I used to feel happy and content being in my dark state. It felt bad because of how good I felt. Cutting myself used to the only place that could bring me the feeling of home.

The numbness, the pain was once my best friend. I didn't mean to do any of those but it was once the only thing that could bring me peace. The only time when I felt lighter, free from all the thoughts and emotions tormenting me.

All things comes with a price and consequences so did my depression. I was labelled many things let me tell you none were nice. Freak was something I was accustomed to.

To hide those cuts, especially my skin from others. The proximity of people around me used to make me tense and freak out the constant flinches didn't help either. It took time for me to adjust. It decreased as time passed but still there like a default setting.

The girls with Nice bodies, no scars, no marks on their body. Having beautiful skin is more than that being comfortable and beautiful in your own skin.

I was envious of those girls.

The pale fading marks on my thighs, some on my arms and wrists display my struggles, the story of my life that needs to be completely destroyed from my memory.

Being Beautiful inside out can be natural or be practiced. I was confident, everything that happened and whatever happened after the Nathan situation it broked me beyond repair.

I tried to love myself, I couldn't. Those faded marks always remind me of what happened. I could take that as a positive factor and learn.

But tell me what's so positive about almost being raped. What's so positive about being assaulted not only physically but mentally.

I was lucky, then what about those who were not lucky enough to be saved. You can be strong and face it, be brave and put a mask in front of others. Standing for other people who went through the same.

You can overcome it but that trauma always will burn somewhere in your heart, body leaving permanent damage. It's something you can't fix just learn to live with it until you get used to it.

Some people can joke about their traumas Dark humor they say. It's their defense mechanism and mine is shutting people out and distancing myself from them. I can't deal with emotions, it's hard for me to trust someone again.

If a person loses their leg during an accident they still find a way to continue their life. That one leg can build a strong foundation which was not built when they had two legs. It will be difficult at first frustrating, annoying wanting to give up after succeeding, having rehabilitation treatments, the struggles, the hard work, the efforts and willpower of not giving up is what makes the foundation stronger than before.

This can't happen when you already lost hope, you have no desire to fight.

I sighed looking at my outer thighs trailing the marks on my inner thighs. It took so much confidence for me to not cover those or my skin. I wear skirts most of the time because it's comfortable. I tried not to worry about what others might think. That's what I have been doing for years now. Some people just don't understand how their one comment or one word can affect a person even a little thing. It's not about one being sensitive.

It's about how the other person can be a little more sensible. You don't know them nor do they sometimes even the opinions of close ones hurt us. Force us to think and overthink even if it's not a big deal. It's not overreacting, thoughts and feelings can't be controlled, it's involuntary just like your beating of heart.

You can't blame others for failing when you never even opened your books to study. It's like giving excuses for your behaviour. We know what we did is wrong, it's just about accepting it,not all can do that. Acknowledging their behaviour or wrongdoing and trying to change it.

It traps you making you think it's your fault even if it's not,here I am talking about your demons. Thinking about yourself for a change doesn't mean your selfish, No. Self care which is very important.

"Mia? I swear if your playing stupid games I am tying you on the bed".

I heard him mutter something along the lines' I am going to throw that damn vibator'.

I sighed quickly, masking my emotions and turning to look at Jungkook with a charming smile who looked at me horrified, his mouth opening in stupor causing me to let out a genuine smile.

His hair was tied in a man bun, he looked like a mess. Sweat dripping down his neck and forehead, left hand carrying a duster.I groaned, don't tell me he is cleaning my house again.

Good Lord, what's wrong with him?

Yeah you might have an idea why it is like that.

Not my fault I was just teasing him. I was bored staying home most of the time, because all Jungkook was worried about was about me being recovered completely.

So I just found myself a pass time. Teasing Jungkook and enjoying my life to the fullest. The teasing and reactions were just priceless.

"What the hell, Mia? Why are you half naked Jimin is going to be here any minute."

I giggled "I don't know what to wear".

He groaned in exasperation holding his hand for me to take. He pulled me up with ease glaring at me as I looked at him innocently.

He looked behind me to the closet where all my clothes were pulled out which I am sure he is going to have to arrange.

"What? I am helping you". I exclaimed trying to hide my smirk when his cold gaze casted on me.

He scoffed, " Helping me? How gracious of you".

I wanted to laugh so bad.

All he has done is take care of me which I said was okay not to do so. He has been cleaning every part of my house. Even if he cleaned it an hour ago, he would do that again.

Why? Oh nothing much to avoid any of my sexual advances at him.

He is being so careful with me, not touching me much trying to make me comfortable which I am grateful for. But the girl has her needs, Everyone is walking on the eggshells around me afraid that I would break any minute. Treating me like a broken doll is why I wouldn't tell them. They became more and more cautious around me.

I accept I have not been in my good state these days but now I am okay. I am recovering physically, mentally I don't know I am trying too. I told you scar would always be there. To distract him and myself I just did all these things for fun. I wanted to make him understand it's okay but didn't know how.

So here is how it all started. Well, I was checking if my vibator was rechargeable or works on batteries as I said I never opened it once or seen it since Lee gave it to me. Only time I saw it was when Jungkook pulled it out of the box.

I was seeing the procedures and how it works which I may have purposely done in front of him. He saw right through me what I was playing at knowing me very well what next I might do. He took it from me scolding me, giving me a time out to think about my behaviour.I felt like a 5 year old, told off for my naughty behaviour. Repenting of my actions that's what he said.

After ten minutes he felt bad as he came to hug me kissing me all over my face. Apologizing for making me stand knowing I am not feeling well. I was perfectly fine. I didn't tell him that I just enjoyed his affection.

As a token he gave me ice cream unfortunately for him but fortunate for me it was Vanilla. This was not on purpose. I am a messy eater believe me. I dropped some on my thigh as it slided down and it was all for him to have his imaginations go wild. Go figure out what exactly he thought.

It was not my fault, I swear.

Nothing happened pals much to my dissatisfaction.

"What?"

"What?" He glared, pushing me out of the closet room.

Quickly picking out a dress for me he shoved it in my hands " If I come back in ten minutes and you are still half naked no chocolate cake for you for today". With one last glare he left me.

Oh shit I couldn't annoy him now.

I quickly changed, walking out of my room seeing Jimin already waiting for me with Jungkook. From the look of frustration on Jungkook's face and Jimin's amusement it doesn't take a genius to know he is complaining about me.

I don't even know whether I should laugh or cry. Is he saying all the embarrassing things or just telling him how hard it is for him. No pun intended.

I cleared my throat to get their attention. Jimin looked at me, his eyes twinkling. I could see laughter in his eyes. That pervert.

Jungkook just took my hand pulling me towards me, fixing my top. I swatted his hands away only to stop at his glare.

"Behave".

I rolled my eyes. This is all he has done: eat, clean, sleep, glare, take care of me. Repeat. Did I miss something?

I felt like a pre-scholar, he is like a parent sending his child to the first day of school. To make it more real, should I cry?. Oh don't mind me I am not in a state of mind with all nutrients and vitamins making me do weird things that's my excuse.

"We are going to be late". I jutted my chin to him, the corner of his lips twitched. He tried hiding his smile, flicking my chin softly before kissing my forehead.

"Who's fault is it?"

Touché.

"Way to remind me I am single. Please for the respect of all single people out there stop this madness". Jimin said, crossing his arms, staring at us.

Jungkook pushed me towards him without saying anything. I see his eyes waving at him.

He just shooed me. I pouted as Jimin pulled me with him, breaking me out of my little world.

Jimin grinned at me.

"Oh wait". He said quickly walking towards the kitchen I looked at him confused.

He took my skittles and started stuffing his face. I looked horrified pushing Jungkook away dashing towards Jimin snatching my skittles.

"That's mine!"

He tried taking it from me "Give it you have two boxes already". He talked with his mouth full as crumbs fell as he talked.

"Eat first and speak you nasty piece of shit". I said disgustedly, who gave me a toothy grin.

Done with us Jungkook dragged both of us by our arms, throwing us out of my own house. Closing that door on our face was too much.

Fair enough we annoyed him. Jimin and I turned to each other, glaring at each other.

Just to burst out laughing and grinning.

The grin said it all we are going to have so much fun. I am so excited. It's been a while since I went out, especially with Jimin. Today just like old times we are going to go crazy. I grinned back just as excited.