《Just Kissing》15.
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I half expected to be targeted again as an 'easy girl' after Nate's stunt yesterday, but no one even gave me a glance longer that it should. Then I came to my senses. The only one who 'witnessed' it was Justin, and he was too nice to spread it around.
He called me again later that night and there were a couple texts too, but I was too afraid to open them and realized he'd lost all interest. Things were already complicated.
I was struggling with my insecurities as to why he still hadn't left Karen if he wanted me. I tried to be pretty clear about my feelings, so he knew he wouldn't be jumping into the unknown, but still apparently he wasn't convinced. And now that he heard that phone call yesterday... I was pretty sure the groans through a phone came out a lot dirtier than reality. I felt like crawling into a pit and rot there in shame every time I think of what Justin must be thinking of me now.
Although I also had this clenching sensation in my chest, like guilt. But it didn't make sense, right? I mean, yeah, I had been rather rude to Nate; but he was the one that took my call, mess with it and hang up on my face.
He had no right ot do that!
Then why the slightly hurt and shocked look he gave me before getting mad himself was burned in the back of my mind? Taunting me.
This roaming feeling in my chest hadn't stopped all night and by the time morning arrived, I'd come to terms with myself that I'll have to swallow my pride and apologize. If not for anything, at least for snapping at him like that and calling him a jerk.
He wasn't at fault I was so sensitive in the matter, especially considering it really was just a joke, not one I appreciate, but he didn't mean wrong.
Fuck my life.
But for better or worse, I didn't see him in the hallways today. Not like I usually looked for him or something, but I knew players had their own table at the canteen and also was hoping maybe for a little more discreet approach on his locker or something. No luck. He wasn't here today.
A mix of frustration and worry churned my stomach. How was I supposed to apologize if he wasn't even here?
Was he sick or something?
I was now exiting Glennson's office, having dropped mine and Logan's article about Bear. Apparently we made such a good job with Nate's she decided to pair us for this kinda articles from now on. I mean, once you get used to Logan's annoying accurate perfectionism, he was kinda nice. But I'd joined the Daily; one, to use it as store window for college and two, to be able to write. Being stuck in sports wasn't at all thrilling.
The final bell rang a couple minutes ago and there was almost no one in the hallways, everyone scurrying away to whether their extracurricular activities or home. Today the twins were going to some friends' so I didn't have to go pick them up. Maybe I could go have-
I gasped when someone grabbed my arm and suddenly I was tugged inside and empty classroom and pressed to the just closed door. "What the-" but my heart raced for a whole different reason when my eyes locked with the person's caging me to the wooden surface. "Oh."
"Hey." Justin smiled back, leaning closer so he was almost breathing into my personal space and, for the first time, this didn't make me feel lightheaded in a good way. "You've been ignoring me."
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"Have I?" the lack of excitement showed in my voice more than I intended.
Nate's words had been stuck in my brain the whole night, cheater repeating over and over in my mind. Everyone'd told me a billion times he was using me and for the first time... It didn't feel as unlikely to be real.
As much as I hate to admit it, Justin flirted and had the ability to charm me easily, but in the end, he didn't seem that fond to leave Karen.
He frowned, but didn't back away. "What have I done?"
"Nothing." and I mean it more literally than what he read into it.
I tried to remain unbothered as he analyzed my face, balancing his options. I didn't know what was going through his head, all I wanted was for him to reassure my insecurities. To tell me he liked me and not to worry. That he'd stop pretending with Karen and finally allow us to have a chance... a real chance. But instead what came out of his mouth was:
"So are you with Herond now?"
My eyes widened, blushing at the memory of that weird conversation. "What? No."
"You sure?"
"Oh my... Justin." I pushed pass him. How dared he to sound annoyed when he was with Karen while messing with me. I took a couple steps into the classroom and turned to point at him who'd followed close behind. "I'm not the one seeing someone else, you know?" I hated how weak that came out. "I'm not who's-" but when I parted my lips to say something else he cupped my face and leaned down, his mouth muffling mine.
He hadn't kissed me since last year's fiasco, and honestly I hadn't thought he would. Startled, I grabbed on his shoulders for balance. I wanted to push him away, but found myself kissing back instead and he groaned. "You know," he said between kisses. "You got me going crazy. So jealous..."
Jealous about Nate? About what he thought happened between us? That must mean he did feel something for me as well, right?
Justin admitting jealousy would have made my heart explode last year, but somehow, it didn't feel right. A feeling tingled the pit of my stomach, but it wasn't actually nice. He backed me and I gasped when the desk connected with my backside. Justin didn't let it stop him, tho. He hoped me up so I was sitting on it and tilted his head for the kiss to keep going.
No. A painful cramp made me push his chest. "Karen-"
"I'll break up with her." My heart fluttered, darting my eyes between his. I'd heard it before, but now there was an intensity in his look that made me wanna melt.
He'll finally chose me? Oh my God...
But I'd been here before.
"You- you will?"
"Mh." he cupped my face and angled it upwards. "I want you." he muttered before kissing me again.
No, this didn't feel right. My mind kept drifting to Karen, who was oblivious at all this. It wasn't fair for her. Nor for me! For all I know, an 'I-will' wasn't enough. I couldn't do this. "W-wait. Not now. Not until you break up."
His brows furrowed and his hands clenched on my waist. "Is this about Herond?" What? "You told him about us?"
"Well," I tilted my head, confused at his insistense and tried to wipe away his jealousy. "He knows I like you..."
"Hailey" Justin huffed. "You can't tell, sweetheart. What if Karen finds out?"
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"But..." I frowned, my chest tight. "You're breaking up, aren't you?"
"Of course."
"Then what-" He kissed me again, blurring whatever I was saying from my mind the moment his lips met mine. "Justin." I pushed away, determinate to stand my ground.
"Okay." he sighed frustratedly but leaned in and steal a quick last kiss, smiling wolfishly at my indignant sound. "I'll call you later."
Somehow, that perspective didn't sound that thrilling and that confused me.
I was mentally making a list of what to do once I reached home. Since today I didn't have to take care of my brothers nor I have nobody over it would be me and myself in the farm. I hated being alone there.
Nor for anything, just that with such a big family I didn't like the feeling of emptiness that echoed there whenever I was on my own. The fact it was rather a big place didn't exactly helped. So I busied myself whenever I had to stay alone. Like today.
Homework will be done in minutes, so I had stopped by the shop to buy poster board and paint.
This weekend will be Halloween and some seniors had organized and made a deal with the Frithswerds for them to lend us the fair. It was one of the main attractions of our small town, we had a couple good attractions like the Wheel or the XIX century's carousel, but on these dates they opened a haunted house and scary stuff too.
We kinda made a deal with them, so on Halloween night we helped and they allowed us to throw a big celebration there. So I -among other students- will work for free on that busy weekend and Saturday night we'll throw a massive celebration. I'd already got myself a costume.
And since I got today to fill I'd get my hands on some of the decoration. It was hard to ride a bicycle with so much stuff stuffed in my backpack and small basket attached to the handler but somehow I managed. Too focused on not tripping I didn't noticed the truck parked before my house 'till nearly the last moment.
My heart picked up at the familiar vehicle. What is he doing here?
I could feel those green eyes weirdly eying me as I clumsily parked the bike against the porch's fence. When I finally get off it and gathered enough courage to look up at him, was met with his form laying against Letty's side, arms folded and struggling to look careless without succeeding. I could tell by how stiffen his muscles seemed even through the few feet between us.
His side smirk broke through the thick tension. "Don't you look handful?"
I blushed bright red, noticing I been standing there, balancing myself and all the things precariously and clenched my hold not to make a bigger fool out of myself by dropping them. "Ha, ha. Aren't you hilarious?"
"Trying to."
My lips pursed, not knowing what to do with this mess happening right above my stomach. "I've told you before, you're not funny."
"Depends on the public."
"Where have you been all day?"
Nate's smirk shifted to a slightly cocky one. "Aw, have you missed me?"
I ignored the twist of my guts and narrowed my eyes. "What are you doing here, Nate?"
His fake humor fell and he parted his lips, but nothing came out. Lowering his gaze he seemed deep in thought, puzzling me further. "I don't know." he finally muttered. "I was just..." Nate shook his head, almost angry and pulled away from Letty only to open the door. "This was a mistake."
"Wait!" I rushed out, shyly looking down when he did as I said and stare back at me with a pursed frown, as if not having expected me to stop him. I couldn't blame him after how I treated him yesterday. "I..." I cleared my throat, forcing my eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry. About yesterday." Nate's head tilted, and looked at me over his shoulder, baffled. Here goes nothing. I gulped. "I shouldn't have called you a jerk. I got... scared. And took it out on you."
"Scared of what?"
I shook my head, not wanting to go down that path again. "I'm sorry, okay? I won't insult you again." I hesitate for a second. "Unprovokedly, that's it."
He let out a chuckle and let go the handle, allowing the door to close again and angled his body so he was back facing mine. "I'm sorry too, you know?"
The way he said it, in a hushed voice, as if he really meant it warmed something in my chest and I found myself smiling, a weight I didn't know was there lifted from my shoulders. "Cool. So, uh, are you planning on staying?"
"Mm," he eyed all the material I got on and that was hardly secure on my way-too-filled arms. "What am I exactly signing up to if I do?"
"Halloween's decoration." I replied proudly, lifting my chin and his brows rose.
"Oh, so you're one of those poor souls that work for free."
"Someone has to, or how do you expect the fair to go on."
"True." he helped me get everything from the basket and free my arms from part of the voluminous items. "What now?"
"You're staying?" that heat in my chest danced, spreading. I was sure someone like him would have thousands of options of where to go. But not only he was here, but he also was up to stay. It was both scary and confusing how easily he was crawling his way into my life. A couple weeks ago I wouldn't have crossed paths with him for anything and now here we were. I pointed as well as I could. "The barn."
"Yes, miss." he nodded as a salute and marched there as I laughed.
We pushed the furniture aside so we could lay all the paper spread across the floor for a better access and I went inside to change into some baggy old clothes.
"So sexy." he teased when I came back and I rolled my eyes.
"Shut up. Here." I tossed him an old shirt from Matt. Nate caught it and eyed it gingerly before turning to me. "You might want to change, you know, to avoid messing up your actual clothes. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Why not? Sounds fun." and proceed to take out his own shirt right in front of me.
My eyes widened, not having expected him to it right there and quickly shifted my gaze to the space between our feet, where everything was already prepared for us to begin painting. "Nate."
"What?" he asked back nonchalantly and I shook my head, praying he couldn't tell how blushed I was in the moment and trying to even my crazy heartbeat.
"You couldn't help yourself now, could you?" I sighed, taking a seat on the floor by the right end and taking a pencil studying how to do the sketch.
He chuckled above me and threw the cloth to the couch cornered to our side. I couldn't help a small sneak peek when he put the new one over his head, too curious not to. My stomach dropped when I noticed the greyish marks across his abdomen before it got covered by the fabric and I lowered my gaze again, not wanting to get caught staring.
Was this from football? Since yesterday's tackle, I knew how aggressive it could be. Or maybe it was another fight?
It wasn't unusual for Nate to wear a black eye or split lip from time to time and everyone knew he was rather troublesome and jumps into fights more than not. I witnessed it myself that infamous night. But I'd never seen the bruises this close and now that I had, those faint marks made my heart squeezed.
"What?" Nate sat on the other end and returned my frown.
I wanted to ask him about it. And about why wasn't he at school today since he seemed to be perfectly fine now in front of me. But I had to bite my tongue.
We'd barely moved over our first fight and I wasn't sure we were even in the trusting area yet. If Nate didn't want to share, the worst I could do was press. Especially when I myself hate and avoid any conversation that involved a certain blond guy that got me damn confused and frustrated at the moment.
So at his inquiring glace I shrugged and regained my smile, raising the pencil. "Nothing. So, about this poster..."
!! . ?
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