-

[shawn]

-

i finish plating up the two dishes of pasta, adding some steamed broccoli on the side, along with a couple slices of garlic bread. i sigh softly, pouring myself a glass of scotch, whilst i wait for anya to come out of the room. i told her dinner was going to be ready in a bit, but i don't want to seem as though i'm pressuring her to talk to me.

she had every right to want to leave, and it killed me to know that she was actually debating it.

i didn't realise what i was saying actually had consequences, i mean, she looked broken when i saw her crying to herself, clutching the small photograph in her hands.

"hey," i hear behind me, making me turn around, seeing anya walking to the kitchen island, taking a seat at one of the barstools on the opposite side.

"hey," i reply, my voice soft. "i hope pastas okay."

"it's perfect, i was gonna make pasta tonight anyway," she says back to me, taking the plate and a fork eagerly, before she looks at what i'm drinking. "shawn?"

"i just needed a drink," i mumble, finishing the scotch in a shot. "i'm fine."

"shawn-"

"i'm fine," i say slightly louder, sighing softly after. anya sighs again, picking up her plate and walking to the couch, sitting down and putting her feet up on the coffee table. "anya? what do you want to drink?"

"just some water please," she says, playing around with the pasta in her plate. i nod, filling up a glass of water, before taking that glass and my plate to the couch, taking a seat next to her.

"how's lil melon today, huh?" i ask, leaning down to anyas stomach, pressing a small kiss over it. "have you been giving mommy a little trouble?"

"lil melon? that's new," anya chuckles, tracing her fingers over her bump, before finding my fingers, and interlacing them above the raised skin.

"yeah, she's the size of a honeydew, therefore lil melon," i justify, making anya laugh again. "isn't that right, angel?" i say to the bump, as anya let's out another small giggle.

"wait, i need to pee," she groans, pushing herself away from me, standing up, and rushing to the bathroom. i chuckle gently, looking at the time quickly, be sitting up on the couch, turning the tv on.

my phone begins to ring and i sigh loudly, reaching into my pocket, seeing andrews name flash up on my screen. i quickly answer it, looking at the closed bathroom door.

"hey gerty, what's up?"

"what's up? shawn, where the fuck are you? you're supposed to be at the airport, now," my heart drops, and i quickly stand up from the couch, pacing about the room.

"i- what? no, we're leaving next week," i say, looking at the calendar on the wall, seeing my leaving date to be marked off as tomorrow, instead of next week. "wait-"

"yeah, where are you?"

"gerty i haven't finished packing yet! stuff happened between anya and i, and i-"

"just grab a guitar, some clothes, and you can get anya or your parents to send everything else out," andrew sighs. "look, we've managed to get another flight for tomorrow at 3am. you better be there."

"gerty, anya has an appointment in three days! you don't know what's happened between us, it's serious, i can't leave now," i say, grumbling. "is there anyway i can come out later? do i have to go to the brits?"

"yes, we've got a table for all of us!" andrew says. "come on, you'll be back for the birth, and i'm sure she can find someone to come with her. i cant believe brian remembered when we were leaving, and you didn't. have you even talked to him?"

"i've been a little bit preoccupied, andrew," i say sarcastically, seeing anya come out of the bathroom. "whatever, i'll see you then." i hang up, sighing softly, chuckling my phone on the couch.

"hey, what happened?" anya asks, rushing forward as i quickly run my hand through my hair.

"i'm leaving tomorrow, early morning," i mumble, avoiding eye contact with her. "i thought it was next week-"

"hey, don't worry," anya says softly. "it's okay, it's your job, it's-"

"you have a scan this week, anya. i'm missing that," i say gently. "and what happened between us- i-"

"i'll facetime you," she compromises, walking in front of me, and pushing me down to sit softly, before she takes a seat next to me, taking my hand in hers. "it'll be okay. i promise. i'm okay."

"we-"

"we're fine. everything's fine," she repeats, squeezing my hand gently. "you'll be back in no time. i'll text you all the time, i'll call you to update you whenever you want, i'll keep taking those bump pictures and send them to you every day, i promise."

"i'm gonna miss you," i mumble, letting go of her hand, and wrapping my arms around her, as she chuckles, slowly wrapping her arms around me, her bump resting against my torso.

"i'll miss you too," she murmurs back, leaning against me. "but i'm really hungry, so can we do this after we eat?" i laugh, nodding, as i let go of her, giving her some space so we can eat together.

i just prayed she was okay with me again.

-

i sigh gently, sitting down on the other side of my bed, anya dozed off right in the middle, a hand resting over her bump. i quickly gaze at the alarm clock on my nightstand, seeing 1am in bright green letters. i groan softly, running my hand through my hair, before standing up quietly, and picking up the clothes i left on the armchair nearby.

"shawn?" anya mumbles, waking up from her slumber. "are you going?"

"no hun, still got a couple hours, go back to sleep," i say softly, pulling a pair of tracksuits on, followed by a soft white saint laurent t-shirt.

"i'll make you a coffee," she murmurs, standing up from the bed, effortlessly walking past me.

"woah, missy, slow down," i chuckle, placing my hands on her arms, stopping her from moving any further. "go get some sleep. you and avery need it."

"can't i make my baby daddy a coffee and a snack before he goes on tour?" she answers back tiredly, but still an aura of sarcasm laced with her words. i chuckle again, feeling my cheeks heat up, whilst she wriggles away from me, turning the lights on.

"damn, you get dressed quickly," she mutters, rubbing her eyes, as i grin, seeing her dressed in one of my t-shirts, and a pair of grey shorts. "c'mon, ave, let's go make dada a snack, and an expresso," she mumbles, tracing her bump softly, before walking out of the room, straight to the kitchen.

i shake my head, chuckling to myself, before picking up my rucksack and putting the last few things i might need, sliding my phone into my pocket, along with my airpods.

"shawn?" anya calls. "you want anything other than butter on your toast?"

"some almond butter, please," i call back, picking up my journal, and packing it into my bag.

"okay!" she says, before i hear a cabinet being closed, and another one being opened. "shawn? what coffee? yellow ones, like usual, or something stronger?"

"the yellow pods please!" i answer, chuckling softly after, feeling quite content at the fact that she knows my usual.

"okay!" she answers again, making me laugh. i sling the rucksack over my back, wheeling my suitcase into the main part of the condo, seeing anya putting almond butter on two slices of toast.

"thanks hunny," i mumble, walking next to her, and placing a gentle kiss over her cheek. "for everything."

"i made you coffee and toast, calm down," she giggles, settling into my embrace, as i reach for the coffee, taking a small sip.

"no, not just that, just the fact that you're still here, and you waking up just to see me goodbye," i say softly, wrapping my arm around her waist.

"shawn," she grins, looking up at me. "i'm gonna be here even if you get bored of me. you can't let go of me that easily."

"good," i say back to her, putting my cup of coffee down, and moving my hand to cup her cheek gently. "god, you're so beautiful." her cheeks flush pink, as she smiles, looking down.

"come on, let's go sit for a bit, while you finish your food and coffee," she says, moving away from my grasp, holding onto my hand instead. i nod, whilst she grabs my plate, and i pick up my coffee, following her to the couch, where she sits down, placing the toast on her lap. i take a seat next to her, putting the coffee on the table, before anya picks up a slice, holding it up to me.

"let me feed you," she grins, as i chuckle, nodding. she lets me take a bite of the toast, putting it back on the plate after, letting me chew the piece.

"i'm going out with your mom tomorrow," anya says, making me raise my eyebrows in curiosity.

"really? neither of you mentioned it to me," i chuckle, as she grins again, feeding me another little piece of toast.

"planned it pretty last minute, you fell asleep. she wants to see how i'm getting on, and apparently she found some of aaliyah's baby clothes, and a few of your old blankets."

"oh, that's nice," i smile softly. "i'm surprised she knows where they were, they've not been seen for a good thirteen years."

"i still have my baby stuff. i should really go back home to get some clothes and stuff," she sighs. "i'll get ian or someone to drive me."

"it'll be nice for ave to have some of our old things, and then she can pass them on to her kids," i say, making her chuckle.

"you're already thinking about being a grandpa? jeez, you're getting old," she teases, letting me finish the toast, before i finish my coffee in a shot.

"so are you, miss 'i'm older than you'," i tease back, nudging her side. "now c'mere, i'm gonna miss giving you cuddles for a couple months," i say, holding my arms out, and leaning back into the couch. she smiles sheepishly, before curling up to my side, tracing her fingers over my chest.

"i'm really sad i can't come, i was really looking forward to this tour," i pout.

"i mean, you can come for like the first few shows. you're only just approaching the sixth month. it's still february," i suggest.

"hmm, i know, i just don't wanna risk anything with ave, you know?" she says, sighing softly. "i'll get brian to facetime me during your set and alessias set. it'll be fine."

"okay," i chuckle, playing with the ends of her hair, placing a small kiss over her head.

"it's okay, i'll be there for the majority of the us leg," she grins. "me and ave will be cheering you on, even though she'll probably have to wear those massive headphones."

"she's gonna be travelling everywhere before she can walk. she's definitely coming to asia with us, and australia," i chuckle. "it is safe, right?"

"well, she should be here in may, june at the latest. i'm sure it's safe enough to fly. it's only immunity we'll have to worry about," i sigh. "it'll be fine. we'll be on one flight to portland, and then it's on the bus from there. actually, i'm pretty sure we can get the bus from toronto. by the time asia and australia come around, she'll be at least 3 months, that's safe enough. plus, we have paramedics coming with us, and i'll make sure the bus we're on has a limited amount of people. me, you, avery, and a couple others. it'll be fine."

"i love how you're already making so many plans to ensure her safety," anya tells me randomly. "like, i know it's obvious you would, but it's so nice to see you actually talking about it, you know?"

"i don't know what's going on in that pretty head of yours, so i'm just gonna agree with you and your pregnancy brain," i chuckle, making her scoff and slap me gently.

"hey!" she groans, making me laugh again.

"sorry, sorry," i grin. "your pregnancy brain is cute."

"no it isn't, i thought that rice was sugar a couple nights ago," she whines, making me laugh. "my tea was not nice."

"that was funny," i laugh. "god, your face when you took a sip was priceless."

"oh shush," she says, a small smile coming onto her lips. my phone buzzes in my pocket, as an alarm goes off on it, making me sigh softly.

"hey, babe, i gotta go," i mumble, taking my phone out of my pocket, and turning the alarm off. anya whines again, sitting up, and letting me sit up too, before she turns to me, grabbing onto my hands.

"i don't want you to go," she admits, biting her lip. "i'm scared."

"baby, you have nothing to be scared about," i say gently to her, turning my knees towards her, moving my hands to her waist. "i'll be there for you. i promise. you need me, i'll drop everything to talk to you. heck, even if i'm on stage, i'll answer the phone."

"you better not, gerty would kill you," she says lightheartedly, her eyes filling with tears, whilst one rolls down her cheek.

"no gorgeous, please don't cry," i mumble, moving my hands to her cheeks, swiping away her tears with my thumbs. "we'll be okay. i promise. before you know it, i'll be back, and then avery will be here. it's all gonna be okay."

"you promise?"

"i promise," i say to her, as she sniffles softly, nodding. "are you okay, now?"

"y-yeah," she nods, pushing out a sad smile. "now go and rock out the world," she tells me, her eyes glassy and tired.

"don't worry, i will," i tell her, chuckling softly. "don't cry baby. please don't cry. don't wanna see a tear roll down your pretty face."

"s-sorry," she mumbles, sniffing again, letting more tears roll down her cheeks. "damn hormones," she says, making me chuckle softly.

"i'll see you so soon, i'll call you as soon as i get to london, yeah?" i say, whilst she nods, moving away from me, and standing up. i stand up shortly after her, as she waddles to my rucksack, handing it to me, along with a foil wrapped package.

"what is it?" i ask, holding it in my hands.

"my famous flapjacks. something for the flight," she says, sending me a small smile, before picking up my guitar case, handing it to me. "is your taxi outside?"

"probably," i shrug, taking out my phone, seeing a text from my driver. "yes, it is."

"you should go, don't wanna be late and face an angry andrew," she says quietly, a small smile over her lips. i chuckle, nodding, putting my guitar case down, reaching out to give anya a tight hug.

"look after yourself. please. eat enough, get enough sleep, don't bother about cleaning up the entire condo, i've made sure a cleaner comes round once a week. call your parents, or mine if you need anything, okay? if you need some company, invite some of your friends over, or even aaliyah, i know she's probably gonna come over to see how you're doing," i say to her, as she nods against my chest, whilst i move my hands to her upper arms, pulling away from the embrace. "look after yourself. i'm gonna miss you so much."

"i'm gonna miss you more," she mumbles, still emotional from her little crying session she had. "text me when you get to the airport. i'll probably be asleep, but still text me." i nod, rubbing her arms gently.

"i'll see you later."

"see you later," she mumbles back, whilst i let go, picking up my guitar case, and dragging my suitcase to the main door of the condo, opening it up, before getting ready to walk out.

"wait," i mumble, letting go of my guitar and suitcase, turning back around. i see anya putting my plate and mug back into the sink, soaking them with a little bit of water. i shake my head, walking forward to her, trapping her against the counter.

"shawn-"

"shh," i mumble, cupping both of her cheeks, leaning down close to her lips. "you talk way too much," i say, before capturing her soft lips in mine, and moving one of my hands down to her waist. she kisses back eagerly, laying one hand on my chest, and the other around my torso, gripping slightly onto my hoodie. we pull away, her lips riddled a smooth red, slightly swollen, and her cheeks a shade of pink.

"well, that was a pleasant goodbye," she grins sheepishly, her voice nervous and soft.

"and there will be many more of those when i get back," i smirk, pressing my lips to her forehead gently. "see you later, love."