For some reason, holding and touching hands made things easier.

Before Riley started dinner, Eran came into the small kitchen and stopped in the doorway. He looks like he's about to give me an order? Riley thought as he finished rolling up his sleeves. Out of nowhere, Eran caught Riley's hands and brought them to his lips. Not quickly or slowly, Eran kissed each of his fingers. The whole action was rough but sweet.

Those are the words that describe him, Riley thought, 'rough yet sweet.' "What are you doing?" Riley asked.

Eran looked up at Riley, but didn't make eye-contact. "Holding back." Riley's heart throbbed and Eran left the kitchen as suddenly as he had come.

Talking was also a distraction. They talked about school and work. Riley would actually listen as Eran would explain what projects he was working on or teaching, and their age gap didn't feel like an issue even when Eran would relate to Riley's high school stories. What they didn't talk about were their lives before they met one another. Riley decided it could wait. He had... hopefully, the rest of his life with Eran to reach that point.

Later, Riley sat at the coffee table with his notes and book neatly organised in front of him. Eran moved between the couch and the coffee table, his notes and books spread haphazardly in both areas. At one point, without looking up, Eran randomly said, "I'm not your tutor anymore."

You were never my tutor, really. "Right. Wouldn't want you to get in trouble with only a few weeks left to go."

Eran smiled cynically. "So you do understand?"

"Of course I understand... So then, what are you?"

Eran was quiet for a moment, and then he looked up and asked, "What do you want me to be?"

Riley took Eran's hand and kissed the underside of his wrist. "Mine." He glanced at Eran who then turned away, which Riley learned meant he was embarrassed and possibly blushing.

Later, when Riley was drying Eran's hair and was tempted to kiss the nape of his neck, he kissed the back of Eran's hand instead.

Riley turned off the hair dryer and said, "I'm thinking about telling Tony tomorrow."

"If you trust him, that's fine."

In bed, through the moonlit dark, Riley asked, "Did you tell Bubba?"

They lay an Eran-arm's length away, facing each other, the blanket closer to their shoulders than normal—with the distance, they needed to make up for the lost body heat. "No. He... might already know, though. I think he knew before it happened..."

"...What?" Bubba seemed clever and wise, but precognitive? No way. Was it obvious that we'd end up like this?

Eran rolled onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows. "When I called him a few weeks ago to ask if you could store your bike at his place," ...It felt like ages ago that Eran started driving Riley halfway to school, "he said something weird. What was it?" He tried to remember. "Oh," he rolled his eyes then quoted, "'I know something you don't know yet.' And 'when you two have figured it out, come down here; I'll treat you.'" Eran looked a little ticked off.

"Oh. So you've liked me since back then?"

Eran ignored Riley as he seemed to remember something else. "And he said to tell him when 'something happens,' 'See you soon.'" He looked at Riley.

Riley shrugged. Well, Jay, he thought to his absent friend, I didn't even have to ask. Eran sincerely loved Riley.

"For some reason that pisses me off."

Riley had to recall what they were talking about. "Haha, that's because you don't like being left in the dark. But does that mean we have to go down there?"

"We don't have to do anything..." He frowned. "Do you want to?"

Riley took Eran's hand and played with his pinky. "I'd like to watch Bubba embarrass you."

Eran couldn't move the hand held by Riley without hurting himself, so he took his other hand—falling on his side—and tried to hit Riley somehow, somewhere.

"If you hit me, it's domestic violence now, right?"

Eran dropped his arms and glared at nothing while he seemed to think. Is he really contemplating it? Hah, cute. Or is he...

Riley felt Eran's middle finger hit his forehead gently. Yep. He was bluffing. Riley waited for Eran to kiss his wound like he did the last time he hit Riley.

Apparently, Eran noticed, "That wasn't deserving of a kiss."

So to be kissed, I have to be wounded more seriously. "You are a strange sort of sadist."

"I don't enjoy hitting you." Eran scooted closer to Riley. They were now a Riley-hand's length apart.

"Whoa. That's news to me."

"Okay, maybe just a little."

"How about every time you want to hit me, you kiss me too."

With narrowed eyes, Eran stared at Riley coldly.

"I'm joking, of course."

"Of course."

Riley held Eran's hand and laced their fingers. "Eran," Riley called. Usually, when I start with his name, it weakens him.

Eran gently squeezed Riley's hand back. "Hm?"

It worked. "Why do we have to wait until I graduate to do you-know-what?" Eran glared. It didn't work. "I know you said not to talk about it, but I'm really curious, is there some special reason?"

Eran was quiet for a while, and just when Riley started to wonder if he was going to answer at all, he spoke. "It's something I want to wait for... L-letting someone inside you or going inside someone is a big deal. I need time to prepare and you need time to... gain some self-control." I have plenty of self-control... probably?... "The whole reason I'm even willing is because... I love you and I know one day what we've been doing up to that point won't be enough. But even now, I'm afraid of the day less than a month away from now. I'm... afraid of how much more I'll probably love you."

He always says 'love' more quietly, but I'm thrilled that he says it. "I'm afraid too. I'm afraid of hurting you, making you unhappy or regretful of being with me. What if it's so awkward that you never want me to touch you again?"

Eran scoffed and chuckled. "Maybe it will be good if it's awkward... Then the next day—o-or time we'll know more what to do."

Riley smiled at the slip-up. He fondled Eran's fingers with his own, and Eran did the same in return.

"I'm afraid," Eran said quietly. "Of how much I already love you."

Riley froze. "Can I kiss you?"

Eran glanced at Riley with slight alarm in his eyes. "N-no."

"Earlier, you said we could try."

"It's risky, and isn't the bed the worst place?" Eran shifted his eyes as if playing coy, yet Riley knew he was serious.

"I promise, when you tell me to stop, I'll stop."

Eran bit his lip and looked down. He hummed a sound of agreement and started to blink slowly.

Riley kissed him. With closed lips, it lasted maybe five seconds. Riley moved away. "See?"

Eran was silent for just a moment. Then he grasped his lover's sleeve and began to kiss. After about three seconds, Eran spread their lips. They kissed open-mouthed as Eran pulled closer.

Eran let out a small moan. D-damn. He's not stopping. H-how can I? When Eran clung tighter, Riley couldn't help but move his arm to wrap it around Eran's back. He ran his fingers down Eran's spine.

After a minute that felt like several, Eran pulled away panting lightly. He stared into Riley's eyes. Riley looked away. He's going to let go... he's totally turned on. Riley could feel Eran pressing against his thigh. "Maybe," Eran whispered.

"Are you thinking that I've practically already graduated?"

Eran's grip on Riley tightened.

Riley's eyes widened and for a single second his mind went blank. "I should push you away now." But Riley didn't move.

Eran just held onto Riley's shirt, slightly trembling.

"Should I sleep on the sofa?"

Eran replied after a short silence, "G-give me a second..."

He could feel Eran's racing heart slowing. "Ah... Okay." He's trying to calm down, I guess. I never expected this to happen—for him to initiate something, let alone get carried away. "Should I hit you on the head and call you stupid?"

Eran smiled. His head fell onto Riley's chest, and he mostly relaxed everywhere else. He hugged the younger man gently.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have asked."

"No. I shouldn't have overestimated myself."

I didn't have enough resolve to stop you. In this way could I end up hurting you one day? Riley stroked the back of Eran's head and teased fingerfuls of his hair. "You made that condition because you weren't ready. Do you feel like it's a long time until I graduate?"

"...Just hold me."

Riley sighed. "When you say things like that... it's a problem for me." Riley tried to change the subject. "Earlier it kind of sounded like you've already decided to be the one to receive." I can't say 'bottom,' because who knows; apparently 'bottoms' can be 'bottoms' on top, Riley thought as he remembered the videos he'd watched back when he was confused by falling for Eran. Ah, crap, was this the wrong thing to say? Why did I bring this up? I'm an idiot. I should pretend to fall asleep.

Eran speaking cut his thoughts. "It's because..." Eran covered his eyes with his forearm. "Thinking about it, I immediately picture... I'd prefer it if you... I trust you to treat me well." His forearm moved to cover his mouth, as if trying to stop himself from talking.

"I think I'd want to give that to you too... You can take me and I can claim you."

"I'm not sure whether that sounds dirty, censored, or romantic."

"Hm, let's go with the last one."

"Arrogant. I should have said arrogant."

"In any case, you love me." Ah, I probably shouldn't have said that; he'll be bothered.

Eran bit his lip and Riley could somehow sense an accompanying blush. "Mhn. I must be crazy."

How long do you think Eran can hold off?