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I take a deep breath, then softly knock on the door. "Mom?" I reluctantly whisper, slowly turning the metal knob and slightly pushing it open with the tips of my fingers.

I weave my head in and I'm only welcomed by a cold ghostly presence but not the figure I was wishing to see. Emptiness has become my new biggest company and I'm getting used to this every single day now that mom has completely lost her head. Nothing new there.

I deeply exhale and I feel my eyes about to start stinging from the punishing tears. "Why do you keep doing this to us Mom?" I helplessly mumble, running my fingers slowly through my dark brown hair.

I can't take this ache anymore. The pain is unbearable and it keeps reminding me of the time I thought my Dad was never going to come back - well guess what...he never did anyway. Sometimes I look up and wish he never left me because things got tougher after he left us for good. I bury my head in my hands and silently cry to myself, letting all the emotions flow through streaming droplets of painful droplets of tears.

Silent crying has been my new motto over the past few weeks or so. "Sasha? What's wrong?" a small concerned voice asks behind me.

I quickly wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hand, turn around and give her a warm smile to assure her that I'm perfectly alright, even though its obvious I'm not. "Nothing's wrong, Tasha," I sniff. "You need to go get ready for school now." I pull a hopeless damaged smile.

"Is mommy not home again?" she softly croaks, creasing her brows in bewilderment.

"No, but don't worry, you have me!" I cheerfully exclaim. I stretch my lips into a big grin hoping that might make her forget about everything. She doesn't need to know anyway. She tightly grips onto her teddy bear like a security blanket and I notice her eyes start welling up. I swear that teddy bear's always given me the creeps ever since it set foot into this house.

"But I want mommy...and daddy! Where's daddy?" she squeals.

And for that single second, the cute little toddler in front of me turns into a dominant monstrous T-Rex about to rip me into shreds unless I give her an answer right that second. I never knew little kids could ever hold this kind of power over me.

"Your erm... dad is just gone away for a while," I blatantly lie through my teeth.

"He's your dad too!" Tasha blurts. No. My dad's dead and your dad's in prison where he belongs.

"No he's not," I mutter in annoyance.

I can never call him my Dad, he never was my Dad in the first place. He was Tasha's. After what he done to me I can never call him that. My real Dad is forever gone and he's never coming back. Because of Tasha's father, I'm scared to get too close to a boy. I'm scared to go out on my own. I'm scared of loosing everything I never had. Fear is also now one of my other biggest companies.

I stick out my arms signalling for her to give me a hug, and without hesitation, she sprints towards me, wraps her small chubby arms around my waist and rests her tiny head delicately on my stomach.

"It's just me and you Tasha," I quietly breathe in her hair and I softly nuzzle my nose through her curly locks and smell the fresh fragrance of sweetness and innocence.

"Again," Tasha adds before squeezing me in much tighter.

Those words sunk in a little deeper and I deeply exhaled at the thought of mom leaving and never coming back. I need to be strong. Just for Tash, because no one else is going to look out for us.

Not even our own mother.

"Now why don't you go get ready for school and I'll meet you downstairs with some breakfast. How does that sound?" I suggest as I place my hands on either side of her tiny face and softly plant a delicate kiss on her smooth forehead.

"That sounds awesome!" she cheerfully yells, with a big cheesy grin on her face.

"Okay, go now before you're late for school princess," I quietly order with a small smile.

She swiftly turns on her heel and rushes to the bathroom and shuts the door. I stand there helplessly not knowing what to do. I swear there was something I was supposed to do, it's just slipped my mind. Right! I need to make my little sister breakfast.

I run downstairs in my pajamas and slippers and head for the kitchen. I notice the kitchen is in a right state, The pots and pans are all stacked together, over loading the tiny silver sink. There are food stains all over the cooker and the cupboards look as if they had just been attacked by a vicious wildebeest.

My shoulders immediately drop when I notice the chaotic state of the kitchen and I feel powerless and weak. Why can't my Mom just be like them really clean, sweet Moms who cook with you, tells jokes, looks after the house and maybe even looks out for her kids and calls whenever she can?

Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed. I had a Dad, then I had another who made mine and my Mom's life a living hell and now I have a Mom who expects me to look after myself, the house and Tasha. Life is so unfair. My family's not exactly rich like a couple of kids in my school, I ain't gonna say any names (the Carlson Brothers). I had to! I mean... who already own businesses of their own and every thirsty female at the high school worship this ground that they walk on.

I wish I was free. I can't be responsible and reliable. Tasha has become too attached to me and it's tiring me out. I have a life of my own to worry about. I can't even socialise with other people anymore because I'm too busy looking after my younger sister and covering for my Mom. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry. But I won't because I'm my own boss and that's the way its always going to be.

I will never let them see me cry, no matter how much it hurts.

I quickly make Tasha some breakfast oblivious to the fact the kitchen is still a right mess. When mom gets home, she can clean it herself. I hear Tasha's footsteps rushing down the stairs and she lands with a big thump which startles me a little.

"Come have your breakfast and I'll drive you to school," I order, placing the bowl of cornflakes and dried fruit on the counter and wait for her to settle herself on the tall stool.

"We're not driving in that ugly car are we?" she says in disgust. So blatant.

"Hey! That car is not ugly, it just needs some paint then everything will be nice again!"

"Yeah that's what you said last year and you still haven't done it," she quietly murmurs to herself as if I didn't hear her.

"Tasha shut up and eat your food. I'm going upstairs to get ready. Give me thirty minutes."

And with that, I exit the kitchen and race upstairs to the bathroom and tightly shut the door behind me. I jump in the shower for a good half an hour, wrap myself with a towel then head for my bedroom. I race to the wardrobe and swing open the doors. I cock my head to one side, knit my eyebrows tightly together then stare the pile of clothes down.

"Now, what to wear?" I whisper to myself as if the wardrobe will magically throw out an exquiste outfit for me to wear.

I rummage through the clothes, tossing ugly clothes over my shoulder until I finally pick out a pair of Tiffany blue ripped jeans, white vest, a black Hollister cardigan and a small heart locket to accessorize. I slip on my socks followed by my white and gray Nike sneakers, grab my Juicy Couture, keys, cellphone and Vaseline then head back downstairs. I find Tasha struggling to tie her shoe laces so I drop my bag, get down on my knees and help her tie a pretty bow on each shoe.

"Thank you." she softly breathes as her hands gently take place on my shoulder for balance.

"That's okay princess," I happily reply.

"Mom promised she'll teach me how to do my laces but she keeps forgetting," she helplessly states.

"That's not a problem," I try to reassure her.

"Yes it is! All my friends at school make fun of me and say that my mommy doesn't love me because she always leaves me."

I freeze then slowly look up to her and examine her face. "How do they know that Mom leaves us?" I question her.

"They make us talk about our families in class."

"Who? The teachers?"

She nods her head instantly and that's when I feel the frustration over take my whole body. I knew them bitches would stick their nose in. Yes! Everyone in the neighbourhood knows about Tasha's dad and my mom and how my mom became an alcoholic for a few months but that doesn't mean that she hasn't changed. Gosh! People are so quick to judge others without taking a good look at themselves!

"Sashy? Are you mad at me, Sashy?" she quietly asks me.

I shake my head then rapidly get up from the kneeling position I was in. "From now on, you don't talk about mommy, otherwise the bad people will come and take you away from me and I'll never be able to see you again."

"Is it the same bad people who came to our house in their noisy cars, took Daddy and put big bracelets around his wrists and pushed him into the noisy car?" she curiously asks.

How could I forget that day? The prick deserved it. "No they're not the same. Let's go."

I lead the way out of the kitchen, I pick up my bag from the floor and leave the house with Tasha. She gets settled in the front seat of the car and she adjusts her seat belt. I get myself into the driver's seat and start the engine. I drive rapidly to her school, knowing that if I go at my normal pace I'll be late for my own school.

I drop her off her class then head back to the car. I flop onto the steering wheel and briefly close my eyes. I just want my mom back. She hasn't called me or even checked up on us. She could be dead for all I know and we won't even know. I don't even know where my older sister Keisha lives, I would ask her to come help me but she left ages ago, when the going got tough, she couldn't cope either.

I raise my head up and attempt to start the car. The engine starts then quickly stops again. I try the engine again and the same thing happens again. "Oh come on! Don't do this to me!" I yell slamming my hands on the wheel in frustration and deeply exhaling. Now look what's happened. I'm yelling at objects that can't even hear me.

I try the car again and once again the engine starts then stops. I kick the car in frustration and hit the steering wheel with the bottom part of my palm hoping that might make the car work. Trust me when I say, abusing technology always makes it work in the end.

"Calm down Sasha. just try one more time then if it doesn't work out then the bus is always an option," I slowly whisper to myself. I turn the key one more time and surprisingly the engine works.

A smile grows on my face and I quietly chuckle to myself. Wow! I seriously do have issues.

* * * *

I finally arrive at my high school. Jesse Gorjero High School. Pretty fancy name right? Well its not that much of a fancy school but the tuition fees are bloody ridiculous. Mom hasn't been able to pay for every semester and money's become a real problem in our household. I'm scared I might get kicked out because I still have a lot to pay. I have mentioned to mom that I still have money I need to pay off for this year's semester and she always says that she will pay it but she never does. So that's why I need to desperately find a subject or activity I'm good at then earn myself a scholarship. Its the only way I'll be able to pay for my stay here. I can't rely on my Mom for assistance or support.

I stroll into the huge building. More and more pictures are put up around the school walls. Pictures of the competitions our school has won, a trophy cabinet and a picture of the Head Girl and Head Boy hangs high on the wall of the entrance. The gorgeous face of Lexi Stevens as Head Girl and Mr Sexy number two Jacob Carlson as Head Boy. You're probably wondering who Number one is. Well he is handsome, gorgeous, sexy, has a face literally carved by angels and those blazing gray eyes which just makes-

My head hits off of something interrupting my trend of thought. Something hard which makes me land on the floor. I hear jeering laughter fill around me and I can feel my face burning in embarrassment.

"Watch where you're going you idiot!" he rudely remarks.

Oh and did I mention he is also a total asshole.

"Well I'm sorry," I mutter to myself and quickly dust myself off the hard ground.

"That's what I like to hear," he laughs with a sadistic smirk on his face. His gang of friends behind him all break out into laughter and I know I do look like the ultimate idiot now...apologising and everything.

"Actually no! I'm not sorry!" I blurt out, clenching my fists in frustration.

Everyone in the corridor freezes and they all turn to face me. The silence creeps up in the room and I feel like a tiny mouse surrounded by huge mountain lions about to pounce on me any second. He cocks his to one side and scoffs a little with his eyes glued to the ground.

Uh oh! I really need to keep my mouth shut!

"Care to repeat yourself, Sasha?" he quietly says.

Say you're sorry! Say you're sorry! "Oh I'm sorry! Did I stutter? Kyle!" Nope! You just had to say that, didn't you?

Yep! That's him Kyle Carlson.

Mr Popular. Mr Amazing. Mr Gorgeous. And of course, Mr Asshole.

And with that, I start to slowly attempt to walk straight past him. He gently grips onto my arm and tries to stop me from walking away.

"Not so fast baby girl, I'm not finished with you yet."

"Well I'm finished with you! Let go!" I command.

He raises his eyebrow at me then a smirk takes form on his face. The crowd of people increases and they're all interested to know what's going on. I want to know what's going on with myself as well.

"Let go," I quietly command one more time with a sharp tone in my voice.

I stare into his cold gray eyes and he glares back. I narrow my eyes at him and he finally lets go of my arm and I rapidly walk away. That's when I'm now surrounded by my chatter. Now time for me to find my best friend Lara! I weave through the crowds of juniors and a few seniors to get to my lockers where Lara is always waiting. I spot her leaning by the lockers, her blond hair out in big curls and her curvy figure never looked better. She's wearing a see-through light pink blouse with high waisted grey denim shorts.

Always looking smoking hot! Her face immediately lights up when she sees me and a big grin takes form on her fair face. "Sasha!" she calls out. As soon as I reach her, I wrap my arms tightly around her and give her a tight squeeze. "So how have you been?" she asks me with so much light in her icy blue eyes.

"Yeah I've been good, how about you?"

"Yeah you know me, always cheerful and happy!" she cheerfully sings.

I reach into my locker and pull out my English and Literature books then slowly shut the locker again. I clutch my books underneath my arms and we both start making our way to the second floor where we have English with Mr Berry! Our hot English teacher. I've got so much to tell Lara! About how Kyle tried to embarrass me in front of the school and my mom's weird disappearances!

"So did you hear?" Lara starts.

Maybe I need to put my thoughts on hold then. Lara always has a juicy story lined up for me.

"Hear what?" I intriguingly ask.

"Kyle and Lexi broke up yesterday," she loudly whispers then pulls that 'it's-true-I'm-not-lying face'. Why am I always the last to hear about things. Trust me when I say, I'm always the last to find out about everything.

"Tell me why I'm not surprised," I laugh, shaking my head at my own statement.

Kyle is bad news, I wouldn't even like to associate myself with someone like him. I don't even know why most girls in this school do. I mean, I get that he's hot and everything but he's so full of himself and he's arrogant. If he was more like his brother Jacob then I might actually take interest in him. But wouldn't it just be funny if one day he was beaten at his own game? Hm...

No, I'm not planning anything devious or stupid. So you can breathe a sigh of relief.

"Ah! They'll be back together again."