I was beginning to think that I was an English cockroach. Blake didn't want me anywhere near him and he seemed genuinely annoyed at my existence. He hasn't spoken to me for four weeks. Not a word, not even a hello or a can you stop eating my chocolates when I ate his chocolates and it was scaring me. He was scaring me. Ever since the night of the party when Cameron attacked me Blake had closed off. I was worried about him.

After Blake rode off on his motorbike the night of the party he only arrived home again that following night. My mother and I were calling him frantically all day trying to figure out where he was, I was sick with worry. Especially after seeing his broken face following what he did to Cameron. When he arrived back home again that following night I was so blind with worry that hugged him, embracing him tightly.

But my heart broke when he didn't hug me back and pushed me away like I was disgusting to him, like a clingy cockroach. The hurt that washed through me in that moment was like nothing I had felt before, rejection. I could see the regret in his eyes, he was disgusted by me and regretted kissing me. I refused to speak to him after that or start a conversation and he hasn't said a word to me.

Blake had pushed me away again and he hurt me so badly that I didn't try to make amends to our relationship due to the fact that I scared. I was scared he would push me away again, he had the ability to hurt me more than anyone else.

In the month that had passed everything had changed dramatically. After Blake had returned home that night after a day of being missing my mother had placed a curfew onto Blake's schedule which meant he had to be home by eight each night.

My mother had even started checking into our rooms at eight to make sure he hadn't snuck out and locked the window. Which also meant that Blake and I were spending a lot of time in close quarters together. With only a small sheet to separate our rooms I pretty much knew Blake's whole schedule like he would know mine.

As the weeks went on and my worry for Blake increased I began watching him from a distance. I watched him as he walked through my room to enter his and each day I saw how the bags under his eyes became darker and darker. I noticed that he was on his computer watching television hours into the night and knew he wasn't sleeping.

I also noticed that he went missing every Sunday night and returned at nine o'clock which was well after his curfew hours, so I realised that he must have struck a deal with my mother if he was allowed to return at that time. When I ambushed my mother about this she gave me a brushed off answer.

I also noticed that he loved wearing long sleeved shirts even with the weather warming up. There was one time at the dinner table when he was picking at his food as he hasn't been eating he pulled his sleeves up marginally without thinking and what I saw there made my heart crush and bleed, new cut marks.

He saw me staring and panic entered his eyes and he ripped his shirt down. That was the day that I placed my bible back onto the dresser next to his bed and left a note telling him all the versus I wanted him to read, the ones I picked out especially for him, those in which I thought would help him. I did notice that a few days later the bible had moved from one side of his dresser to the other which meant that he was reading it. That helped my broken chest and helped me breathe easier, maybe I could do something to help.

He still sat next to me in all our classes together and warded off anyone who tried to hurt me or bully me.

So, I easily noticed when he started looking out of the windows in class and would get in trouble often from the teachers from not doing his homework. And the thing that killed me the most was that I couldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't let me.

The worry that has been eating me alive for the last month was now biting at my heart as I watched Blake with Dean and Liam smoking out the back of the school in the orphanage gardens. His clothes hung off him where he used to have muscle. His eyes were bloodshot and ringed with bruises which made me think what he was smoking was not cigarettes. I wrung my hands into my school shirt as I watched him with my eyebrows pinched together from behind the cafeteria wall.

Lisa had just gone to place her food into the bin when I saw him causing my muscles to freeze and my heart to increase like it always did when I was near him. This was one of the times where I could watch him from a distance without having to worry about him seeing me. He was looking worse than ever and I ran my hands down my face in helplessness.

But I was brought out of my darkened thoughts when Lisa catches up behind me.

"I am going to start campaigning for prime minister," she declares as she leans her hands onto her knees gasping for breath. Tearing my eyes away from Blake I glance back at her with an eyebrow raised.

"I thought you hated politics and through anyone who runs for prime minister might as well have a permanent pole up their ass," I retorted, and she grinned as she straightened up, her curly blonde hair sat like a bird's nest on top of her head like someone had pulled it out of her high pony tail.

"Yes, but I would go through that just, so I can pass a law that entails certain people called Sarah are allowed to be throw into bins at her victims leisure." She smirked slyly, and I knew she was planning this to happen even without a law passing.

I raised an eyebrow at her asking for an explanation.

"Sarah just told me that I was fat, then I told her she was fat and a fight ensued." She shrugged nonchalantly like this was an everyday occurrence and for Lisa it practically was, she loved talking back to Sarah not like me.

"I will vote for you," I agreed tapping her on the back in mock conciliation. But my lack of response alerted her to my dampened mood as usually we would go on for hours about how we were going to take down Sarah through various political tactical maneuvers. Lisa's brown eyes flicker past me towards Blake who was still smoking on school grounds with ex-convicts.

"Is he talking to you yet?" She asked hesitantly, she knew how much Blake ignoring me bothered me. I haven't been myself for weeks, I have been a worried mess and there was nothing I could do about it.

"No." I return my gaze towards him as well as we watched him from behind the brick cafeteria wall.

"He will come around Rose, how could he not? You are practically a fallen angel but with violent tendencies towards animal haters and a brain that is a computer rather than neurons." She punched my arm and I couldn't help smiling at her.

"We are practically the computer Charlies angles, we just need your sister back and we will be set for production," She continued, and I had to laugh.

"Thanks Lisa you always know how to make me feel better." I hugged her. "Which reminds me, my sister called today," I say as I let her go. Lisa knows how much that means to me as Ellie has stopped calling me recently as she has been so busy with Uni work. I have been really missing her, I haven't seen her in so long now and it just felt like there was another person in my life who has abandoned me, someone else I have lost.

"That's good, will she be back soon?" Lisa's eyes lightened up at the news, we were both worried about her. Ellie and Lisa were pretty close when Ellie lived with us as we all used to code together.

"She doesn't want to come back again for the Christmas break, she says there are too many painful memories of our happy family in the house." My father's death hit Ellie especially hard and she didn't take the transition well, she was always bad with change.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Lisa places a comforting hand onto my shoulder and it helps knowing I wasn't alone in this.

"I think she is happy through, she is loving learning all about how to hack government facilities," I joked, trying to lighten the mood and Lisa smiled back appreciating my trying.

"Ah I can't wait until I can learn how to hack government facilities," she glanced to the sky like this would be a blessing in disguise.

"Same, which reminds me do you know anything about a username called Number25 for a code studio account?" I asked hesitantly. I have been trying to find that username for weeks now since Cameron attacked me, but I have had no luck in locating it. Lisa pursed her lips as she thought about it.

"Never heard of it, why?" She tilted her head to the side inquisitively.

"Someone asked me about it recently," I explained trying to not give too much away, I hadn't told her about Cameron attacking me. Actually, I hadn't told anyone, not even my mother, I didn't want Blake to get in trouble for hurting Cameron. I had been worried about Cameron though and went to his work one Friday night and in relief I saw Cameron at work two weeks after the incident with his arm in a sling.

"I can have a look around on my code studio account and see what I can dig up?" Lisa offers, and my stiff shoulders relax in relief.

"That would be great, thanks heaps Lisa," I hug her, and she waltzes off to her next class as the bell singalong the end of lunch rings. I return my attention to Blake who seemed oblivious to the fact that the school grounds were clearing and made no move to go to class and I didn't either.

Even after the second bell rings for class and I knew I was late I still didn't move away. Something inside me was pushing me towards him, to talk to him, to try and get through to him. But I was a chicken and was terrified of the pain that I would feel if he pushed me away. So, I just watched him, the only time I allowed myself to look at him was from a distance.

The school grounds had cleared out now and the boys probably thought no one could see them in the hidden orphanage gardens. That is why my eyes pop out of their sockets when I see Dean hand a suspicious looking zip lock bag to Blake with pills inside. Blake then hands Dean a wad of cash. I place my hand over my chest as tightness starts pushing down onto my lungs making it difficult to breathe. Dean just gave Blake drugs and my biggest fear was what Blake was going to do with those drugs. He wouldn't take them himself, would he?

With that thought in mind it spurred me into action. Blake and Dean did one of those manly goodbye handshakes and Blake started saundering towards my direction. I wasn't thinking about the consequences when I stepped out from behind the wall and stood right in front of him.

"Blake," but there was a dangerous instating edge to my tone, that made him aware that I saw. He didn't even reply to me.

As he passed me his eyes flickered towards me and his expression held nothing but stone blankness. His bright blue eyes didn't even light up or look guilty from what I saw. He looked at me like I was nothing to him and that one look hit me harder that his silence the last month. His eyes slid away from mine and looked towards him as he walked on past me like I wasn't even there.

"What are you going to do with those?" I yelled to his retreating form, my hands in fists at my side. I noticed his back stiffen and his shoulders hunch, but he didn't turn around as he stormed off faster now towards the direction of his next class.

When he turned the corner, I couldn't help the cry of despair I made into my hands and the pain in my chest of helplessness finally makes me aware of something. Blake doesn't want my help and finally I resign myself to that fact that I can't help him. And maybe I need to stop trying or else he is going to bring me down into the darkness that is his life.

*

The hooded figure descended towards me through the umbrage of the forest. Lightning flashed through the canopy illuminating the blackness of the figures eyes and my muscles started convulsing violently as adrenaline streamed through my veins. The figure jumped at me with the bloody knife that just killed someone and allowing instinct to take over I flounder to my feet and sprinted away.

As I ran I dug my hands into my pocket and phoned the police asking them to come to where I was. I made it to the doors of safety, but they were locked causing despair to stream through me. I didn't even have time to turn around as a knife was placed against my throat.

"If you ever tell anyone about what you saw I will kill your entire family, just like I killed them," the murderer spoke into my ear.

"I won't tell anyone," I gasped and spluttered through a restricting throat.

"Good," the murderer spoke into my ear and with one last dig into my neck causing blood to stream down my neck I was released. My body fell to the floor and I crumpled up into a ball as I cried into my hands.

The night sky lit up once again from the lightning to display the figure sliding back into the trees and picking up the dead body. The last thing I heard as I passed out was the wailing of police sirens which masked the sound of the murderer dragging the dead body through the woods.

*

The steady rising sound of sirens wailed in the distance wakes me up from my nightmare which I have every night without fail. But this time the nightmare was more intense, it had details that were usually missing from the dream, this one felt real. I gasped awake to find my forehead dripping with sweat. My breath was struggling to make its way into my lungs as I gasped for air and clutched my throat.

The pitter patter of the rain falling onto the roof and the far-off crash of thunder wasn't helping. After a few minutes of deep breathing I was able to breathe normally and that was when the sound of sirens became unbearably loud. Flashes of blue and red glistened through the curtains of my window and that was when I realised that something wasn't right. I jumped off my bed and threw my curtains aside to find a flashing police car parked in my driveway in the rain.

Instantly I became alert as I looked towards Blake's bed to find him missing. The bang of the police car door slamming closed made me return my gaze back to outside. I clasped my hands over my mouth as I saw two police officers escorting Blake by the arms towards our house. Oh shit, this isn't going to be good.

I chucked on hoodie as I ran out to the front door as I heard the police officers ring the doorbell. I met my mother in the front room who had her hair sitting wildly around her face and her dressing gown on. Her eyes were red from being woken out of sleep, but they were alert, she knew the police were at our door.

"Stay back Rose," she ordered, and I did as she asked leaning my back onto the hallway wall, so I could see what was happening without getting in the way. I crossed my shaking hands around my chest as my mother opened the door.

"Hello Mame, are you Linda Darlington?" The police officer holding Blake asked with a bold voice, which was a hard-feat given Blake was taller than him. He had a receding hair line and a greying beard, but a stern expression. My mother pursed her lips which I knew she did when she was apprehensive.

"I am, what is going on here?" She replied, her gaze flickering between the officer and Blake. He had his head bowed and his dark hair fell over his eyes which was darkened with rain drops as he looked towards the ground like he couldn't look at my mother. His dark hair hid his face to me, but his back was sagged in defeat and he didn't fight back to the police.

"We just found this boy stealing drugs from the hospital," the officer explained, pushing Blake towards the house. My mother's face dropped in horror and my mouth fell open in shock. He did what?

"His parents bailed him out and asked for him to be send to this address." Blake still kept his head down even as he stepped towards my mother who was glaring him down.

"Yes, he is living with us at the moment," my mother seethed between clenched teeth, her hand that held the door knob turning white.

"He will need to attend a formal court hearing in October, the details will be mailed to you," the officer declared with finality. There was a deadly silence that followed that sentence, the only sound was the rumble of thunder in the distance. My eyes widened as I realised how serious this was, Blake could have this on his record for the rest of his life.

"Thank you, officer," my mother nodded at him respectfully and opened the door fully so Blake could enter the house. Blake had his hands dug into his pocket's and his head still looked to the floor as he passed my mother.

He didn't look at me as he walked into the house, but he did sway and stumble as he walked. Instinctively I grabbed his shoulder to steady him as he looked he was about to fall over. But when I did his head shot up and snapped towards me. His eyes looked straight into mine and when they did lock a jolt ran through my blood as I looked into his eyes. I realised then why Blake wasn't looking at any of us in the eye, because his eyes were so bloodshot it looked like a blood vessel had burst in his eyes. Which made it extremely obvious that he was high on drugs.

My eyes widened in horror and I yanked my hand away from him. His eyes watched my movements and I saw his eyes flash with pain from my disgust in him. I wrapped that hand around my waist as I felt a swirl of nauseas at myself that I made him feel like that. I never wanted him to think I didn't like him, ever when he did that to me every day.

I opened my mouth to apologise, but he had already stomped off into the kitchen. I didn't have time to catch up to him because my mother stormed past me and towards Blake. Her expression was lethal as she marched on. Blake spun around as he heard her approaching, his eyes were filled with remorse.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Darlington," Blake started but my mother cut him off holding out her hand.

"I don't want to look at you right now Blake, we will deal with this in the morning after I speak to your parents. We need to have a serious discussion about if this is the right place for you," she snapped, and her tone was filled with disappointment. My gaze flashed towards her as dread washed through me causing my muscles to stiffen. Was she going to send him away? She couldn't, I was only just beginning in my pursuit to break away his barriers. I could still help him.

My mother didn't say anything else she just left the room and closed her door behind her. Blake's back drops into a hunched posture as he watched the closed door.

"Good one," I jibe when it was just the two of us left. As I say this his back straightens up and he turns his bloodshot eyes towards me and glares at me. But it was pitiful glare as he couldn't even focus his eyes on me.

He ignores me and storms past me towards our rooms. I follow behind him to find he had fallen face first onto his bed and hadn't even closed the divider between our rooms. He wraps both his hands around the back of his head and lay like that silently. I stood in the doorway just watching his chest rise and fall.

I didn't understand his actions tonight, he doesn't need to steal drugs from anywhere, he doesn't need the money. His parents live in a mansion and I knew for sure he has a steady supply of drugs from Dean and Liam. So why break into a hospital and risk going to prison?