❝𝙰𝚂𝙷𝚃𝚁𝙰𝚈❞

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I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room

'Cause all I see are girls too good to be true

With paper-white teeth and perfect bodies

Wish I didn't care

I stared down at my phone. Maddy just posted a picture of her and Cassie. They were so utterly beautiful, it was almost unreal. Their bodies were perfect and their teeth were white as paper. I looked up at my boyfriend Ashtray to see him scrolling through Instagram. I notice him looking at Maddy's new post for a minute before going back to scrolling.

maddyperez:

liked by druggiebennett, notanashtray, katisonline and 780 others

caption: bitch, you're my soulmate

Every single comment was a good one, complimenting them. I loved Maddy and Cassie but i was jealous of them. No doubt about it.,

I know their beauty's not my lack

But it feels like that weight is on my back

And I can't let it go

Sometimes, i think I'm beautiful. Deep down, i know i'm not. Ashtray says i am, he tells me every single day but i still have trouble seeing it. Its like theres a weight on my back, i wanna cry and tell people how i feel but I can't, it has to stay with me and only me. I didn't want to upset anyone cause of my jealousy.

Com-comparison is killin' me slowly

I think I think too much 'bout kids who don't know me

I'm so sick of myself, I'd rather be, rather be

Anyone, anyone else, but jealousy, jealousy

Started followin' me, Started followin' me

Ashtray had taken me to a party, he lead me inside and pecked my lips. "You find the girls, i gotta do some dealing" he told me with an adorable smirk. I nodded and gave him one last kiss before he walked off...thats when Maddy rushed over to me. I couldn't help but compare myself to her.

She had gorgeous long dark hair, mine was boring and Y/H/C. Her makeup was absolutely perfect and suited her face very well while I didn't wear any makeup. I didn't really wear it anyway. Her style was immaculate, perfect in every way. I'm so sick of looking at myself but i'm also sick that this horrible jealousy is following me everywhere. I hate it,

And I see everyone gettin' all the things I want

I'm happy for them, but then again, I'm not

Just cool vintage clothes and vacation photos

I can't stand it, oh God, I sound crazy

I sat at the table and watched the girls as they gossiped, Maddy and Cassie were online shopping..at a party? Which was weird but they were preparing for a vacation that they're going on next week. Jealousy bubbled inside me. They had a good amount of money. Maddy and Cassie were going on a girls holiday together. I want something like that, unfortunately I can't.

Their win is not my loss

I know it's true, but I can't help getting caught

Up in it all

I know, its not their fault that they have money and are actually endlessly gorgeous, but a part of me was mad at them for it. I hated myself for that. I can't help but think it. It's disgusting, horrible, hateful. I love Maddy and Cassie, they don't need this!!

Co-com-comparison is killin' me slowly

I think I think too much 'bout kids who don't know me

I'm so sick of myself, rather be, rather be

Anyone, anyone else, but jealousy, jealousy

As the girls went back to dancing, I looked out the window into the garden and watched as Ash sold some drugs to a pretty girl. And as usual, my comparing started. My hatred for the unknown girl did too, simply because she was utterly gorgeous. I knew Ashtray would be upset to hear these thoughts, thankfully he couldn't read minds?

Yeah, All your friends are so cool,

you go out every night

In your daddy's nice car, yeah, you're livin' the life

Got a pretty face, pretty boyfriend, too

I wanna be you so bad and I don't even know you

All I see is what I should be

Happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy

All I see is what I should be

I'm losin' it, all I get's jealousy, jealousy

My mind traveled back to Maddy. Though Maddy was like an older sister to me, the jealousy still didn't stop. She had loads of friends, a nice car, she'd effortlessly beautiful and her new boyfriend is nice too. All i have is her, Rue, Cassie and Ashtray. Out of all of them, i love Ashtray most, he's amazing. They all made me happy. But i'd be happier if i was pretty like Maddy Perez..but i'm not. I never will be.

(part 2?)