Tupac

I aim my gun at the glass bottle, focusing on it.

I pull the trigger, glass shattering into the air and littering the tree stump it was on top of.

"I still got it." I say, looking down at my gun, the sunlight reflecting off of its gold surface. I sigh, sitting down in the lawn chair, looking around at the nature in my back yard.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the thug life. I love Adrienne, and I'm staying out the streets for her... but a nigga get bored sometimes.

It's nice to be normal.

But the thrill, the danger. That was normal for me.

There's something about the the bank hits and the killing, I can't keep my old life off my mind, and I hate the thought of niggas saying det I've gone soft.

Between that and my guilt about what happened with Jamie, I've been having back to back migraines and my thoughts are always scrambled. I'm tryna hold it together, to keep Dri from worrying, to show her that I've changed.

But the reality is, I haven't. I don't think I can.

I miss it.

"What are you doing out here?" I jump slightly as Adrienne approaches me, rubbing her arms with her hands. "Its too cold for you to be out here baby." She says, standing in front of me.

"Just messin around." I say, placing my gun in my lap. Her eyes narrow on it before she clears her throat. "You should come inside, DeVante is on the phone for you."

I look up at her before sinking further into the chair. "Tell him I'm busy."

"Pac. Are you okay? You've been like this for weeks. Let's talk about it." She says, placing my gun on the grass and sitting on my lap. I pull her against my chest, covering her arms with my jacket.

"You know I'm igh. Just tired." I say.

"Please don't lie to me." She pulls away from me, looking me in my eyes.

There's a silence between us. I'm not sure what to say. I study her face, the wrinkle in between her brows tells me she's worried, which is what I was trying to avoid.

"Let's go in." I say, "I don't want you to get sick."

Adrienne makes hot chocolate for both of us as I pick up the phone to call Donald back. I don't know what he could want, we haven't spoken since he threatened me. As far as I'm concerned, he's no longer a friend, he's just like the rest of these niggas.

"What?" I question, as soon as I hear him pick up on the other end.

"Hello to you as well Lesane." He chuckles, making me suck my teeth.

"What is it?"

"I need your expertise in a certain.. area." DeVante says, making me sink into the couch. I glance around to make sure Dri isn't listening.

"Igh. And?"

"You know how to move large amounts of money, correct? I assume you can do the same thing with other things." He says, I raise a brow.

"If you think ima help you do some weird shit then you came to the wrong nigga." I say, lowering my voice a little.

"Nothing weird I assure you. You should stop by. So I can show you the product." He says, a tone in his voice that tells me we can't discuss it over the phone.

"And why the fuck would I trust you?" I say, speaking through my teeth.

"You shouldn't." He says, before hanging up.

"What did he need?" Dri asks, coming into the living room, handing me a cup of hot chocolate.

"De wants to show me something. Ima head over to his place in a bit. If that's okay with you?" I look up at her, she looks uneasy about it. I scoot over so she can sit down next to me.

"You never told me what's wrong, you can't keep hiding things from me." She says, tossing her hair over her shoulder. My eyes cling to her smooth, chocolate skin, I sit my cup down, and take hers, doing the same. I place my hand on her thigh, rubbing circles into it. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I say.

I pull her in, kissing her lips softly before she can say anything.

Why feed into Donald's shit?

I don't know. Something is tellin me that this could be it. This could be how I get a taste of my old life.. just to feel the thrill again, even if it's short lived. I need this.

Adrienne pulls away, leaning her forhead against mine.

"I love you." She says, placing her soft hand on my cheek.

"I love you more."

"Its quiet in here." I say, as I walk into DeVante's home. He clears his throat.

"I let the girls go. For good. I have something else I'd like to pursue." He says, as I follow him. "After what happened with Jameria, I thought it was best."

We walk downstairs into his basement, my eyes widen when I see this product that he kept talking about.

"This. Is forty-eight million dollars worth of cocaine, heroine, and weed." He says proudly.

"How the fuck did you get all this shit?" I ask, looking at the three crates in the room, each standing at about ten feet tall and five feet wide. I run my hand across the plastic wrapped crates.

It's been a long time since I touched this much dope.

"I have a source. He supplies, as long as he gets thirty percent of the profit. Thirty for me, thirty for you." De says, folding his arms over his crisp red velvet suit.

"And the other ten?" I fold my arms.

"You expect me to do what exactly? Ian in the drug bidness no more Donald." I say, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my jeans, he scoffs before chuckling a little.

"I expect you to recruit some negroes that's money hungry. The other ten is to pay employees Pac. Think about it. Niggas working for us. We won't even have to touch this shit." He says, looking over at the crates.

"And this supplier? How I know he won't buss a cap in our asses if we come up short? You hear yourself man? Ion work for otha mothafuckas. I work for me." I say, turning on my heels to leave the room.

"So you mean to tell me, that fourteen million, four hundred thousand a month ain't sounding good to you?" He asks, I turn around slowly.

"You soft now? Some of these young niggas don't even know your name." DeVante chuckles, making me suck my teeth.

"I'm tryna change. For the woman I love. This ain't the way to do it." I say, my words conflicted with my feelings.

"Pac. It ain't like we'll be doing the dirty work."

De extends a hand for me to shake.

"Just do this with me. Together, we can run this city, like we used to. Don't you miss it?" He asks, his hand still extended.

I let out a breath. This is it. This my chance. My ticket back to being who I really am.

I still got it.

I shake his hand firmly, making De smile.

"Let's make this money." I say.

My eyes fly open when I hear the doorbell ring. Lesane just left. So it can't be him. I sit up in the bed, rubbing my eyes a little until my vision clears.

I head downstairs.

I open the blinds slightly to see who it is but I don't see anyone. Just when I start to walk away, the doorbell rings again. I furrow my eyebrows reaching to open it, but I hesitate. Maybe I should get one of Pac's guns.

I briskly make my way upstairs and go into his room. I fumble around in one of his drawers as the doorbell rings again. My hand touches cold metal, I grab it and head back to the door.

As I unlock the door, I hold the gun steady behind my back before jerking the door open.

"... Jamie?"

My eyes narrow on her face, my expression twisting into a confused frown.

"Hey." She smiles, before pulling me into a bone crushing hug. "I missed you so much." She says.

Still slightly confused, I don't hug her back, making her pull away from me.

"Can I..?"

"Yea. I'm sorry." I say, stepping aside so she can come in.

She sits down on the living room couch, taking her jacket off. Her long hair is now cut into a Bob, her face is fuller than the last time I saw her and she looks.. happy.

"You're probably wondering where I've been." She says. "I know I've been gone a while." She crosses her legs, pulling the skirt of her pink dress over her knees.

"Well?" I sit on the couch across from her, sliding Lesane's gun under the cushions.

"De wouldn't let me see you.. or anyone." She says, making me suck my teeth.

"That's all you got?"

"Dri, I wanted to be there at first. I'll admit that. But after a while he just wouldn't let me leave and there was nothing I could really do about it."

"How do you expect me to believe that you literally had no choice? Do you know how that sounds? You're a grown ass woman Jameria." I say, standing up and pacing the room.

"Donald could be scary sometimes." She says, smoothing her dress. That's when I realize there's something different about her, very different. She hasn't made eye contact with me once, she's been fixated on her dress the entire time she's been here.

The haircut. The Jamie I knew would never cut her hair, she loved having long hair.. and lastly.. she'd never wear that loud ass pink.

I walk over to the couch, sitting down next to her, placing one of my hands on top of hers.

"Are you okay?" I ask, looking at her, but she still doesn't look up.

"I'm fine."

"How'd you.. how'd you leave DeVante's?" I ask. "Where'd you stay after that?"

"I died." She says, her eyes finally meeting mine. There's a dark look in them.

"What?"

"I overdosed.. my heart rate slowed down so much that De thought I was dead.. I thought I was dead, he tried to get rid of me.." She says, smoothing her dress some more.

"I woke up at the hospital.. they said they found me on the sidewalk in front of their doors." She says. "I think I remember some other things.. but.. I'll keep them to myself."

I furrow my eyebrows before pulling her into a hug.

"I'm glad you're okay, but where are you staying right now?" I ask, getting up from the couch.

".. the shelter.."

"No.. uhn uhn. You can stay with me and Pac until you get back on your feet. I can't let you stay there." I say.

"No.. I wouldn't want to disturb you and Pa-"

Before she can finish her sentence, keys jingle against the door before it opens and Tupac comes in. His eyes land on Jamie and the color seems to drain from his face. When I look at her, she looks the same way.

"Baby.. you okay?" I ask, getting up and walking over to him.

"Yea.. yea I'm igh. Just a lil lightheaded. Ima go lay down." He says, heading upstairs without another word or another glance at Jameria.

"I should go." She says, getting up from her seat on the couch.

"You don't have to rush off-"

"No its fine. You should go make sure he's alright. He looks like he saw a ghost." Jamie says, a slight smirk on her face.