《Incandescent》Chapter 15
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"Do you think her head can get any bigger?" Billy Lee piked up from beside me in math class. We both swivelled our head to scrutinise Sarah as she laughed at her own joke, about me.
"I like to this she is part rhinoceros," I agreed.
"More like giant whale," he returned with a sly grin. I laughed but it was strained. I was still aware of the restrictive pulling of my chest down onto my lungs. Sarah's taunting words hurt more than I cared to admit, echoing in my mind, "You will never be good enough for Blake." They hurt because I knew they were true.
It was only when my laugh died down did I realise that the whole room had gone silence, and everyone heard the end part of our discussion. Sarah was glaring a whole into the back of Billy's head. Dread washed through me, he was in for it now just because he was trying to make me feel better.
But the silence was broken by Talia in a nonchalance tone, but still staring at me as she said it.
"So how many people are invited to your party Sarah?"
I sighed, they were rubbing it in my face, the fact that a year ago I was the one who was organising the party with Sarah and now I am not even invited. Her party was this Saturday night and I knew this because it was all everyone has been talking about all week, I was sick of hearing the details and was glad it was the end of the week.
"Most of the school, everyone except the freaks," Sarah spat as she directed her gaze toward me. I refused to display any emotion on my face as I stared toward the front of the class, begging in my mind for the teacher to hurt up and start the session already.
When they realised their words were having no effect on me they moved to Billy, a new target.
"Billy, would you like to go to my party?" Sarah asked sweetly but I saw the deception behind them, the evil intentions. My eyes narrowed toward the front of the room in suspicious, this invitation couldn't be good. Billy was a shy computer nerd with black hair and Asian descent that liked to spend most of his time in the computer lab, but we had been put together for lab partners multiple times, so we were on speaking terms.
"No sorry, I don't want to be around inconsiderate bullies." He spoke back pushing his glasses higher on his head, completely unaware that he was just provoking Sarah. My mouth fell open at his blatant words.
That's it, I have decided, I like Billy. I was tossing between if I liked him or not, given he can be very annoying when he follows Lisa around like a lost puppy. He boards with her at the school and is in love with her. She doesn't have the heart to tell him she wasn't interested so I have to deal with his awkward presence at lunch's sometimes but now he was in my good books.
"Excuse me, what did you just call me you little shit?" Sarah squeaked in outrage.
"No wonder you don't have any friends," She spat viscously. Billy's eyes turned wide in horror at her words and I saw him bite the inside of his cheek.
"Hey," interjected a voice, one I knew all too well. Blake. "Back off Sarah." He stepped in front of Billy as he crossed his hands over his chest in defiance, I glanced up to him to find his expression overtaken with anger. His hands were balled into fists in his shirt and his jaw was clenched shut. No one had even noticed Blake enter the room as our attention was focused on the drama unfolding before us.
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"What has he done to you?" Blake snapped, his eyes narrowed in outrage.
Sarah just glared back at him but didn't have the guts to talk back to Blake. With his leather jacket, tattooed arm and arrogant persona even I was afraid to talk back to him. But I have realised recently that he isn't this bad boy who doesn't care about anyone he actually is a kind hearted guy who just doesn't like seeing bullying.
After a stare off eventually Sarah turned her back to Blake and us releasing from her bullying.
"You okay man?" Blake asked Billy.
Billy just nodded in return his cheeks reddening in embarrassment. Blake slapped Billy on the back and then moved toward his chair beside me when he was sure they had stopped their bullying. I stared at him bewildered with my mouth open in shock at his actions. And also, my stomach swarming with warmth.
He draped his hand over the back of my chair in a protective motion, like I was under his protection now. But his eyes and head were turned in the opposite direction to me. He was pretending like I wasn't even there. I crossed my hands over my chest and huffed.
In the week that had passed Blake hadn't spoken a word to me ever since I confronted him about the drug deal, it was like he had cut me out of his life and he pretended I didn't even exist. I didn't try to talk to him and he continued to refuse to talk to me, so we sat silently for the whole session with his hand draped around my chair.
Although I was still annoyed as his refusal to speak with me I couldn't help looking up at him when I knew he wasn't looking in pride and awe. His actions in protecting Billy made me realise that it wasn't just me he was protecting, It was anyone who is being bullied. He refused to sit around while someone, anyone was bullied. And that knowledge made my heart yearn for him all the more.
***
Blake was staring at me. He was standing in the open-door frame to my room and had his legs crossed over one another while leaning his torso against the door frame. I kept my head tilted downwards as I read my bible at my desk, but my eyelids were twitching to look back to him.
I was waiting for him to acknowledge me as I was growing sick of talking to a shadow that never spoke back to me. If he wanted me to talk to him now of all times, then he was going to initiate the conversation first. When the time dragged on and became unbearable I finally huffed and slammed my bible down onto the desk below me.
"You are starting to resemble a South African golden mole," I spat finally breaking the tension. I pulled my eyes up to finally rest on him to find he was already staring at me with his head tilted to the side. But there was a sadness in his eyes I couldn't quite place. He was dressed in a formal white dress shirt and black jeans; his usually messy hair was slicked back neatly ready to go out on a Saturday night.
His lip pulled upwards for a moment as he realised he had won our little game but then morphed into a quirk of his eyebrow as he took in my words.
"What?" He asked, his eyebrows kitting together as he looked at me like I had gone mad.
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"They are blind and live in the dark. Just like how you seem to never sleep during the night and continually persist to exhibit your defiance in pretending I don't exist, even though I am right in front of you." I crossed my hands over my chest as I explained.
"Well you are starting to remind me of an English cockroach, annoying and hang around you when you don't want them there." I crinkled my nose at his description of me, trying to hide the hurt that sucked all the breath out of my lungs.
I huffed and glanced up to the ceiling as I took a deep breath, his arrogance was staring to infuriate me.
"Hey, you were the one who was intruding on my peaceful reading," I snapped. He shrugged knowing that I was right, he just didn't care. But his eyes still bore into me and I noticed that sadness had returned to his eyes. He was quiet for a long moment just watching me. I shifted under his gaze and turned my eyes back to my bible.
"Do you ever go out?" He asked unexpectedly after a long silence. I pulled my book against my chest as I looked up at him in surprise. I was unprepared for his question about my life, I thought all he was here for was to make childish jibes and tease me.
"I don't really like going out at night," I admitted with a shiver, hugged my hands around my waist and book resting on my chest.
"So, have you ever been to a party?" He asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.
"Not in recent months." There was no denying it, even he must know that going out the other night to Freddie's was just because I was stalking him. His eyelids fluttered as he looked down, hiding his eyes as his dark brown hair fell over his face. Then looked back up again with a new spark in his eye.
"Ever had a boyfriend?"
I just glared back at him, my cheeks reddening. I had actually but we weren't together for long before he moved school's but Blake didn't need to know that.
"I don't see how this is any of your business," I snapped, turning my head away from him.
"It isn't," he agreed flatly but didn't question me further. His questioning caused a spike in my curiosity. He was going out somewhere and if it was one of his dangerous events then I wanted in.
"So, when are we going on a daring adventure?" I questioned with a bounce in my step.
"I am ignoring you, you know," he replied evasively, giving me a flat look. He was referring to when he was standing in my doorway and how he had been ignoring me all week just so that I wouldn't question him about this.
"I was aware, but you are just so bad at it." I grinned back.
He fidgeted and changed his stance on the wall before running his hands down his face and sighed.
"I am no immediate plans in the near future."
"Oh," my chest deflated. "Where are you going then?"
"Sarah's party," he explained with disinterested eyes, and turned his attention to scrape off some dust on his nail. His words sent an unexpected spark of pain to my stomach. I thought he hated her because of what she did to me but now he obviously has befriended her again.
"How are you invited? Didn't you beat up her boyfriend?" I asked.
"Yeah but that was after she gave me an invite," he smirked mischievously. "Anyway, I better go, I just came to tell you that I won't be back all night." He straightened his posture and flattened his shirt down with both hands.
"Okay, well have fun," I spoke with a dull tone, unable to keep out the yearning in my tone. He was going to a party, not a daring adventure so I had no right to think that he would take me with him anyway. I returned my attention to my book. He stayed in the door way for another long moment as he pulled his hands through his hair and then turned around to leave. But in that motion his shirt pulled up from his skin it displayed the red cuts on his wrist.
A gasp fell out of my lips as I couldn't contain the emotions that ran through me every time I saw those on him. It was then that I remembered the promise that I made to myself about wanting to help him and have been considering this ever since I saw those scars. I stood up from my desk to chase him.
"Wait," I called after him and he swivelled around on his heels to face me again with an expectant expression. "I wanted to give you something," I explained as I took a few hesitant steps closer to him. His eyes followed my motions warily as walked to stand in front of him. His eyes softened as I stepped closer but also narrowed in suspicion. With my hands still wrapped protectively around my bible I held it out to him. His eyes flickered down toward my precious bible and back to mine, widening.
"Your bible?" He stuttered, his expression flabbergasted. "You want to give this to me?" His tone filled with disbelief.
"Yes," I agreed firmly. I knew I was going to be heartbreaking to see it go but I can always buy another one. He shook his head like he couldn't comprehend what I was giving him.
"But doesn't that mean everything to you?"
"Yes, but I want you to have it." I gave him a warm smile, trying to convey my meaning behind it. I wanted to help him even if it meant giving away a piece of myself in the process. I knew he needed it more than I do and if he just read it and allowed himself to be healed by god then he could get better.
"Why are you doing this? I have been nothing but horrible to you."
"Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself," I quoted, shrugging one shoulder. "And you don't really get much more of a neighbour that sleeping next to my bed." I grinned. His eyes were still staring blankly back into mine, filled with shock.
"I can't accept this." He took a step back from me and placed my bible back down onto my desk. My eyes followed his movements and I tried to will away the tears that started to well in my eyes. Him not accepting my gift felt like a rejection, in more ways than one.
"I'm sorry I can't accept it. I don't deserve it." Then he turned around and stormed out of the house, the front door slamming closed in his wake. My chest filled with a tightness as I tried to lower my breathing. My shoulders hunched as I tried to sink in on myself. What an idiot I had been, of course he wouldn't accept it. He would never accept anything from me, the weirdo who he is forced to live with.
I was brought out of my wallowing and self-hate when I heard the curious sound of the front door opening again and boots clomping down the hallway. Then he was there again, standing in the door frame. His expression was resigned and there was an internal conflict going on in his eyes.
"Fine. You can come with me," he spoke in a rush like he was trying to get it out before he changed his mind. I tilted my head up as my eyes lit up, a smile gracing my lips. His expression turned serious as he took a few steps closer to me.
"But only on one condition, you promise me that you will do everything that I ask you." Then he held his pinkie to promise. I couldn't help the glee bursting in my stomach. I would go anywhere with him, even if it meant doing as he asked.
"Deal," I accepted and then placed my pinkie into his. His finger wrapped around my own as we sealed our promise. His pinkie stayed wrapped around mine for a fraction of a second too long and it made my heart race.
"So, do you think it would be inappropriate to wear my tiger uggies?" I asked giddy, looking down at my current attire.
"I am going to regret this," was his only reply.
***
Hello my fabulous readers! New chapter YAY!! I smashed this one out in one day.
What did you guys think of the chapter?
Hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and thank you again for all your comments and votes :)
Much love, Elaine Xx
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