《Land Before Love.》CH35- Fall
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It was a summers evening and I was sitting at the spot Zachan and I had regularly gone to for me to sketch his portrait. I had come here alone to do just that, however my sketchbook had opened on a page that I could not stop looking at.
It was the page containing the sketch of Saria, the one in her black wolf form. After what happened the day before, my mind kept wondering back to this woman I had never met. My mind had blocked out the creatures, which I learnt lurked on this land. Werewolves and Wolf Gods that lived in the Valdoor Mountains, creatures that belonged in fiction not fact.
As well as blocking out this new reality, I had formed Saria in my mind as a wolf. I had only seen her in human form during her death. Yet I had not thought so thoroughly about how once she was a woman like me, and she loved Zachan... and he had loved her.
When Seanne had caught Zachan and I kissing of course I knew it would be odd to see us. She had seen her sister with my husband, and now in my own mind I could not help but fear my relationship with Zachan would be compared to the one with Saria. Or maybe I was questioning myself in the terms of would I ever compared to Saria?
"Lena!"
My head shoots up to find Zachan approaching. I had mentioned to Jaida where I was going, she must have informed him.
I force a smile as he comes forward, a skeptical look on his face. Crouching before me so we are face to face his eyes wander down to my hands, holding my open sketchbook. I try and move my thumb from the inner seam of the book to close it, but Zachan's hand slides onto the page to stop me.
As he studies the sketch I turn my head away, looking out to the forest. When I feel his gaze on me once again I start speaking.
"I know you don't like to talk about her," I say quietly, wondering if my voice is even loud enough not to be droned out by the awakening crickets," but I can not help but think of her sometimes..."
A beat of silence passes between us.
" You know I do to...." Zachan replies. My head turns back to face him. His eyes were trying to hide pain, the pain that comes with loss.
Zachan's eyes wander back done to my sketch book before he speaks again," I had envisioned the rest of my life with her once, and I can not help but imagine what that life would have been... but that life was taken by the Gods."
Literally, is what I wanted to say, as it was Luinen the God of Wrath that had turned her into the wolf. By Zachan's wording I knew that he did think ill of the Gods, just like Seanne had told me long ago. Yet I had also found myself focusing on the fact he was talking about another life, one that he could be possibly wanting more then this one right now. The one that had me in it.
I shifted uncomfortably on the log, and as if Zachan had noticed this he takes away the sketchbook from my grip and replaces it with his hands. His eyes that are sharp and wide lock with mine.
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"Lena, she is my past-"
"I know," I state, cutting him off. His expression was reassurance enough to my doubts. "I understand, Zachan."
He looks as if he wants to say more but seals his mouth. Hands still locked together he moves to sit beside me, and I find my head on instinct moving to rest oo his shoulder.
"Are you not scared of them?" I ask aloud.
"Lena?"
"The Gods, the wolves."
My husband remains quite, thoughtful until he speaks again," They do not, if rarely leave their mountain. As our story says, those who seek them out become slave to the Gods."
"Yet my story says they should not exist at all," I reply. Zachan's shoulder's shift to face me and I am forced to lift my head. " Werewolves were creatures I read in story books to my sisters, and when they asked if those creatures would come for them in the night I reassured them they are not real. And yet here I am, sleeping under the mountain in which they dwell."
Zachan raises his arm and wraps it around my shoulders, bringing me closer to his side. My head falls back on to his shoulder once again, and my hands lay on my lap, fingers fidgeting.
"They will not hurt you," he whispers into my hair," I promise."
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.
"Are you avoiding me?"
I jump from the voice, my paint stroke nearly faltering on the paenti stone I was currently decorating. Seanne was standing in the entryway of the drawing room of my tent, she was giving me a very serious look and her arms are crossed. It was now night, Zachan was out laying traps for the morning hunts and I had used my time to create some more of the paentis for children to find tomorrow on the farm.
I place the paenti back on the desk before picking up another stone, I don't make eye contact with Seanne," No..."
In my peripheral vision I see her move to the table, sitting down on the cushion opposite me. She adjusts the neckline of her leather cropped top, her whole arms on display, coiled tight and toned with muscle. From the continent I came from, no woman was allowed to bare her full arms. Never had I witnessed until this island a woman so physically strong. I would even bet that she could cripple half the men that is a part of my continent's defense.
" Aleenia..." Seanne says with a softer tone of voice, " I know what you are thinking."
I don't answer and remain concentrated on my paint strokes. Seanne starts fiddling with one of the paenti in front of her, spinning it with the tips of her fingers.
After a long silence Seanne lets out a heavy sigh, as if exhausted," I knew my sister very well Aleenia, and she would rather see Zachan happy then want him to live the rest of his life alone."
I fall short on the petal I was painting and look up to Seanne. Her head was craned to the right, her gaze glued to the tent wall. Yet her eyes seemed distant, deep in thought.
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"Did I find it odd when I saw you in the farm with Zachan," she states before shrugging her shoulders, her head tilting side to side as if a tipping scale, " Yes, because it bought back the memory of my sister, and all the times I found them after they would run off and hide to steal a kiss."
My cheeks were flushing at the thought at another woman kissing Zachan, it made my stomach twist uncomfortably. Was I now becoming the woman who becomes possessive of her husband? Or is it that same tumbling thought of comparison to his previous lover making me feel this way?
"But..." Seanne continues, her tone flat," Saria would only show her love for him in private. I told you once how competitive the women are for the attention of the future tribes leader?"
She was looking at me again and I nod to answer her question. She continues.
"No matter how she tried to hide it, the other tribes women knew, and they would mock and harass her for it, jealous as they were. She was scared, and lacked courage, and I fear she started to believe what those women would say about her. No matter what Zachan told her or did to stop it, she did not listen. No, my sister listened to those dritay women-"
I noticed the choice curse word Seanne used to describe them, and the anger that it stemmed from.
"- and because of that she wanted to prove them wrong, resulting in her death."
Silence falls again and I am watching Seanne, her jaw is so tight I can tell the emotion she is trying to rein in.
"My sister was strong in the heart, but weak in the mind," Seanne looks to me now, her eyes holding mine. " You are different to her though, strong in both. But when I saw you pull away from him, afraid-"
"It was not because of the thought of being seen," I cut her off," well, it was more then thought of you seeing me-"
" I know that now," She tells me," I just feared in that moment you were following the same path as my sister."
"I fear I am though," I admit out loud, feeling like Seanne would listen. And looking up she was waiting for me to expand on my thought.
" You say I am strong of the mind, I am not. I have moments when I am comparing myself to your sister. Questioning if others around me are doing the same thing... Maybe it is because I did not know her, that I now in my mind have made her all the more better then me, made her this perfect person that I could never be... I start to wonder about her with Zachan, and him with her. If they were a better match then me and him."
Seanne looks to the table, taking in what I have said," Aleenia no-one or nothing, not even my sister was what you say is 'perfect'. Not even the paintings on your stones are perfect, look-"
She picks up the stone she was fiddling with before and shows me the painted face," not even the petals are perfect on your flowers."
I let out a shaky laugh at that and smile, "I take offense."
Seanne lets out her own teasing smile before continuing," Aleenia, from knowing you, you would not be kissing Zachan if part of you were not starting to love him."
My cheeks are turning rosy again.
"But to get to loving him completely, you seem to be climbing a cliff. Looking for ways up to the top, exhausting yourself. And when you look down, you get so scared it will take you a while before you can keep moving up..."
Pausing Seanne gives me a pointed look.
"I think you should take a lesson from your homeland."
I cock my head to the side, confused at her intending meaning. To be honest I had no idea where she was going with this.
" When learning English Mr. Larkin called, what is happening to you, 'falling in love', " Seanne drops the stone in her hand on the table for emphasis, " You should be on top of that cliff Aleenia, and you should just let yourself fall."
Hello everyone, I know you're probably mad for my lack of updates, and I would be to. A lot has been happening these past months and my mind hasn't really been in a sound place to keep writing.
But I have picked myself up and found myself writing again, and I am very happy about that. And I should also thank you guys, in like the past 4-5 days the story got another 15,000+ reads which is crazy, less then 10,000 to 100,000 reads which is amazing and has blown my mind!
So thanks to all those who read, voted and commented it really helped and made my day. Sometimes I doubt my writing ability but with you comments it means so much.
Anyways I hoped you liked that chapter, tell me what you guys think!
Also a lot of you have been asking how many more chapters there are to this story. I have mapped out all the storyline and planned the chapters so I know where I am going with this story. I won't say how many chapters are left because knowing me that will probably change, but I will say I have made a decision to split the story into . Both parts will be in this one story.
I am doing this because I felt like this is needed for the story, as it may be a bit longer then most. Also I plan to finish before I go away... I shall be doing a Student Exchange in the UK for my University Degree and leave mid September and wont be back to February. I am really excited about this, and that's another reason I have been away because I am planning everything for that. If I do get a chance to write more when I am over there and travelling I will try my best to do so.
Sorry for that long rant of explanations, but as always Please Vote and Comment,
I am hoping to update soon,
Love U all!
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