowing how should I confess this to Christian. How should I? I guess going indirect will anger him more so maybe directly? But i'm not ready for his warth. I still remember the conversation he had with his mother like it happened yesterday.

"I don't want a child, mom. It's too much responsibility."

I cringe.

I threw my self pregnancy test in the dustbin somewhere in the city. I can't go to Dr. Greene's office, Christian will know. He always does. Maybe the results were false.. I mean I took only 3 tests..

But all of them were positive, my subconscious nudged.

I wasn't looking when I bumped into a hard chest. I looked up to meet grey eyes and I knew he caught me in my inner dilemma.

"What happened", Christian asked, his brows furrowed.

"What? um.. nothing? Wait how are you so early" I said desperately trying to change to subject.

"There wasn't much to do today", he shrugged and gave me a peck on the lips. Instantly a smile spread across his face. I tried to smile back but i'm pretty sure I look constipated right now. "Damn i'm hungry. What's for dinner today?"

"Meatloaf & lentil soup!" Mrs. Jones answers for me as she enters the room. Christian discreetly made a face at this weird combo. The thing is, I can't keep anything down since I found out I was pregnant. So I told Gail to make lentil soup for me, atleast liquid will be better to consume than solid food.

"i'll freshen up first" Christian said and went to his room. Meanwhile I made a decision on how should I present the scenario to Christian. I really hope it works.

As Christian took another piece of meatloaf in his mouth distractedly and checked his mails simultaneously, I contemplated weather I should say something now or in bed. Gail is in the kitchen and I don't want her to hear anything. She knows something is off with me today but she was kind enough not to ask about it. Maybe she sensed its something not related to work.

"Why aren't you eating?" Christian scowled at me.

"Just.." I cannot eat anything right now because its smell is making me gag, I wanted to say but instead said "not hungry today".

He narrowed his eyes at me but a ping from his phone distracted him. "Ana eat something atleast", he said distractedly.

"So!" I tried to sound as enthusiastic as I can "you know a girl from work is pregnant!"

He looked at me for a nanosecond before resuming his work again. "Who is it?"

"Oh no one you know. She is really happy but said she doesn't want to tell her boyfriend about it", i tried to suppress the nervousness from my voice.

"Why?" Now he looks interested.

"Because she doesn't think he will accept it. She doesn't want to abort the child either."

"Oh, but that's not fair."

Yes! That is the reaction I want! "But what if the boyfriend forces her to abort?"

"No one can force someone to abort, of course. And if they do, they are with the wrong person."

"I know right? I try to tell her that. Hope someone give her some brains in life" I said jokingly but actually freaking out inside.. now is the time. "Christian?"

"Hmm?"

"What if I tell you I was pregnant? What will you do?" my said, my breathe hitched in my throat. Oh gosh, I said it! what will he say?!

"You are pregnant?!" a look of horror painted his face and instantly all my intentions and happiness went down the drain.

"No! Just asking.. Jeez look at your face!" i tried and laughed but got absolutely no reaction so i stopped.

"Well.. i don't know. I've never thought about it. I'm not against kids.. but definitely not one now. Maybe in distant future..?" So he is not against the notion..

"But what if it was a situation now?" i tried again.

"Why are we talking about pregnancy? Do you want kids Ana?" he asked, quizzical now.

"Not really, but I think a kid now can make our life more happy."

"Ana" he put his phone down, "We are a bit young for kids now, you are young! you just started working! A child is a big responsibility baby.."

"Yeah, i know. But i can do both, work & taking care of the baby", and i saw some weird emotion cross his eyes.

"Not now Ana, in future maybe, not now. Complete your meal" he said and I knew the conversation was done.

And not only the conversation, also something else felt being broken too, only I could pin point it until the day after..

~*~*~

The starting chapters suck, but the future chapters don't i promise.

Until we meet again, xoxo ~ Ava❤