Hi my lovely readers, I am just placing a trigger warning for those who get triggered by anything related to suicide. Everyone else please enjoy Xx

***

I squeezed the steering wheel between my fingers harshly causing my hands to turn white as the car jolted underneath me from the uneven gravel road I was driving down. The canopy of the opaque tress of the woodlands I was driving through blocked out all the moonlight in the sky so much so that I needed to squint my eyes together to see what was in front of me.

I had no idea where I was going but Blake had told me on the phone that he was at the old abandoned and no longer used railway bridge. I had never been there myself as it was cut off from the public many years ago but I had heard it was a popular place for teenagers to trespass.

After Blake told me that he needed to talk to me I snapped and yelled at him, asking where he was and why he was putting everyone through this. He didn't say anything to that and then I finally asked him if he was okay. All he said was he needed to see me and asked if I could meet him at the railway bridge.

As stupid as this was after everything, he had done to me and his family and my mother I still needed to make sure he was okay. The dense foliage of the trees dispersed and my car rounded into the end of the trail just as the railway bridge came into view. The vintage decaying bridge was illuminated by one lamp post that was hooked up to an electrical stimulator that also powered a flashing sigh that read, do not enter.

My eyes found Blake immediately who was a dark shadow sitting a few metres away from the lamp post. His legs were dangling over the side of the bridge, swaying in the breeze. Both his hands were behind him like a crutch as he looked out into the streaming river below the bridge. From this distance he looked okay.

Taking a deep breath, I utilised all my courage and stepped out of the car. My boots crunched as I walked along the gravel road covered in fallen leaves and twigs towards the bridge. Every step I made closer towards Blake emitted an equally substantiating clogging in my chest, my breath becoming heavier. I didn't want to go near him, not after what he did to me but I also couldn't ignore his plea to talk to me when he was in this state.

When I was a few metres away from him I needed to force myself to breathe calmly. My eyes wracked over him to find bandages wrapped around both of his arms and his shirt was ripped in multiple location and dried blood had stained his shirt.

When I reached him, I didn't know what to say so I sat down next to him, following his example and looking down towards the steep cliff below into the rocks that swirled around the flowing water of the stream.

"Hi." Blake spoke first, his voice was raw and crackling like he had worn it out or from emotion. My eyes snapped towards him and he still didn't look at me. That made my blood boil opening the floor gates and I released all my anger at him.

"What is going on? Do you know how worried your family and my mother are about you?" I yelled in indignation and clasped my hands together to prevent myself from shoving him in the chest, from trying to make him see what pain he has caused everyone that loves him.

"How could you do that to them? How could you do that to me?" I cried and a tear fell down my cheek. He knew as I did what I was referring to in that last question.

Blake was quiet for a long time and I finally looked up from under my tear stained eyelashes at him. The aureate light from the lamp shone onto Blake's cheeks, illuminating the strong line of his jaw that was clenched together. He dropped his head so his wild hair fell over his eyes and his cheeks but I could see clearly how he was squeezing his eyes shut together painfully.

From that sight it made my heart jump into my throat and once again even though how much he hurt me I still couldn't help caring about him.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my tone softening. I looked down to his hand which was covered in a bandage completely soaked through with blood. Blake still didn't speak; he just kept his head lowered. I sighed in resignation.

"Why did you ask me here if you aren't going to answer any of my questions?" My tone had become listless as his lack of response was making me fed up.

Blake finally lifted his head to look up at me and when I saw his eyes, the sight hit me like a battering ram. His blue eyes were ringed with red and there were tears welling there. He had bags under his eyes and his eyes were puffy like he had been crying. My breath caught in the back of my throat when I saw this. The sight was so foreign on him, usually he is so hard hearted and doesn't show emotion even at the best of times.

He tilted his head to the side as he watched my reaction to this. His eyes were fixated on me and he was looking at me strangely, like he was soaking in every aspect of my face. He wouldn't take his eyes off me. My hands started to shake as my heart started accelerating in my chest.

"Rose, I need to know," he stated, his tone dejected, empty. He was still staring at me, his eyes filled with that same emptiness. "Why did you give me your bible?"

My heart skipped a beat as his question startled me. I blinked at him in confusion as to why he wanted to know that, did he bring me all this way here just to ask me that?

His expression was open and broken and pleading as he awaited my reply and I knew just from that look that I needed to tell him the truth.

"Because you needed it more than I did," I explained. My eyes wracked over the bruises under his eyes and dishevelled hair that fell over his red eyes. And seeing him so broken and tired solidified the notion and reasoning for why I gave him my bible, the most meaningful thing to me. Because I would have done anything to make him better again, absolutely anything.

Blake's dead eyes didn't react to my words but I did see him take a deep breath.

"Was that your way of saying that you cared about me more than yourself?" He wondered and I dropped my eyes from his intense gaze as he hit the nail right on the head.

"It was," I confirmed, looking down at my hands as I wrung them together. When I finally glanced back up at him his blue eyes were shining from the light of the lamp and their beauty hit me just like it does every time, I look at them. But as I stared at him and remembered how much I cared about him; I was hit by another pain.

The vision of him with that girl, kissing her right in front of me, deliberately hurting me. I snapped my gaze away from him and towards the river below as I shut off from him.

"But that was back then. Things are different now, now when I look at you all I feel is hatred," I snapped my tone harsh and unrelenting. Blake flinched back noticeably and the burn that grew in his eyes was evident to see.

"And I would prefer it if you never spoke to me again," I finished, crossing my hands over my chest. Blake's eyes stoned over, solidifying.

"That won't be an issue." His tone was bitter and jarring and I didn't understand why. He was the one who hurt me. I turned my broken gaze towards him, letting him see the tears there.

"Why did you do it? Why would you do that to me?"

He ran his hands down his face and then dug his fists into his eyes. He breathed out deeply and focused his gaze on me, their intensity burning into mine.

"You need to know that I don't want you in my life, I don't want you to be around me and I don't want to share a room with you. I never did," he explained bleakly. My stomach coiled up in on itself like it was trying to hide away from his words, from the pain that it caused in my chest. I wrapped my hands around my torso to try and amend this pain but it was something that couldn't be stopped.

"I'm sorry I inflicted you with the horror that is my presence, you don't need to worry about it ever again," I snapped bitterly back and turning my head away from him so I could fight my tears in peace.

"Rose," Blake spoke softly, his tone as light as a feather. I took a deep breath and faced him with my chin held high.

"I just want you to be happy," he declared with that same soft tone and stared straight into my eyes. I knew from the intensity in his eyes he was answering my previous question about why he betrayed me and kissed that other girl. I balled my hands into fists at his nerve, if he wanted me to be happy then he could never have kissed that girl, now I could never forgive him.

"Well you ruined any chance of that happening, now didn't you? But don't worry I will be when you are not in my life," I seethed, standing up and brushing off my pants. I had enough of this, enough of his games and rejection. I began to storm away from him but just as I was marching away, he called after me.

"Take care of yourself, Rose," Blake proclaimed, his words expressing everything that he truly wanted to show me and I felt that. His care for me in those words. My chest swirled with butterflies but I shut it out. I shook my head and continued walking on and away from him. I stormed all the way back to my car, even as the tears began to fall.

I slammed my car door shut behind me and revved the engine like I was about to begin a race. In my frantic motions fuelled by pain from his words and actions there was one thing he said that I couldn't shake. I couldn't shut out those parting words, it was like he was saying goodbye. But he wasn't going anywhere? Why would he be saying goodbye?

I ran my hands down my face and took a deep breath to calm down. As angry and hurt I was at his actions, I knew I wouldn't be able to rest until I knew the answer to that question. I needed to know, why was he saying goodbye to me?

I shut the engine off and began strutting back to Blake with a mission, he was answering my question. As I circled onto the bridge and stepped over the do not trespass chain I was hit with a moment of panic when I realised that Blake's form was no longer where he was before. I glanced around frantically trying to find him with no luck and that was when I began running. As I neared his old spot, I saw that there actually was a form where Blake used to be but he was lying on the floor not sitting up this time. Relief so strong streamed through me making my tight chest to relax.

"Blake?" I questioned at his lying form; he couldn't have fallen asleep? When I reached him, I kneeled down to touch his face to find that he was unconscious, his eyes closed peacefully. Instantly I knew something was wrong, terror and panic took a hold of my mind and heart making my vision go blurry.

"Blake?" I hollered this time, shaking his immobile form. I searched down his body to see if maybe he had passed out from losing blood when my hands rested onto a packet of pills. I read the packet, they were prescribed antidepressants and the box was empty.

"No," I howled in objection, tears falling from my eyes and my breathing diminishing into gasps of dread. I jolted Blake with both my hands and slapped my hands into his cheeks but there was no response.

"Blake, wake up please wake up," I sobbed desperately.

With trembling hands, I checked his neck for his pulse to find nothing there. I stopped breathing when I realised, he had no pulse. Then I placed my hand onto his chest and my ear to his mouth to find he wasn't breathing either. A sob of hysteria wept from my lips and I began hyperventilating.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket with violently shaking hands and I began typing in the emergency number. Tears were dripping into my phone as I pressed in the number and instantly called.

As the phone rang and I waited for an answer I hurled my body onto his, clasping him to me. Like if I held him closely enough to me, I could keep him with me, alive.

"Come back to me, Blake don't leave me, please," I wept trying to shake him awake. "Please," I screamed and screamed.

My lungs constricted internally causing me to struggle to breathe as my eyes fell onto Blake's lifeless facial features and the only thing, I could think was one terrible thought.

Is Blake dead? Did Blake just end his own life?

***

Okay guys I'm sorry. What a hectic chapter. The book just got serious. But this is what I have been building up to during the whole book. Did anyone suspect this would happen?

My poor darling Blake :(

I am really sorry for not updating for so long, but I should be updating more regularly now.

I really hope you are all safe and okay through this crazy time that all of us around the world are experiencing. I know that as everyone is being forced to stay inside and not see our friends and family that a lot of us are going to get lonely and experience depression.

I want everyone to know that things will get better and the world will go back to normal. We will all be okay if we just stay inside and look after each other. Make sure you call your friend, your family and stay in touch with the people we care about when we are stuck at home. If anyone needs someone to talk to my inbox is open :)

If anyone is really struggling make sure you do tell someone and reach out for the support of a counsellor or a psychologist.

Please also know that I am not endorsing suicide, I am just raising awareness that some people (especially males) don't allow people to help them and internalise their pain. If they just told someone then they will get better. Suicide is not the answer and that is what I am going to show in this book.

Anyways I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you all thought.

Much love, Elaine Xx