*

Instead of spending a few days as planned ,we ended up spending 10days and those ten days were among the best days of my life ,even though it was a tad bit hard to adjust to the life in a rural setting ,I adapted quickly because my parents had been there and surprisingly they didn't forget their roots,so who am I to complain?? I had been sending Simran and Jiddah pictures of the places I went and the stream had become my favorite place ,if it were left to me, I will package it and take it home with me .

I have been seeing less of Muntaseer because he is mostly with Modibbo bonding with the old man who wouldn't allow him to leave his side .Before we left I badly wanted to ask Abby about Ammy's family but I held back but having it at the back of my mind that someday I will come to know about it.

We left early morning because Abby had an emergency at work and Muntaseer is to submit his thesis . Hajia's parents were reluctant to let her leave so we left her there so that Muntaseer will come back for her in two weeks .The ride back home was silent ,everyone is deep in thoughts so I plugged my headphones listening to my fave songs while Ammy was mostly dozing on and off. Abby was dropped at the office while Muntaseer drove us home .

" Alhamdulillah for journey mercies ,home sweet home " I breath out

" Yes indeed now go and change ,we need to make something considering the fact that none of us had breakfast and it's already noon " Ammy said making herself comfortable on the couch .

" Alright Ammy "

There was no need for me to take a shower so I just dropped my bags ,hugged my pillow tight because I've missed it and changed into something more comfortable, a Tee and plain skirt.

" You look tired Ammy ,just go and rest I will make the lunch " I offered to my worn out looking mother.

" No Manalie ,I know you ,you will just make cous cous and am not in the mood of eating that your favorite junk " she teased .

" Haba Ammy ,its the best because it's easier to make and tastier " I whined hiding my face with the palms of my hand knowing that she will smack me for being a cous cous lover every time its brought up.

" Is that what you will tell your husband whenever he asked you the reason why you cook cous cous 6 times in a week ?" She asked incredulously and I opened my eyes wide in shock that Ammy is actually talking to me about husband and marriage then it dawned on me that we are back home meaning that my marriage date is coming closer .

Yah Ilahi, what am I going to do ? Should I tell Abby that am not ready ?what if the man is a psycho killer? What if he is not what Abby thought him to be ??what if he hates me and he will bully me everyday ???

" Earth to Manal " Ammy brought me out of my reverie, I didn't even know that I had zoned out .

I managed a small smile and brought out the veggies ,Ammy decided that we should make rice with stew and I had no choice than to do it having it at the back of my mind to sneak into the kitchen later and make a plate of cous cous ,ten days without it feels like ten years if I'm to tell you how badly I've missed eating it .

After lunch Abby called me to his room and from the way he looked at me I know its something serious .Surprisingly Ammy was there too and she's smiling at me with a bit of mischief in her eyes.

" I can't believe you will soon leave this house and only come here as a visitor " Abby said looking at me with adoration .

" Our baby is all grown up and is ready to take the Mrs title " Ammy joked .

I suddenly felt shy not being able to look at my parents who were having fun at how uncomfortable I was.

" Whatever you need just tell your mother and I will arrange for it in shaa Allah ,I know that you don't have a lot of friends and I am also not a fan of extravagant weddings so a simple walimah and any other event will suffice " Abby stated while I sighed

" Abby can you please tell me who the husband to be is ? I know I shouldn't have asked and am not saying no to the wedding but I think we should at least start to get to know each other before the wedding " I pleaded hoping that he won't get angry and everything will get back to square one.

" There's no need my princess ,he is a very nice guy and in shaa Allah you will get to know him after the wedding since you have a lifetime ahead of you to get to know each other " with that I decided to pray the istikarah and ask of Allah's guidance in the matter.

Abby and Ammy went on telling me about the wedding plans and what not till Abby decided to drop the bomb on me.

" The problem is that the groom may not be around for the wedding but it will take place in shaa Allah ,just know that it is beyond him and I gave him the permission to leave for a 3 months course after which he will come back as your lawfully wedded husband .Until then have patience my dear but he will contact you after the nikkah before he comes back "

I couldn't move an inch ,what type of marriage is this ? I don't know the man am going to spend the rest of my life with then adding salt to the wound he won't be around for the nikkah and after that .I left Abby's room feeling dizzy and I couldn't sleep a wink that night thinking of all the things that may or may not go wrong ,the only thing keeping me sane is knowing that my parents will never choose that which is not good for me intentionally and with their knowledge.

I woke up the next day past 2pm and I was met with Muntaseer's five missed calls and a message and 2 missed calls from her highness Simran .

Yah salam! Why didn't he tell me that yesterday ?then ,I didn't see him yesterday did I ??I asked Ammy about it and she shrugged telling me that it was impromptu and that she didn't know about it until this morning when he came to say goodbye.

I spent the rest of the day reading Dan Brown's Da Vinci code for the twentieth time looking at my phone for any message from Muntaseer telling me that he has arrived safely but none came ,I finally dropped my ego and dialled his number but to my disappointment it was switched off, I couldn't ask Ammy it will sound somehow so I tried again before I went to bed. I started to get paranoid so I called Simran asking her whether Ameer had told her about Muntaseer's safe arrival or otherwise, she held the call and called Ameer who told her that he had arrived safely .It was only then that I feel at ease but I was hurt that he didn't think it's proper to call me too.

Don't tell me he's still in your heart few weeks to your marriage?- S

Can't a sister worry about her brother ? - M

Of course she can ,but we all know that this isn't just sisterly affection for a brother .- S

I'm so messed up Simran ,I wish I can forget about him but he's everywhere what should I do ?- M

I know Manalie ,I know just keep praying Allah will never let you down because I don't know of anything that can make you forget him, and be patient my dear goodnight S

In shaa Allah habibty am always praying and I know that Allah will never let me down .Goodnight may Allah be with you- M

With that I switched off my phone and drifted into a restless sleep .

A week passed and the wedding preparations are in full swing everyone is excited except me and I kept zoning in and out of conversations around me thinking of one person who doesn't have the courtesy to call me or reply my undelivered messages if that even makes sense.

It is painful to think of something you'll never have ,someone who is a thousand miles away from you ,someone who no matter how much you want to be yours will never be yours ,someone who is too good ,too kind and someone who you're not allowed to think of for your sanity and for your honor as a soon to be married woman.

The question I keep asking myself is will I be able to stop thinking about Taseer even after I get married ?it is a test from Allah but will I be able to pass it ?what if I become a miserable wife because the person who is mine is not the person who my heart truly desired?

I couldn't eat for days ,I kept thinking and my mind is in a jumble ,Ammy asked what's wrong with me and I told her nothing ,she tried to calm me down and make me tell her but every time I burst out in tears till she gives up and let me be.

I got sick and bedridden and I couldn't even raise my head which is aching badly like hell. My phone beeped and I don't have to check to know that it is Simran's message. I managed to pick my phone squinting my eyes to slits sighing in pain but to my surprise it was an unknown number.

Assalamu alaikum pumpkin How are you feeling now ?hope you're taking your medication,am worried sick about you right now please don't be sick and get well soon okay ? I am missing Abby's princess here and we don't want a half skeleton bride do we??

I was supposed to be angry at him ,to scream and shout that he had made me suffer a lot and it's now that he's texting me not even a call.I smiled widely typing back a reply,I wanted to write that I am okay the moment I read your text and I have missed you beyond words but I opted for

Thanks a lot bro and we miss you here too,do come back in good health and the bride won't be a half skeleton so that her husband will not send her home the moment he set his eyes on her .

He replied instantly as if he is waiting for my reply

Ahh am glad I've been missed ,I thought I was the only one missing you because I am homesick .The husband wouldn't dare send back my pumpkin home and even if she has become half skeleton she will still be beautiful as always .Take care sis talk to you soon.

I cried out in frustration and buried my head in the pillows wishing that I will get something that will ease the pain in my heart ,poor me the man I'm deeply in love with has no idea that I do love him so much that I can give up anything just to be with him.

The days passed agonizingly slow and I've been tired of all the women coming to prepare the bride as they call it ,I easily get hyped up and even Simran was worried about me .

" Look what you have done to yourself Manal Khaleed " Simran chided with a voice full of sympathy.

I don't blame her because I pity myself too and there is nothing on earth that will make me better, am officially messed up and I know that .

" what do you want me to do Simmy ? Do you think I love myself this way ?do you know how hard I've tried to forget him and prepare for the unknown future ahead of me with a man I'm not fortunate enough to even know his name "? I cried out engulfing her in a tight hug like my life depends on it.

" Shhh sabr ya ukhty sabr,be patient and keep praying " She patted my back rocking me while I tried so hard to control my tears to no avail.

Ammy came into the room with a smile which faded the moment she saw us .She managed to pass me her phone mouthing it's Muntaseer while she motioned for Simran to follow her ,I pleaded with my eyes telling her not to tell Ammy what is actually wrong with me .

"Assalamu alaikum Taseer how are you ?" I choked out trying to hide the fact that I was crying .

" Waalaikissalam Pumpkin ya salaam are you crying ?" Comes his soft sweet melodious voice ,I nodded then I remembered that he can't see me .

" Yes but don't worry I'm fine " I lied, if only he knew.

" No you are not just tell me please you are breaking my heart you know that right? I never wanna see you cry Manal " he said while I rolled my eyes ,as he if he cares ,if only he knows how many times he has broken my heart for the past few weeks .

" it's nothing Taseer just let it slide "

" Am not letting this slide manal just tell me Dan Allah" he pleaded

" It's the wedding Taseer I don't know who am getting married to and I've been restless ever since am afraid I can't do it and I don't want to let Abby down ,he will hate me for saying no at the dying minute." There I said it and he was quite for a few seconds before he said

" Manal be patient kinji? Allah is with those who are patient you told me that yourself, the man Abby choose for you will never hurt you intentionally in shaa Allah ,he will teach you how to love him and he will treat you with so much love and care till you say it's enough " the way he said those words as if he is making a promise to me ,as if he is the husband to be but I dared not ask because I know it can never be and I don't wanna shatter my already broken heart any further .We talked for almost an hour him trying to make me understand that I can never run away from what has been destined for me and that he will support me in every step of the way .

" Take care Manal and no more tears till I call you back in shaa Allah " he said

" why not call me with my line " I asked and he kept quite saying that he will explain everything when he comes back .

Ammy came into my room long after Simran had left and kept telling me to be patient and that in shaa Allah I will thank them for the choice they've made for me .

It Is a bleak future but am ready to face it with taqwah knowing that Allah never burdens a soul with what it cannot take .