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[anya]

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it was about 3am, two days after we came back home, and avery was only a mere five days old. shawn was wide awake, holding avery close to his chest, trying to shush her, gently swaying his tall stature around.

"babe, go back to sleep," i mumble, kissing shawns shoulder gently, as he hums out a small chuckle.

"i should be telling you that, missy," he says softly back to me, trying to be quiet as avery softly whimpers away. "shh baba, it's okay," he says, laying a soft kiss over her little head. "you just fed her love, go back to sleep."

"let me burp her," i say, easing avery out of shawns grasp, letting shawn finally sigh, whilst i hold avery up, patting my hand lightly over her back.

"gertys coming over tomorrow," shawn hums gently, wrapping his arm around my waist, kissing my cheek gently. "baby, why are you wearing a hoodie ten sizes too big?" he chuckles, pulling against my very oversized hoodie.

"no reason," i mumble, pushing myself away from him, continuing to pat avery's back.

"hunny," shawn trails off, looking at me concerned in the dark light. "you don't look disgusting."

"it's not about that," i lie, as avery let's out a long burp, making shawn chuckle.

"that's my girl," he says, running his thumb over avery's head, before looking back at me. "i know when you're lying, anya."

"i'm not lying," i mutter, turning around, and walking to the crib beside the bed, gently putting avery down, as she gurgles, her eyes shutting immediately. "sweet dreams, gorgeous," i whisper, leaning down and kissing her forehead, before walking around the crib, and crawling back into bed.

"anya, please," shawn whispers, getting back in next to me. "it's natural, and you look beautiful, it's not like that weight is gonna disappear overnight," he says to me gently. "you're still the woman i fell in love with, you're still the most stunning woman to walk on this planet, i promise."

"i feel so fat," i whisper, my eyes filling up with tears, making shawn immediately wrap his arms around me, pulling me to his chest tightly.

"shhh, love, please don't cry," he whispers. "baby, you're stunning, please don't think of anything else. you've just given birth, it's perfectly natural hunny, it's gonna take a little bit of time for your stomach to go back to normal, but it will, i assure you. you're still my sexy girl, nothing will change that."

"nothing fits me, everything's either too big or too small," i sniffle, feeling my heart warm at shawns words.

"then you can wear my clothes, hun," he says warmly. "don't worry baby. i'll buy you a whole wardrobe if you need it."

"you're too good to me," i whimper, as he chuckles, tracing his fingers over my shoulders lightly.

"you deserve every last bit of it," he whispers, kissing my forehead again. "you pushed out a freaking baby, and you gave me the best gift in the world. i'm gonna keep you happy for the rest of your life whether you like it or not."

"and i'll try my best to keep you happy too," i mumble, my heart feeling warm and full. "i love you, shawn."

"i love you more, hunny," he whispers back, leaning down and capturing my lips in his in a sweet kiss. "get some rest gorgeous, if she wakes up again, i'll take it."

"but what if she needs feed-"

"then i'll go get some of the pumped milk from the fridge, it's okay," he tells me softly. "just sleep hunny." i chuckle tiredly, before turning around in his arms, feeling his torso pressed against my back, as i look at the sleeping baby in the crib next to the bed.

"shawn, she's so tiny," i whisper, as he hums out a gentle chuckle, holding his arms tightly around my waist. "she's so small and precious."

"her fingers make me giggle," shawn says randomly. "they're just so small, one hand is the size of half my pinky, it's crazy."

"sorry she doesn't have your massive hands," i say sarcastically, making shawn laugh softly.

"they're not that big," he says, making me giggle quietly. "okay they're a little big."

"i can't believe we made her, holy shit we actually made another human being," i whisper, as shawn chuckles again, holding his arms around me tighter, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. "an actual human, that's fucking insane."

"language," shawn tells me, making me smile, and breathe out a little chuckle. "she could be awake and fooling us when she wakes up, just watch when her first word is fuck."

"yeah, with a dad like you, it will be," i shoot back, making him laugh again. "we should start a swear jar."

"deal," he says, as i turn around in his arms, facing him directly, as he grins widely. "she's perfect."

"she really is," i whisper, leaning up and pressing my lips to shawns gently, feeling him smile under my lips.

"i haven't asked you this yet," he says, pulling away from the kiss, bringing his hand up to play with the ends of my hair. "i was going to ask you when i came back from tour, but stuff happened, so it pushed it back," he says, sitting up, and pulling me up with him, holding onto my hands in his large, warm ones. "i know we both mutually decided that we'd leave our status out of things, and just focus on avery, but fuck that, i can't ignore how i feel about you, and how desperate i am for you to be mine. i want a relationship with you, i want that status, i want to be able to introduce you to the world as the mother of my child and my girl," he spills out, making my mouth go slightly agape, as tears fill my eyes. "anya rose, will you be my girlfriend?"

"i'm gonna have to check with avery, don't wanna steal you away from her," i tease, making shawn laugh. "of course i will baby."

"oh god, i love you," he whispers, leaning down, letting go of my hands, and cupping my cheeks with his palms instead, before pressing his lips onto mine multiple times.

"i love you more," i mumble against his lips, wrapping my arms around him, resting my hands over his back muscles, feeling them relax at my fingertips.

shawn never failed to make me feel happy. and in that moment, i was the happiest i had been in a very long time.

-

"i can't believe you two have a kid," andrew says, completely shocked as he holds avery, making shawn and i laugh loudly.

"honestly, neither can we," i reply, folding my arms against my chest and leaning against the kitchen counter. "it hit me at like 3am this morning, it hit shawn then too."

"no but like," andrew says. "you guys hated each other this time last year, that's crazy," he says, making us both laugh again. "this is crazy."

"dude, you're more shocked than us," shawn says, waking around the kitchen counter and straight to the couch, taking a seat next to andrew, and easing avery out of his arms. "bound to happen at some point, i was too blind to see anya was the only girl for me. added bonus there's a baby."

"wait," andrew says, looking between shawn and i. "something happened."

"something did happen," i smirk, walking to the couch, sitting on the other side of andrew. "are you sure you're ready to hear this? because i don't think you are."

"what can be more insane than a baby?"

"shawn and i are in a relationship, he asked me to be his girlfriend earlier," i say, making andrew chuckle.

"you guys are pranking me, sure, i believe you," andrew chuckles, taking a long sip of the beer on the coffee table in front of him.

"gerty, we're not kidding," shawn says, as avery let's out a long gurgle, making shawn look straight at her, and immediately start to make baby noises to her.

"wait, really?" andrew asks, looking between shawn and i.

"yeah, really," i say. "anyway, we needed to talk to you about tour."

"yeah, i figured," andrew says sarcastically, as i sigh, standing up and sitting next to shawn.

"look, gerty," shawn says, handing me avery, who's already falling back asleep, her eyes fluttering shut every now and then. "i need to make sure my girls are kept perfectly safe, and i need time to be a dad too, which is why i need to request on the main bus, we only have us three, you, brian, and maybe like two others," shawn states. "and anya and i need the room at the back of the bus, the one with the proper bed."

"you'll get all of that, and more. whatever you guys need i assure you we will have it," andrew says to us, reassuring both shawn and i. "you guys are gonna be well taken care of, i promise."

"thank you so much, andrew," i say softly. "we'll need extra security too. i don't want avery being put in any danger."

"of course, we'll get you guys extra security, everything will be okay," he reassures us, as avery falls asleep in my arms.

"here, let me go put her down," shawn tells me gently, taking avery out of my arms as quickly and quietly as possible, trying not to wake her up. i quietly thank shawn with a small smile, as he gets up and walks straight to our room.

"it's surprising me at how natural he is at all of this," andrew says randomly. "the shawn i knew last year was scared to hold a baby, look at him now."

"trust me, he's still scared," i chuckle, looking down at the coffee table. "his mum said it took him a while to not be scared of holding avery, but the moment he held her, she said that all the fear vanished." i say softly, slightly upset i didn't get to see shawn hold her for the first time.

"how are you keeping, you know, after everything?" andrew asks me gently, as i let out a long sigh, nodding.

"i'm okay," i say. "i think i'm okay anyway. it's just all so surreal the more i think about it."

"i get it," he says. "we all were so scared, especially shawn. i've never seen him so terrified before."

"it's just weird to me," i say. "i never expected that to happen. i mean, you always hear stories about it, but i never actually thought it would happen to me, i was more or less healthy throughout the pregnancy, it just doesn't make sense to me."

"i wouldn't worry about it now, everything's back to normal, and you're here. that's all that matters," andrew says, smiling softly at me.

"thanks gerty, for everything," i mumble, leaning up and hugging him tightly. "i mean it, thank you so much for taking me under your wing, and giving me the job in the first place. you don't even understand how much i needed it."

"there is no need to thank me," he tells me, as i pull away from the hug. "i just did what i thought was right. and it turned out to be very much right." i smile sadly, letting out a soft sigh, fiddling with the sleeves of shawns hoodie.

"right! time to make some dinner. you staying?"

"no thanks, i'm meeting up with some old friends for dinner," he says, looking at his watch. "speaking of, i need to go. tell shawn i said bye."

"will do," i smile, as andrew stands up, walking to the front door. "see you later."

"take care of yourself, anya," he tells me. "see you soon."

as soon as andrew leaves the condo, i immediately get up, wandering back into our room, since shawns taking a pretty long time to put avery down. instead of expecting to see him standing up next to the crib, i see him lying down on the bed, fast asleep, avery resting over his chest, and his large hand supporting her small back completely; the entirety of his hand basically covering her back and upper legs. i smile softly, letting out a silent chuckle, before walking to the lights switch, and flicking the bedroom lights off, letting avery nap, and giving shawn the rest he deserves.

he was going to be an incredible dad, and i couldn't wait to see that.