When the morning comes I feel far from my best. My head hurts a little, my joints feel stiff, and I'm overall still exhausted from crying myself to sleep last night. It's not all bad, though, because when I do wake up I'm wrapped in Yoongi's warm and comforting embrace, exactly where he'd left me. The sleeping boy before me looks tranquil and complacent, his more defined features appearing softer on his unconscious face. Looking at Yoongi's peaceful expression only makes me think more about how ragged I must look, so I decide to try and break free from his tight grasp to try and clean myself up. A cold shower is definitely in order.

I begin to extract myself by trying to move under his arms, and I don't get much farther than that. My movements wake the normally heavy sleeper and his grip only gets tighter. If I didn't look so haggard, I definitely wouldn't have a problem with it, but right now all I want to do is look a little more presentable.

"Good morning," Yoongi yawns, dragging out the words. He pulls me even closer and nestles his head in the crook of my neck, grumbling softly about how he wants to go back to sleep.

"Yoongi, stop," I whine, pushing against his chest lightly. "I'm gross, lemme go."

He pulls away a little, just to look at me, before he speaks again. "You have never looked gross in your life, stop that."

"Yoongi, look at me," I manage, pointing to myself. "Eyes aren't supposed to look like this." The bags under my eyes are undoubtedly prominent, and only at my mention of them does Yoongi actually release me.

"Okay, go clean yourself up. But as far as I'm concerned, you've still never looked gross." I roll my eyes and climb over him and out of the bed, heading to the bathroom to take care of myself. The door is closed when I arrive, so I knock to see who's on the other side.

"Hello?" The familiar voice of Kim Seokjin greets me, muffled through the piece of wood that separates us.

"Hey, Jin. Just wondering how much longer you'll be in there."

"Almost done, actually," he replies. "Gimme a minute."

So I do. I wait a short amount of time before he emerges from the room, hair still damp from the shower he'd taken.

"You feeling okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, better. I'm sure I look a little worse for wear, though."

"You look fine, in all honesty. What happened last night?"

"Oh, some drama with a friend of mine. He's really, really clingy, and he doesn't like Yoongi, so when he found out we were doing the collab he freaked out and went to my house without warning. It was really overwhelming."

"I can imagine. Hey, I'm sure Yoongi already ran the idea by you, but I can call Manager-nim up and have him send someone by your house to make sure everything's okay if you want."

"Yeah, Yoongi suggested that. I'd really appreciate it, Jin."

"Of course— I'll get right to it."

"Thank you, that means a lot."

"Anytime." Seokjin then leaves me to clean myself up. I take a cold shower and spend a good deal of time washing my face, trying to calm myself down. I put on a little makeup to try and hide the bags under my eyes, but it doesn't seem like they'll be anything other than prominent today. After finishing that up I throw on a t-shirt and some joggers— just something comfortable to wear before the next showcase tonight. When I reenter the dorm, I find that a few other members are up and about and that Bangtan's manager is in the living room.

"Rin-ah, could you come here?" He asks when he sees me. I nod, nervous, and head in the Manager's direction.

"Here, this is what we found at your house." He hands me his phone, which is open to some photos he took. Looking at them just throws me right back into the hole I just crawled out of. The front of the house looks normal, as do the sides. The back, however, is what gets to me. In green spray paint, the word "Traitor" is spelled out against the siding. I know it's from Juyoung, there's no one else it could have been. I nod weakly, looking up at the manager and returning his phone to him.

"Thank you for checking everything," I say, my voice wavering just a little. "It really means a lot."

"Rin, we want to help you," Manager-nim says, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Is there anything we can do?"

"I don't know."

At this point, Yoongi enters the living room and meets me with a sympathetic frown. "You saw what he did?" He questions. I nod, not trusting myself to speak for fear of my voice cracking. Yoongi seeing me sobbing my eyes out was bad enough last night— now is my time to hold it together.

"Wanna talk about it?"

I shake my head.

"Want me to help take your mind off of it?"

There's a nod.

He smiles, coming closer and taking my hand gently. "There's this horror movie I heard about recently that's so bad it's good. We could watch that."

I smile, thankful for Yoongi's method of distraction. "I'd like that."

Yoongi just nods, pulling me over to the couch where I normally sleep and scrolling through Netflix, finding the movie and pressing play. The others in the dorm mingle about, but no one comes close to us as we lay together on the couch, Yoongi still holding me close in that protective way he rarely shows. It's odd, really, that people think Yoongi is a cold-hearted person. If only they got to see the side of him I'm seeing now. And even more odd is that this is the first time in my adult life that I've really felt like I need someone to be there for me, and the only person who can satisfy is the one with his arms tightly around me.

Yoongi and I spend the entire day watching terrible movies with him holding me close all the while. I finally managed to pull myself together more substantially after the third film in, but the thoughts of Juyoung's actions kept nagging me no matter what. When it's finally time for us to get up and head to our next showcase, we just jump in the company van with Manager-nim and drive.

"You feeling better?" Yoongi asks me as we walk out to the van.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm still a little bit shook up, but I'm certainly better than I was, thanks to you."

Yoongi blushes just the tiniest bit, causing yet another pang in my gut. That now all-too-familiar lurching sensation strikes me far more regularly than it used to; I deal with it once or twice a day when I'm around Yoongi. And I know what it means, but I don't really know how to deal with it.

We get in the van and drive, arriving at the venue within half an hour. Manager-nim hangs around backstage, obviously glad that he only has to herd two people around instead of seven.

"I'll be around here if you need me for anything," he says to us. "Just head over to wardrobe and get ready."

Yoongi nods, as do I, and we hurry off to get dolled up. Today, the stylists have decided that a black and blue color scheme will be good for us. I'm wearing a dark blue blouse and a black skirt with black boots. The makeup artists really work their magic today, too, managing to clear up the bags under my eyes far better than I could have ever hoped to. I'll definitely look presentable when I get out there tonight.

Unfortunately, we cut things a little short when we left the dorm, so we've got to go on just a few minutes after Yoongi and I are done with the stylists. Manager-nim gives us a thumbs-up from backstage, a staff member puts mics in our hands, and out we go to do the song again.

At first, things are fine. The first half of the first verse is smooth sailing. It's when we get to the fight, though, that my mind starts to take over. As I speak the words, "Fine, I didn't care about you anyway," my head starts spinning. How could I have said those things to Yoongi? Min Yoongi, the man who's done nothing but good for me all of this time. The boy who tried to reconnect with me four years after a fight that I started because I was cocky and full of myself. Now, with Juyoung having turned on me for trying to further myself, I finally understand exactly what Yoongi went through. The word "Traitor" keeps running through my head, the picture of my house flashing in my mind over and over. And I can't help but think that Juyoung was right. I was a traitor— not to him, but to Yoongi, four years ago.

As we reach the final chorus, I can't do it anymore, and I let the tears fall. It's not ugly crying like it was the night before, thankfully. It's not sobbing that will distort my breathing and ruin the performance, no. It's just a constant stream of water that gets more and more forceful until the song ends. Yoongi gives me a concerned look and I feel the pang in my gut again as I bow to the audience and thank them. Yoongi does, too, but keeps his eyes on me the whole time, making sure I'm okay. When we return backstage, we pass our mics to a staff member and Yoongi grabs me by the wrist, tugging me to a more secluded area backstage where we probably aren't supposed to be.

He wipes my tears with the sleeve of his black jacket, his other hand gently grazing against my jawline. "Are you okay?" He asks me, cocking his head to the side in concern.

Finally, all of my thoughts spill out, and I answer Yoongi's question with another. "What the hell was wrong with me, Yoongi?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did I ever let you go?"

Yoongi's face suddenly changes. His expression, which previously housed only concern, now harbors confusion, perhaps even a hint of melancholy. "You know that's not a question I can answer, Rin. I'm just— I'm really happy you're here now. That's really why you're crying?"

"I'm crying because I haven't been doing you justice. I've fought with you, shunned you, and been arrogant enough to think that I was better than you, and you took me back with open arms after all of it. Hell, you were the one who wanted to reconnect after I was the one who deserted you. Every single step I took to avoid you, it was wrong. And you knew it was, but you still tried to patch things up. Now I'm trying to avoid Juyoung and I understand what I did to you because it's what he's doing to me now. It hurts, and it's scary, and I can't believe I ever did that to you. Goddammit, Yoongi, how didn't I see it before now?"

"See what?"

And I do what I've wanted to do for a very long time. I place my hands exactly where I want them— one on Yoongi's chest and the other on the back of his neck, holding him close to me. I have to stretch up a little bit because even those on the shorter end of Bangtan are taller than me, and I bring our lips together. The pang in my stomach hits me harder than it ever has before, and for good reason. Back at the library, all that time ago, a simple kiss didn't mean anything to us. Now, though, I know exactly what I want it to say.

Yoongi doesn't seem too shocked that this was my course of action. He slips his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and slowly he starts to move with the kiss, deepening it. Four years. Four years I went without this incredible person in my life. Worse yet, I spent four years wishing we'd never met. Yoongi pulls one hand away from my waist and runs his fingers through my hair. Only after that do I finally pull away from him, finding the words I've wanted to say.

"I only ever needed you."

Yoongi looks at me, a soft smile resting gently on his lips and one of his arms still around my waist. He brushes some hair behind my ear before he kisses me again. It's a gentle kiss, lasting nowhere near as long as the last one, but it's tender and warm. He pulls away slowly, that same smile still toying at his lips.

"I think I'm in love with you, Ah Rin. I think I have been for a while."

"I think I'm in love with you, too, Min Yoongi."

He interlaces his fingers with mine and the smile on his face broadens. Squeezing my hand tightly, he just looks at me for a moment, as if seeing me for the first time. Then, softly, he speaks.

"Hey, we've gotta get back out there. They're going to declare a winner soon."

"Right," I manage. "We should go, then."

Yoongi leads me out of the secluded hallway we'd been occupying and we meet with the rest of the groups in the wings. After a staff member gives us the cue, we all head out so that the emcees can announce who's won the showcase. Yoongi remains practically glued to my side the entire time, not that I mind. I zone out as the emcees speak, reading all the signs fans had made for the artists performing. There are more than a few for Yoongi, but much to my surprise there are a couple for me. I'm in the midst of reading one of the larger signs when confetti cannons begin to go off around me, startling me. Yoongi punches me in the shoulder excitedly as the emcees talk.

"Say some thanks!"

"Right, of course, "Yoongi says. "Thank you, first of all, to all the fans that have supported me and Silver throughout this whole process— we would not succeed without you, so it means a ton. Secondly, we'd like to thank all of the staffs and producers at Big Hit who have made this track possible and an especially big thanks to our CEO for allowing all of this. This really does mean so much, so thank you all for everything. We love you dearly, thank you."

A glass trophy is placed in my hands, leaving me in a complete state of shock. Yoongi offers to take the trophy from me and I raise a mic to my mouth, unsure as to what's going to come out.

"Wow, I can't believe this, really. As Suga said, thanks to all of the fans and all of Big Hit's employees for everything that you've done to support us and to help us tell our story to more people. As musicians, we love to tell stories, so really the thanks all go to you for listening to them. And sorry for crying onstage, I've been having an interesting couple of days. Thank you all so much, really." I bow, completely dumbfounded by the fact that Yoongi and I have won the showcase. The music starts again and the encore begins. Other idols shoot us congratulations that we return as we do the song again, this time with a more carefree attitude. We hurry offstage afterward to find our manager.

"You did great! I'm so proud of you two, really. Here, let me take this," he says, removing the trophy from Yoongi's hands. "Now, you two go get changed and meet me out in the van. I'll pull right up to the back entrance."

"Will do," Yoongi says, giving Manager-nim a quick salute before heading further backstage to a dressing room. I follow suit, making my way to the girls' dressing room quickly to put my t-shirt and joggers back on. I brush through my hair while I'm in there, though, meaning there's no way I won't be keeping the other two waiting. As I hurry out of the dressing room knowing I'm wasting the company van's gas, I hardly look where I'm going. It's for this reason that I'm so surprised when a hand grabs my wrist and pushes me against the wall, whacking my head and causing a decent amount of pain. I open my eyes to see who my attacker is and I'm left speechless.

Staring me in the face is Choi Juyoung, more drunk than I've ever seen him. He looks almost animalistic, almost feral, and he's clearly not happy. I can't even get a single word out of my mouth before he begins to speak.

"You love him. After all this time, you love him. Not me, not after everything I've done for you." His voice slurs and I try to remove my arm from his grasp, leading him to pin me up against the wall by my shoulders. He just keeps talking. "You know how I've felt about you all these years, and now I'm just watching you slip away. I come to your house to check up on you, I plan out nice dates, and what do you do? You avoid me, you stay with him, and you rub it all in by abandoning me as your producer, too. An idol! You, Ah Rin, an idol! Unbelievable."

"Juyoung, please let me go," I plead, trying to push against him.

"No, listen to me," he slurs. His breath reeks of alcohol, but there's nothing I can do to get away from it as he continues. "I want the best for you, you know that. That's why I told you everything I did about idols all those years ago. That's the only reason I tried to help Yoongi find you again— you both insisted you were just friends, so helping you get back together would have been the best for you. Look where that got me. I was sure I was going to get the girl— I was certain. And still, I'm losing."

The look in his eye changes from feral to almost totally deranged, leaving me more genuinely terrified than I have ever been in my life. Juyoung brings his face closer to mine, speaking in a higher tone that might denote insanity.

"There's hope for me yet, isn't there? For us? Sure, you kissed him and you told him you loved him— I saw all that myself— but there must still be hope for me. You aren't totally his yet, are you?"

He starts to move closer and I do all I can think of. I knee Juyoung in the stomach, causing him to double over in pain and move away from the wall. I take the chance I have to run past him and all the way to the back door, tears streaming down my face yet again. My heart thuds in my chest as I place my hand on the door handle, ready to leave and never come back. I open the door and hear Juyoung's voice from farther behind me, calling after me.

"Leaving so soon?"

Those words are all the cue I need to burst through the door and run to the company van, my entire face drenched with tears and my whole body shaking with fear. I throw open the van door and force myself into the back seat, my breathing hitched and ragged, my body trembling uncontrollably, and my mouth simply unable to find words.

And here Min Yoongi finds me at my wit's end for the second night in a row.

☽☼☾

yo! hope you're all doing well!

this chapter was super long, too, what kind of garbage do i think i am? well, i've been building to this one for a long time, so i think it being longer is warranted. if you enjoyed it, voting and commenting is always appreciated. and, if you didn't like it, constructive criticism is also always appreciated, so long as it's nice. thank you all so much for supporting me for this long, it really is crazy.

thanks, and stan pentagon,

sam

☽☼☾