sHE'S GOT ME RUNNING FROM THE DAYLIIIIGHHHTT, DAYLIIIIGHTTTT. im nOT READY TO START AGAIN- okay im done.

"he didn't seem like the cocky type before. he doesn't go outside anymore, what the hell happened to him? he used to seem so...innocent and he just came onto me like that. like, really? was it all just a lie, or something? i thought he liked me."

"ashton, look. if anyone knows luke hemmings, it's me, and he just isn't the type that would come onto someone so fast. it took him three months to kiss me, are you sure he came onto you?"

"michael, i'm pretty sure saying how "good his lips are" is coming onto me."

it's been a week since luke slept over and let's just say it couldn't be more awkward between me and michael. as soon as i told him what happened with luke, it was like my living room started to get smaller and smaller because he literally gave me the dirtiest look i've ever seen; it made me feel so overpowered, so small. michael physically tensesed up and started asking all these questions; including how i feel about luke.

"want me to talk to him?" he asks after a moments silence. i shake my head.

"no, that's okay. i can live without the guy." i chuckle. now, maybe i'm just delusional, but i swear i see him glare at me for a split second, then covers it with a smile. oh, god.

"you're right!" he says, "who cares about cute boys, power to the ugly!"

i smile, raising my fist up in the air,"fuck yeah! power to the- wait a minute,"

i glare at him and he smiles oh so innocently and pats my head twice, "you're still so oblivious to everything."

my eyebrows furrow. still?

"still?" i ask, a bit confused. have i been this. oblivious before i met luke?

michael's eyes widen slightly as his mouth opens slightly, as to say something, but quickly shuts it. he shifts around on the floor of my living awkwardly and soon decides to get up off the floor, making me even more confused. he looks down at me, eyebrows furrowed. "i gotta go." he says, and runs out my front door.

well, okay.

+

he places a gentle kiss on the knuckles of my hand. even though i can't react, i know that he knows i hear him. i give everything to just try and squeeze his hand, move my hands, open my eyes, say a word, but it's no use. i'm just numb.

he says. i hear a few sniffles, then a cough as to clear his throat. your drive home. i can hear his voice strain as he struggles out the word he's crying. i hate when he cries. his usual bright blue eyes always turn a dull color and puff up, along with his cute button nose. it always puffs up and turns a pink color. i just like to see him as his usual self; so giggly and happy. he giggles through his tears, which, in my opinion, is the most beautiful sound you could ever hear.

he says, his voice barely a whisper, "

my eyes shoot open, my lungs desperately begging for air as i breath in and out at a quick speed, i sit up, using the heel of my hand as assistance against my slightly damp sheats due to how much i've sweat. these dreams are starting to freak me out, i can't lie. remember. they all have to do with me remembering something. i just don't understand. and even worse, they all have luke in them. i'm completely over that bastard, why am i still dreaming of him?

i groan, laying my head on my pillow and running a hand through my mess of curls. my breathing soon evens out so i check the time; it's still dark outside as i read the numbers 4:07am on my phone. i sigh, actually forgetting about the dream of me and the blonde boy next door for a few seconds and thinking about how i still got a few hours more to sleep. letting out a heavy breath, i snuggle up to my pillows and blankets and close my eyes, praying that i can go to sleep not thinking about luke for once.

which, of course, with my luck, doesn't happen.

+

"i couldn't sleep last night, i walked alone, on the beach where we always used to go, when we couldn't hook up at home." i sing along to one of my favorite we the kings songs, all again for you, as it blares through the speakers of my headphones, bobbing my head to the drumming and tapping my hands against my kitchen counter. i've always had a little thing for we the kings. never seen their faces, actually, just really love their music. kind of odd, but it's true.

"you were everything that's bad for me!" i don't really care who hears me by this point, i just sing my little heart out. even though i really am a poor singer, i love doing it. also, drumming. it's always been a part of my life. when i was sitting in class, i would always tap my hands or pencil on the desk or the chairs and my teacher would just be like, 'irwin stop before i give you detention!' but i'd continue about two minutes latet because i was-- am a rebel. heh.

i take my headphones out of my ears as the song fades out, walking into the living room and soon tossing my phone onto my, yet still unmade and quite deflated, blow up mattress. i go back into the kitchen and open the fridge. kinda really thankful this place came with a frudge because i really can't afford one.

i grab a bottle of water and go back into the living room, setting myself on the floor. i sigh, the feeling of boredom soon taking over me completely. it's only 10:00am and i'm bored. fantastic.

i scoot myself over to my bed and grab my phone, sending a quick text to calum just telling him i'm bored out of my mind and to come over asap, but he replies in less than a minute saying he's in school and that's when i realize i'm literally the definition of a blonde moment. people still go to school. duh, ashton.

i sigh, frustrated, and throw my phone back onto my bed. i literally have no friends. isn't that nice?

i can't really be alone for too long. i don't like talking about why. let's just say, my thoughts scare the fuck out of me sometimes. it's just not good for me to be alone. ever.

i bite my lip, thinking on wether or not to text that dumb cocky blonde boy next door. i end up deciding against it and watching a movie-- or six hours worth of movies-- on my laptop instead.

alone.

and this seems all good and dandy, yeah? well, it's not.

the whole time i can't stop thinking of luke and his perfect smile, and his perfect laugh, and his perfect voice, and his perfect fucking everything.

don't give in, ashton. he's just a player, don't do it.

"hey, luke wanna come over?"

+

if u don't kno what's goin on he called luke lmao

hope you enjoyed the confusion of his dream. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

GUYS HOW DO YOU GET OVER YOUR EX BC I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO SO

ok bye early update look at that.

next update; wednesday.