"Ash..."

"I'm not going anywhere"

A few weeks passed by. Fez was thrown into prison and apparently Ash was dead. It was hard to believe. The boy i'd grown to love had passed...by being shot in the head. What kind of sick adult shoots a kid in the fucking head?! I didn't want to believe he was gone, i really didn't.

But as time passed, i slowly lost hope. I was mad at myself and the SWAT member who actually killed Ash. I thought that maybe if Ashtray was still alive, he'd show up sometime soon...but he never did. I missed him. And i still loved him. I still have pictures of us on my phone and it shatters my heart knowing those may be my last memories of him.

Soon enough, my hope came back again. I asked the police if anyone else was in the house that night and all i got was Fez and Faye. And they said there WAS a boy, but his 'body' wasn't there so they figured that he'd escaped. So now, I understood why Ash hasn't come by to see me, he's probably in hiding from the people who are after him...

"Y/n, you okay?" I heard my sister, Lexi, ask. I looked down and rubbed my face in frustration. "Lex..i-i wanna know if he's okay" my voice broke while talking, she immediately knew who i was talking about. She pulled me into a hug. "Y/n. It's Ashtray. The badass drug dealer..i'm sure he's okay, he can handle himself" she reassured.

"I just miss him..." I whispered, i felt tears escape my eyes but made no move to wipe them away, but Lexi did. "Don't cry, Y/n...he'll come back, he'll never leave for good" she spoke and i broke down. She hugged me tight but i held onto her tighter, not wanting to let go. Losing Ashtray was something i'll never recover from. Dead or alive, it hurts.

—

A few days later, i laid in my bed. I hadn't moved for at least 2 days. Only when necessary, apart from that, I didn't want to get up. I skipped school, parties and just going out in general. It was sad but I didn't care at all. Lexi tried to convince me but i told her no everytime, not bothering to leave the house.

People think i'm pathetic acting this way over a boy. But Ashtray wasnt just any boy. He was my boy...the boy who actually loved and cared for me. THAT boy.

"Y/n..." i heard Cassie's voice by my bedroom door. "Come on, its been a month since he's been gone..you gotta get over it" she said and it just angered me. "FUCK OFF CASSIE. IM NOT GETTING OVER IT, I LOVED THAT BOY AND I STILL DO!" I yelled, sitting up from my bed.

The blonde scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic. He's dead. He's gone, grow the fuck up and move on with life" she informed. "Hes not dead..." I whispered, shaking my head. Cassie smirked. "He's long gone. Get. Over. It" was the last thing she said before i got up, shoving her out the room.

I got dressed and walked downstairs. "Where are you going?" I heard Lexi ask me. I turned and looked at her. "To the gas station...just to remember things with Ash and i, and Fez too" I replied, wiping the salty tears on my cheeks. "Okay..be back before it's dark, okay?" She informed with a soft yet sad smile. I nodded before walking out.

When i arrived at the gas station, the sight of it broke me. The memories of me, Fez and Ash were in this station. Its where we first met too. I took a deep breath and walked in, right to the small place hidden in the freezer. Ashtrays set up was still there, the vivid memory of him sat in the chair was printed into my mind and my heart ached.

I started sobbing. Who wouldn't? Memories of your boyfriend who's unknown to be dead or alive just resting in your head, not knowing if you're going to ever see him again. The constant pain in your heart when you see one small thing that reminds you of...

him

I tried to stop the tears but it just didn't work. I soon felt a hand on my shoulder. I froze, my eyes widening, all I could hear was my shaking breath and the mystery persons. I slowly turned around and my eyes met with the most beautiful ones ever..the eyes i'd never thought I would see again.

"Ash..." I whispered in shock. He smiled at me and i wrapped my arms around his neck, he held me close by my waist. I sobbed harder than before, clutching onto the back of his grey tracksuit, the one I absolutely loved him wearing. "I love you, please don't fucking do that to me again, Ashtray!" I cried, i felt Ash's grip tighten.

"I'm not going anywhere...i'm never fucking leaving you again, understand me?" He whispered, i smiled just hearing his voice. It felt like years since i'd last heard it. All i cared about is that Ash was back and he was alive and well..now we gotta wait for Fez to be let out...