Nate

I showered conscientiously after the practices, letting its warmth relax my muscles and some of my tension flowed away. I stayed longer than others, but well, if your boiler had broken and you only got freezing water home, you'd probably take advantage of the school's free showers as well.

Almost everyone had already left when I finally get out and changed. The place was empty except for Bear lazily scrolling through his phone and Seth -who was laid on one of the benches, arm over his eyes and mouth gawked open. I swear he even had some droll dripping down his chin. I totally get him. Coach Grey was so hard on us ever since September had started.

Unable to stop myself, I suppressed the laugh and snapped a pic. This was going straight to his already large collection of weird faces I used every time one of us is drunk or I want to mess with him. Don't feel sorry for him, he kept my fails too. And he was worse, because he even showed them to Trish back when we were dating. Yeah... that got two of the three of us doubled in laugher. Guess who.

"The fuck..." he woke up at the sound of the snaps, giving a confused glance around, realizing where he was and turned to narrow his eyes at me. "Saving that for when you jerk off."

This time I chuckled loud and clear. "Absolutely."

He joined. "Dude, that's sad." and got into a sitting position. "I get you can't stay away from this." he gestured towards his body tauntingly. "But do us a favor and stop building more sexual tension."

"No promises." I winked and mock a blowing a kiss, laughing more when he dramatically pretend to catch it.

"You're nuts." Bear shook his head and got up, stretching for good.

"Just joking." I rolled my eyes slipping the phone in my pocket and hanging the towel on my locker. "Besides, it would be such a shame for the ladies if I really swing for that team. No offense Seth."

But to my surprise his big, black, baby face smirked teasingly. "Not all of them, uh?"

The fuck was he on? "Um... obviously?"

"I'm still not over your little exchange with Miss Sunshine." the remind immediately tensed me all the more. "Who would have thought she actually has claws?"

"Not that impressive." I slammed the locker shut, hanging the bag over my shoulder and marching to the door, my mood dropping suddenly.

"Yeah, I'm with Seth here." Bear blocked the path out and I took in a deep intake of air to remain calm. "How did you manage to irritate Gracie?"

"Don't call her that." I breathed out through clenched teeth and he scowled.

"And why not?"

Because she doesn't like it. But instead of saying that I just narrowed my gaze. "Just don't, okay? Can I go now?"

"Admit it. You screw her, didn't you?" my fingers clenched around the straw of my bag, a weird feeling swirling in my chest. I couldn't point out what it was, but I didn't enjoy it a bit. "You did! Holly fuck, I knew she wasn't all cuteness and sugar. Well, done pal!" and lifted his hand for me to high five.

My jaw jumped. "It's not that, okay? It's just... just-"

"What?"

I suddenly felt vulnerable. As if that night was happening all over again. It was pitiful of me, but I was drunk as fuck half of it and the other part had been blurred over the months. What I did remember perfectly was what I felt and the important things. I remember what she did and whether I still resent her choice to this day maybe I shouldn't have-

"Herond!" Seth snapped his fingers in my face, making me focus on the present and wiped all traces of vulnerability of my demeanor, pulling that night back to the furthest corner of my mind.

"Nothing. Let's go." and this time we did exit the locker room.

"Hey, cowboy." a known purring voice stopped me dead in my tracks and plastering out a smirk I turned towards the door I just exited.

Casually leaning against the wall there was Nadia, one of the cheerleaders and on the high ranking of the hottest girls in Roosevelt High. Trust me, the guys made this stupid list in freshman year. Waving the boys goodbye, I went back over my steps to her.

"Well, Nadia. What do I owe such a pleasure?"

One of her perfect platinum brows perked. "You said you'll drop me, remember?"

"Oh," realization hit me and I slapped my forehead. "I've totally forgotten! Sorry." I smiled apologetically and outstretched my arm towards her. She grinned, content, and come immediately, fitting in the space I'd left for her.

"No shame." she winked pressing her chest against my side and my good mood returned when she sensually licked her red lips. "As long as you compensate me." Maybe dropping her off wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. I could totally use a distraction right now.

It usually works. And she knew it. Not exactly what, but she knew that she was my distraction when I to muffle my aching parts and the turmoil in my chest. Every time Harold loose it and I feel overwhelmed by everything I mostly rely on her to calm the pain by letting me get lost in her. Her warm, smooth, perfectly shaped body that used to bring all kinds of pleasures to mine. It was perfect because neither of us see in this any more than what it actually was: a relief for our bodies.

After all the drama with Trish and our constant intermittent relationship, Nadia was like fresh air. She was amazing. Is it a shame that we'd never actually have a proper conversation? She's platinum blond, hot, a cliche cheerleader. And the best of all, she's always ready for me. Like today. We got a little detour on the way to her place and an hour later she left Letty -my Chevrolet Silverado 2014 made piece by piece by me- blowing me a kiss.

But today I didn't feel anxious because that dimwit in my house, but of something entirely different crushing my guts from the inside and it wouldn't go away that easily.

Guilt?

As I entered my neighbourhood news flashes of Hailey clouded my mind and I groaned, slamming the steering wheel. What the fuck?! It wasn't that much of a deal. Not my fault she couldn't get over it! But then hints of the rare happiness I felt back there made the remorse became worse. It was carefree, and comfortable and-

Enough!

I reached my smelly building and got out Letty. Instead of the lovely house Nadia's parents own, I was stuck in a small, stinky two-bedroom flat.

The building itself was pitiful, but I dreaded with my whole soul what hides the indoor of our apartment. The kitchen was too small and half empty, the rooms poor and simple. Our most expensive belonging was the huge TV Harold bought with my mother's first and only double payment when she was in the hospital three years ago. TV that now was proudly occupying half the living room... But even that room was depressing, old and smell of alcohol 9 of every 10 times.

No matter how much I delay my arrival tot he hellhole, he was always there to glare at me like I was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen. This where my dream shatter and the nightmare start. Right at this doorstep. Same old history.

Taking in a deep breath I entered the damn place and immediately was greeted with faint sounds of the TV and disgusting smell of Harold's boots by the door. I could just gag from it.

"I'm home." I announced none too cheerfully closing the door and stepping into the dark living room since it was the only way to reach the bedrooms.

The blinds were down so the only light coming was the moving one from the TV, showing some baseball game; but even from the shadows Harold's glare made me cringe. I immediately noticed the tension in his body and the half emptied bottle in his hand. Guess he had a bad day. My palms began to sweat at his sneer.

"Where were you?" wondered my mother standing straight once again after picking Harold's already disregarded beer from his feet and keep vacuuming the small place.

She was still in her green uniform of a cleaning lady, so I supposed she just came back. Her thick brown hair -much like mine- was tied in a low ponytail and over the last ten years she'd grown more bags under her eyes and wrinkled than a woman in her forties should. My anger boiled. Harold had been here the whole day and it was her, exhausted after coming from her work, who had to clean his fucking mess.

"Where do you think?" snorted Harold, tongue lazy so it confirmed he was on his way to get drunk as fuck.

Not wanting to delay it more he took a long slip glowering harder, half of the liquid dripping from the corner of his mouth and he wiped it with his hand.

Disgusting.

"Don't you see that?" he pointed my neck and before I could prevent it, my hand flied to the recent hickey -Nadia's courtesy. "He got himself some slut and had been fucking all day long." Harold snorted and turned to my mother. "I don't know why you bother with school. He clearly don't use it. I told you Don was looking for a new employer."

"Don's looking for someone to exploit," she didn't even raise her gaze, completely stolid as she kept on with her task. "We've talked about this. He pays a misery."

"So?" growled the project of a man sprawled on the couch. "At least he'll be contributing then. Now what does he do? Stroll around fucking teens and bragging about it in Maths." he clicked his tongue. "Really nice."

Fuming and tired of his scorn, I was about to give him a piece of my mind, not caring about the consequences, but my mother was faster: "Nathan will finish his studies." and shrugged not giving any other word on the topic.

But I guess I should be grateful. This was the only thing which for she stood up for me.

"Stubborn woman." then turned to me once more, pointing his gross finger to me menacingly. "Enjoy this little playground while it lasts. Studies." he snorted in the most denigrating way. "As if they're that important. Your generation is a bunch of pussies. A couple months with a proper boss and you'll learn whatever job you're given. Not being another useless graduate who provides literally nothing."

"Like you?" I glowered back and he immediately tense further.

"Watch it kid." he snarled, getting up and stumbling over his feet before regaining balance again. All the dirt and rest of snacks dropped from his clothes to the floor. Gosh, he's pathetic. "You'll show me more respect. Or I'll show you to."

Cold sweat ran down my spine at the comment, knowing he could explode at any moment and unpleasant memories filling my mind, but I still held my ground. "We'll see about that."

His pupils dilated from rage. "Of course we'll see. Wait 'till you end your mother's so loved studies. Then we'll see how independent you actually are. You'll be begging for an easy life like yours is now." and smirk maliciously, churning my guts. "We'll see next year."

"Next year I won't be here." I murmured through gritted teeth.

"You won't?" he mocked and looked over to my mother, who just shrugged. Harold laughed. "You won't! And where will you be, tough boy?"

I lifted my chin, showing a confidence I was far from feeling. "I'll win a scholarship and will get into a decent college. Away from here... Away from you."

That only made him laugh harder. "How are you gonna win that? By some miracle? You're half idiotic, how is any college gonna have an interest in having you?"

My mouth dried. True; academically, I wasn't any gold. But I was amazing in football and was sure they'll want me when they'd seen me play. The have to... Man, I prayed for it! Other than that I would be screwed and stuck in this damn, rotten place. No, no, no. I couldn't even contemplate that possibility.

"See?" Harold kept mocking, but as suddenly as it came all the amusement was gone, replaced by cold hatred. "You're pointless. I should beat you 'till you forget how is it to defy me like that again. You'll do as I said. Period."

My mother sighed. "Don't fight." My eyes snapped at her impassive figure. That's it? As much as I should have grown accustomed by now, it still hurt her lack of reaction in threats and actions like the once this thing does.

Clenching my teeth with so much force it hurt, I balled my fist to prevent me from doing anything stupid; knowing how that would end. I learnt it the hard way, there wasn't a damn thing I could do when he was like that. And how absent my mother looked through the whole thing only irked me further. "I'm done with this shit."

Harold's eyes lighted up in burning ire, but I spun around, ready to leave. "Don't walk away from me."

"Harry..." but my mother's warning faded at the sudden crush on the wall right next to my head. I jumped, my heart up my throat and watched as the remaining beer slid lamely down the wall, pooling where the shattered glass was.

"Don't you fucking walk away from me, damn it!" he roared, trembling with anger and fisting his now empty hands. Panting from the impression, I realized the fucker had thrown me the bottle. Luckily, this time it missed.

I looked to where my mother was glancing the mess; a disappointed, sad grimace pursed her lips. I had stopped hopping she gave a fuck about me and leave his sorry ass long time ago, but her lack of maternal instinct towards me still stung my chest like a red hot knife. My eyes welled up against my best intentions and I furiously blinked.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?"

Her gaze shifted from the mess to me and after a second she sighed. "Go to your room, Nathan."

My heart dropped. Yeah, that was usually the bottom line of our discussions. She was my mother! Was it that weird that I expect some kind of protection from her?

Apparently it was.

Not wanting to remain in their presence a second longer I didn't waste more time to do just as she said.

"You spare the boy, Joanne." I heard his disgusting voice as soon as I turned my back to them.

"Mh..."

"Such a spoiled, good for nothing brat. Why didn't you abort? Bet it would have saved you a lot of-"

I slammed my room's door, resting against it and sliding to the floor. My head leaned backwards, evening my breaths and the first tear finally drop.

I was so tired of this shit.

I hate him.

I hate her.

I hate this!

I couldn't wait to 'till I turn eighteen and finally get to leave... And I will leave.

I will get a scholarship and never lay a foot in this rotten place again. I just have to step up my game and endure one more year. To look even more attractive to the browser and anyone interested in football.

Starting with that fucking interview.