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[shawn]

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it was the last show of tour.

i was missing anya and avery terribly, but i knew in the next four days, i would see my girls, and i'd finally get to ask anya the one thing i've been waiting to ask her for the past two months.

tour has been great. even thought i wanted anya to be here so badly, this tour has been something incredible, and something i needed.

anya's at her eighth month, and she looks and seems more beautiful than ever. from what i've seen from facetime calls, and heard from normal calls, and heard from friends and family back home, anya's doing great, and she's definitely glowing.

the feeling i get when i remember that our child will be here in a little less than one month is hard to describe really, but it's the best feeling in the world.

"hey bubs!" anya chirps, answering my facetime call, as i smile widely at her, placing my feet up on the coffee table opposite the couch in my dressing room. "last show tonight! are you excited?"

"hey love, yeah," i chuckle. "can't wait to be home though."

"can't wait till you're home either," she sighs, looking away from the camera. "jasmines finalising the last bits for the baby shower. we should be good to go the day after you come back."

"did the bed crib arrive?" i ask, as anya nods in response.

"yeah, you wanna see it? i got ian to help me put it together but i have no idea if it'd done properly, but it's on my side of the bed."

"your side, huh?" i tease, as i see her groan in embarrassment, a shy smile on her lips. "i'm kidding babe, always gonna be a side for you."

"do you want to see the damn crib?" she whines, standing up from where she was sitting. i laugh at her expression, nodding.

"yes, show me," i say, as she smiles, waddling around the condo.

"oh my god shawn, look," she says, flipping the camera and showing me her appearance in the mirror. "i'm so big," she says, rubbing her bump.

"hunny, you look gorgeous," i say in awe, feeling genuinely happy at that moment. "only for a month now, babe. it'll all be over before you know it."

"i know, i'm gonna miss it," she sighs. "i know it's weird, and your mom literally almost slapped me in shock yesterday when i told her but i'm just really having a nice time, you know? i get a constant connection to her, and i feel so whole, like i was meant to be a mother."

"that's beautiful," i say to her. "it's fair for you to miss it, but hey, avery will be here and you'll get to hold her."

"yeah, that's better," she grins, flipping the camera again. "anyway, let me show you," she mumbles, pushing open a door and flipping the camera again, letting me see the crib that's pushed to her side of the bed.

"you and ian did a good job," i chuckle. "it's gonna be nice having her sleep with us for a bit, before we move her to the nursery or her own crib."

"speaking of the nursery, i've added a couple decor things," she says nervously. "i mean, it's not really decor, it's more a piece of artwork but," she says, walking out of the bedroom and straight into the nursery. "i got something painted."

"you did?"

"yeah," she says softly, pointing the camera to a framed piece of artwork of a conceptualised image of anya and i, my hands over her bump, and her figure in my embrace. "i put it in the nursery, but i'm pretty sure we can put it anywhere else. i know it's random and if you don't like it-"

"not like it?" i ask her. "anya, i love it. it's amazing."

"you think so?" she asks, flipping the camera again, before sitting down on the nursing chair in the nursery, letting out a small sigh.

"yes, thank you anya," i tell her softly, as i see her smile at me.

"i'm really happy you're coming home soon, shawn," she says, her voice smooth and content. "i can't wait till you're back."

"me too, gorgeous," i sigh. "only one more show."

"one more show," she repeats. "god, i can't believe i've missed the entire european leg."

"you haven't really, you're always on facetime with at least one of us every hour on the hour," i chuckle, making her smile nervously at me. "plus, we have all the footage to show you still."

"i know," she says softly, tucking her hair delicately behind her ear. "i just miss it. i love tour."

"you'll be out here in no time, hunny, i assure you," i say gently to her. "how are you feeling?" i ask, trying to change the subject.

"eh, okay, i guess," she says. "it's getting a little difficult to sleep, my body aches 24/7, i literally have to pee every two seconds, but i feel okay. i can't see my feet anymore, but i'll be fine."

"i'm sorry, love," i say to her, as she smiles, giggling softly at me. "only a month left."

"and then i have to go through labour, fun," she says sarcastically, making me chuckle.

"i'll be there every step of the way, you can crush my hand and i'll be fine," i joke, making her laugh loudly. "god, i miss you."

"i miss you too," she says softly, a little smile over her lips. "how are you doing?"

"i'm great, anya," i say, smiling. "this tours been incredible. i can't to show you everything."

"shawn you need to be at stage in twenty!" andrew yells, bursting into my dressing room. "who's on the phone?"

"anya-"

"gerty!" anya squeals, as i chuckle, handing andrew my phone. "how are you?"

"i'm good, thanks, how are you missy?" he asks, laughing. "how's the baby?"

"baby's good, i miss tour! i wish i was there," she pouts. "i'm doing good, pregnancy's kinda taking it's toll on me."

"you still look beautiful," i butt in, looking over at the phone screen. "hey, gorgeous, we're gonna have to go," i say to her, a small frown on my face.

"that's okay, i'll see you so soon baby," she grins. "kill it tonight. go be the rockstar i know you are."

"thank you hunny, get some rest, yeah? take it easy," i say to her, taking my phone from andrew. "order takeout tonight, don't want you cooking. pamper yourself hunny."

"okay," she giggles. "bye shawn."

"see you later babe."

-

when i said yes to going out with my team after the show, i didn't realise how late we would be out for. it was currently 2am, and sydney, a stage manager, and i, were drunkenly, well more like she was drunkenly, easing ourselves away from the pub and back to the hotel only a short walk away.

"ugh, london is so pretty at night," she slurs, pushing herself into my side, as i chuckle, placing my arm over her shoulders, trying to steady her down.

"sydney, calm down," i say, laughing softly. "c'mon, lets get you back to the hotel."

"no! i wanna go swimming in the river!" she says loudly, pointing to the river thames, as i roll my eyes. "c'mon shawn, please? you need to let your hair down!"

"no, i need to sleep, and so do you. god, why did everyone leave earlier than us?" i laugh, turning her away from the river, heading to the direction of the hotel. "come on, we have to get on a flight in a little less than ten hours."

"i don't care!" she groans. "shawn, carry me?" she slurs, throwing herself to me, her entire body going limp. "mm, you smell good."

"that's enough, sydney, get your shit together," i mutter, helping her stand up straight. "come on."

"fine," she whines, moving herself away from me, and walking in a crocked line straight up to the doors of the hotel lobby, surprisingly getting herself through the glass doors, before she turns around, and eagerly throws her arms over my neck, grinning drunkenly up at me. "why go to someone fat and pregnant when you can have me?"

"sydney, shut up, i'll leave you here if you aren't careful." i warn, looking away from her. "and don't you dare insult my girl."

"if she's your girl, why have you been flirting with me all tour?"

"what? stop making shit up," i say to her. "shut the hell up, sydney."

"i'm not making shit up, you and i both know that you have, all tour long might i add," she shoots at me, looking up at me drunkenly. "come on, shawn, one little kiss won't hurt? or do i have to remind you about how many times you've told me i looked nice, or when i catch you looking for too long?"

"sydney stop-"

"make me," she whispers, leaning forward, and pushing her lips onto mine. my eyes go wide, and i quickly push her off me, making her let out a small huff. "shawn, what the fuck?" she whines.

"no, don't say that to me. you had no right to do what you did, what the fuck is wrong with you?" i shoot out, my voice raised slightly. "why the fuck did you do that? i have a pregnant girl-"

"you obviously don't care about her if you act the way you do with me," she mutters, glaring at me. i roll my eyes, scoffing, before walking away angrily, undoing the first two top buttons of my button up, heading straight to the elevator.

thank god no one saw.

-

the morning felt a little bit more hazy than before. i was rushing around my hotel room, trying to gather all my things together, whilst battling a slight hangover from the night before, two ibuprofens not helping too much with the pain.

we were going to leave in about an hour, and i was no where near ready.

it's either my fault for not packing up on time, or getting back so late, or the small run in with sydney last night, which left my head spinning, and not in a good way. so far, no one had seem to know about what happened, which i was relieved about because i still needed to tell anya what happened.

of course i called her as soon as i got back to my room, but she didn't answer. she was probably asleep anyway, so it was valid for her to not answer, even though i wanted to tell her straight away, and not deny her from the explanation she deserves, before, if anything gets out. either way, if it gets out or not, she still deserves to know what happened, i can't keep it to myself, because what element of trust would that show?

"woah, it looks like a bomb went off in here," brian chuckles, unlocking my hotel door with the spare key i gave him. i roll my eyes, flipping him off quickly. "dude, what the fuck happened last night?"

"sydney made a fucking pass on me," i mutter. "and i can't get a hold of anya right now, and i'm not even done packing the stuff i bought for avery and anya for that matter- fuck i'm a mess."

"wait, sydney made a pass on you? you're joking," he says, his eyes wide.

"i'm not, she fucking kissed me, she was drunk as hell, but she came out with how i've been flirting with her all tour, which i haven't, and then she just kissed me," i explain. "how the fuck do i explain that to anya?"

"you and anya aren't a thing though, she can't be angry about it," brian compromises. "she's only pregnant with your child."

"and that makes things so much easier, doesn't it?" i ask sarcastically. "no, i was gonna ask anya to be my girlfriend officially as soon as i got back, fuck i've been telling her for the past two months while on tour that she's my girl. she's gonna pissed if she finds out from someone apart from me, that's why i'm so fucking worried."

"i didn't realise how serious you were about her," brian says to me. "you're really about to start a life with her, huh?"

"if she lets me," i mumble.

"dude, calm down. she's not gonna flip at you, don't worry," he reassures me. "now, get your shit together, andrew just told me we're leaving in half an hour because there's traffic."

i just hoped she wasn't going to be angry at me.