Flora dove headfirst into party planning, and I suddenly found myself engaged in secret meetings with her all the time. One of these nights we were talking on the phone, and as I glanced at the time I saw it had passed midnight. I had a feeling of déjà vu. That was how it had been when we were together, talking and losing track of time, although back then the phone conversations were a lot dirtier.

"At first I wanted to do a Great Gatsby themed party, but then I decided against it because I don't want to see a lot of fake pearls and ugly jewelry," Flora said. I lay in bed with my eyes closed, letting her voice swirl around me. "So how about this? We will have a winter theme. It's easy because I'll just ask people to wear colors like light blue, white and silver. I'm seeing lots of chiffon, silk, satin, and sequins....are you listening to me?"

"Yes. You were saying you want a winter theme." I was really only half-concentrating. She could be reading the obituary from the paper for all I cared. I just wanted to hear her voice.

"Right. I mean, it's only October, but like fashion I like to be one step ahead. I don't want people to dress up as characters. After all, I don't trust these freshmen's taste and I don't want a tacky costume party. But if they really want a costume they can be fairies in winter wonderland. What do you think?"

"I think it's great." I think I don't care.

"I have a million ideas already. I want ice-sculptures in the driveway, white, silver and light blue balloons and silver streamers, a disco ball, some lanterns, a projector that projects snowflakes and stars, and I'm going to move all the furniture in your living room," Flora was talking a mile a minute. "I'll divide the room into game zone, dance floor, lounge area, snack bar, and hot food stand, but there won't be too many seats because I want people on their feet so there's a good flow. And speaking of food, I'm thinking a white chocolate fountain, cookies with frosting, some light blue drinks like Calpis, sprinkling soda water, designer cupcakes with silver sprinkles, and maybe a candy floss machine and a slushie machine."

I did a quick calculation of how all of the above mentioned was going to cost and hated almost everything she suggested. It was also very hard for me to get excited about white chocolate fountain and cupcakes. I really just wanted pizza, although Flora was likely to complain that it didn't go with the party theme colors.

Why did I ask her to plan a party for me? I must have a self-destructive personality disorder. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to call her all the time.

"Flora, you sound like you're planning Branjolina's wedding reception."

"I know, isn't it grand? I'm debating if we should order customized water bottles with Linda's face on it, or print life-sized cardboard photos of Linda at all stages of life," she said.

"Probably not. The idea of Linda staring at me from a hundred water bottles is a bit eerie. I hate to be a joy-killer, but how are we going to pay for all that?"

She was only silent for a second. "Maybe we should add a cover charge. People tend to think something's more precious when they need to pay for it."

"Flora! I'm not going to charge people for coming to a home party! It's tacky, if not illegal." What world did she grow up in?

She laughed, a stream of pearls in white, blue and silver. "Kidding, Sean. I found a way to work around the DJ and caterer. I used to know this guy Jason who was a pretty good DJ and he agreed to do it for free. Also I met someone on a family vacation in Fiji. His mom is a caterer, so I'm going to get a huge discount. I'm pulling all connections to fit everything under your budget, so don't worry."

Maybe I was being ungrateful, but the idea of Flora getting in touch with all her long lost ex-boyfriends just about killed it for me. "On second thought, I'd rather we just pay."

Flora went on as if she hadn't heard. "I can ask a lot of cute guys to dance with Linda and post photos all over Instagram. That Ray Sandler is going to look like a total loser."

Only she could pull guys out of a hat like rabbits. She really is a man-eater, I decided. When we graduated she would forget me and she wouldn't think of me again unless she needed some favors, which hurt.

I sighed. "I really don't feel like inviting any of your ex-boyfriends to my house."

There was a short pause. "You always sound so cute when you are jealous," she said after a light chuckle.

"I'm not jealous. I just think having them over will make this seem like a really weird, creepy Flora Morgan's ex-boyfriend support group."

"Ouch," she said. "Did you just compare me with testicular cancer or something?"

"Flora, I really don't know what to say. Considering the fact that I'm just one of your ex-boyfriends, it's not my place to say anything. But yeah, it kind of sucks, and...fine, I admit I'm a little jealous."

I shouldn't have said that. Late nights do that to people and we become strangely honest. My pulse quickened and she wasn't even in person; just talking to her had the effect of tugging on all the emotional strings.

A few seconds of awkward silence passed. What did I expect her to say anyway? I wasn't her boyfriend anymore and I was still acting possessive.

"Not that I need to explain to you," she said, "but I want to explain anyway. These guys are still my friends and they help me when I need them. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm sure I can find some girl among my 900 friends to DJ and cater. And for the record, you're not just an ex-boyfriend to me."

"Really? Then what am I?" I felt like such a whiner.

"You're a really hot ex-boyfriend." She laughed. "Seriously, though..." She broke off, then finally said, "You're an amazing person who will always have a special place in my heart. Even though we aren't together anymore, I admire you and I wish the best for you."

I was at a loss for words. That was really...nice.

She groaned. "Oh dear that's really corny isn't it?"

"Yes. Be sure to add that in our history play." I pretended not to be flattered.

She chuckled. "Yeah, I think that's where it belongs. Well, anyways, I think I'm gonna crash," she said, yawning in my ear. She sounded so close I could almost feel her. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"Good night, Flora. Thanks again for this."

"Don't mention it." She seemed half-asleep already. "I like hearing your voice right before I fall asleep," she mumbled in the middle of another yawn.

"Me too," I said quietly. I wasn't even sure she heard me.

***

At lunch one day, Flora sat herself down and interrupted our discussion about the NBA game the night before. She never had to ask if she was imposing because in her world, everyone was just killing time talking about insignificant matters before she showed up.

"Dylan, Jake, I forgot if I told you about our party," Flora said in a very fast pace. "I've talked to so many people and you guys are so obviously invited I'm not sure if I mentioned it already."

"Yeah, we know, Sean told us," Dylan said. "But as soon as we heard there's not gonna be a keg, we fell asleep." Their idea of a party was one where we could hover around the keg and race one another to unconsciousness.

"We're going to be trend-setters, and after this the only definition of cool parties will be non-alcoholic ones," Flora said.

"We're old-fashioned people who think there's no party unless we can get free booze and embarrass ourselves after we get wasted," Jake said. "But yeah, we'll drop by to support you."

"Actually I'm going to need you to do more than that," Flora said. "Can you two be bouncers? I'll need you to be on the lookouts for gatecrashers and confiscate wine bottles if you see one, and possibly do a bag-check at the door."

"What?" Dylan asked. I was fairly surprised myself at how far Flora was taking this. A bag-check seemed pretty extreme.

"It's not even going to be a BYOB party?" Jake sighed.

"Flora, if anyone's going to sneak in a wine bottle and cause trouble, it will be these two," I said. "Don't worry, I'll do it myself."

"Sean, you can't do everything yourself. In times of need this is what friends are for." She gave the guys a pointed look.

"We are the kind of friends who laugh at him when he fails," Dylan said. "Not the ones who celebrate his baby sister's birthday wearing party hats."

Flora heaved a sigh. "Hear me out first." She went on to describe her winter theme and her dessert table which was no doubt a very bad idea because I knew these guys wouldn't humor her like I would.

"Hmmm. Flora, it sounds fantastic, but you know what else you need to go with your fairies and enchanted forest?" Jake pretended to be munching on the idea. He raised his head as though hit by epiphany. "A unicorn."

"And we need to play spin-the-bottle and set up a booth for painting toe-nails," Dylan added.

"I love fortune-tellers too," Jake continued. "Ooh please tell me you're going to hire one."

"Come on guys, cut it out." Beside me I could sense Flora's temper rising up. If it was Janet I might have put in a snarky remark too, but this was Flora, and I knew she hated being made fun of when she was being serious.

"Jake, I don't need a fortune-teller to know where you'll end up in five years," Flora said hotly. "You'll be pumping gas for my Porsche."

Jake laid a hand over his chest, pretending to be hurt. "That's harsh, Flora. I always thought we would be flipping burgers side-by-side at McDonald's."

Dylan laughed in support.

"Hey, stop. It's not funny," I said, although it was a little funny and I was tempted to laugh myself. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. "Flora is only doing this because I begged her to."

Dylan shook his head. "Dude, that's what you get for asking a girl to host your party for you. You can throw one on your own. Just buy some pizzas and order a few kegs and you get yourself an awesome party."

"I did order some kegs, Dylan, just so you can have that illusion of a keg party, but I'll be serving root beers," Flora said in a menacing tone. "You guys can try pretending it's real beer. With your IQ it really shouldn't be hard."

"The non-alcohol part is my idea," I interrupted quickly. "Flora was against it too but she went along with it and is trying very hard to make it work. I know it's not cool but with so many underage people I really don't have a choice, and if you don't want to come it's really fine with me. But she put a lot of effort into this so give her a break."

"Are we being uninvited?" Dylan gasped in feigned hurt, then he turned to Flora. "Sean always gets super pissed when we pick on the girl he likes."

There were just so many things to protest to I didn't know where to start. "I'm not pissed. You're welcomed to come and laugh at me if you want. Just remember to bring your own unicorn." And that was the girl I liked but either admitting or denying seemed like a mistake.

"We're just kidding, Flora. You know that, right?" Jake said. "Any party you throw will of course be the best."

"Yes, and we'll even do your stupid bag-check for you," Dylan said and Jake nodded beside him in agreement.

Flora's face broke into an instant smile. "Thanks, guys! I know if I dig hard enough, under all that false pretense there is a heart of gold."

"Really? After digging for all these years I haven't managed to find anything," I said. "But during the process I've gotten myself really filthy."

They all laughed. "We only have positive influence on you," Jake said. "You'd be even lamer than you're now if not for us."

"We'll just drink somewhere else before the party and numb the pain," Dylan said.

"Why are you so uptight about underage drinking anyway?" Jake asked. "I can't count how many times you've played beer pong with us."

"And you nearly passed out on Alan's couch last year. We almost had to carry you home," Dylan added. I wished he didn't bring that up. I was in a very dark place then because it was when Flora and I broke up. "That was actually a lot of fun, I mean, some of the things you said-"

He needed to be cut off fast. "I have to be more responsible because it's going to be a big party and it's held at my house. If anything happens my parents would be held responsible. I really don't want to cause trouble for them," I explained and smiled. "How's that for being lame?"

"I think I have to make a confession at Church Sean," Dylan said. "I forgot to kiss my mom this morning and tell her I love her."

***

After lunch break was over, I stayed behind with Flora ritually and waited for her to walk to history class together.

"You know what's amazing about you?" Flora started, tilting her face toward me. "You really don't care about people finding out how boring you are. You seem so comfortable being yourself that you do all these very uncool, embarrassing things like studying all the time, throwing your sister a party, defending me, worrying about your parents and being responsible...aren't tough guys like you supposed to act like they don't give a crap about anything?"

Was she telling me I was amazing or uncool? I lost track. "Flora, if you're so bad at giving compliments, maybe you should just stick to telling me I'm cute or something."

"You are just so good."

"You make good sound like a swear word."

She smiled. "My point is, you can totally pull it off! You make these things seem like the cool things to do, and you have friends who like you for it."

"I don't really think about if certain things are considered cool, and I'm not sure that's what my friends like about me."

She nodded. "Yeah. Maybe they like you for the same reason I do. Because you're cute or something."

I chuckled. We walked in silence for few seconds, then I said, "You know what's so amazing about you?"

"What?"

"That although you think I do uncool things, you always support me."

It was true. I thought of all those times before when I had to study, she would defend me and tell people she believed I would do awesome things in life. She stayed up studying history saying she didn't want to disappoint me. She took care of my sister more than I did, and she respected my parents. She hated throwing a party where everyone would be sober but she stuck to her words (and my pathetic budget) and worked on it.

I felt so lucky to have known this girl.

Flora shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, that's me. The supportive girl-" She stopped, and a rare look of embarrassment crossed her face.

"I mean, friend. I'm a very supportive friend," she corrected and looked away.

For the first time in a very long time, I had the delicious illusion that Flora wished we were something more.

***