* Sometimes the little voice inside us can either be our salvation or doom*

MUNTASEER

From the first time I set my eyes on her I know that there is something special about her, she's a gem and I wondered whether she knows that .I've been noticing little things about her that I doubt if she knows ,like the way her eyes twinkle when she's happy ,the way she skips when she walks, the way she smile at little things even though she hardly smile at people . She keeps to herself and she's not much of a talker and I came to realise that she's carefree and naughty only with her friends , she's a playful person and she's sarcastic .She's good , really good but she's arrogant that's the only flaw of hers that I don't find cute or endearing. Whenever she's rude to me I use to think that what if she knows the stories of all the people she treats badly ,will she do so too? .

It will be a big lie if I say that what she has done to me didn't hurt me ,even though I was hurt by what Hanifa did to me ,but I knew that it will happen long before I started living in uncle Khaleed's house because of the change in her attitude towards me and the fact that I don't actually care about her in a romantic way .

The first time she had asked for my forgiveness I wanted to forgive her right that instance but the fact that I had cried like a baby and she has seen me at my weakest point made me held back and I felt ashamed that I had cried and knowing her ,she might use it against me someday and hurt me .since that day after what happened I started seeing the new side of her and somehow I was glad she did what she has done which might be a turning point for her in a good way .I had forgiven her the moment I had calmed down and after telling uncle Khaleed what happened between my ex fiance which led to Hajia's illness he was so angry and right that instance he gave Manal to me .

I can't tell you how happy I felt that day and Hajia cried tears of joy,he said that since no one will consider the fact that Hajia raised me well and I am not a bastard he knows me and my dad and he is sure that I won't ever hurt his princess and that he won't let anyone disgrace the son of Muhammad his dearest friend. He told me that even though he knows Manal can be rude and inconsiderate most of the times she's a good person and I won't regret marrying her . Ammy is the happiest to hear about Abby's decision saying that she has been praying day and night to find a pious husband for her only daughter but it was agreed between us to keep it a secret from Manal .

When she didn't protest to the fact that she will be married to the man of her Abby's choice I was happy because if she had said no I would've told uncle Khaleed to let her be .

I admire the fact that she's very religious above all her qualities knowing that I've found a good wife that'll teach my children the deen.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her at the orphanage because It is the last place I will expect her to be .Amir was telling me that Simran told him they are going out and I didn't bother to ask where knowing that he will tease me to his fill before telling me .I saw simran first who went to her boyfriend then she came out a while later looking so happy and gorgeous .I mentally promised myself to remind her how beautiful she is everyday after we get married .

Then came Simran who interrupted our moment I wasn't happy but then I reminded myself that I have a lifetime ahead with her ,why not let her have the rest of the few moments with her best friend then we Left for the other orphanage homes.

The drive to the village was a fun filled one everyone tell funny stories and there was laughter everywhere .Uncle Khaleed and I sat at the front while Hajia,Ammy and Manal at the back seat .Tho Manal's attention was mostly on the book she is reading but she contributed to the banter a lot mostly telling us about Simran and Jiddah since they are the only friends she have.

After 4hrs drive ,we finally reached our destination and I felt a sense of déjà vu ,it feels like I've been there before but of course I was born there and spent the earliest days of my childhood before my parents left for the reason we are soon to find out .

Uncle khaleed led the way with me by his side while Ammy ,Hajia and Manal trailed behind us talking amongst themselves.

" things have changed over here even though there is not much development yet " Ammy observed looking at a large mud house .

" yes ,can you remember Malam Garba's shop ?see how big it has become " Hajia agreed pointing at a big provision store .

They kept talking and pointing out the changes till we reach a moderate mud house , an old man of about 80 was sitting on a mat ,saying prayers with prayer beads ,there was a jug of water beside him and an uneaten plate of rice with flies swarming over it.

" Assalamu Alaikum Modibbo in yalli jam" Uncle khaleed greeted while the old man raised his head .

Seeing me he got up abruptly as if he had been pricked with a nail and limped towards me saying " Allahu Akbar Muhammadu daman zan ganka ? Muhammadu daman kana Raye ?" He wailed and I was stunned ,it is true that I look exactly like my father ,then who is this man ?

He gave me a bone crushing hug even though his hug won't ever crush me considering the fact that he is old and frail. I was too shocked to hug him back ,Hajia was just sobbing quietly while Manal and Ammy soothe her ,Uncle Khaleed was quiet also .

The man kept repeating something in fulfude language I guess he was thanking Allah for bringing his Muhammad back .He turned his attention to Hajia saying " Maryama kece haka ? " he asked and Hajia nodded.

After he calmed down we all sat on the mat while he called all the family members in the house announcing the return of his beloved Muhammad and Maryama. The occupants seemed lost while others looked unhappy to see us .

Uncle khaleed cleared his throat before saying " Modibbo this is not Muhammad this is Muntaseer your grandchild with his mother Maryama,and this is Zainab my wife and Manal my daughter ,I know you recognised me because I use to come here once in a while asking you about the whereabout of Muhammad and Maryama"

So he is my grandfather ,Allah is indeed great ,who could have thought that there will come a day when I will see the man who sired my father in flesh and blood , a sense of belonging washed over me as I thanked Allah for bestowing upon me His blessings .

" Where is Muhammadu then ?" The old man asked and we all looked solemn dreading to give him the answer that may or may not shatter him .

" Am sorry to say Modibbo but he has passed away 20 years ago " Hajia answered him while the old man started wailing at the top of his voice ,cursing himself and his entire family ,asking woe to befall him because of what he has done .It took us almost 15 minutes to make him calm down .

He cried and begged Hajia to forgive him ,telling her that he has made a mistake which he regret every day of his life ,he said that maybe Allah kept him alive to reap what he had sown and he has no words to tell Hajia how sorry he is .

Manal and I looked puzzled because we have no idea what he is talking about and Hajia just kept crying while Ammy and uncle Khaleed looked worried . We finally left Modibbo's house without entering the house because we were not invited inside and none of us make any attempt to go in .

We stayed the night at Uncle Khaleed's house which he had built a few years back , which is maintained by his old childhood friend who lives in one of the apartments in the house .

The next day after taking breakfast and going around the village while the elders kept telling us about their childhood ,the things they have done and the memories they have created , we went back to Modibbo's house who looks as if he had been waiting for us since fajr .We all sat down keen on knowing the story behind what made Hajia and my dad leave their ancestral home never to come back if not because of the change of circumstances and fate .

Modibbo cleared his throat and scuttled closer to me holding my soft hands in his rough frail ones and started telling us the story that brought us all

Muhammad was my fifth born male child whom was given birth to by my most beloved wife who happens to be my third wife .She is so kind and innocent which made me love her more and she never question my authority ,she was married off to me by my father whom she was entrusted to by her father before he died,seeing that there is no better person to take care of the entrusted woman ,my dad gave her hand to me in marriage and I couldn't say no even though I already have two wives.

She was so beautiful which makes them envy her ,she was a very shy person and an introvert ,she hardly talks unless she's being spoken to. Her co wives made her life a living hell which makes her have 4 miscarriages before she finally gave birth to Muhammad ,she never complained nor tell me the kind of hell she goes through in my own house and I never noticed that she does because the other two wives are conniving .

She died when Muhammad was 15years of age due to a heart problem that caused her life .You know Fulani people are evil sometimes and that was when they bewitched me and make me hate my son which led to his uncle ,my brother of blessed memory to take him into his care because of the love he also had for Muhammad .Muhammad spent the rest of his teenage age and early twenties with his uncle by then he is educated and had already started earning a living,not knowing that he has eyes for Maryam I thought I forced him to marry her so that she will steal from my own son and bring me foodstuffs money and what not but Maryam refused to fulfill her end of the bargain ,instead of stealing from her husband she advised him to buy provisions for me and a monthly allowance, khaleed you can testify to that because you come together every time with him ,instead of me to be happy that my own son whom I've abandoned is taking a very good care of me I hated him more with passion and most of the time rain down abuses on him telling him that he is a disgrace to my family and I regretted ever marrying his mother to bring into the world such a useless child into this world .

He will always smile bitterly and apologize to me before leaving me to keep ranting to myself. Truth be told ,Muhammad is the best among my children because all of them are either thieves or drug addicts and none of them cared to greet me not even to talk of providing for me but it was them that I consider good children ,I spoilt them to the maximum and never raise my voice at them which hurts my brother and close friends who kept telling me that I will come to regret my actions but I never take heed.

A year after Muhammad Married Maryam he came to me looking so happy telling me that Maryam put to bed a baby boy .I couldn't contain my joy and that was the first time since after his mother's death that I hugged my son close to me ,praising Allah for giving me a grandchild because he was the only one that got married at that time. He cried in my arms telling me how happy he was and how he wished his mother was alive to see this day. I didn't know what took over me that I hated the sweet soul who happens to be my son but then I apologised to him telling him how sorry I was and he forgave me .If you can remember khaleed we met you at his house with the baby in your arms and I took him from you ,even Maryam was surprised that I actually came but I also apologised to her .

When Muntaseer was five years of age ,Laraba my first wife told me that Muntaseer is not my biological grand child that Maryama is a prostitute and that she commits adultery making Muntaseer a bastard child .I was so angry that I didn't think before reacting to the news so I stormed into Muhammadu's house ,I met them having dinner with Muntaseer on Muhammad's laps feeding him while Maryam was smiling at them ,it could have warmed my heart to see that sight but I was blinded and I gave Maryam a slap which made Muhammad dropped the child on the floor asking me if everything is okay ? I shouted at him telling him that nothing Is okay unless he divorce Maryam and send her packing with her bastard son .He was too shocked to move but when he came back to his senses he asked what I meant by Muntaseer is a bastard I slapped him hard telling him that he's blinded by love that he didn't know that his wife is a whore ,Muhammad had been an obedient child to Me and he never said no to me but that time he was so angry and he talked back to me telling me that he trusted his wife and that she could never do such a thing ,he believes that whoever told me that story is just trying to ruin him and he can give up everything in this life but not his wife and son and there and then I disowned him promising him that he will regret what he has done. It was I who spread the news that the child everyone knows as his child isn't his legitimate child but a bastard and you know how rumours spread in a small town .That was how their lives became unbearable and they left without telling anyone where they are headed. Before he left Muhammad came to me asking Me to forgive him and whenever I come to learn the truth I should clear the name of his wife and son .

That was how I lost my beloved son and since the day he left I've been regretting till date .

" miyetti jamirawo (I thank God ) dami hebaini mi waietina komi waddai bawo ( I wish I can turn back time and clear my mistakes ) mi yidi bingel am nussati ( I loved my son so much ) jemirawo yafumu owada no der aljannah ( may jannah be his final abode ) Dami andi miwadayi komin wadi (I regret what I have done)" he said with a voice filled with sorrow.

The old man finished narrating with tears in his eyes . we all were quite for a long time before he shifted closer to Hajia with head vowed

" Maryama I am very sorry ,I know I have no excuse for what I have done ,I have no idea what you've gone through and the hardship you suffered without your husband by your side and relatives to call upon when in need of help " he begged while Hajia did nothing but cry . She sighed saying ;

I can't tell you how hard life had been for us from the time we left this village ,I had suggested to Muhammad to ask for khaleed's help but he told me that he don't want to involve him in his troubles besides he just started working and he is not yet stable to take care of the three of us . Muhammad toiled day and night to earn a living ,he managed to rent a house where we lived but after two years he died peacefully in his sleep .I wanted to come back but when I remembered what happened and the promise I made to Muhammad that I will never come back until my name had been cleared I used to change my mind .That was how I started trading goods ,I worked as a maid in several houses to educate Muntaseer ,sometimes we spend days without a decent meal but leftovers from the houses I worked .when Muntaseer came of age he started working but I asked him to stop and concentrate on his studies but he was adamant of earning a living because there is nothing he hates more than seeing me work as a maid .He managed school and work till he finished his O levels and God so kind he got scholarship to study architecture in the university. He never asked for a penny from me and he is the type of person that gives out even his last kobo to someone who is in need .After his degree he asked for my permission to go to the city in search of a better job since he has managed to earn a degree and that's how he met Khaleed who later recognised him after giving him yet another scholarship for his masters program .

Before he left he was already betrothed to Hanifa who happens to be a daughter of my close friend because I was afraid if he brought and outsider the issue of who his father is and where we came from will arise. But I was so wrong to have agreed to that because what I was running away from ,the day I have been dreading all my life had come .Muntaseer also kept asking me about his family and where we actually came from, not a day passes by that I don't miss Muhammad ,how much I wished he will be here to see what a fine young man his son had become ,how now here we are with my name cleared ,he was the best husband and he would've been be best father if he were alive today .But Alhamdulillah Allah has always been with us and he guided me in bringing up Muntaseer with the best of manners.

" Muntaseer this is your grandfather ,modibbo"

Hajia said wiping away her tears and from the corner of my eyes I saw Manal wiping away her tears too . Since that fact had already been established yesterday I wasn't surprised I just talked to him telling him to stop crying that Allah has destined everything to happen and that he should stop beating himself .

Hajia forgave him and asked after her parents luckily for us they are all alive ,we didn't bother to ask about what has become of Laraba and Larai the other wife ,that'll be a story for another day .Modibbo himself accompanied us to Hajia's ancestral home and her parents were overjoyed to see us ,her mom hugged her crying her heart out and thanking Allah for making her see her daughter before she dies. My maternal grandfather hugged me saying that his best friend is back .

We all sat in the compound while Fura was served with Nono. That was how the day went with the elders reminiscing the old days and telling each other how life had been for them after my parents left .For the first time in my life I saw my mom happy ,genuinely happy with no trace of sadness ,she is not faking it this time ,she truly is happy and that warms my heart ,the void in my heart now filled since I know where I came from and the fact that my mother is able to meet her parents means everything to me.

After lunch I decided to call Manal to go for a walk and she was relieved to finally leave the midst of the elders.

" Thanks for saving my life Taseer, I was suffocating over there I can't even look at anyone " she breathed out smiling.

I smiled back saying

" I saw you fidgeting and you look on edge ,so you're this shy Manal ?" I asked and she glared at me increasing her pace muttering something under her breath.

" Sorry tigress I was kidding you're not shy ,how can you be shy " I said as soon as I caught up to her .

" Fine I admit I was a tad bit shy, but don't blame me I've never been in that kind of situation plus there's nothing I can say in their conversation it will be rude " she said .

I smiled and we fell into a companionable silence until she talked.

" I'm really sorry for what your parents have gone through and what you've gone through too ,I pray that Baba is in a better place in shaa Allah ,its all in the past so don't waste time being sad over it ,the future is ahead of you and it will be bright in shaa Allah for after every hardship comes ease"