As I sit on the couch watching an old episode of Boyfriend's Hello Baby, I realize how tense I am. I'm not normally a super tense individual; in fact, I'd say I'm pretty relaxed most of the time. Today, though, is different, because my muscles seem to be tight and my joints locked, keeping me from any semblance of comfort.

It's all because of the show today. I'm actually going to perform The Plight, as I'd originally planned for the Underground Festival. I've been practicing it nonstop since then, and now I'm finally feeling up to performing it. Still, though, my nerves seem to want to eat themselves alive just thinking about it. I'm buzzing with anticipation, but I'm also dreading the performance. What if the most personal song I've ever written gets mocked? What if I mess something up? Every "What If" under the sun comes to mind and just makes me dread seven o'clock more, but I still can't wait to do it.

It's nearing six-thirty now, so I decide I should probably get myself over to the venue. It's unfortunate because I was really enjoying watching the twins Youngmin and Kwangmin struggle with raising children, but it seems I'll never get to see how this episode concludes. I don't have a DVR, after all.

I run upstairs and do a little touch up on my eyeliner, as I smudged it a little earlier in the day, and then change into my performance attire. The outfit I'd laid out earlier consists of a white sweatshirt and black joggers with the same shoes as I'd worn for the Underground Festival. I'm fine with my hair back, so with the outfit complete I jump in the car and book it over to the venue.

I get there at 6:53, right about when I needed to show up. The show itself actually starts at seven, but I'm not cutting it close because I'm the third act of four to go up. I go in the back entrance, where a staff member is waiting for me, and thank him with a slight bow as I enter. From there, I head to the backstage lounge and immediately occupy the immensely comfortable leather couch that awaits me there. I've performed at this venue many times before, so much so that most of the staff knows me. I really like doing shows here, so it only seems fitting that this is where I perform the song that's got me the most on edge.

I'm playing a puzzle game on my phone, the sound of the first act's track drowning out most everything else I might be able to hear when a tap falls on my shoulder.

"You okay, Rin?" The familiar voice of Choi Juyoung calls over the volume of the music.

"Yeah, why?" I respond, standing up and walking away from the stage so we can speak in peace.

"Just wondering. We haven't spoken since the library, and I know I kind of pissed you off there, so I wanted to make sure you're doing all right."

"It's fine; I put it behind me."

"Good. Look, I wanted to make it up to you, so I was thinking—"

"You don't need to make it up to me, Juyoung. You didn't do anything wrong. I mean, you were just curious, and you had every right to be."

"Still, I feel bad."

"You shouldn't—"

"Just let me do something nice for you, okay?" He seems, if nothing else, desperate. I nod slowly.

"Okay, I guess. What did you have in mind?"

"We haven't hung out in awhile, so I was thinking we could head to dinner after the show?"

"Won't it be, like, midnight?"

"I didn't say it would be a nice dinner, just a dinner. I've really been craving some terrible, awful, really bad for you french fries recently."

"Awesome, late night drive thru. Yeah, okay, I'm down."

"Great! Look, I'll have a little bit of audio teardown to do after the show ends, so just wait around for me, okay?"

"Yeah, can do."

"Awesome! Thanks. This'll be great!"

"If you consider cheap french fries at an ungodly hour of the morning to be great."

"Don't act like you don't."

Well, he's got me there. "Fair enough."

From that point on, Juyoung and I just hang around backstage and talk until I get my five-minute warning. When that happens, Juyoung gives me a quick hug, tells me I'll do great, and sends me on my way. I head up to the wings to wait for the guy onstage to finish up. His closer is undoubtedly the strongest song I've heard from him, and his most popular. He thanks the audience for coming out to see him and tells them to "Get excited; Silver's up next!" To this, I hear more cheers than I was expecting. Maybe doing the Underground Festival really did help me gain the exposure I so desperately desired.

There are about fifteen minutes of dead time between the previous act and my own, during which an assortment of idol group songs are played. I recognize most if not all of them, and I can't help but sing along to some. They might not be original or from the heart, but they sure are catchy; that I'll admit. When I do finally get the ok to get onstage, I feel like my legs won't move. My head feels fuzzy and I kind of want to lay down and take a nap. One of the staff members, whose name I believe is Hajoon, gives me a pat on the back.

"I know you're nervous. You've got this; they'll love you no matter what."

"Think so?" I manage. "I'm really nervous about this one."

"You'll do great, Silver. Go get 'em." And he pushes me forward just enough to get my feet moving.

Okay, here goes nothing.

I rush out onstage in a frenzy, shouting the usual "How're we doing tonight?!" into my microphone as I do so. Cheers erupt from the crowd and I smile. This won't be so bad after all. I get started by doing Calling, as it's usually my opener for gigs like this. I start off a little shaky, but I get myself together quickly and put on a good show that I know will only improve from here. When it's over, I address my audience.

"Thank you all for coming out here tonight, it's great to see so many people out here enjoying the music. You guys doing alright?"

Again, more cheers erupt. Guessing that's a yes, then.

"So, I did recently just perform at the Seoul Underground Music Festival in front of a really big crowd, and that means that there could be some new people in the audience! If you've never been to a show here before, let me know; I'm curious."

Hands and cheers come mostly from the back of the crowd, maybe from about twenty people.

"That's great! I'm glad you had such a good time and I hope that the other acts and I help make this a great first experience for you guys. Okay, I'm going to stop talking now. That's not what you came for, after all. So, for my next song I'll be performing Crimson Heart!"

More cheering. When the backing starts, I get back into the swing of things and don't stop to talk again for another four songs. Each gets better than the last. The audience is jumping around and singing the lyrics like it's what they were put on this Earth for. I think this may be the best crowd I've ever had.

When the next song on the setlist is the one I dread the most, I bring it back down.

"Alright, guys. You've been absolutely amazing thus far tonight. I can honestly say with the utmost sincerity that you're one of the best crowds I've ever had the pleasure of performing to." I'm interrupted by shouts and cheers before I can get to what I've been dying to say.

"That's why I think it's only fitting I do a new song for you all!"

I actually flinch at the sheer volume of the crowd's roar upon hearing this. Wow, they're excited for this. If they're so hyped about it, why shouldn't I be?

"Okay, this is definitely the most personal song I've ever written. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm kinda nervous about doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna give it my all, but for the sake of honesty there are a record number of butterflies in my stomach right now."

More cheering ensues. From the back of the crowd, I hear "You've got this!" Something tells me I really do.

"Alright, I'll get right to it. Thank you all for coming, because this is my closer tonight. This one's called The Plight!"

The backing starts, and it begins. I don't even feel like the first verse is happening. I've never been good at talking about my past or my weaknesses, but I do everything I can to just feel the music and not focus on the words.

When I hit the chorus, I realize that's the wrong thing to be doing. If this song is so personal and so important to me, why am I not putting my heart into sharing it? I dig down deep to give the words meaning, and the response is extraordinary. The second verse and chorus are even more monumental than the first. Crowd members are jumping around in the closest thing to a mosh pit I've ever seen from onstage. Hands are thrown in the air to the beat and those who picked up on the chorus yell the words back to me. I'm losing myself onstage, too. Running around like a maniac, jumping up and down nonstop, and throwing my whole body to the beat. It's amazing.

Finally, the bridge; the peak of this song. I'm practically screaming the lyrics and my lungs feel like they're going to give out. My heart thumps wildly in my chest and I'm pretty sure there's more adrenaline running through my veins than actual blood. Why was I so nervous to be doing this? It's the most therapeutic thing I can think of to actually scream and yell about your problems. I realize now how much I needed this.

When the song ends, I thank everyone as many times over as I can before heading offstage. Juyoung's waiting for me on the side of the stage and envelops me in a hug the moment the crowd can't see me.

"That was legendary! Ah Rin, you are a legend!"

"Let me go, Juyoung. I'm all sweaty and gross, don't touch me."

"Forget what I said last week. That was the best show I've ever seen from you."

"Thanks," I manage, breathing heavily. "I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, go chill in the lounge. Hey, I might be doing a bit of backstage work I could use some help with. Would you mind coming to help out if I call you?"

"Sure, just say the word. I'll be right there on that couch because I lack the strength to move."

He chuckles. "Great. Hang out, then."

I heed his advice and flop onto the couch, likely resembling a dead fish. I just get my breathing back to normal and slow my heartbeat down, not bothering to do anything else. The dead air ends and the final act for tonight takes the stage. Something tells me his show won't compare to mine. Two songs in, Juyoung calls me.

"Rin? Can I borrow you for a second?"

"Yeah, coming," I reply, bringing myself to a standing position. "Where are you?"

"Dressing room three," He yells in response.

I make my way down the hall, passing dressing room six, then five, and then four, before turning a corner and finally encountering three. Juyoung's standing in the middle of the room empty-handed. What could he want my help with?

"What's up?" I ask tentatively.

"Something's up with my phone," he responds, pulling it from his pocket. "Help."

"Uh, okay." I enter the room to see what's going on.

He unlocks his phone and a scared look crosses his face when the screen lights up. "Shit! What song is the act out there on?"

"The second one," I reply. There is definitely something weird going on.

"They need me up there. Hang on, okay, I'll be back." And he disappears, closing the door behind him.

When it shuts, I swear my heart stops.

None other than Min Yoongi is standing behind the door.

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hello!

hope you all liked this chapter! they finally meet...

anyway, announcement! i just sort of started a seokjin fic! it kinda happened by accident, i don't really know. it's called reflection, if you're interested in reading it! it's probably going to be pretty short, maybe ten or fifteen chapters, but i don't think it'll get in the way of every other week updates on this book. it shouldn't, at least.

thanks, and WHAT THE HELL IS BANGTAN DOING WITH WINGS,

sam

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