If we're not friends

Someone else might love you too

It was two years ago during winter break when I realized I loved Francesca Petkov. It was before she started having sexual relations with every guy she laid eyes on. It was before anyone even knew who she was.

We had been dating for approximately four months. My friends always asked about her, but I would never give them any details because I knew they would ruin our relationship. Instead, Francesca and I met up at secret locations and we made up code names for each other to reassure that no one knew about us. It was a childish thing to do, after all, we were just kids.

We were sitting on the dock of the only pier in town. It was vacant for the most part, considering the fact that the water had frozen over so sailors couldn't keep their boats there. But it was mostly because everyone was inside warming up next to the fire and enjoying a cup of egg nog and unwrapping presents. Everyone except for us.

Me and Francesca.

Ever since Dad died, Christmas slowly started to dwindle year after year. Mom was too wrapped up in her own head to buy a Christmas tree. Amy would lock herself in her room and never come out until she had to eat. I would sit in my own room and stare at the four walls, wondering why he had to go. Out of all the people God could have chosen, why him? Didn't He know that we needed him?

I didn't know how she did it, but Francesca made me feel better. I thought it was something about her eyes; they were big and round and full of happiness. Maybe it was her smile, the way her lips curled provocatively and made her nose crinkle. It could very well be her hair - those soft, loose, dark waves that reminded me of the beach.

Or perhaps, it was just her. The soft, comforting words she spoke and the elegance of her voice were what drew me in. She embodied love, friendship, compassion and that was why I loved her.

She had squeezed onto my hand gently. "Would you look at that?"

My eyes fell on her as my brows drew in together. "What?" I had asked her.

She nodded off into the distance. "During the summer, sunsets are so beautiful. It's what makes you fall in love with those cheesy romance flicks." Her lips curled into a comical smile. "But in the winter, people don't notice the sunsets, do they? They're easy to miss if you don't look hard enough."

I didn't understand what she was talking about. Out of all the thing we could have doing, she was ranting about a sunset. "Why are you saying that?" I continued to ask her, growing more interested.

She finally turned to look at me with her chocolate orbs shining with delight. "Because they're equally as beautiful."

I blinked a few times before I glanced at where the sun was meeting with the horizon. It was mostly covered by gray clouds but when I strained my eyes, I could see it. It wasn't as prominent as a summer's sunset, but there was something cool about it. Something mysterious. "Wow," I breathed out. "You're right."

"There's beauty all around us, Scar," she had said. "You just gotta look for it."

That was why I couldn't let go of Francesca. She was different now, maybe. But deep down, I knew she was the same girl who saw beauty in everything. She had to be.

"What are you doing here?" Were the first words that leaked out of my mouth when I stepped foot in my room to find Francesca seated on the edge of my bed with a flirtatious grin on her face. I tried to hide the fact that I was actually excited she was here. It meant she hadn't given up on us yet.

She scoffed as if I had just asked a dumb question. "You gave me the key to your house, Scar. Did you forget that?"

I pressed my lips into a thin line, suddenly remembering that it was a birthday present. "I didn't ask how you got in here. I want to know why you are here."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Why are you getting so worked up? Do you not want me to be here?"

Of course I wanted her to be here. The only reason I bothered to befriend Jamie was to get her back in my arms again. "You're the one spreading rumors about me," I said in an bare whisper. "You know I would never do that to you."

She gaped and placed a manicured hand over her chest. "Scar, you honestly think I had something to do with that? It was those shitty chearleaders who twisted my words around and started the gossip. Babe, I would never do that."

I grimaced at the sound of a curse word coming from her mouth. I hated when she cursed, and she knew that. "Okay," I gave in, exhaling heavily. "Sorry for overreacting."

She inched off the bed and stood to her full height and advanced towards me with a seductive smile on her face. "It's okay," she said softly. When she was close enough, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. "I missed you, babe. I thought a break would be good for us but I can't stand another day without you. We've been together for as long as I can remember."

Out of habit, my hands snaked around her waist. "Yeah," I replied, short.

She gazed up at me with her intense, toffee colored eyes and nuzzled her nose against mine. "I missed you so much," she said again, clutching me tighter.

I smiled back at her. "I did too."

She grabbed a handful of my short hair and brushed her lips tentatively against mine, teasing me. "And Scar?"

My eyes never felt hers. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

That was all it took for me to give into the temptation. I closed the remaining distance between us and pressed my lips against hers. The smell of Beyonce's Heat filled my nostrils and that was exactly what I felt - hot.

Francesca's tongue slipped past my teeth and stroked the inside of my mouth as I leaned into her. All of my doubts slipped out of my mind as I drifted into the bliss of her embrace. Our mouths moved feverishly together as her soft hands traveled through my hair and my hands slid under her shirt, stroking the curves of her waistline before pulling her shirt over her head.

I grabbed onto her bottom and hoisted her up, allowing her to wrap her toned legs around my waist. Her fingers grasped onto the sides of my face, not wanting to ever let go. Holding on tightly, I moved towards my bed and set her down gently on the plush mattress. Our lips disconnected for a brief second, but I hovered over her again and crashed my lips on hers.

It took everything in my power to break away from the heated kiss as I began to place leisurely kisses on her neck, to her collarbone, and down her flat stomach. I could feel her writhe beneath me but I grabbed onto her hips to keep her in place.

I trailed the kisses back up to her lips, molding our bodies together. Her hands roamed all over my body before she began to undo the buttons on my shirt while smiling against my lips. She flipped us over so that she was straddling my hips and continued to kiss me deeply as she undid the last button and ripped my shirt open. One hand gripped my hair while the other hand ran down my abdomen.

I let a slight moan escape my lips and pour into her mouth as she began to rub her bottom on my very prominent erection. It was getting harder to kiss her when all I wanted to do was moan from the intense pleasure.

She pulled away from the kiss for a brief moment as she sat up and began to tug on the waistband of my jeans.

"Wait," I interrupted, reaching out to hold her hand. "I don't have any condoms."

Her head tilted to the side as she grinned at me. "That's okay. I have some." She unzipped my pants and stuck a hand into my boxers, feeling around for my erection when I stopped her.

That was when it hit me. Francesca and I never actually done it before. Sure, we had done many other things but sex wasn't one of them. I didn't know how I had fooled myself into thinking I was okay with her screwing other guys. I wasn't. "No," I spoke up, protesting. "I don't want to do this."

She paused and gave me a quizzical look. "You don't want to have sex?"

I threw my head back and sighed. "No, of course I want to have sex ... I just don't want to do it now. Not until I know where we stand."

Her eyebrows drew together. "What are you talking about?"

I had to force my eyes away from her black laced bra. "Where do we stand? Are you going to still be blowing other guys or is just me? What are we?"

She gave a dry laugh and pulled her hand out of my boxers, staring at me intently. "We're friends, Scar."

I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did. The girl that I had been in love with since freshman year labelled us as friends. All that meant was that after she was done with me, she'd move on to someone else. She was never really mine.

"Friends?" I repeated, obviously offended. "We're friends? You're sitting on top of me, half naked, about to give me a handjob and you're saying we're just friends?"

She breathed out a long, heavy sigh and rolled her eyes. "It's not a big deal. I do this with a bunch of guys."

"Why?" I snapped at her. "When did you turn into such a big slut, Francesca? When did you stop being the girl I loved and adored? Why did you change?"

She scrambled off of me and shook her head in disbelief as she snatched her shirt from the ground. "Why are you freaking out? You're acting like you haven't had sex with another girl."

"That's because I haven't!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I didn't want to have such an outburst, but all the emotion was building inside me and I had to let it out.

Her eyes went wide in pure shock. A brief wave of silence settled between us before she finally said, "You're a virgin?"

I clenched my jaw and fluttered my eyes shut in an attempt to relieve myself from all this stress. How could I have spent so much time with all her bullshit? How could I have let myself be strung along? It wasn't worth it. "Get out," I said through gritted teeth.

Her brows knitted together and she reached out to touch me. "Scar..."

"GET OUT!"

All the color drained from her face and Francesca scrambled off the bed and stood to her feet. "I don't know when you started getting into your emotions. Ever since I've known you, you never liked to do that. Why now, huh?" She threw her hands up in the air as an exhasperated expression took place on her face. "Why do you care?"

Why did I care? It couldn't be because I loved her. I didn't love anything about this new Francesca. So why did I even bother?

I hung my head low and stared blankly at the rummaged sheets below me. "Just leave," I spat bitterly without bothering to look her in the eye. When I heard the bedroom door slam shut, I released a heaby sigh and sprawled myself out across my bed.

After laying in complete solitude for a few moments, I found myself reaching for my cell phone and searching my contact list for Jamie's name. Out of all the people I could have possibly talked to, I chose to call Jamie. He was the only one who understood my current situation. Even though Trey was my best friend, he could never make sense of my relationship with Francesca. In fact, my teammates only saw her as a sex symbol, not the sweet caring girl that I knew her to be.

After a few rings, Jamie's voice echoed throughout my eardrums, "Well, well, well. I never thought I'd live to see the day when Scar Patterson called my cell phone willingly. Does this mean I'm popular now?"

I rolled my eyes. "Can you stop that?"

There was a brief pause. "Whoa, what happened to you?"

The sigh escaped my lips before I could stop it. "I need you to come over right now."

Jamie laughed. "This isn't a booty call, is it?" I could practically hear the amusement in his voice.

"Dude!" I yelled into the phone. For some reason, his remarks annoyed me now more than ever.

He chuckled softly before saying in his sarcastic tone, "Not all of us are blessed with automobiles, Patterson. Somehow, you've forgotten that."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and suppressed a groan. I wasn't in the mood for driving tonight, but I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't keep this bottled in. "Fine," I gave in. "I'll pick you up. What's your address?"

"What? Wait, no, you can't." There was an odd panic in his voice. "We can just talk tomorrow."

My lips tugged down into a frown. "Why not? Do you have a curfew or something?"

"Good night," he said hastily before the line went dead, leaving me in the eerie silence once again.

Falling back onto my bed and shutting my eyes to forget about today's events, I soon found myself slowly drifting away into blissful sleep.

I didn't know how I did it, but somehow, the next morning I was in a better mood. I didn't really need Francesca because I was more than capable of finding another girlfriend on my own. It's not like I expected us to get married and have kids because those things only happened in movies.

I could live without Francesca. Yeah, I totally could.

"Amy!" I called from the foot of the stairs as I simultaneously swung my backpack over one shoulder. "Get down here now or I'm leaving without you."

In almost superhuman speed, Amy poked her head out from the banister on the second floor. "You're giving me a ride?" She questioned with her delicate brows pulled into one.

I stared silently at Amy for a moment before stepping away from the railing. "Just come on," I tried to say in an urgent but soft tone, but I failed miserably and probably sounded like an impatient irritated jerk.

Not wanting to waste any time, Amy dashed down the stairs by taking two at a time. She continued past me to the front door, breathing heavily as she lugged her backpack in one arm and her books in the other. Once she got to my Jeep, she glanced over her shoulder and gave me a puzzled look. "I can take the bus, you know." She chewed on her bottom lip as she said those words, and that was how I knew she was nervous.

Hell, even I was nervous. I never drove Amy to school, even when Mom would ask me to. I've grown so accustomed to bullying her that doing something good felt totally wrong on all levels. "Get in the car," I mumbled under my breath as I slid into the driver's side and started the car up.

Reluctantly, Amy got in without saying another word and most of the drive was silent. I had been contemplating what to say for the duration of the drive, but couldn't find the right words to say them. Who knew I'd feel so uncomfortable talking to my own sister?

When I pulled into an empty parking space in the school lot, I took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I don't want you hanging out with Jamie."

Even she was surprised by my decision to talk about something other than her weight. "Jamie?"

"The blonde guy who kissed you yesterday," I explained briefly while staring blankly at the steering wheel. "Don't get involved with him."

Amy ducked her head, letting her big brown curls fall over her face to hide the color rushing to her cheeks. Her fingers nervously tapped against one of her textbooks. "W-why?"

"I don't trust him."

She snapped her silver colored eyes to mine. "Isn't he your friend?"

As if! If he hadn't been so persistent, I wouldn't be caught dead with that freak. "No," I said, sighing. "He manipulated me and I don't want him to manipulate you. So just, stay away from him okay? Promise me that."

She remained unmoving for a moment, her brow creasing thoughtfully. "But I don't understand. Since when did you care?"

I knew this was coming. Why couldn't I do one nice thing without being questioned for it? "Because I care about you, Amy," I admitted truthfully. "I know it may not seem like it but I do."

She let out a loud obnoxious cackle. "Hah! Nice one, Scar. You sure had me fooled."

I tugged the keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into my pocket before giving her my feel attention. "I'm serious. You're just a constant reminder of Dad. Everytime I see what you've become, it makes me think of him and it makes me angry. Shaming you for it is the only way that makes me cope, Amy."

Her head tilted skeptically to the side as her finger-tapping became more feverish. "What I've become? You make me sound like a monster!"

I clamped my teeth shut and groaned loudly. Why did I have to say anything? It was more than obvious that I wasn't good at this sister-brother bonding stuff. "I didn't mean it like that!"

Amy's eyes narrowed on me as she folded her arms against her chest. "You're honestly the most selfish person I've ever met," she snapped with a bitter, fiery tone. "You wanted to go by the name Scar just so you could cope and I was okay with that. Sure, it would have taken some time to get used to but I did it. You know why? Because we're family. If that would help you get better, then I was all for it. But you constantly putting me down for my weight doesn't help me get better! Don't you see that?"

She was right, and I hated that. No brother liked being put in his place by his little sister and I certainly didn't like it. But she was right, I was a jerk. Maybe I shouldn't have blamed Francesca for changing so much, because I did too. "I'm sorry."

Amy shook her head in disbelief and gathered her books. "Thanks for the ride." She stepped out of the Jeep and slammed the door shut behind her, disappearing into the swarm of people walking towards the main entrance.

I threw my head back against my seat and groaned loudly as I punched my fists into the steering wheel. I wanted nothing more than to drive back home and lock myself in my room. Besides, there was no one to stop me. If I went back home, Mom would still be gone and wouldn't be back until late. Even if she was home, she'd be too drunk to even care.

As long as I kept a good reputation, the football scholarship to Kent State was practically mine. I didn't really need school, so why bother? There was nothing appealing waiting for me here anyway.

I was about to stick my keys back into the ignition when I knock on my window diverted my attention. I shouldn't have been surprised to see the familiar blond hair and matching blue eyes staring back at me through the glass.

Sighing, I grabbed my keys and stepped out of the car. "Do you have any friends?" I inquired. "You know, other than the ones you manipulate."

He grinned and hooked his finger on his low neckline - a signature look for him. "Did you just admit to us being friends?"

I shut the car door and stuck my keys into my pocket, beginning to make my way to the school entrance with Jamie trailing behind. "Why does it even matter to you? You obviously want to be more than friends."

He sucked in a breath. "Is it that obvious?" When I rolled my eyes and didn't respond, he continued with a hearty laugh. "So why did you call me so late yesterday?"

Memories of last night's encounter with Francesca flooded my mind. I didn't want to think about how many other guys she could have screwed between then and now. "I needed your help with something, but I've moved on."

"Moved on," he repeated in a long drawl, showing he didn't believe a word I said. "Does this moving on have to do with a certain ex-girlfriend?"

I lifted my eyes to his and slowly nodded.