Hi everyone! I am placing another trigger warning for this chapter as it has references to self harm. If anyone is triggered by that please skip this chapter. Thank you :)

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Blake had been unconscious in hospital for two days since the incident. They needed to keep him heavily sedately and had pumped him full of antidepressant medication. During those two days I only left Blake's room when visiting hours were over and I was kicked out by the nurses. Blake's parents were staying with him through the night which gave me some peace of mind when I left him for the night.

On the morning of the second night Blake was in the hospital I walked into Blake's room with a coffee to find Blake's father leaning over Blake's passed out form. He had Blake's hand clasped in both of his and when I stepped into the room loudly, he jumped away from Blake to look at me. His eyes were filled with tears

"I'm sorry, Mr Huxley" I apologised and stepped back out of the room swiftly. But Blake's father called after me.

"Wait, Rose. Come in." Hesitantly I stepped into the room again, feeling uncomfortable that I was intruding on a private moment between father and son. Blake's father gestured that I sit on the seat near the end of Blake's bed, where I usually sat every day.

"And please call me Phil," Blake's father encouraged with a teary smile. I have never really had much to do with Blake's father over the years my mother has been friends with Jessie, my mother and Jessie usually caught up alone.

"How has Blake been while he was living with you and your mother?" Phil asked as he moved his chair back away from Blake's hospital bed.

"He just seemed lost, he never seemed depressed or unwell. He kept doing reckless things but he always did as my mother asked him to." I looked down at my coffee cup as I spoke and cupped my hands around its warmth.

"I never would have thought he would do this." I shook my head still unbelieving.

Phil gave me a sad but understanding look.

"He hid it well from us too before his first attempt. He won't talk to any more about it, he refused to see a psychologist, refused to go on medication. I think he believes he doesn't deserve to get better; he thinks he deserves to be in this pain," Phil explained with an emotionless monotone, he sounded dead inside. I squeezed the coffee up between my hands until my hands became white. I didn't know Blake was refusing treatment.

"Why?" I perplexed mournfully.

"That is not my story to tell." Phil gestured towards Blake, referring to the fact that this was Blake's decision to tell me those details. I followed his gaze and my eyes rested on Blake who looked so peaceful in his sleep.

The black bags and worry lines around his eyes had faded, he looked so innocent and young. He still had so much life ahead of him and if he didn't get treatment then that might not happen. My heart filled with determination and I sat up straight in my chair.

"He will get better; I will make sure of it. I will help him start taking his medication and go to his psychologist sessions," I declared. The crease between Phil's eyebrows deepened and he looked at me with no hope in his eyes.

"I admire your persistence but I am not sure he will ever be able to recover from this. I am starting to believe that maybe death will be the best thing for him, living is torture for him and maybe continually saving him is just torturing him further. He wants to die, maybe we should respect his wishes," Phil lamented and dug in head into his hands. Outrage bubbled up within me and I stood up from my chair forcefully.

"How could you say that?" I barked in atrocity. "He only wants to die because he is unwell, with treatment he will be well again, he can live again." I stomped my foot and curled my hands into fists at my side to hold in my emotions, how could he give up on his own son?

Phil watched me with an empty expression like he was listening to what I was saying but it didn't process in his mind. Phil lifted his bowed head up so I could see the full reality of his dejected expression.

"I found him you know, after his first suicide attempt. I found my son lying in a pool of his own blood as he slowly died, as he ended his own life. But when I found him, he was still alive and intelligible. I was calling an ambulance when he begged me not to, begged me to leave him," Phil explained with desolation, he was staring at Blake but the look was blank like he was somewhere else.

I gasped in horror and clamped my hands over my mouth, I couldn't imagine the agony that Phil had to go through. My eyes snapped to Blake as a tear ran down my cheeks.

"Once you have had your son beg you to let him die, something inside you breaks. You lose faith in the world." Phil finally looked at me and it hit me like a baseball bat the emptiness in his features, he had lost all hope. Blake has destroyed his father.

"You can't think like that, you have to believe that there is always a light in the darkness, it will take time but Blake will feel happy again," I promised with a vehemence. Phil managed to give me a small smile but I could see it took all his energy.

"I am glad you are in Blake's life Rose; he needs that blind optimism you have." Phil stood up from his chair slowly due to fatigue and then he faced me.

"Did you know Blake left a suicide note?" Phil asked solemnly. My heart stopped as I gasped for breath. I don't know why that hurt so much but it did.

"No," I spluttered and my voice shook violently. Phil looked at me sympathetically.

"He mentioned you in there, so I think you deserve to read what he said." Phil pulled out a note from his pocket and handed it out to me. I reached for it and my fingers were shuddering. Phil then rested is hand onto my shoulder.

"Please help him Rose, please," Phil begged and he allowed me to see the defeat in his eyes. "I think you are the only one who can get through to him. This will most likely be our last chance." A tear fell down from my eyes and I wiped it away.

"I will do everything I can," I promised sincerely. Phil gave me a sad smile and left the room. It took me a few minutes to work through all the thoughts in my head before I walked over to the chair next to Blake's bed. I grabbed his hand in mine and squeezed it tightly, just glad that I could touch him, that he was still here.

My eyes scanned over Blake's figure and was overcome with a gut-wrenching wave of sadness. The first time I saw Blake in his hospital gown my insides shattered and my legs gave out so I fell into the chair. I had seen some scar marks on his wrists before but I had never seen what he had done to his forearms as he always kept them hidden under clothes.

Deep scar marks were scattered all over his skin, he had self-harmed more times than I had ever known. I never knew the extent to the severity of his deteriorated mental health, if I only knew I could have helped sooner. It still hit me with agony every time I saw them.

Still holding his hand, I opened his suicide note.

I can't do this anymore, I can't live with myself, there is too much pain.

To mum and dad and James, I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. This has nothing to do with you, you have been the perfect family and done more for me than I could ever tell you.

And Rose, beautiful Rose, I want to thank you for trying to help me. You are a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve a beautiful life, that just couldn't happen with me in it x

I love you all so much and please don't hurt for me because this is what I want.

Blake x

A sob welled up in my chest and I began crying, I lifted my hand to my mouth as I sobbed. I didn't know he was ever in that much pain. Life must be torture for him. How could he hate life so much?

Life is so beautiful, a gift from god. If only Blake just allowed himself to get better, he could live that beautiful life because he deserved it too. I grieved over the fact that he wanted me to be happy and he appreciated what I did for him.

As I cried over his words I jumped when I felt Blake's hand grip mine back. I jerked back from him as his body started to twitch and move. Blake eyes squeezed together tighter before he opened them. He was waking up.

His glazed eyes looked up to the ceiling for a few seconds before he moved them around the room disoriented. His bright blue eyes fell on me and my heart began to clamper in my chest.

"Rose," Blake croaked and his eyebrows dipped together in confusion. "Where am I?" He asked as he searched around the room.

"In hospital," I explained but my voice was barely more than a breath I was so nervous of his reaction.

His eyes filled with knowing as he remembered everything.

"I'm still here," he breathed looking down at his arms. His eyes snapped to me as his features filled with realisation.

"You saved me," he accused, his tone outraged. Just from those words my heart shattered and I hunched over holding my stomach from the pain.

"No," Blake yelled throwing his sheets into the air. "NO!" I surged out of the chair, horrified of Blake's reaction. He didn't want me to save him, I hurt him by saving him.

"Why would you do that to me?" Blake screamed at me. I backed away from him until my back hit the door, I couldn't do this, I couldn't listen to this. I didn't save him, I failed him.

"I'm sorry," I apologised sincerely, as tears fell down my cheeks.

"Leave," Blake hurled and threw his hand out in front of him pointing to the door. I hiccupped a sob of agony at his words and placed my hand onto my mouth to hold in the cry threatening to be released. I did as he asked, with a cry I spun around and ran out his door and down the hospital corridor.

I ran out of the hospital with tears falling down my cheeks and out into the hospital gardens. It was raining as I ran out into the gardens but I didn't notice. I reached a white painted wooden gazebo that had flowers growing through and up its wooden planks out of the rain. I collapsed onto the bench in the middle and dug my head into my knees as I cried helplessly.

I never thought I could be more heartbroken than knowing that Blake wanted to end his own but I was wrong. The feeling that Blake hated me, resented me for saving his life was so much worse. I felt like I failed him, like I hurt him. I couldn't take it anymore, the pain and quite honestly, I wasn't sure if I had the strength to ever go back to him.

"Don't cry," croaked the voice that made my blood run with contentment, with comfort. I glanced up with my tear-filled eyes to see Blake standing in front of me with rain dripped down from his eyelashes as he looked at me with regret in his eyes. I was overcome with emotions from seeing him because there he was standing right in front of me, beautiful and alive and I couldn't look away from him.

I couldn't turn him away no matter what he has done to me because I would do anything for him, I would do anything to make sure that he stays alive.

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Hi my lovely readers :)

What did you all think of the chapter? I hope you are enjoying the story.

Thank you all for reading and all your comments, they are so amazing to read and so motivating :)

Love Elaine Xx