《Things Left Unspoken (SandersSidesAU)》Chapter Forty-Eight

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A lot was on Roman's plate. He had an audition for the spring musical coming up, he had to figure out if he was returning to Westward, and he had Virgil. Didn't seem like a lot when he listed it but it was a lot that he was dealing with emotionally.

And he was not handling it well. He had no idea what he was going to sing, and he chose to worry about that rather than the other two things. Did he want to choose something that would impress Virgil or choose the easy way out?

Of course he did, he had kissed him a few weeks ago. Roman shut his eyes tight. He was taunted constantly by that kiss when he went to sleep or even when he blinked. Rather the almost kiss.

He had imagined what would happen if they weren't interrupted. That's what haunted him.

He didn't think he screwed things up. But what was he thinking when he kissed Virgil's cheek at that dinner a week ago?

He knew exactly but didn't want to say it.

Roman was testing the waters. He did this with every single guy that he wanted back home and they would immediately throw themselves at him. When Virgil did not do that, he got nervous.

Has something changed? He didn't think anything did. Or was he just used to guys being excited that he gave them the time of day so they would be more than happy to do and stay whatever it was they needed to keep Roman's attention?

Virgil did not need to do that however. He got Roman's attention just by breathing, and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not.

Roman groaned and covered his head with his pillow and screamed.

"That won't help you." Michael said from his desk.

Roman responded but it was muffled, he wasn't even sure what he said but the intent was "Shut up, Michael"

"I am right though. What's got you like this?" He asked and turned from his work. Roman removed the pillow from his face.

"I kissed him." Michael tilted his head.

"And?" He asked.

"Nothing happened after."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well that tracks." Michael said. Roman glared at him.

"What do you mean?" Roman asked.

"No one has ever tried to date him. At least from what I have seen and I understand why. I know he's a great person but not many people have the patience to go through what you are doing with him. It's why so many people don't talk to him, because they don't know how." Micheal said. "He's just inexperienced, which is a change for you."

"He will talk again and that is what keeps me going at this point because of what he had said to me." Roman had told Michael that Virgil agreed to go on date once he spoke to him "I love everything about him without hearing his voice. What else can I do?" Roman said.

"You could let him know how you feel." Michael said.

"With what words? I can't do that, it'll feel like I am going to try and then mess up." Roman said.

"Isn't he in the crew for the play?" Michael asked. Roman nodded. "Okay, you are auditioning again, right?" He asked.

"Yeah. I am trying to figure out a song to do." Roman said.

"I have a few ideas, do you know if he likes Billy Joel?" Michael asked.

"It would not surprise me if he did." Roman said. "I am not singing 'Piano Man' though." Michael shook his head.

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"I wasn't going to suggest that. However, there is a song that I associate with love and difficulty with trust by him."

Roman was sure there were other songs that Billy Joel wrote that meant the same thing but he did respect Michael's flair for the dramatics. Maybe he was just matching Roman's energy. After all, they did go to elementary school together. Maybe he just knew how to play Roman's game. It wouldn't surprise Roman if Michael figured out how to play to his personality, it was easy to do so.

"And what would that be?"

Michael smiled and turned around. He typed on YouTube and pulled up the song. He handed Roman his headphones and told him to listen. Roman took them gingerly and listened. Billy Joel's voice flowed through the speakers and Roman closed his eyes. He listened. He did like the song.

When it was finished Roman opened his eyes and saw faint red lights floating around. As soon as he noticed they blinked away. Roman took that as a sign that he had found his song.

"So?" Michael asked.

"I like it." Roman smiled wide. He was glad that Michael had not seen the red lights or if he did, didn't ask about them.

He found sheet music and went to the library to print it out. He flew down the stairs and past people who were walking around. He almost ran into about twenty people while he did this. He got his sheet music and then left the library. Patton was entering when he was leaving.

Roman had a wide smile on his face and it immediately dropped when he saw Patton. Ever since that day in the very same room Patton was standing in the doorway of, it had been tense with the two of them. Roman held grudges. Patton just wanted things to be okay and Roman knew he was trying to get into his head to see what he had to do. Roman however was good at stonewalling so Patton never found anything. Didn't mean Patton didn't try every time he thought he could catch Roman off guard.

"Roman! Where are you off to in a big hurry?" Patton asked. Before the library incident, Roman might have called him some dad themed nickname and told him.

"Just some audition prep stuff. I should be going though. I really need to get on this, I am already behind as is." Roman said and moved past Patton. Patton stepped forward and then watched as he all but ran away.

Roman didn't hear anything else and then sprinted back up the stairs. Where could he practice without disturbing anyone?

He could possibly do it outside but it was the late afternoon and dark out. He would rather not do that. His room had Michael and he really didn't have many friends in theater but one person. He remembered that she had texted him her suite number. He found it and then went to go find the dorm on the next floor.

He knocked on the door and she opened up.

"Roman?" She asked.

"I need a favor, Alisha." She looked concerned and nodded slowly.

"Come on in." Roman thanked her and walked into the dorm room.

"So, I need somebody to listen for a little bit..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a rare sight. Virgil was not with Roman, Logan, or Patton. Instead he was with Janus and Remus as they walked around the mall that was close by Westward. He was dragging behind them as the two of them were doing cute couple shit that would've made Virgil roll his eyes and fake gag. That would be the case if he was paying attention to the two of them.

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Instead he was in his own world, thinking about how cool it would be to do that Roman. He was still worried about everything that happened but has decided to worry about it as he was at the mall for purposes other than third wheeling this disgustingly cute couple he had with him.

Even if they wouldn't admit they were a couple, they were. Remus wasn't ready for that but he had told Virgil he just might start calling Janus cute nicknames and then let him figure it out. If only life were that easy for Virgil and Roman.

Virgil had a goal before that. He wanted to be able to talk to someone he was going to be dating, what else would happen? Half the reason you date someone is for companionship and isn't talking part of that? At least at this age?

However, he needed to pick up make-up for his department as they were now his responsibility. How Thomas talked him into this every year, he never figured it out but it probably had to do with Picani telling him that it would help his anxiety and confidence if he was just around other people more often. He didn't necessarily have to interact with them which was fine for Virgil, he got to learn new things and keep the idea that Janus knew almost anything in the school alive.

Thomas must have taken that as putting him in a group filled with misfits already so they would have to accept him with open arms. It kinda worked but he was buffered by his cousin who mainly helped get him integrated. Now people all had their own way of communicating with Vrigil even if it wasn't necessarily him talking.

They mainly asked yes or no questions so he could respond with a simple nod. Very rarely was there a question that he couldn't answer with a nod or by shaking his head. Right now he had Thomas' card for school purposes and he was told to buy as much as he needed. He knew they really needed new things for everything, but he was going to just replace the expired stuff and replace the rest over the summer before the next year started.

Thinking about his senior year was scary. Would Roman still be around?

All the work he has done, would it be for nothing?

He knew that he was trying to talk for himself more than some guy he had just met a few months ago, no matter how close they were. It was wild to him that it was just a few months since he met Roman (because I have been writing this for almost three years now), there was some part of him glad that he was going to go on a date and have someone for a little while. But there was another part that was worried about if he would come back to this school. Could he really handle distance if he chose to leave?

Virgil sighed and continued to look at the foundation, that was the main concern right now as those with darker skin tones were swapping with their friends and Virgil would rather have some readily available to them than have them continue what they were doing now.

He knew it was not healthy for their skin, no matter how good they took care of it.

He picked one of every shade in his favorite brand and hoped that would do well, if anything he could run out before opening night and grab some. He had a few of the actors tell him which foundations they used, and it was very similar to the one he liked to use and they gave him the go ahead to buy it. They also gave a list of what shades they would need right away. He was going to have a meeting with all the makeup artists in the upcoming week so he had nothing to worry about, thankfully a handful of them knew what they needed so they could tell him if they needed anything else. But the actors were what he was going to go off of.

He just hoped they were comfortable enough with him. He wasn't with them but he was never comfortable around people in general. If they were another human, he was anxious around them. But that was the reality of being an introvert with social anxiety.

He added up what he had and figured he would get some other things like brushes that could belong to the school and a fuck ton of blenders. He bought them all and then waited for Remus to finish torturing the staff on hand. They walked into a few more stores before they got lunch and sat down and ate.

"Did you find everything?" Janus asked. Virgil nodded.

"Good, now we should go to this store a few miles out-" Remus started. Janus interrupted.

"We are not taking Virgil to a sex shop just because you want a new dildo." Janus said while rolling his eyes, clearly this was a topic that was discussed in length. Virgil choked and then got really red. Why was this what he had to endure?

"I am pretty sure I said 'need'." Remus said. Janus and rolled his eyes.

"It's a want, I know how many you have. Or have you forgotten that night you-" Virgil waved his hand and Janus immediately stopped talking. Remus smiled.

"Can you teach me how you do that?" Janus rolled his eyes and Virgil shook his head.

"He can't do it for long, it's hard to do." Janus said. Virgil let him believe that.

"Anyway, we will just go later then, or we can crack the window in the car." Remus said.

"He's not our dog." Janus said and Virgil rolled his eyes.

If you want to go that bad, I can text Patton. Virgil said but Janus shook his head.

"He got asked to work today by the Headmaster." He told Virgil.

"I can't imagine that is fun, being the headmaster's kid and all. What if he acts up? Does he have to do an extra shift? Or file some papers for him?" Remus said. Virgil rolled his eyes again.

"Patton doesn't get in trouble, he's too much of a goody-two-shoes for that." Janus said. He mumbled something under his breath that Virgil couldn't make out fully.

"What if he did? Virgil, have you ever gotten in trouble? I mean you do hang out with this one over here." Remus said, pointing to Janus.

When I break the rules, we don't get caught. Virgil smiled and continued to eat what he had gotten.

"How?" Remus asked.

"Virgil has a way of making things," Janus trailed off looking for the right word before saying, "disappear." Remus laughed.

"Disappear? How?" He asked.

"I don't know, he never tells me." Janus said. Virgil could tell he was lying. Both him and Janus had not fully decided what to do about the fact that only Roman had magic in that family when they had a history of both twins having magic. They had figured that out by sending Janus' watchers to gather information and report back.

Remus turned to Virgil, he shook his head. Magician never reveals his secrets.

"Come on, you have to tell me. That way I can use it to sneak in every once and a while." Remus said. Virgil shook his head.

They both knew that Remus could not use any other tricks that Virgil used because you needed to have a talent in magic to pull those off. Remus would be able to learn but only in the abstract, he would not be able to pull off the magic with the success that Janus or Virgil could.

A little later, Virgil and Janus were dropped back off at Westward and they walked to Virgil's room.

"So," Janus started, "How do you think Roman ended up with magic and Remus didn't? Or at least the raw talent of someone who barely needs to practice to get good?" Virgil was not sure.

Virgil shrugged. He could tell that Roman did not want to learn in the classroom, he knew that Janus needed to be in that setting. But Roman was different. Roman was content with not learning, despite what he says. Virgil could tell that he would lose interest. He didn't want that to happen. The world would lose out on that kind of talent if he did. So Virgil would not push it.

"That still doesn't explain why you didn't put him in classes, he could benefit." Janus said. Virgil sighed. They had this debate almost every time they were alone. It wasn't often they were but it was every time they hung out and Virgil was starting to get upset by the repetition and the constant debate.

Wasn't Roman not wanting to do it enough? Sure Virgil got Janus into a class but it turned out to be beneficial. What he also had not told Janus was that Roman told him he wished not to be in a classroom to learn this stuff. He would rather do and learn that way, than get homework.

To tell Janus would be to build that wall again and lose his insight to Roman's feelings. He had just gotten him to reveal those, he would rather not have them get buried again.

He wasn't about that. As Janus talked, Virgil kept himself busy. It made sense that most people would fill the silence and talk while around Virgil. People hated silence but Virgil didn't. He had come to like it in the last few years as he was mute. Silence meant he was safe. Silence was comfortable to him. But people thought silence was awkward and that they needed to fill it. The world was so loud that getting the simple comfort of peace and quiet was hard.

Virgil didn't mind it usually, but when it was about something like this then he needed it to stop. He could not explain to Janus why he knew what he did or why he didn't place Roman in classes when he did with Janus. Janus simply would not get it. And Virgil knew that. After about five minutes of Janus ranting and trying to figure things out, Virgil had enough.

"He doesn't need to be in classes and that is that. So stop bringing it up!" Virgil shouted. He didn't even realize that he did until Janus was staring at him with his mouth hung open.

"You just talked." Janus said.

Virgil was going to play it off. "Yeah, I do that sometimes." Janus knew that he was getting better and Virgil knew that he had never spoken to Janus. Hell, before he decided to talk again, Patton didn't remember the last time that he spoke it had been so long ago.

"Yes, to other people. Not to me. You have never talked to me before now." Janus said.

"So?" Virgil asked.

"It's nice to hear you getting better." Janus said.

"Thank you." Virgil exhaled.

"You are welcome. I am still not going to drop the Roman thing."

"Fuck you."

"Nah, that's what Roman is for."

Virgil threw a pillow at Janus who was laughing his head off. "You have been hanging out with Remus too much."

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