VICTORIA'S POV

"You know what, never mind." I was done trying to make this work. I put down the mat and walked out of the training room.

I entered the bathroom and took off my training attire then proceeded to sit in the cleansing pool. I already felt the soreness from my first martial arts lesson. It was fun, if you take away all the pain I endured after landing on the ground so many times. Up until he shut me off, again.

As I sat in there, head leaning back against the lip of the pool, I thought of all the times I had tried to get him to talk about himself, all the times I had been looking for an opening to talk about myself. To finally let out what I had bottled up. But he kept shutting me down. After coming on this spacecraft, I had realised that I wanted at least one person to know why I let myself go. Why I was the way that I was. I wanted to lay myself bare to him and that was not an easy decision to make. I recognised in him a kindred spirit. I knew he was just as lonely as I was. Why he would rather stay that way, God only knows.

I guess he probably didn't want to stay lonely. I think I just wasn't good enough for him to share his plagues with. I let out a little laugh. Even when it was just us two, he would rather keep suffering alone. I laughed again. I must truly be worthless.

"Why was I even born?" I asked no one in particular. "Will no one ever accept me as I am?" I felt the tears slip down the sides of my face and into my hair. "Does everyone around me have to be forced to be with me?" my voice echoed a little.

I decided to leave and went into the closet. I changed into my day clothes, which without me noticing, changed in size to fit me perfectly. Once clothed I walked to the mirror and looked at my reflection. My skin was clear, free of pimples and blemishes. I had lost all the weight I had put on, and then some. I looked better than I had ever looked in my entire life. And yet, having accomplished this, I didn't' feel the satisfaction I thought I would.

"What's the point?" I asked my reflection.

I walked out of the closet and went to have lunch.

He doesn't even want to eat with me now?

I thought as I looked at the apartment door. Once I was done I headed for the greenery. I walked around a bit, thinking about what to do.

Do I wait for him and carry on as we have, or be less of a burden and just get myself lost? But that would be a burden too if he has to look for me. Will he look for me? It's not like I mean anything to him.

The tears were still falling down my face and I angrily wiped them away. "I'm going to stop being a bother and not pry into his personal life. I won't get in his way."

I went to where we left off the previous day and that's when he showed up. From that moment, I stopped trying to get to know him. I stopped answering back sarcastically. I only spoke to him in the greenery and training room, and only when necessary. He seemed happy with my new attitude. Well, he didn't really show emotion. He just didn't ask why I was suddenly subdued. This went on for weeks. For weeks, he didn't try to converse with me. So, I figured he was happy with how things were now.

I walked into the training room and there he was, waiting for me, like he normally did. My heart beat a little faster. His attractiveness still caught me off guard when I wasn't paying attention. I schooled my features into the poker face I had been developing ever since I gave up trying with him.

"Today, you're going to try and take me down. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid of hurting me. Begin." He instructed.

So, I did just that. I went at him with everything in me as soon as he was done talking. His eyes showed that he didn't expect that. Good.

I kicked and punched and swung with all my power. He kept taking me down and I kept getting back up. Each time he yelled, "Again!" that just stirred the monster in me.

I was like a mad dog. I don't know what came over me, all I saw was red. I couldn't see him anymore. Each time he took me down, I wasted no time going at him.

I was angry. Angry at the world. Angry at my biological parents for dying before they could see me. Angry at my foster parents for pitying me. Angry at America for creating a school system were bullying was the order of the day. Angry at myself for being so weak. Angry at everything.

"Are you taking it easy on me?" I asked. "Don't!" then I ran at him again.

I found myself, face flat on the ground with my arm held behind me at a painful angle. I just wanted him to get off me so I could attack again. I didn't hear a word he said.

Finally, he decided to take me seriously and attack. He got a few hits in, and boy did they sting. I knew he was still pulling his hits. He came at me, and it was like a mountain charging a horse. I froze, not knowing what to do. I opened my eyes surprised I was still conscious. I was beneath him with my hands pinned down. He was looking at me like he had never seen me before.

"Do you plan on sitting on me the whole day?".

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I just laughed and looked away.

Everything

"What's funny?"

He must think I've lost it

"Look who's asking the questions now." I turned to look him dead in the eye.

"Talk to me," he almost sounded like he was pleading.

I'm not falling for that

"I thought you preferred me this way? Doing everything you tell me to do without arguing. Not asking silly questions." I realised I was still angry. But funny enough, none of it was directed at him. He had told me in the beginning that this was just how he was. I don't know what I was expecting trying to get to know him better. Curse all the romance novels and TV shows I had ever watched.

He was still looking at me strangely. My breath was slowly settling down. Why was he still sitting on me?

"I've never had to explain myself to anyone." He said and then moved off of me. He still sat on the floor next to me. I stayed just as I was. Moving would be too painful.

"And you don't have to." I said on an exhale.

"But I want to." This had me turn my face in his direction so fast I'm sure I got whiplash.

I'm sure he doesn't mean to me

But I couldn't help hoping. I would take whatever scraps I was given. My pride didn't matter when it came to him.

"I just don't know how." In this moment, I saw a crack in his impregnable walls. He was willing to let me in. I had to make him talk before he changed his mind. Me not knowing how to open up didn't help either. Maybe if I started, he would follow suit.

"I was adopted." I simply stated. I could feel his eyes on my face. "My father, he uh, he died in a road accident. Same one my mother was in while she was heavy with me."

I decided to sit up, and I was right, it hurt.

"The stress of giving birth to me killed her. I killed her." He looked like he was about to interrupt, but I held my hand up. "I know it wasn't my fault. But a part of me can't help wondering if...if maybe she could have lived if I wasn't in the picture." I let out a sad laugh. "I shielded myself from learning anything serious about them, because I thought knowing would make me feel guiltier. I know I should have learned all I could about them. Or even just which country they came from. But I hid from it all."

I looked at him expecting to see the disgusted look he had when we first met. Either that, or pity. But I saw none of those. I saw understanding.

"For years, I thought I had caused the death of my...caretaker." he spoke. "My mother is a very strict woman, not very affectionate," he smiled a sad smile, "she was very clear, I was not to break the rules, but I did so anyway. I try to convince myself and say, 'I was too young', but I should have known better." He wasn't looking at me, but at his intertwined hands. "She was taken away for loving me. I only found out later on that she wasn't killed, but instead sent to hell on Thanzor. The southern lands, a place with the harshest climate on Thanzor. I should have felt better that she was still alive, but that just added on to my guilt." He finally looked up at me. My tears had all this while, silently been falling down my face. He also had moisture in his eyes.

We were indeed kindred spirits.

"Did you try and get in touch with her?" I asked.

"How could I? I had brought all this misfortune to her. I'm sure she hates me. And getting in touch with her could possibly bring more harm to her. That is not something I am willing to risk."

"She doesn't hate you," I reassured him.

"How would you know that?"

"You said she got taken away for loving you. Love is not something that fades away with time, distance or circumstance. Didn't you tell me that a Thanzorian was as good as their word?" he nodded.

"That doesn't mean she still love..." I interrupted him by doing something I never thought I ever would. I held his hand. He was just as surprised as I was.

"She knew what the consequences were before taking the job, didn't she?" he nodded his head. He looked like a lost little boy. "And still she chose to love you." It wasn't a question but he nodded his head again anyway.

I saw him in a new light. It's not that he was cold and distant. He just didn't know how to be close to anyone. He must have closed himself off to everyone since then, like I did. I could imagine what he went through all this time. My distancing myself from him must have made things worse. I wonder what he was thinking.

I now felt pathetic for thinking I was the only one suffering.

"Of course, she still loves you. And even if she doesn't, someone else will."

I will love you

A startling thought it was, but true. I didn't love him yet, but I think I would eventually.

I couldn't bring myself to ask about his mother. I didn't want to pry too much yet. I couldn't ask for a mile after he offered me this step.

What mother does that to their child?

I gave him a reassuring smile and left. I could tell he needed to be alone.

The door closed but I didn't move. I couldn't move. I finally unlatched the box on my tightly sealed emotions. The tears I had forced down my entire life wouldn't stop falling. I didn't regret revealing a piece of my past to him. In fact, I was glad I gave him a piece of me, because he gave me a piece of him too.

That's when I heard him.

His poorly muffled sobs. They were gut wrenching sobs. He was bawling. It spoke to something deep inside me. I wanted to go back in there and hold him close. But I knew he wouldn't want that. I held myself back.

I walked to the wall right next to the door and slid down it until I was sitting. With my head leaning against the wall, I cried with him.