I snubbed Sean since the party just like I was supposed to, and frankly I wasn't sure if I was hurting him or myself. He had looked a little hurt when I drove away that night, but it was dark and I was confused so I wasn't entirely sure.

When he said he liked me I thought I would feel like giving myself a triumphant pat on the back for finally getting what I wanted, but I didn't. I felt flattered, a bit sad, and strangely I even felt a flicker of indignant anger.

I was exactly the same person a year ago. All I ever wanted to do was make him happy and win his approval. I loved him and worshiped him, but he had called me spoiled and selfish and said he was disappointed in me. Now he liked me again and he seemed to think everything was okay again, that I should kneel and kiss his feet just because the king had shown a little interest my way.

I could tell he didn't know what he wanted, so really what was the point of telling me? After I threw him the best party of the century and the best kiss he could possibly have since we broke up, he still couldn't make up his mind. He handed over this little confession on a silver plate as if it was some kind of present, but there was nothing that followed.

No "I realized what a jerk I had been before and I should have appreciated you more."

No "I finally know what a mistake I made and I want you back."

Not even "Can I take you out for a coffee date tomorrow and we can start over?"

Just "I like you but I don't know and I'm not asking anything."

Perhaps his royal highness thought I could take it from there and persuade him some more. I just hated myself for forever trying to win him over, and I hated his uncertainty and his hesitancy, although this hatred was intricate, woven with a strong desire and I really despised myself. He could never be sure of us the way I was with him. I could not feel his determination.

I wanted to answer badly as I ignored his calls, and when I went to school I had to refrain myself from talking to him. He looked friendly but also indifferent as if he got a private lesson from Sandra himself, as if he didn't care either way and if I did I should pick up where he left off and fling myself at him.

I decided to keep ignoring him. By the end of the first week it had finally become clear that Sean felt a little agitated.

He caught me at my locker one day after school.

"Hi, Flora," he said casually, although I knew there was nothing casual about this greeting.

"Hi." I lifted my eyes from my books and glanced at him coolly.

"Are you doing anything afterwards?"

"No, I'm just going to drive home." I slammed my locker door shut.

"Can I walk you to your car?"

Boys are so pathetic. He was willing to savor what few minutes he could have but he couldn't bring himself to ask me out on a proper date.

We walked to my car in silence, and I realized how easy it must have been for him to date me back then. He never had to worry about a thing. I was pushy and aggressive and I initiated all the early encounters, openly gushing about how much I liked him. I started talking right away and kept him entertained, making jokes and trying to awe him with my wits while he just smiled at me coolly and threw in an occasional comment about how interesting I was. I spent hours attempting to look good for him and when I showed up the only thing he had to say about it was how I was late again. It struck me finally of how unfair it was.

When I still didn't say anything, Sean opened his mouth. "Flora, are you mad at me for some reason?"

"What gives you that idea?"

"Well, you're awfully quiet," he observed. He was so used to girls flipping over backwards to impress him he didn't even bother to start up a conversation himself. In the king's little world he never had to try, and now he was confused because for the first time in his life he had been blown off.

"I don't have any interesting information to share right now, that's all." I shrugged. "But if you want to talk to me, you are welcome."

"Okay, but I have a feeling that you've been deliberately ignoring me for the past week, and I want to make sure we're okay," he said carefully, glancing at me.

"Sean, if you think just because I'm not complimenting on your hotness every other second means I'm mad at you, then you're really too conceited for your own good." That was so exhilarating!

He gaped at me in shock. "That's not what I meant. It's just a week ago it seemed like we were talking to each other a lot and spending time together, and suddenly I don't ever see you anymore. You don't pick up your phone and you run the other way when I approach you. Is it because of what I said at the party? Because if you—"

"We were talking a lot because we were planning Linda's party and working on our history paper. We're already pretty much set for our presentation, and now the party's over and that paper's turned in, I don't really have any reason to desperately hunt you down for conversations."

"I see." This time the hurt was unmistakable in his eyes. I realized I had the ability to inflict pain on him and frankly it felt kind of lousy because the only way I could have done it was by playing hard-to-get, Sandra's way. When I was being my unpretentious self, Sean just took me for granted.

He tried again. "How about what happened at the party?"

"Which part?" I wasn't going to make it easy for him.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but decided against it. "Never mind," he said gloomily.

"Well, here's my car," I said in a breezy tone, laying a hand on the door handle. "Thanks for walking me."

He reached for my hand. "Flora, this isn't like you," he said, looking me in the eye and scorching me. "You used to be very straight-forward and you don't play games."

I fought the shiver that ran through me and shook his hand off. "Me? I'm not playing games, Sean. Don't read so much into everything." I laughed lightly. I got in the car seat and shut the door.

I knew I definitely won this round. If he wanted me he should work harder for me, I thought self-righteously.

However, as I drove, I couldn't shake the crushed expression on his face, and at that instant I knew I could never win with him. I thought of the past few weeks when we joked together and I missed the sound of his laugh, and I realized I was much happier when he was happy. I wanted to drive back immediately, throw my arms around him and tell him I'm sorry and I didn't mean anything I just said.

Hurting him hadn't been fun although he hurt me so badly last year. Why was revenge not all it's cracked out to be and why was life so unfair? I would forever have the lower hand in our relationship because I just cared that much more about him.

**

I had decided not to mess with Sean anymore and I declared an early termination of operation heartbreak. I couldn't think of a good way to end it. Even if he told me he wanted to get back together and I turned him down and laughed at him, I doubted it would make me happy and I had trouble picturing myself going through with it. Since hurting him was no fun, if I continued the bet I would only hurt myself.

I was the biggest idiot in the universe. I just had to waste my time and energy on doing things that hurt myself and other people, and no one benefited from this stupid bet. Wait, maybe except Sandra. She was nice enough about it, although she couldn't resist my Paige jeans as well as a much-expected "I told you so", saying she knew all along I would fall for him again. I didn't really think I had fallen for him completely, yet, but I wanted to quit while I was ahead. While I still had some dignity.

Sean was too tempting. When I closed my eyes all I could picture was his eyes, his smile, his touch, and his kiss. I thought back to the night when he said I like you and how I hadn't felt victorious. I had wanted to scream, Why? Why now? What's wrong with me a year ago? Are you going to stick around this time?

I should have known right then. I was too weak and he had such potent effect on me, I would eventually crash and burn. I always took him too seriously. I would just take Carmen's advice this time and let time do its magic as I slowly and painfully tried getting over him, in a less dramatic way.

Ironically, just when I thought this stupid mess with Sean would fade out, he surprised me. If my life was a movie, this was the part where I would be dabbing my eyes, having given up all hope and realizing there would be no happy ending. I would be getting on a plane, the screen would fade to dark, and suddenly hopeful music would start in the back ground, and Sean would be chasing down the airplane riding a motorcycle.

Technically speaking he didn't do anything theatrical like that, but it was enough.