"If you ever leave me, I'm going with you."

chapter VII, act I ✧ 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚

really wanted to ask why her father was loading food into a boat so small, not even the tiniest army could ever fit. But she couldn't. She knew why. The tiny girl pressed her eyes shut and clenched her fists as her, Ubbe, Hvitserk, and Ivar came to a stop in front of the toy boat.

She tried convincing herself it was merely but a dream, she would wake up soon enough and Floki wouldn't be leaving, Helga would be alive, and Ivar and Sigurd would be bickering over stupidities.

But it wasn't a dream. Ubbe's arm made it's way around the girl's shoulder, keeping her up and steady as her legs trembled. Under her lids, her mind played an endless movie of her parent's abandonment.

Oh, two lovers that shouldn't and couldn't be together for whatever reason imposed by society. They could no longer feed their child, but they couldn't spare the small girl the trouble of her life and end it for her. So they left, and ran, and ran like two madly in love lovers would.

Floki found her after. Her clothes in rags, her body torn. He took her in as his responsibility. He brought her to war. He taught her all she knew, all she would ever know. And yet there he was, leaving her behind.

"You were planning to leave without telling us, Floki, huh?" the oldest Ragnarsson murmured, the girl had already been slightly off because of Björn's and Halfdan's departure. He wasn't sure she could take anyone else leaving with no plans of coming back to her.

"I wanted to spare you the trouble of trying to stop me," he argued, walking out of his ship and standing in front of the four kids he loved. The only people left that he loved. His eyes trailed over to Nero and he cursed the Ragnarssons for bringing her, he understood how hard it would be for her.

"But we will anyway," Ubbe bellowed, Nero stared at the ground, finally opening her eyes, only to find them greener, sadder.

She knew there was no convincing him out of this one, she knew he would leave her. Her heart was aching in her chest and she wanted to cry out, but she didn't, she knew he needed to leave.

"And you can't." Floki sighed, his eyes leaving the girl and facing the taller brothers, who stood side by side like perfect, strong creatures. He wanted to look at Ivar, but his heart had taken enough pain from looking at his daughter, "So let us just say farewell properly instead."

Hvitserk looked over at Nero, shaking his head slightly at how broken she was, he sighed as well, "Where are you going?"

"Wherever the gods will take me. But as long as I live and breathe, you, the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok, will always be close to my heart," he shrugged his shoulders before grabbing Nero's face in his hand, taking the girl by surprise and forcing her to look up at him. She visibly swallowed a cry, "and you Nero Gunnolf, the best living part of my short road in this life. I won't ever forget you, and I shall wait for you in Valhalla."

She nodded, her heart heavy and she knew she wouldn't be able to speak without completely breaking down. Floki said goodbye to both Ubbe and Hvitserk, who tried, for all of their sakes, to be as cold as possible, holding back their emotions.

As her father moved to Ivar, Nero's face was overcome with a sad smile, the boy looked up at his mentor, a scowl on his face, "You knock-kneed fool. Stay. We need you just as much as our father needed you, but instead, you choose to run away, you coward."

"Stand up and say that to my face," the boatbuilder joked, causing Ivar to huff, yet a small smile crossed over his features. Nero sighed, knowing that was the last time she would see such interactions.

Ubbe opened his mouth to say something, but the wolf spun on her heel and stormed off, not knowing how to deal with the fact that for the second time in her life, she stood as she watched someone she loved and cared for drift away from her.

Nero was... numb. She had spent the rest of the day hunting but came back to the settlement with nothing. The way she punched the trees and screamed out in anger made sure to announce even the stupidest of animals that she was in the forest.

She hadn't cried, and she couldn't tell for how long she would be able to keep that so. Night fell upon them and she was still nowhere in sight.

Ubbe, being the big brother, sighed, his heart aching for the loss of his brother, his heart aching for the girl as well. He wandered into the woods looking for her, and found the small girl, sitting under a tree, her knees brought to her chest as she tried to control her emotions, her anger, her breathing.

The wolf noticed his presence, but didn't bother to look up, "I am hungry." her voice was low, and painfully rough, making the boy's heart ache even more.

He was almost sure she would never trust anyone again, she could never properly love anyone again, everyone always left.

"Let's go," he coached, untangling the girl from herself and pulling her up to her feet. The walk back to their dining room was awfully quiet, except for the times at which the girl had to stop and allow multiple coughs to leave her lips.

She walked in and Hvitserk, noticing the girl, let out the breath he was holding. They were all worried about her. Nero quietly pulled a chair next to Ivar, sincerely not caring about the way the two other brothers were looking at her.

She needed the comfort in his presence, and much to her surprise, he dropped the bone he was chewing on and cleaned his hands and mouth before his left hand fell on her leg, rubbing soothing patterns, the roughness of the leather he wore and the gentleness of his touch made the girl melt.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion but said nothing, simply grabbed a turkey leg from Hvitserk's plate. He sent her a playfully betrayal glare, holding his hand to his chest and she smiled softly.

"I think we should claim and settle the land given to us by Ecbert. The Saxons are in disarray. This is a good opportunity. We have the resources to make a permanent settlement," Ubbe interrupted their stares, wishing to settle such matters as soon as possible, and possibly make use of Nero's and Ivar's intelligence when doing so.

Hvitserk nodded quietly, averting his eyes from the girl and to his brother, "Good."

Nero simply ate, not wishing to think about anything else other than her food. She had been starving. The girl was completely out of it but was brought slightly back when the conversation suddenly turned to Ivar, the oldest Ragnarsson present looked at him, "Do you agree, Ivar?"

"I don't want to disband the army. In fact, I want to continue the war against the Saxons while we are still in a position of strength. My suggestion is that we go back north, to where we defeated Aelle." the wolf nodded, still focused on her food but understanding where Ivar was going, "We should establish a permanent camp, as you say, but near the coast, from where we can raid wherever we want."

"Our father's dream was that we wouldn't be just raiders," Nero scoffed at Ubbe's words, of course Ragnar wanted that, but wasn't he much too corrupted by Christian ideals to believe that Vikings should give up their nature to raid? "that we would behave in a different way."

"You're not listening, Ubbe. We have to have a stronghold," Ivar clarified, his hand leaving the girl's lap so he could elaborate his ideas, she sighed at the loss of contact, "if we go north, we are closer to our own lands and shipping routes. We can build an impregnable fortress."

"No," Ubbe interrupted, already fully against the idea, "it would seem like a withdrawal."

At that point, Nero had completely tuned out the conversation. She couldn't be less bothered about their next steps, part of her wished she didn't love the boys as much, if she didn't feel for them, she would probably lose herself in the woods and never see another human again.

Ubbe stood up from the table, anger clear in his every move. She looked up at him as he did so, questioning his reasons. The turmoil inside Nero's head was becoming too much for her to handle, way too much. She felt broken, she felt how it was to be abandoned way too many times.

So many times that she began really believing they would all leave, soon Hvitserk would find a woman he loved more than Margarethe, get married and follow his own path.

Ubbe would have children and spend his days farming.

Ivar... her dear Ivar would probably find someone as well. Her heart clenched at the thought and for a mere moment she wished she didn't have a scar crossing her features, she wished she was no warrior, she wished she was a lady that he could marry.

Her body trembled and she wandered outside following the same route she had followed after Sigurd's death. The small girl stumbled into Ivar's cabin, she sought his comfort, his touch, him.

The wolf's mind was filled with thoughts, and she found herself needing to spit out her feelings, she could no longer have them cursing, haunting her. There was already too much in her mind.

She laid on his bed for Odin knows how long. Curled up into a ball with her eyes clenched since they failed to focus on anything, everything, "Nero?"

Upon hearing his voice she sat up on the bed, closing her eyes once again and breathing in as she thought she would die, her wound was behaving just fine, yet her mind... was somewhat lost and she could not die with the fact that she had never admitted to him.

"Iamterrified." with the string of words that left her mouth, Ivar crawled onto the bed, silently and cautiously. His eyes trailed over her pained expression and he reached for his knives, unsheathing them, fearing something, someone, had scared his girl.

"Of what?" he whispered, noticing there was no danger in the cabin but his eyes were still wide and alert.

She laid down on the bed, noticing the moonlight that came through the cracks in the door. She turned on her side, facing him as he followed her movements, their faces inches apart. She breathed in his scent and fought the urge to cuddle into him, to drown herself in him.

Suddenly, her bottled up emotions made an appearance, and the girl began bubbling with tears, "I— love you. And I don't know what love is, but I do know that I feel it, and I feel it for you, and I never felt it before and Hel I don't even know what I'm feeling right now and it scares me, it scares me to no end, I don't ever want you to leave but I know you will and I need you to know that even if you do I love you and I have since the moment you held on to my hand and asked me why I wasn't scared of you right after you killed that boy when we were just children and I'm so terrified..."

He wrapped his arms around her, bringing the girl to his chest, her tears wetting his shirt as she allowed her arm to cling onto his waist, bringing him closer than physically possible.

He rested his chin on top of her head, feeling her sob beneath him, around his arms, he wished he could strip her away from all pain she had ever felt, "I am terrified too," the boy confessed, interrupting her as she ranted, he softly kissed the top of her head before continuing, "but I will make sure you are not ever scared of anything again."

She breathed out and he pulled away, wiping the tears away from her face with his thumbs. She looked up at him and he lost it, he wanted all of her, and she wanted all of him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the oh so beautiful. His words were commitment. His hand dropped to her chin, bringing her lips to his and she melted as soon as they touched.

They could have lived in that moment. The kiss, from the moment their lips touched to the moment that they parted, was simply something so divine, that shouldn't be for mere mortals. They weren't mere mortals. In his throne, Odin cheered for the two, drinking happily from his mead as his chest swelled with pride for his two.

Nero wanted to slap herself for ever thinking her and Hvitserk could work. Ivar wanted to kill himself for ever trying to have Margarethe.

They held their past at that moment, even if their relationship had grown to be complicated over the years. At that moment, they were children once again, and they fixed everything. And they loved. Loved and loved and loved each other.

His hand laced itself around the back of her thigh, rubbing calming patterns, that only made her breathing even more ragged against his lips, before bringing it over his waist, the girl fisted his shirt and pulled his chest flush against hers.

They seemed like two parts of a whole, two parts of something that was never meant to be apart. They wouldn't be lonely, not ever again.

Her teeth tugged slightly on his bottom lip, making the boy groan in pleasure before resting his forehead against hers, she smiled softly, "Don't leave, ay?"

His lips curled up into the smirk she loved so much, and he decided to ensure her that he didn't want to leave and that he would never leave, his eyes gleamed with anticipation and a bit of fear of rejection and yet he couldn't be bothered, he loved her too much to care, "You will marry me."

Nero's breath hitched in her throat, "Are you serious?" as those simple words left her lips, Ivar flipped the girl onto her back, his hips in between her legs as she almost instinctively wrapped them around his waist.

His lips caressed her neck before bruising it, making sure the entire world knew she belonged to someone. He pulled back slightly, grinning, she could almost swear she had never seen him so happy.

"I don't want the ceremony, wolf," he whispered, pecking her lips as he held himself up holding onto the headboard of his bed.

He wanted to conquer, and he wouldn't be able to do so if he was busy with the wedding preparations. As a warrior, battling was her first priority, and she knew the gods would understand. She was no lady to want the ceremony, in all truth, she wouldn't enjoy the attention, nor the sweet floral crowns or the gifts, she only enjoyed him.

"I simply want you."