The pain of missing a dear one is inexplicable

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I was too exhausted, can't even lift a hand and seriously famished .The house feels empty without my Noory ,he travelled to the capital city and not coming back for a week , he left today but I feel like he has been away for ages, I am addicted to Taseer, he is like a drug to me, my lifeline the one who gives me a purpose in life, the air I breath .The beeping sound coming from my phone indicates that I have an incoming message , I don't need to check to know that it Is my dearest but I can't take the phone right now .Thirty minutes later I just had to get up coz of salatul maghrib .I dialled Taseer , it went straight to voicemail, I checked the message to be disappointed it was not Taseer but network , I prayed and made a steaming cup of coffee with cake, I still wasn't satisfied I had to make a bowl of noodles .I dialled Taseer again and this time around the phone is off , I started to get worried but knowing the nature of executive meetings I prayed that he is okay and went to sleep missing his warmth .

I woke up like a zombie the next day , dressed and went to work , simran took it upon herself to give me a ride , I have my car but I am not a fan of driving hence having the Besty as my chauffeur.

" hey what's up you look like you've just been released from 20years jail term " Simran observed .

" I wish it's that Simmy, that will be easier than what I am going through ,can't reach Taseer and I'm worried. I miss him " I said getting more frustrated than I was earlier , Simran chuckled and smirked.

" Lailah is missing majnoon I can see "

" I'm not in the mood for jokes just let me be malama you're sooo annoying " She kept quite till we reached the office and we started working, that didn't take my mind off Taseer, I kept dialling his number after every Minute till it gets annoying and I almost smashed the phone on the wall. I was in that mood when my phone rang ,not wanting to disappoint myself again , I didn't pick till it rang for the umpteenth time , I was in no nonsense mood so I decided to lodge my frustration on the unlucky soul disturbing my already disturbed self , not checking the caller ID ,I grumbled a Hello and from the other side Taseer's calm voice said " Assalamu alaikum to you too Hayatee, I know that I offended you and I am really sorry for that so cheer up hun and let's talk " I felt like crying, knowing that he is okay and alive it is all that matters, deep inside I had a nagging feeling that maybe he had an accident again ,I heaved a sigh of relief and we talked for over an hour , his excuse for not calling Is that his battery drained and he forgot his charger here, and he was so busy with the meetings that he didn't get the chance to buy a new one till today .I was glad he is okay and my mood completely changed .

" I miss you so much zawjee, take very good Care of yourself for me ,love you " with that I hung the call and continued working with more vigour. By lunch time Simran came into my office forcing me to apologise for being rude to her earlier in the morning ,was I even rude? Whatever , I said sorry and the idiot was happy, she can get all the sorries in this world but as far as I didn't mean any of them it's null and void .I smirked and mentally high fived my self ,the thought made me remember the countless times Taseer and I high five each other ,it had become a norm and we automatically do it without even having the reason to.Everything reminds me of him which makes me realise for the gazillion time that he's already part of me and whenever he's not around it's like he has taken a part of me with him I didn't know that I zoned out smiling to myself till simran brought me out of my reverie ." Earth to Manalie, you are such a hopeless romantic aswear, will you stop thinking about your husband and give me the files or you want me to sit on you ?" She said giving me a glare arms akimbo, I used to wonder what got into me that I'm still friends with simran ,then I remembered that it's part of my destiny , I shook my head ,shooed her out while she was still ranting and sent a text to Taseer.

I can't seem to get you out of my mind honey,it seems like you're everywhere, I miss you and I miss us. Please come back soon and fill the void am feeling inside .You're my beta half.

Few minutes later his reply came in

I miss you more my Queen, wishing I've brought you here with me , my mind is always running a marathon thinking of you ,I love you so much it scares me a times .Take Care pumpkin .Kisses😘

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Five days passed and it was a miracle that am still breathing , I am used to him not being around most of the times but he always comes home no matter how late it is and I was okay with it, but his absence is affecting me badly, if to say he is gone for a month I will definitely pack my bag and follow him, to hell with work , besides the boss is my daddy ,that's the perk of being the boss's daughter I've got immunity and privileges.

I decided to go shopping with my car, I will be asking too much of Simran if I ask her to take me , though she won't mind but I have to be fair, she's still getting it hard to be the perfect housewife but she's trying and I am proud of her for that .I went to the vegetable aisle to get more for stocking in the freezer when a familiar face came into view .It was Hanifa, the witch that broke Taseer's heart and trust because of his background, I could vividly remember the hurtful things she said to me on my wedding .She saw me and gave me a smirk.I willed my self not to glare at her or hiss out loud .

" Well well well , who am I seeing if not the bitch her self! " her tone was dangerously low and intimidating , but I am not a type of person to be intimidated especially by a piece of trash like her, if I were my former self, she would've earned a dirty slap but the new me ain't like that so I kept quite and pretended that she's not there neither talking to Me.

" Malama I'm talking to you , you better give me an answer " she's getting annoyed and I love that, let her bark like the dog she truly is, I wish Simmy is here to put her in her rightful place ,I just hoped she won't try something stupid which will make me loose my cool, as if on cue she said something that made me drop the basket I was holding .

" I will soon come into your home and destroy it, I guess Muntaseer didn't tell you that he is adding another wife and it's no other person than me , get ready Manal khaleed for you'll soon become a spectator in your own house , Muntaseer is mine and mine alone " seeing the condition her words put me in she laughed haughtily and left the store , leaving me dumbfounded and shaking .I managed to reach home safely , I can't face Taseer neither talk to him, how could he do that to me ?I trust him so much I never doubt him for a second, it should be any other woman but Hanifa. Before I know it fever overtook me , I couldn't go to work the next day ,Simran brought food and Ammy came to say see how I was faring , my head hurts like hell but my heart hurts more , I couldn't tell anyone , I haven't seen any changes from Taseer, he stayed out late but he's always at work right ?what if he wasn't at work but with her,should I believe her or not ?but how can she say that she's going to marry him if it's not true.

I was lying down in bed still shivering from the fever when I heard the sound of his car, even if I have the strength to go out I don't think I can face him .He came in calling my name sounding happy , he came in and paused then rushed to me " Yahsalaam Hayatee what's wrong ?" He sounded alarmed .Instead of giving him an answer I burst into tears ,I wanted to trust him and forget about what she said but how can I when my world is about to come crashing down , when I will loose the happiness I've been used to ? He took time consoling me and I weakly welcomed him back , I've missed his warmth and I can't help but snuggle into him even though am having a battle inside .I tried to hide my worries.

"Sorry I didn't cook, but I will order something for you " I said aiming to pick my phone, he stopped me and shook his head indicating no , the poor guy removed his clothes and wore jallabiyah ,went into the kitchen and prepared lunch for us .I felt like crying out loud when my mind pictured him doing the same thing to another woman other than me .

It went on like that till I got well , everything is fine between us but I become more reserved, less romantic and keep to my self ,I hardly smile at my husband neither sit and have a chat with him, our daily routines changed because I always give the excuse of either being tired or not in the mood, whenever he drop me at work I hardly wait for him to give me the usual goodbye kiss on the forehead, or the prayers and the I will miss you and love you .It went on for two good weeks and I tried to listen to every conversation he has on phone ,but it's always about business. I really miss us but how can I pretend to be okay when I am not,how can I look him In the eye and tell him how betrayed I feel and how much disappointed I am in him for wanting to marry that bitch without my knowledge, what have I done wrong to deserve such ?

I was sitting in the living room while Taseer is in the bathroom taking a shower ,he slowly and stealthily came from behind and picked me up , I wanted to protest but he shut me up with a mind numbing kiss, I tried to wriggle out of his hold but he's stronger than me and he held me tight .After a long while, he let me go breathing hard and settled me on his laps .He looked into my eyes and I saw how sad his eyes are, it breaks my heart to know that I am hurting him and hurting myself more ,we are so used to each other and it will be a lie to say that we are not badly affected by the sudden negative change in our relationship.

" Hayatee, this is the last time I will ask you what is wrong and if you dare tell me nothing and give me all those flimsy excuses of yours I'm going to tell our parents, I am tired of living like this, I know you're hurting inside , I've spent sleepless nights trying to figure out what I've done wrong to you but came up with nothing , please do us both a favour and tell me what's going on , I've missed my wife I'm dying to have us back Dan Allah ba don ni ba tell me what's going on Hayatee " his eyes and voice told me how hurt he is , I don't want our parents to know what's going on , I burst into tears and it took time before Taseer was able to placate me I held unto the collar of his shirt shaking him " Please don't leave me Taseer ,I can't do without you "

"Shh , I'm here baby, I will always be here from now till forever, I promise " he whispered and then I told him what transpired between Hanifa and I .At first he looked shocked , then he became angry , he clenched his fists listening to me ,he didn't interrupt me till I finished " Please Noory don't do that to me, and why didn't you tell me you've started seeing her again ?" I wailed and he hugged me to his chest, he was heaving ,his heart is beating fast I thought it's going to burst out of his chest " Billahi Manal, I haven't seen that girl since on our wedding day, I don't know what made her say all those craps to you but believe me wifey wallahi tallahi I don't even have her contact ,I have forgotten that she was once a part of my life, I don't keep secrets from you why will I start now ? And how can I go back to Hanifa after what she has done , I have you and you are the best, you make me happy, you understand me and you support me, why will I stoop so low to be with that girl? am so sorry she caused you so much pain, you should have told me earlier ,shout at me curse me and even send me out of this house than to keep it away from me and now see what you've caused manalie ,giving us sleepless nights over something that is a total lie without an iota of truth " the way he was talking scared me , he huffed in annoyance ,carried me bridal style to his car and drove out of the house .It was 7:30pm and where Hanifa lives is a two hours drive from the city .

" where are you taking me Taseer'?" The look he gave me made me shiver and almost wet my pants .I kept mum till we reached the small town where Taseer lived most of his life and where he met the devil that almost succeeded in breaking us apart .He honked loudly when we reached the front of the house. As if it was planned Hanifa was just going into the house, she came out of an expensive car that screamed wealth adjusting her dress, indicating that whatever happened in that car wasn't platonic , she whipped her head and saw our car, it was dark and there is no light so she didn't see us .Taseer came out from the car, came to my side and dragged me out, if care is not taken he will break my arms today.I have never seen him this angry even when I said all those hurtful things to him back then when I was so stupid .

" Hanifa " he bellowed her name

" Yes love " she cooed batting her lashes looking as if she was waiting for him ,there is no sign of fear on her face , what happened next shocked me ,Taseer gave her a resounding slap, pointing his finger at her he warned " Don't you ever dare mess with my wife, I can't say I regret knowing you because I don't, I am glad you were in my life to give me a lesson I'll take to my grave, Allah knows that I haven't seen you in a long time but you spurted all lies against me to my wife just to break my home, but let me tell you what you fail to understand, we are stronger than you think and Allah will never let you win over us, I was never in love with you why do you think I will be now ?you've destroyed your life and have become a second hand merchandise , I don't like uncouth uncultured girls like you, you're not my type ,you see this woman standing beside me ?she is my world and everything that I do revolves around her ,don't you ever dare interfere with my family again if you see me or manal coming your way you should be smart enough to change route, I hate you and the likes of you and you must apologise to my wife , banza Mara mutunci kawae , kinyi kwantai kin rasa mijin aure shine kikeson destroying happiness dina ,Allah ya fiki matsiyaciya kawae " I had to stop him before he say something he will regret I feel proud to have him and Hanifa got a dose of her own medicine ,I almost pitied her .

" I am sorry. I don't know what got into me that I said all those lies to her ,I lied to you manal kiyi hakuri, kaima am sorry " she ran into her house crying, Taseer wasn't perturbed at all .After almost 30 minutes of silence, I was just inwardly praying that we get home safe its almost midnight and I have never travelled at night , I feel Taseer's warm hands on mine , the tension in the car easing a bit .

" I am sorry you witnessed that, it's just that I can't let her come between us , I was never like that but I didn't regret it.I know that I shouldn't have slapped her but I am too angry to be reasonable and seeing the kind of life she is leading now angered me more " he explained even though he doesn't have to, I totally understand .

" I am proud of you Noory and I am sorry too for keeping it away from you and treating you badly"

" It wasn't your fault and you behaved rationally ,kind of tho, but you don't have any idea how much being close to you yet so far away hurts me " I leaned my head on his shoulder ,squeezing his hands.

" I know love and it won't happen again in shaa Allah, I just don't wanna share you with anyone and can't imagine how life will be with her in our lives " I said .

" So all these punishment is for kishi? So you love me this much Hayatee " he teased and I smacked him lightly, that statement lightened the mood and we kept telling each other how we've suffered making fun of it till we reached home .That night was a night to remember, Taseer isn't just my husband , the love of my life but my hero, my Knight in shining armour, the key to my happiness my everything my Noory .I learnt a lesson that day also, never to doubt my spouse.

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