hi guys! i hope this is a better chapter and that you enjoy it.

❥

"Do you feel like you need more sessions?" Louise sits opposite me, her brown mousy hair sitting on her shoulders. Her eyes almost the same colour, they're so warm and welcoming.

"No" I answered truthfully. "I've learnt so much from our time together" I smile, hoping I'm matching her sense of warmth.

"What have you leant?" She moves into her normal pose when she's intrigued, her elbows rest on her knees and her palm provides a little shelf for her chin. I have all of her attention. That's one of the many things I love about Louise, she always listens and tries to understand everything I tell her. I know that's her job but she doesn't just bat me off with the same advice every time she really tries to dig down to the root of all my problems and she'll never forgot a thing I tell her.

"I've learnt that just because I have a bad day doesn't mean the next day has to be a bad day, it just gives me more motivation to inject as much positivity into the next day. Into everyday for that matter, even without the previous day being bad. I've learnt it's okay to not be okay, no one is okay all the time, It's impossible. It's how everybody functions, heals and grows. I appreciate a lot more now, even tiny things and that surprisingly helped the most, realising what and who I had around me. Learning to forgive my dad which is happening slowly and trying to reflect and find growth with what happened. And, I'm trying to love myself for exactly who I am because I'm a perfect version of myself, no ones perfect I know but I'm a perfect version of myself, not anyone else, myself. I'm putting myself first a lot as well and doing what's good for me because I need that during my self care" I finish with a proud smile. Hearing myself say all those thing out loud really has made me realise now far I've come.

"I wish the girl who was sat here all that time ago could of seen this" Her face is full of joy. "This job doesn't feel like a job to me and this is exactly the reason why. It's so rewarding to see people like yourself, so broken, so convinced that there was no bright light at the end of the tunnel finally see that bright light. I'm so happy and proud of what you've achieved and the life you're heading for" She takes my hands squeezing them. "I never thought I'd ever hear you say that you'd forgive your father, or even try to and I can't express just how proud I am, I know I keep saying that but really, that's truly amazing" I feel tears spill down my cheek.

"Thank you so much for your help" I try smile but more tears stream. "No, thank you. I haven't helped you at all, I've just guided you to help yourself. You should feel extremely proud of yourself Darcy, suffering mental health issues is the toughest thing in this world, the most dangerous thing in this world and fighting it is so hard but there is a way, and you've done it. You haven't let it destroy you, it came so very close but you pulled through and you're so strong because of that now" Her voice wobbles and I think she's close to tears.

I stand and hug her tightly. "Thank you for listening to me" I mumble over her shoulder. "I'll always listen, I'm always here" She pulls back, I smile into her eyes.

"If you think you ever need more sessions just email me and you can have as many as you want I'm always here" We stand with so much emotion. I can't believe so long but so little time ago I walked through those doors a completely broken person. I had no hope, no purpose and no will to live and now I'm here, excited to go on my days instead of dreading another one to come. Letting myself be happy where as before I didn't think I deserved anything remotely good. Louise is right, I should be proud of myself.

We part way when we leave the first aid room, we share a smile for as long as we're still in each others eye sight before I flit over to Issac. "Babe, what's wrong?" His eyebrows frown at my tears that are still leaking.

"I just had my last sessions with Louise and it was emotional" I wipe them away with my index fingers.

He displays a sad smile and leans in to kiss my forehead. "What have you got going on now?" We stand in the middle of the refectory, my eyes scan the busy area.

"Dad and Joseph are coming to pick me up for another driving lesson" I whine, I've been on a few now with them. They were terrible.

Last time I almost crashed dad's car into the lamppost outside my house, and then when Joseph leaned over and turned the wheel, we almost went crashing into an oncoming car. "That bad?" He chuckles, probably from the look on my face.

"We crash almost every time and after a while they forget they're teaching me and have there own conversation" I frown. I love dad and Joseph but they will definitely not be wining best driving instructor awards.

"Why don't I come with you?" His arm is securely wrapped around my waist. "Yes please!" I almost start begging. Having Issac with me would make things so better and my nerves calmer.

We head outside and almost on cue I see Joseph swing around the corner. He's such a reckless driver. "Jump in kiddo" He exits the car, throwing me the keys.

"Hey dad" I smile when I'm in the car, Issac is sat behind me and Joseph is behind dad. "Hey sweetheart, how was college?" His eyes twinkle at me.

"It was good. I had my last session with Louise today" I frown at the thought. I don't think it's quite hit me yet that I don't have the safety net anymore of Louise to see every week.

"That's amazing!" He beams with such an expression of joy, he truly looks proud of me. "Yeah Darc that's so good. But if you ever need to talk we're always here" Joseph leans forward coming into my vision.

I laugh, "Thanks guys" I try not to laugh to much, the thought of Joseph and dad being my councillors makes me giggle.

I start the engine and set off. It's judders at first but I slowly improve. "Alright just floor it from here, it's sixty" Joseph sits back. I move the car into the right gear and keep up with the other cars.

"You're quite the little driver Darc" I see dad nod when I glance in my left mirror. "I always watch Issac drive when I'm sitting in the passenger chair" I smile.

"Break!" Joseph bolts. I slam my foot on the break. "Wow, what's happening?" Issac sounds alarmed which makes me panicked.

"There's lights coming up" Joseph says in the most typical 'duh' voice I've ever heard. "Joseph! You cretin why would you do that?" Dad whips his head around.

My hands are so tight around the steering wheel my knuckles are turning white. I start to heat up and I think I know what's happening. "It's okay" I whisper to myself.

I can feel my brain turn to mush with what to do next and a sudden urge to cry emerges. Waiting at the traffic lights I close my eyes briefly, my whole body feels like it's clinging to the wheel.

I go over the advice the life guard gave me, I've done this a few times.

I image a red fist in my head, it's overpowering and terrifying everything in my body. I mentally start to talk to myself, cooing that it's okay for the fist to be there. It lessens in colour with each breath as I watch it start to unclench.

My body cools down but the hand is now an orange. I let it know that everything is okay and there is no need to panic, until it slowly fades out of my brain and I reopen my eyes.

Dad and Joseph are still in argument but I can feel Issac's strong grip on my shoulder. I smile and give his hand a squeeze with mine. He guides me through how to move the car again and I carry on following the vehicle in front of me.

When we safely get home me and Issac go into the kitchen along with everyone else. Karen is showing off her barely visible baby bump.

"One day that gonna be you" Issac whispers in my ear as we lean against the kitchen surface. "Don't get any ideas" I giggle.

"One day when we're living together, got jobs, we'll have a baby" He smiles goofily. "What would you name them?" I look up at him and his infectious smile.

"If it was up to me my son would be called Andrew and for a little girl..maybe skye?" He thinks really hard about this. "Why skye?" I frown my eyebrows.

"I can't call a girl Andrew, maybe Andy I think that's a unisex name now. But Andrew loved the stars, sky and clouds so Skye would be nice" He smiles down at me.

His life really does revolve around Andrew, it's so sweet but also sad because he still blames himself, and I don't know if he'll ever forgive himself. I mean he's going to be a piolet to fulfil the goals Andrew had for himself.

I want to help him but Andrew is still such a sensitive subject, he's still pretty hurt and broken which I hate to see. I wonder what Issac would want if Andrew was still here, I wonder who he'd be and what his dreams would be. Maybe he'd be a completely different person? I think he'd definitely be closer to his family but I'm trying to help and guide him to slowly re-connect with Sam and John.

"I think it's about time we meet Issac's parents" Mom chirps up out of nowhere. What?

"Oh, no-" My sentence get's cut short by apparently everyone who loves this idea. "Yes! I agree. It would be nice" Dad smiles. "Yes, how nice it would be" Joseph smirks over at me, all to pleased.

Even since we've sorted things out we've resumed back to sibling revelry but, it's the normally kind and we know we love each other but right now, he's getting my best set of dangers.

"We could even take Ezra along" Mom suggests, she excitedly plays with her hair. I look up at Issac, he looks exactly how I feel.

As much as I love my parents them meeting Issac's is a whole new subject. Parents meeting parents is a big step, right? What would I do if they didn't like each other?

"Yeah that sounds great, we'll see what we can do" I force a smile, a nervous laugh escaping my lips. "Yeah, I'll talk to my parents" Issac nods behind me. Joseph sniggers.

"Lovely" Mom's smile is glowing. I don't know why, it's only Issac's parents. "Anyways, we better get going" Issac gets his phone from the side. I look round confused, where we going?

"We've to go visit Ellie, right?" He shoots me a look. "Oh yeah! Gotta go check on Ellie" The lie slips from my mouth so easily. The desperation to get out this conversation fuels it.

"You're practically stuck to that girl" Mom rolls her eyes, going back to cleaning the kitchen. "That's what friends do?" I nervous laugh, again. We slowly edge out the kitchen.

"Okay, well see you later. Love you" She smiles at me with her eyes. "Don't forget to ask Issac's parents" Joseph winks at me. If I could swear at him with my hand, I would.

"Love you too" I give mom my sweetest smile before vanishing out the door. "Don't look back! Just go" I run and jump into Issac's car and we leave sharpish.

"Are we actually going to let that happen?" I brush hair out of my face. "We'll avoid it for as long as possible" He brushes off, clearly feeling the same as me.

The car peels through the streets, towards Ellie's house. "Wait, are we actually going to Ellie's?" I look over at him.

"I don't know, are we?" He glances at me before returning to the road. "You said we were" I laugh.

"We'll pop in and see her" I shrug, "Okay" He nods, "Fancy going out for tea tonight?" He changes the subject.

"Ooo yeah! I got paid the other day so I can treat you to food" I smirk at him. Issac always buys me food, it's definitely about time I did the same.

"Okay okay" He laughs, "Gonna wine and dine me yeah?" He winks. I giggle, I'm not that rich.

We pull up in Ellie's road, the trees whistle in the breeze. Ellie's road is becoming so familiar to me now, to the point I know the pattern of her driveway and where the wobbly slab is.

I frown my eyebrows, her dad's car is here? he's normally at work in the afternoon. "I wonder what's going on" I feel like we're about to intrude on something. I've only had a handful of conversations with Ellie's dad and they were very brief. He's a nice man but very stressed.

Me and Issac walk up the path, avoiding the slab and knock on the white framed door. "I'll get it" I hear a tired gruffly voice the other side. "Hi Mr. Reese, is Ellie in?" I show him my friendliest smile but he doesn't seem appreciative.

He looks worn down, his clothes hanging off him showing his boney collar, his unshaved beard and exhausted eyes. "Ah, Darcy. Come in" His smile is so weak it breaks my heart. He cracks the door open for me and Issac to come through.

"She's in the living room" He gestures, even his slippers are raggedy.

"Ellie?" I poke my head round the door frame. She's curled up on the sofa, sniffling. She lifts her head up at the sound of my voice.

"Guys?" She clears her throat, sitting up. "Ellie, what's wrong?" I'm instantly at her side, arm around her shoulders.

"I've had a letter about my Downs, Edwards and Patau's syndrome screening" Her hand shakes. "Okay, what does that mean?" I quickly scan my eyes over the leaflet in her hands.

"It means they'll take my blood sample and fluid from the back of the baby's neck to see if she has any of those conditions" Her cheeks are stained and her eyes are smudged with mascara.

"What's wrong with that?" I look to Issac quickly, he's sitting in the arm chair in the corner of the room. Mr Reese has joined also on the chair next to Issac. "If I have it done, I could loose the baby" Tears stream down her face again. I gasp and pull her into my shoulder.

"Do you have to have the test done?" I stroke her hair. "Yes, my cousin has Spina bifida" She cries into me, I can feel a damp patch form.

I look over at her dad, a confused expression painted on my face. "Spina bifida is a fault in development of the spinal cord and surrounding bones. The spinal cord has not formed properly, it leaves a gap or split in the spine" His face is grey, "Ellie's mother never got tested for it because Ellie is older than Lily, her cousin, so the risk was never there but now, it could be" He looks saddened by the news. Why can't Ellie ever have it easy?

"If the baby does have spina bifida it would have to be on ankle supports, crutches and a wheelchair" His sighs. "I don't want that for my little girl! I want her to have the best quality of life but if she does have it, I need to know now so we're prepared to give her the best in her condition" Ellie sobs her words out.

"You can't risk the baby's life" Issac's voice is laced with concern, he sits with elbows on knees. "I might have to, this is her life, spina bifida isn't going to go away after time" She snaps. I continue to stroke her hair, attempting to calm her down.

"She might not have a life at all if you have it done!" Issac seems suborn about the subject, whilst I'm in two. "Okay, let's not argue" Mr Reese stands in the middle of the room, quietening them both.

"This is serious and we need to be adults about this, you need to talk to Nathan about it" Mr Reese sounds demanding but calm. "But we also need to find out what you want to do, you're mother and we'll help you decide" He smiles down at her, it looks like it's taking all of his strength.

"I don't know what to do" Ellie cries into me, "I don't want to loose her but, I need to know if she has it" Her whole body trembles in my arms. It's so clear that she's scared which is expected. I've no idea what I would do in her shoes.

"Nathan isn't going to help, he doesn't want the baby. He won't care" Issac puts an end to that one.

"Your dads right we have to be adults about this. Think of it like this, this world is already hard and cruel on people who don't have these conditions so can you imagine how much worse it would be for someone suffering? What would that kid do if something were to happen to you? How would she survive? I want her to have the best quality of life as much as you and everyone does but we have to think of life for her, would it be fair?" My grip on her is strong and supportive. Her tears slowly dry up.

"If you do have the test we'll keep you in bed for as long as possible. I'm not saying that will stop you from loosing her but it would sure help if you stayed rested for a duration of time, but this is for you and Nathan to discuss" I frown.

"Darcy is right, she's put it better then I could" Mr Reese is still standing in the middle of the room. "You haven't got to make the choice right now sweetie, you should think it over" He sits down next to her. She nods, wiping up her cheeks.

"Thank you" She makes eyes contact with all of us. "I'm going to run myself a bath" Her voice is so quiet I can barely hear her. I smile and stand. "If you need us, just call" I hug her tightly.

"Thank you so much" She whispers over my shoulder. She also gives Issac a hug before we all exit the living room.

"Thank you for being such a good friend" Mr Reese smiles when Ellie is out of ear shot. "It's no problem" I blush. He escorts us out with a wave.

"He looks so exhausted" I frown on the walk back to the car. Issac doesn't respond, he looks troubled.

"How're feeling?" I strap myself in, he's too quiet. "Fine" He mumbles and I quieten. This test Is quiet serious but I never thought to Issac, I mean I know he cares but a couple months ago they hated each other.

But that's unfair of me to say on Issac's behave, he's the most caring person I know. I frown looking out the window. I watch other cars and people walking along the streets and sigh.

Even though this baby wasn't planned, Ellie would be devastated if she lost her and I don't know if she'll make that risk. If I was Ellie what would I do?

I honestly can't answer that question because I don't know. Would I want to bring a baby into this world with those conditions? As harsh as that sounds. But that baby is still a person and deserves a chance just like the rest of us.

We pull up at a restaurant, Issac's favourite, Nando's. He still looks upset when he exits the car, I trail behind him like a lost dog.

"Table for two please" Issac manages a smile at the friendly waitress. "Of course. Follow me" She chirps. She takes two menus and a cockerel stick and leads us to our little booth.

"Have you been to Nando's before?" She smiles down at us, Issac takes the menus from her offering hands. "Yes, thank you" He matches her smile, or tries to. She nods and leaves us.

I look at the menu, even though I know what I want. I peer over at Issac, his eyes gloss over the thick card but he still seems distracted. "Issac, whats wrong?" I reach for his hand.

"What do you think is wrong?" His voice tries not to snap, I flinch. "I'm sorry" I mumble and retract. I know he's upset about Ellie, as am I but it's unnecessary to take it out on me.

After a minutes silence he drops his menu, "No, I'm sorry" He rubs his face. "I didn't mean to snap" He takes my hand. I give him a weak smile.

"It's okay, I know it's upsetting" I squeeze his hand. "Surely she won't risk the baby's life" His eyes are sad and desperate, it's worrying.

"It's Ellie's choice, if you're right and Nathan wants nothing to do with this then, it's all up to Ellie" I stroke the side of his thumb with mine.

A look of guilt crosses his face which makes me want to loose his hand but it's covered with concern. "She won't be alone, she's got us" His smile is sad. I nod.