《Ashtray/Javon imagines》𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐒
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TW: mentions of suicide, SH mentions
❝𝙰𝚂𝙷𝚃𝚁𝙰𝚈❞
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And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
Its been a few months since Y/n passed away. She killed herself, shot herself in the head. I'd give up anything to just touch her, hold her, kiss her..but its not possible. I know she's in heaven, only because shes was the complete opposite of me. She's the closest i'll ever be to heaven..all i want is her because when she's here. It feels like home.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
I sat in front of her grave, tears running down my cheeks. Sometimes, it feels as if she's still here. I like to think that if i talk to her, she'd come to me and sit down, listening to every word i had to say. I miss her, i want to miss her...but sometimes I don't because it just makes it harder to move on from her.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I hated crying at her grave, i hated the world seeing me cry but it was Y/n L/n...she died, and for what? I guess my heart was made to be broken but i never would've guessed it would be in this way. I stared at her gravestone, the writing on there just makes my heart ache and builds up an urge inside me to just scream and shout. I was mad at myself for not noticing how Y/n felt. I hated myself for not seeing it.
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And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive
Unknown tears filled my eyes as I thought of every lie Y/n had told me. She'd constantly tell me that she's okay and she actually loves living. It was all a lie. I also remember one time she was cutting herself too, i caught her in the act and simply asked 'why would you do that?' And her reply kinda..shocked me i guess? 'To see if i'm truly alive' it made me feel sort of weird, i never understood what she meant by it!
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
"I love you, Y/n. I'm sorry for never noticing your pain and not stopping you from pulling the trigger in time. I'll always blame myself, i love you ma. I'm sure i always will love you, i'll never forget you either" I whispered, leaning forward to kiss the corner of the grave before getting up and walking away, giving it one last glance as i went off.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Little did Ash know, the ghost of Y/n was sat next to him the entire time. Tears ran down her face as her bottom lip quivered. "I'm sorry for leaving you, Ash" she whispered, hating herself once again. But she couldn't come back to him...she had to wait for him to go to her. And nobody knows when that will be.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
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