The door clicks shut behind me as I reenter the dorm. I kick my shoes off and look around, surprised to see all six of my bandmates in the living room. Not to say that all of my members are as lethargic as I'm known to be, but after a taxing day like today, I'd expect at least some of them to be in bed.

"Hey, Yoongi," Namjoon says with a smile. "You're back late."

"You're up late," I counter, not missing a beat.

"How's Rin?" Jimin pries.

"Fine," I respond. "Not much different from the last time you saw her, given that was like two hours ago. Why are you all up? It's one in the morning."

"We wanted to wait up with you," Jin explains. "Talk about Rin."

"Why?"

"There's a lot to talk about," Namjoon interrupts. "Like, why did you not tell us way back that she's drop-dead gorgeous?"

I'm about to tell him to shut up, but another voice joins the chorus. "She's totally a ten, dude." It's Taehyung who's speaking to me.

"You're making him uncomfortable," Jungkook says meekly, and the boys calm down. It seems they made our maknae a little uncomfortable, too.

"In reality, though, hyung, Rin-noona is really cool. She was really intimidating at first, but she's sweet."

"Wait. Jungkook finds a girl intimidating? Shocker," Jimin laughs.

"Let the kid live, man," Hoseok chides, slapping Jimin's arm. He only rolls his eyes in response.

"So, Yoongi, I know you played some of her stuff already, but what are her stages like? I'm the only one besides you who's seen her perform and I want to know what her lives are like."

"You want me to look something up?" I ask, confused.

"That's kinda how video works, yeah."

"I mean, okay. Sure," I say, and head into my bedroom for a moment to grab my laptop. I look for a video of the show that I went to and find one put out by the venue. Trusting it, I click on the video and return to my bandmates just as she's coming up onstage. The six gather around the small screen and watch her set with enthusiasm. The vocals aren't quite as hyped up as the rappers are, though. Namjoon and Hoseok sit mouths agape, in complete awe of her track The Plight. Jin seems generally amazed the whole way through, and the younger boys just seem to be having fun with her show, as am I. I've known how talented Rin is for some time, and being able to see her so comfortable up on stage is something that makes me really happy. As the set concludes, Rin thanks everyone for listening to her and hypes the crowd up for the headlining act, which brings up some confusion.

"Wait, you mean she wasn't the headliner?" Namjoon asks.

"No, she was the final opener. I don't know if she's headlined any shows at all, actually. I'm not doubting that she has, but she hadn't done one when we split and I feel like I would've heard if she had."

"But she's so good!" Jungkook exclaims. "Why wouldn't she headline a show? There's no way the next guy could compare to her act— I mean, you saw how excited everyone was!"

"I think you actually mentioned a big part of it, Jungkook," Jin says. "She's a girl. Women just aren't taken as seriously in the rap industry, especially underground."

"That's really stupid," Jungkook says. I give a solemn nod because the maknae is absolutely right.

Out of left field comes a suggestion from our second-youngest. "What if Rin auditioned for the company?"

In spite of myself, and without intending to, I burst out laughing, leaving everyone but Hoseok giving me very confused looks. I catch my breath, sighing before saying, "Rin? Audition? You're insane."

"You kinda look like the insane one here, hyung," Jimin says.

"Yeah, what's so absurd about Rin auditioning?" Tae questions.

I sigh. "It's about time I told you all the whole story, I guess," I say resolutely. "Ready for a sob story?"

"Always," Jin says, putting a friendly hand on my shoulder. I give him a smile and close my laptop's lid, moving to sit on the couch. My friends disperse around the room, finding comfortable places to listen from. When everyone seems comfortable, I begin.

"So, I met Rin in late 2009," I begin. "We met at a concert, actually, for some underground guy who fell off the face of the earth, and we really hit it off. We started spending a lot of time together; our friends teased us all the time, constantly pried about whether or not we were dating, the whole nine yards. We were, at the time, Rin and Yoongi— joined at the hip. We were both working underground, so a good lot of the time we were also Silver and Gloss— joined at the hip, but the point is that we were pretty much inseparable. I know what you're thinking, and no; we were never anything more than friends. Best friends, sure, but nothing romantic."

"Anyway, Rin had always kind of had a grudge against idols. I don't really know why, but I would imagine it had something to do with how processed the industry seemed to her and how much freedom idols have to give up to be in groups a lot of the time. I think I told her once that maybe she should audition for some company just to get a little recognition and she actually blew up on me. She didn't think idols were legitimate, and she wanted her art to be legitimate. It never appealed to her."

"That's all the exposition you're going to need, I'd say, so picture this: It's 2010, and I've just decided to audition for Big Hit. I never even considered asking Rin about it because I knew what she'd say. I'd heard that smaller companies let rappers focus more on their art and often times have fewer restrictions, so I did a lot of research about which company I wanted to work for and finally decided Big Hit would be the one. I turned in all my paperwork, went to the audition, and actually got in. I could barely believe it. Immediately after I got the call I dialed Rin's number — totally without thinking, mind you — and told her the good news. Suffice it to say she did not take it well. She blew up on me on the phone, said I was betraying her, all that. I just wanted to further myself because my underground career wasn't exactly steady, and Rin just couldn't see that. I realize that I should've been more gentle about it, let her know a little more carefully, because I knew full well how she felt about idols at the time, but it was the heat of the moment and I let things get worse than they should've gotten. It wasn't entirely her fault."

"Still, that's cocky," Namjoon says. "She should've just tried to be happy for you."

"Hang on, Namjoon, that's not all," I say. "So, anyway, we both took some days apart and cooled down, and Rin came to my house and apologized for being so upset. She told me she was happy for me and proud that I made the decision to further myself, and that even though she didn't agree with it, she'd still support me. It was such a relief to hear that from her, but I could tell that she really wasn't at all happy with me auditioning. I tried to talk about trainee life as little as possible when we saw each other, but the damage had already been done. We were nowhere near as close as we used to be. We were happy enough, but only enough. Things weren't the same."

"It went on that way until 2012. Rin came over one day and gave me this flash drive that had a song she'd written on it. She had me listen to it and asked for my opinion. It was a good song— it needed work, but it was good. I told her that I liked it and she said something along the lines of 'good, because I want you to do it with me,' and everything got worse. I told her that company restrictions forbade me from doing independent work outside the company and she blew up on me again. She'd finally worked up the courage to share this song with me, as she'd apparently been holding onto it for awhile, and now I couldn't even ask about performing it with her because I'd waived my rights as an artist by joining a company. That sealed the deal in her mind; I wasn't a legitimate artist anymore, and I was never going to get to be Gloss again. I was a sellout just like so many others, and she just couldn't do it anymore. We stopped talking then, and only recently have we reconnected. So, in sum, no— I don't think asking Rin to audition would go over too well."

I'm met with shocked expressions and confusion. Seokjin's hand finds its way to my shoulder again, and he gives me a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Yoongi," he says, and I actively grimace. Already, though, the others are chiming in with similar phrases— other platitudes I want nothing to do with. Then, Namjoon again.

"She really sees herself being that high and mighty over other artists just because she isn't an idol? That's just really cocky."

"It is, yeah. She was arrogant— I'm worried deep down that she still is. I mean, she's obviously way more comfortable with us now, given that she spends time with us all the time, but I'm still worried that something I say or do is going to set her off again. Then again, I don't know. We were both young and narrow-minded back then, and I know I've grown a lot as a person in four years, so I'm certain she has, too. I don't want to underestimate how much she's changed, but I'm also not certain that four years can dissolve the biggest grudge a person can have. It's a fine line, and I'm really worried about crossing it."

Again, rounds of apologies fly my way, and I decide I've had enough of it. "Look, guys, I know you're just doing what you think is right, but I don't want your pity. More than anything else, thanks for listening to me, okay? Now, it's, like, two in the morning and I need to go to bed. Goodnight, everyone." I try to end on a more cheery note, but I have a sneaking suspicion that nothing I say is going to come across as anything other than peeved. Peeved or not, though, I am tired, so sleep comes easy.

* * *

The next morning, it's off to another meeting with Bang Sihyuk to discuss doing this track with Rin. It's kind of incredible how four years ago I couldn't even consider asking about this, and here I am doing it now. As I did before, I wait outside his office until a staff member gives me clearance to enter. My CEO is smiling and well-dressed as usual and greets me with his usual cheer.

"How are you doing, Yoongi-yah? Well, I hope."

"Yes, CEO-nim. Quite well, thank you. How are you?" I bow and smile politely as I'm supposed to.

"Lovely. What brings you here today?" The CEO gestures for me to sit down in an office chair at the conference table before him, and I do so.

"Well, you know the last time I came in here, I asked for a day off so I could spend time with a friend?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, that friend is an underground rapper, and she just recently asked me to perform a track with her that she wrote about the two of us. It'd really mean a lot to her if I got permission to work on it, and I know things are busy with promotions right now, but—"

"You're an honorable man, Yoongi."

Genuinely dumbfounded by my CEO's interruption, I sputter, "what?"

"I know you'll do everything in your power to get this to work out for you and your friend, and I absolutely respect that. You'll work yourself to the bone to make her happy, won't you?"

"If I have to, yes."

"Well, I trust that you'd do excellent work, but the thing is, I don't trust her to do you justice. Not yet, at least. Yoongi, I'll need to hear this song before I can give the OK. If your friend has a recording she could bring in, that would work. If you two can work out a good time before Fire promotions start officially, I'll make time to hear it. If you have practice, I can get you out of it. I trust you, Yoongi, and I want to trust your friend, too, but I'll at least need to meet her first. Understood?"

"Yes, sir, understood. I'll work on it. Thank you for your time."

"Of course, Yoongi. Good luck."

I nod, stand, bow, and then leave the office, mentally shaking myself into reality again.

So, maybe this is possible.

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hi!

once again, sorry about this taking so long, but as i put on my message board, updates are more often than not going to be on an every-other-sunday basis now. sorry, but i kinda knew i wouldn't be able to keep this schedule up forever. you win some, you lose some, i guess. right?

anyway, leave feedback if you're so inclined, it really does mean a lot to me. thanks for dealing with my sporadic update schedule and general awfulness recently, and keep it real. i'm really thankful for y'all and hope you're doing well.

thanks again,

sam

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