"you're okay.."

"i told you I would be"

♪ I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, woah

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, woah ♪

I hated love songs, despised them. Ever since Ashtray 'died'. Well...I don't know if he died but the S.W.A.T members invaded his house and that was the last time i heard of him and Fez. It broke my heart. I missed him and i loved him, more than anything in the world.

It's still unknown to me if he's dead or not. When the S.W.A.T members left their house, i went back to check. Bullet holes were everywhere, blood was on the floor. Making me overthink and worry even more. Maybe Ashtray was dead? Maybe Fez was too since I haven't heard from him since then either.

The only way i know about the whole situation is one last voice message i received from Ashtray at the time, he said; "Y/n, i just wanna tell you that i love you incase i never see you again but i'm sure i'll be fine...don't worry about me, i love you so much" that voice message was the last i ever heard from him.

♪ Party, trying my best to meet somebody

But everybody around me is falling in love to our song

I, I, oh I, I, yeah

Hate it, taking a shot 'cause I can't take it

But I don't think that they make anything that strong, so I hold on

I, I, oh I, I, yeah ♪

After 4 months, i found out that Fez was arrested but the news on Ashtray were still unknown. Maddy had convinced me to go to parties and meet someone to try and get over Ash but no matter how hard i tried, i just couldn't...I couldn't do that to him even if he was dead which i doubt it. Ash is a strong kid...

So every time Maddy dragged me to a party, i simple just got drunk..but i was the emotional drunk and as soon as i have too much, i start crying over Ash. Kat and Maddy have to comfort me about it. No drinks are too strong to make me forget Ashtray for at least a few hours, my mind is always on him.

♪ I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, woah

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, woah ♪

When i did get drunk, all i'd say to Maddy is "I wanna go home" but when actually took me to my house, i shook my head and always lead her to Fez's, my mind wishing that this was all a dream and Ashtray and Fez were at their house laughing at their favourite tv show.

They'd always be doing that when I walked through the door and Ash would always be the first to notice me, immediately holding his arms out, ready to embrace me in them. I never refused and always cuddled up to him and watched the show with them.

♪ Strangers, killing my lonely nights with strangers

And when they leave, I go back to our song, I hold on

I, I, oh I

Hurts like heaven, lost in the sound

Buzz cut season like you're still around

Can't unmiss you and I need you now

Yeah, I, I, oh I, yeah ♪

Some parties did work for me though...i did end up being in a 5 day relationship with 2 people but whenever they went away, I thought about Ash again. Actually, there wasn't really a time where I stopped thinking about him. When i kissed these stranger, i always wished it was Ash, but it wasn't...

Funny thing was, both boys i had used to forget about Ash had buzzcuts, which made me think about him even more. Most boys had buzz cuts at parties, it was almost like a buzzcut season. Every day was one of them for Ash, his hair was one of his best features. It made me miss him more, i needed him, i just wanna know if Ashtray is okay.

♪ I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, woah

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, woah ♪

As i laid in bed with my thoughts, i heard a knock on the door. I knew it wasn't Maddy or Rue because normally they just barge in. I was starting to think that maybe it was Kat? She often came over to check on me, she's incredibly sweet like that. I heard the knock again and got up to check.

"Who is it?" I called out and the voice i got in return was vaguely familiar and it made me freeze. I slowly made my way towards the door and tears formed in my eyes when it opened..revealing the boy I hadn't seen in MONTHS. "Ash.." I whispered.

There he stood in a grey tracksuit which had dried blood on the leg of it, his face was dirty with some dried blood on there too. He fell into my arms and gripped me as if i'd disappear any second. "You're okay..fucking hell, you're okay" I whispered to him, tears falling down my cheeks as i held him. "I told you I would be" he replied, i missed his voice.

We pulled away from each other and he gently wiped my tears as his own freely ran down his face, new ones constantly building up in his eyes. "I missed you so much, Ash" I whispered, my voice breaking and he kissed my forehead and took me back into his arms, swaying us side to side.

I finally felt happy again, Ash was alive..he was okay. Just like he said he would be. I looked up at him and he pressed his lips against mine. "I love you, baby" he whispered and i smiled. "I love you more, Ash" I replied and held him close again...