Blake took my hand into his and gave me a reassuring squeeze. We were standing outside the cemetery and I had frozen solid, my limbs refusing to move. This was where Ellie was buried. My breathing spiked into hyperventilation and I clutched onto Blake's hand as if he was the only thing keeping me on this earth. I have been dreading this for months.

Even after Ellie's funeral I wasn't able to look at her grave. I didn't want to see what Lisa had made for her. She was my sister; I wanted my family to write on her headstone. But my mother didn't want it changed and I didn't know why, her name wasn't Lily Berlin, it was Ellie Darlington.

Ellie's funeral was held a month after I woke up from my coma and by that time my injuries had heeled and I had come off the strong pain killer drugs. So, the pain that consumed me after I left the hospital almost destroyed me, the reality finally came crashing over me when I arrived home, my sister was dead. It has been two months since her funeral and I decided it was finally time for me to face this, to finally see her grave. I had asked Blake to come with me because I knew that I couldn't do it alone.

I was starting at University next week and I wanted to face this pain and let her go before I start this new chapter. I needed to begin my healing process as my psychologist tells me. I have finally started seeing one due to my grief from losing Ellie and the nightmares the nightmares I have been having from Lisa's attack. That is why I needed to do this, I couldn't keep avoiding this pain or else it would stay with me forever.

Blake had been amazing to me these last few months but I had been very avoidant of him and closed off. It was his idea for me to see a psychologist. I couldn't keep wallowing in this pain or else I would lose him or he would be unhappy in our relationship.

I inhaled a deep breath and took a step into the cemetery. Blake stays by my side the entire time as I plant slow steps towards where I know her grave is located. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe past the lump in my throat and the fast intensity of my breaths. I glanced up at Blake and he was already looking down at me, his eyebrows were pinched together and the worry was clear in his eyes. A strength ran through me from that look and it reminded me why I was doing this, so I didn't have to see that constant worry in his eyes anymore. We were both going to start a new chapter in our lives together.

I was going to study IT at University, the same course that my sister studied for six months before she died. She had lived on campus but I decided to stay with mum, she still needed me. She was healing slowly; she has been through so much loss I don't know how she handled it but she was so strong. And a big contribution to our healing was a new member to our family. Following the news about Ellie's death my mum and I visited the orphanage, I wanted to hear more about her time there. And my mum wanted to explain to kids herself that it was Ellie who was the anonymous donor that kept them all together.

My mother hadn't told me this either so it was a shock to me as well. Apparently when Ellie turned 18 she was given access to her real parents fortune, it was millions of dollars of corrupt, drug dealers money and Ellie didn't want a cent of it. She told my mother that she wanted to give it all to the orphanage but my mum wouldn't let her, she said she might change her mind in a few years. But Ellie never got that chance as she died six months later. So my mother was giving Ellie her final wish, the orphanage was given Ellie's inheritance.

When Mia saw me, she cried and cried and cried about being sent away from her family at the orphanage because the younger kids too young to go to the school and board there. So they were going to be sent to foster families. My mother decided to adopt her. But it has been good for my mum to have something to focus on other than Ellie. I was sharing my room once again but with Mia this time. I didn't mind sharing my room with her, she was such a vibrant energetic soul.

Blake had moved back in with his family, but it was an hour drive into his town so we only saw each other a few nights a week. Blake wants to join the police force and is currently going through the application process. He was into the final stages now; he was just worried that his criminal record might stop him from being accepted. It was so lucky that he didn't get anything permanent on his record or else there is no way he would be able to get into the police.

Blake wants to eventually become a detective. I thought it was a perfect career choice, solving the mystery of Ellie's death gave him purpose. He had also started up his own none for profit organisation raising awareness about male suicide and a helpline for men who refuse to allow themselves the help they need. I was so proud of Blake; he has been speaking out about what he went through and it has made him so much stronger for it. It was amazing to watch him thrive in life when it so easily could have been all over.

I was brought out of my thoughts as we near Ellie's grave and I squeeze Blake's hand so tightly it must be painful because it was for me. But Blake didn't complain. We turned to walk down the aisle of Ellie's grave and a dread started to twist my stomach into knots as I recognised the flowers along this aisle. Slowly Ellie's grave came into view and it hit me like a jack hammer, like I was punched in the stomach and all the breath was knocked out of me. I hunched over as I gasped and Blake quickly grasped me around my waist to hold me up.

There was her grave, Lily Berlin, her name was written on a beautiful carved stone that was covered in roses and so many different flowers it was like a rainbow. The plaque had Ellie Darlington added to it along the bottom, my mother must have done that. I knew now why my mother wanted to keep Ellie buried here with this grave stone, because she was buried right next to my father.

The pain that cracked and tore apart my heart was unbearable, I cried out and my knees gave out from under me. It was the shock of seeing both of them there, my father and my sister both dead, both in a grave. Half my family was dead and I didn't understand what I had done to deserve this. Blake still had his arm around me so we both sunk to the floor. His strong grip around me was the only thing that kept me together, that kept me from completely falling apart. Blake didn't say anything, he just held me as I cried and wept like I haven't allowed myself to do in the last three months.

Eventually after all my tears ran out, I stood up with the help of Blake's steady hands and moved over to her grave stone. I softly ran my hands over her name Ellie Darlington and I remembered how I used to make fun of her because her name sounded like Smelly. A sob wracked through my chest and my hand flew up to my mouth. I remembered how we both cried together every night for months after our dad died. And now she was gone, she had left me too and I didn't want to deal with this pain. I was so grateful Blake was here with me for this, because I wasn't alone. When my father had died Ellie was there, she kept me strong. If I didn't have Blake I would be completely alone.

I clutched him and buried my head into his shirt. Blake's hands were like a vice around me, so strong and stable. We stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time where I cried my heart out and Blake just held me. Held me together. When my crying quietened and I was able to breathe normally again I stood up and looked down at Ellie's grave. I picked up the flowers that I brought for her from out of my bag and lowered them down onto the grave.

"Goodbye Ellie, I love you so much." I allowed a few more tears to fall and then I closed my eyes and turned around into Blake's chest. I looked at him for the first time since we arrived and I saw that he had tears in his eyes as well. He smiled sadly at me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Thank you," I croaked, my voice hoarse from all the crying and I threw my arms around him in a hug. Blake knew what I was talking about, he knew I wouldn't have been able to do this without him.

"Of course, my love." He kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes, revelling in his touch. I take a deep breath and pull away from him.

"Let's go home," I mumble and after one final look at Ellie's grave I promise her that I would be back. Blake wraps my hand into his and as we to start walk away from her grave I feel that heavy weight that was pressing down onto my chest the last three months lift. I saw her, I said goodbye to her and now I can move on. With Blake's hand tightly wrapped in mine we walk away from the pain in our past and as I looked up at Blake, I knew I was looking up to the happiness of my future.

***

Blake drove us the hour-long journey from the cemetery back to his house. The tears never stopped flowing down my cheeks the entire journey but as we neared his house, I cleaned up my face with some makeup. It was Blake's 19th birthday tomorrow so we were celebrating with a small dinner with his family tonight. We pulled up into his house, I had never actually been to his house until he brought me there after he moved back in.

So, I never knew that he lived in a mansion, the estate was so huge it had its own gate and fountain out the front of the house. Thankfully Blake sold his dreadful motorbike and bought an actually safe car. Blake parked his new car in one of multiple garages and we walked up the front steps to the main entrance to his house. Just before Blake opened the door, he glanced at his phone that had dinged and gasped out loud. Instantly my body became rigid.

"What?" I fretted and my hand flew to my heart thinking that something was wrong. But when he looked back at me his features were brimming with happiness.

"I'm in, I just got the email. I'm into the police force," Blake announced, his eyes sparkling with elation.

"Oh my god, Blake. That's amazing," I cheered and threw my hands up into the air. Blake grasped me in a hug and spun me around in a circle. We were still laughing and celebrating as we walked through the front door so I nearly lost control of my bladder when the lights flickered on and people jumped out at us yelling.

"Surprise!" Explosions went off and confetti rained down on us.

"Happy Birthday, Blake," yelled the crowds. My mouth fell open as absorbed my surroundings, the entire front hall room was filled with people and I recognised most of them as Blake's family and friends. I glanced at Blake to see his shocked, astounded expression as he looked around wide eyed. I also saw a happiness in his eyes that I have been seeing there more often since he has been recovering from his depression.

Blake's mum, Jessie, ran up to him and hugged Blake tightly, followed by his dad, Phil. Then James, Blake's younger brother came crashing in for a hug, all of them cheering happy birthdays. I was just as shocked as Blake was, how they had managed to keep this from me I will never know. But I recovered from the shock quickly and grinned at Blake and hugged him too.

"Happy Birthday, my love," I breathed, holding onto him tightly. I was pretty much hurled away from Blake as all his family members fought to hug him too and wish him happy birthday. I took a few steps away to stand next to Jessie who was beaming in happiness with her hands clasped together.

"Sorry we didn't tell you Rose. We didn't want to stress you out anymore so we thought we would surprise you too," Jessie explained with a bright smile as she pulled me into a hug. The sparkle of light in her eyes from seeing Blake happy was easy to see.

"That's okay. That was probably for the best. Thanks Jessie," I reassured, squeezing her in my arms. I was grateful, I don't think I could have handled any more stress or planning at the moment and she knew that. Jessie had become like a second mum to me in these last few months, as I was staying here a few nights a week and she was always at our house to support my mum.

"You guys did this?" Blake asked in happy disbelief to his parents. Jessie grinned at Blake and almost glowed on the spot. As they spoke, I was finally was able to tear my eyes away from Blake to have a good look around the room. Jessie definitely had worked hard to prepare this. Their front room that was almost a hall it was so large has been scattered with tables covered in white table cloth. All sorts of delicious looking foods and wines were placed on the tables. They had set up a pizza oven at the back end of the room and streamers and balloons flowed down from the ceiling. A large happy birthday sign was hanging up at the back of the room.

"Well of course, we knew you weren't organised enough to plan a party yourself," Jessie joked.

"Hey, I am a hardworking man," Blake objected, shooting Jessie a glare.

"Sure, sure." Jessie brushed him off with a flick of her hand and they both laughed.

"But seriously thank you, mum," Blake says, his voice and eyes becoming serious. Jessie's features softened and her eyes filled with tears of joy.

"We all love you so much," she proclaimed and nearly lifted him off the ground when she hugged him.

"Happy Birthday Blake." My mother traipsed over to us. Strangely my mum now loves Blake ever since she found out why he was doing all the reckless things he was doing. That he actually was trying to solve Ellie's murder.

"Happy Birthing day, Black." Mia hurled her body into Blake's, nearly knocking him over with her embrace. Blake laughed and hugged her back after stabilising them both.

"Nearly there kid, it's Blake," Blake corrected and Mia pouted.

"Blakie," Mia tried again, looking up at Blake with proud eyes thinking she had it right this time. I placed my hand over my mouth to stop my giggle. Mia and Blake together we're hilarious, I loved watching them interact.

"It'll do," Blake scuffed her hair on her head and Mia glared up at him.

"Blakies, I spent ten minutes making my hair look nice today and you just ruined it," she sulked, crossing her hands over her head. I smiled; my mum really had her hands full with taking her on.

"It looks better Mia, seriously," Blake joked with her, his face serious. Mia glowered at him with her hair sticking out at wrong awkward angles and I couldn't help my cackle of laughter at seeing her exasperated face.

"Rose, you are being mean, don't laugh at me." Mia's turned her glare on me and I instantly was saturated with guilt. I raised my hands up in the air surrendering.

"I wasn't laughing at you Mia, I was laughing at Blake for being a weirdo," I explained, smirking at Blake out of the corner of my eye. Mia's exasperated anger filled features softened and she allowed her hands to relax by her side.

"You are right, he is a weirdo," she agreed and nodded repetitively, shooting Blake an accusing pointed look. I love Mia.

"See I told you everyone else thinks so too," I joked at Blake, punching him in the arm. Blake shot me a betrayed look and rubbed his arm like my soft punch really hurt him.

"It's called jealously, I am a well-known dashing scoundrel," Blake objected, straightening his spine confidently.

"Good thing you are pretty or else I wouldn't be able to handle your dashing scoundrelness." I bumped my hip into his and squeezed his bicep knowingly.

"I know," Blake agreed and kissed me on the lips fleetingly.

We spent the rest of the night talking and laughing with everyone and dancing the night away. It was beautiful watching Blake interact with everyone in his life. Everyone who cared about him was here and it was crazy to think that he once thought that if he died no one would be affected. I could see Blake was enjoying the evening, there were laugh lines around his eyes all night and he was making the effort to speak to everyone in attendance. He told everyone about his acceptance into the police force.

After the guests cleared out for the night Blake collapsed onto the rocking chair that was situated on his front porch in exhaustion. I fell down next to him and he pulled me into his chest.

"What would I be without you Rose." Blake nuzzled his black hair into my neck.

"What do you mean?" I laughed when he continued to nuzzle me like a dog.

"Right now, I am happy." He smiled down at me tenderly and the contentment in his gaze made my heart warm. For so long all I ever wanted was for him to look at me like that instead of his hate fuelled glare, my dream came true. I grinned back at him; it was rare for him to talk about his mental health so I sat upright so I could see his face clearly. Blake placed his forearm under his neck and looked up to the ceiling as he explained.

"I have my dream job; I am surrounded by all my family and friends and I have you. I didn't think being happy was possible for me after I went into my depression. I thought that was it for me, that agony and pain was going to be my forever but how wrong could I have been," Blake explained, smiling softly so the crinkle lines around his mouth appeared. I placed my hand into his cheek and stroked my hand down his beautiful face, smiling back lovingly at him because this is all I ever want to hear.

"I nearly ended it all, I nearly was never able to experience all of this. If it wasn't for you, I might never have experienced this," Blake continued and his intense eyes captured mine. I reached down one of his arms and gently touched the bottom of the sleeve of his shirt. His breath caught in the back of his throat and his eyes filled with vulnerability and fear but he allowed me to pull up his shirt all the way up to his elbow.

It was always a shock seeing the scars that lined Blake's forearms, there was one very deep long scar that ran down both of his forearms from when he attempted suicide his first time. And there were also much smaller scars that were scattered all over his arm from his self-harming. He still flinches when I touch his scars but he now allows me to touch them. I run both my hands lovingly down both of his forearms and kiss his scars. When Blake looks down at me his eyes are like infernos, filled with blazing emotion.

"And what a life it is, beautiful, wonderful," Blake marvelled and wrapped both his arms around me and ran them down my back. I closed my eyes from the feeling on his hands on my skin and from the words he was speaking, contentment running through me like a water fountain.

"Blake you have no idea how happy that makes me." I ran my hands through his scruffy hair and it fell back down over his face again. He tilted his head into my touch and warmth spread through my chest from his small movement. He smiled softly as he looked at me peacefully and I melted. Seeing him happy and okay is all I could ever ask for in this life.

"I never would have believed that there was still happiness or even any kind of normality to live after what I did to Jason and after I became depressed," Blake explained. There was an agony in his eyes as he remembered that pain. I squeezed my hands together from the rush of emotions that haunted me from seeing that pain in his face. It reminded me of how he looked at me before I left him on that cliff before he attempted suicide.