Luke was seated in the restaurant of the hotel, an untouched glass of water placed in front of him as he stared straight ahead. His eyes were locked with those familiar hazel-blue ones, and his fingers were curled into the table.

"Is this where you moved? To New York?" Luke asked and shook his head slowly in disbelief.

Dani bit her bottom lip and held her cup of coffee in both her hands as she looked down at the table and shook her head.

"No, I live in Miami" she whispered out and Luke nearly scoffed.

"Then why are you here?" he asked instead, still keeping his eyes locked with her perfectly smooth porcelain skin, her thick, brown, curly hair, and those long eyelashes that all reminded him of Leon.

"I'm working here for the summer. My grandpa works within the hotel industry-"

"I know, he gave me a job when you were pregnant" Luke spoke, making Dani tense up and nod her head.

"Yeah, that's right," she whispered and slowly lifted her head to look at Luke again, "I remember"

Luke locked his jaw and looked into Dani's teary eyes. It was quiet between them and maybe Luke should just stand up and leave, but he couldn't. He didn't want to either, because he felt the need to stay and talk. To clear some things up.

"So, why are you here? Do you still live in Chicago?" Dani asked after clearing her throat in the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah," Luke said and nodded his head, "I didn't really feel the need to flee the city"

Luke watched Dani close her eyes shut and lick her lips in a way to keep the hurt feelings down. But both Luke and Dani knew she deserved this, so she sat still and let Luke give her what she deserved.

"And I'm here for my work" Luke added quietly. Both their voices were soft and quiet, like if they were to talk any louder, one of them might crack like delicate glass.

"What do you work with?" Dani asked, her big eyes eying him carefully, like if she wasn't sure if she was allowed to look at him.

"I'm a chef," Luke spoke and let his tongue anxiously play with his piecing before speaking again, "Just like you wanted me to be"

Dani looked at Luke for a while before finally letting a tear fall from her eye as she smiled at him. "Yeah, yeah I did" she breathed out and let the rest of her tears slip.

Luke didn't comfort her because he didn't know what those tears meant. He only sat still and watched her smile small at him, while he gripped the table harder.

Silence spread around them again. Luke didn't know what to say, and neither did Dani, so the two of them only looked at each other while breathing heavily.

It was weird how someone you loved so deeply, could turn into a complete stranger. Luke and Dani had known each other for years, and then started dating. They had been intimate with each other, they had loved each other, but yet they acted like they were foreign to each other.

"I, um, I'm in medical school. Just finished my second year. I want to be a surgeon" Dani said after a while, a crooked smile on her face as she spoke.

"What happened to your plans with studying law?" Luke asked. That had been the only thing Dani and her parents had talked about, even when Dani was 9 months pregnant.

"I figured out that that's not what I wante to do. It also took me long to graduate from high school, so I took another path after that" she explained.

Luke understood that. A few months after she got pregnant, she stopped going to school and tried to study online. It was hard to work things out though, and in the end, Luke suddenly graduated by himself as a single father.

"That's good, I guess" he said and looked down as the table before starting to draw on the foggy glass of water in front of him.

"Luke," Dani sighed suddenly, making Luke lift his eyes and lock them with hers, "You don't have to act nice with me. I want you to be mad, because what I did to you was so selfish," she started and bit down on her bottom lip.

"I try to make up for it every day. Like, I'm studying medical school to be sure to do the most unselfish thing ever and help all kinds of people out there. I want to save lives, but still I'm the most selfish person in the world. I can't make up for what I did, so please Luke, be mad, because I don't deserve you always being so nice to me"

Luke was sat still while watching Dani speak with a pleading look on her face. But Luke didn't do as told. He kept looking at her with a calm expression, while still letting his fingers move against the cold glass of water.

Luke wasn't necessarily angry at Dani anymore. He thought he was, but seeing her now showed that he really wasn't. He had nearly 5 years to be angry at her, so sitting across from her now, made him notice he wasn't mad anymore.

"I've already been mad at you, you just weren't there to experience it" Luke whispered, making Dani let out a shaky breath, "I've gone 5 years alone, and I nearly ended my life the first weeks of those years. But I got better, and during that time I've ignored everything about you. I haven't even told our son about you, and luckily he's not asking. I don't know what to tell him anyway, because I don't know who you are anymore.

"But I know that I'm not mad, because I've grown up and I'm happy with the life I have. I don't hold a grudge against you, because I don't feel like there's any need to" Luke spoke softly, never once letting his eyes glance away from Dani's.

Her long hair was bouncing as she shook her head and let out a sob. She bit her plump bottom lip as she desperately wiped her tears away.

"Why are you so good, Luke?" she whispered and looked at him with those colorful eyes, "You don't have to be"

"Yes I do. I'm an adult and I'm a parent. I won't let mistakes I did as a teenager ruin the life of my son," he spoke and licked his lips, "Our son"

Dani sobbed again after hearing those words. She nodded her head and breathed shakily before reaching for her wallet and opened it. She pulled out a small photo and placed it on the table, making Luke see what was on it.

His heart beat faster as he looked at the photo of Dani, himself and newborn Leon. Leon was lying in Dani's arms as both the young parents looked down at their newborn son. It was a peaceful picture. They looked like a family.

"Why have you kept this?" he whispered as he let his eyes roam the small picture.

"To know what I'm missing out on" she whispered back and ran a finger over the newborn Leon, caressing the picture, before letting her finger touch Luke's.

Luke looked at her with deep blue eyes, and instinctively she moved away. The photo was still placed on the table, making Luke go back to studying before reaching down in his own wallet and pulled out a recent preschool photo of Leon.

"His name is Leon" Luke spoke softly as he placed the photo next to Dani's, making her look down at it with big, teary eyes.

"He's so beautiful" she whispered and smiled as she looked at the light brunette boy with wide blue eyes and thin pink lips. Dimples were set on his cheeks as he was grinning proudly at the camera.

Luke watched Dani run her thumb over the photo as more tears ran down her cheeks. He bit his lip and hesitated a bit before placing his hand over hers, holding it softly.

Dani was surprised by the act and looked up at Luke with wide and teary eyes, but didn't move her hand away. She only turned it a bit to squeeze Luke's hand before looking back at the picture.

"I knew you'd raise him good" she whispered and squeezed Luke's hand once again.

"Yeah," Luke breathed out, knowing fully well that he was a horrible father the first weeks of Leon's life, "Is that why you left? Because you knew I'd do good by myself?"

"No" she said and shook her head.

"Then why did you leave me - leave us? Did I do anything wrong? Because all I did was love and help you" Luke breathed out, his voice almost sounding desperate as he searched answers. He until this day still wondered what was so wrong about him to make Dani leave.

"You did nothing wrong, Luke. I was young and I was stupid. I hated myself and everyone else hated me, so I was scared you and our son would grow to hate me as well," she started and looked at Luke with sad eyes, "I lost so many people for being that person my parents raised me to be, and I was scared to make our own child like that as well.

"But you have a great family, Luke. They're nice, accepting, supportive, and helpful. I just didn't fit in with that, so I wouldn't fit in with our little family" she whispered and wiped away her tears with her free hand.

"That's bullshit" Luke said, making Dani shake her head.

"You know it's not. Your friends hated me, your family hated me, and most people hated me. I know I brought it up on myself, but I couldn't do anything else. I was raised like that, and it turned me into some selfish bitch"

Luke bit his lip and tightened his hold on Dani's hand while breathing heavily.

"I didn't hate you," Luke spoke after a while, "And I was the only one you should have cared about"

Dani bit her lip and nodded her head before slipping her hand out of Luke's to bring both her hands up to her face and covered her teary eyes. Her body was shaking lightly as she sobbed, and even though she kept wiping her cheeks, new tears replace the old ones within seconds.

Luke bit the inside of his cheek before standing up and walked over to her. He crouched down by her chair and took her hands away from her face to make their eyes meet again.

"It's fine" Luke breathed out before gently pulling her into a hug. It was stiff and unfamiliar at first, but both of them relaxed and soon were holding on to each other like they used to do 5 years ago.

"It's fine" Luke repeated again, this time in a soft whisper.

"It's not fine, Luke, and you know it. You're just too good to see it" she whispered back before tightening her hold on him, while Luke did the same thing.

**

"So, we'll meet at breakfast around 10 and we'll see how the day turns out after that," Dan said and patted Luke on his back, "Great time today. Make sure to get some rest for tomorrow"

"Yeah, goodnight" Luke mumbled and gave Dan a tired smile before entering his hotel room.

Luke sat down on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair before tugging and let out a shaky breath. He had been close to tears all day, and he didn't understand why.

He had tried to hide it as well as possible to not let Dan see, and apparently he's done a good job since Dan hadn't questioned it.

Luke sighed and fell back on the bed, feeling so exhausted after the day that had been. His emotions had taken a toll on him, and the confusion he felt made him want to burry himself deep underground.

Luke was simply lost, and he had no idea how to find his way back to civilization.

As he closed his eyes shut and ran a frustrated hand over his face, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. Without looking, Luke picked it up and answered it.

"Hello?" he answered, his voice rusty and tired.

"Hi, handsome" that soft familiar voice spoke through the phone. The voice was so comforting, but at the same time it made Luke's gut sting in in a feeling he couldn't recognize.

"Hi, baby" Luke answered quietly and tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach.

"How are you? You sound tired?" Ashton asked, his voice worried and so so gentle.

"I'm fine, don't worry," Luke spoke and bit his lip harshly, "I'm just tired after the flight and the fair and everything"

Luke felt another sting in his stomach, and he closed his eyes shut to try to make the uncomfortable feeling go away.

"Oh yeah, is it fun? Or is it so bad that you're thinking about taking the next flight home back to me?" Ashton asked with a soft chuckle.

"No, it's good here, so I might have to stay a few days more" Luke answered and dug his fingers into the mattress as he felt his eyes starting to tear up under his closed eyelids.

"That's too bad, because I miss you," Ashton whispered, and Luke felt his first tear run down his cheek, "The small ones do as well"

"I miss all of you, too" Luke whispered, not trusting his voice to speak any louder now when he was now actually crying, for some unknown reason.

"I know," Ashton mumbled before sighing lightly, "So, is anything special happening tomorrow?"

"No, just the same as today. The fair and some famous people talking, then eat and then sleep. It doesn't get more exciting than that" Luke mumbled as more tears ran down his cheeks.

Luke lied. A lot more would happen tomorrow, because he was going out to dinner with Dani. Not to hear her out, and not yell at her, but for both of them to talk and catch up, as friends. It was all Luke's idea, and that made his stomach sting once again.

"Oh well, at least it's about something you enjoy," Ashton said softly, and Luke could imagine the pretty smile Ashton had on his face, "I love you, Luke"

"I love you too" Luke whispered back and gripped his phone tighter in his hand as he quietly sobbed, making sure Ashton didn't hear it.

"I'm gonna let you sleep, I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed," Ashton mumbled softly, "Stay safe and come home soon"

"I will," Luke said as he calmed himself down form his crying, "Say hi to the kids from me"

"Yeah, I will," Ashton started and Luke heard him hesitate a bit before he spoke again, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Luke lied, "I love you"

"I love you too," Ashton breathed out, "Goodnight"

"Goodnight, baby" Luke said and hung up before Ashton would hear the sob that came next.

Luke was shaking on his bed and crying hysterically for something he didn't know. He loved Ashton so extremely much, so he shouldn't be crying his eyes out like this.

But as he made himself ready for bed and looked at himself in the mirror, seeing his bloodshot eyes and tears running down his face, he knew why he felt how he felt.

He felt guilt, because he knew he was doing the wrong thing, and he hated himself for not stopping it right away. He could just scream and cause a fit, but instead he's being careful and loving.

He just couldn't stop it though, because he was so stupid to think that he still could feel the same as he felt when he was 16 and 17 years old.

He was so ridiculous and so lost in the past that he still thought he was in love with Dani.

•••

such a hard chapter to write, sigh

btw, i'm gonna try to make this story around 30 chapters or so. i'm not sure if that includes epilogue or not. there will be an epilogue though, because it's already written lol

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