I ran up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door shut. I flicked the lock and laid flat on the bed. I can't believe Buffy thinks I'm ungodly, well that is a pretty good word for a vampire. Ungodly because God despises vampires, because God didn't want people to live forever yet vampires are still living. But still I think Buffy sometimes forgets that I am a vampire, and I think I maybe like that. But still she has to know what I am, I am a horrible monster living in a human shell, except I'm contained. I feel like a man and no longer a vampire, each day I feel a little bit stronger, I feel like sometimes I can feel a pound in my heart and sometimes I swear I see my chest go in and out as if oxygen was running through it. I don't know how I feel, I love Buffy but how could she say that, I mean I'm her boyfriend after all, am I? Is that what she calls me, does she introduce me as her boyfriend or what? I don't even know. Are we more? We love each other I know that. But why does she have to worry about me? In what way? Does she mean "aw poor Spike alone at home"? Or does she mean "oh god what if he's tearing up the house and waiting for my blood"?

I hear silent sobs outside my door and wonder how long she's been sitting there. I get up and unlock the door, quickly going back to the bed. She opens the door, her face red, her eyes redder, her soft cheeks stained with tear streaks. She gets upset over me so quickly, and that for some reason makes me feel happy, not that she's sad! That she cares about me that much. She stands in the door way wiping her face quickly with her sleeve, trying to pretend she's fine, when it's so obvious she isn't. I sit up on the bed and open my arms, she takes no hesitation and runs into them. I wrap them around her and feel her warm body nearly shaking from all the crying. I put my head next to hers and bring her in close, her chest on mine so her heartbeat radiates through my body as if we shared it.