i was supposed to upload yesterday!! sksksk i'm sorrrryyy

❥

I crack my eyes open and I wish I hadn't of, a new day. I feel a mess, I am a mess and I want this day to be over already.

I feel embarrassed and upset about last night, Issac must hate me, I do. I feel his arm around me, I know he's awake.

"Are you watching me sleep?" I mumble, attempting a joke but I don't gain a laugh, "No" I hear.

My back is facing him in our spooning position but I'm scared to turn around, "I'm just thankful you're here" He mumbles and I feel my heart shatter, I close my eyes and turn around.

"I'm sorry" I breath out, "I didn't mean to do what I did, this weekend is about you, not my foolish choices" I try not to cringe at my own embarrassment.

"Don't be sorry" He looks into my eyes, which I've been avoiding, "You can't help who you are or what you feel, I fell in love with all of you, even if you do burn your body in hot water" He frowns, "This weekend is about Andrew and celebrating his life, I reckon if he was still with us he'd love you" Issac shows a small smile.

"Really?" I look up at him, he nods, "He always had a habit of fancying the girls I brought home, every one" He laughs, "I don't think he did it on purpose, think we just had the same taste in women"

"Did he have a girlfriend?" I trace my finger along his chest, "No, no one ever caught his eyes" He frowns.

"So when you say he fancied all the girls you took home, how many girls are we talking?" I raise my eyebrows, he can't hide a cheeky grin.

"Like 3,4,5...20" He hides his face in the pillow, "20?! I've only brought home one boy and that was you!" I react open-mouthed to his answer.

"You're so cute" He kisses me which shuts me up, but I'm not complaining.

"We should get up" I mumble against his lips but he shakes his head, "No, I don't think we should" He crawls on top of me, sinking his body between my legs.

"Issac" I giggle, my body roars with pain at the contact to my fragile skin but I don't care. He removes his lips from mine and reattaches them to my neck.

"Fine, 5 more minuets" I say between pants, my body is out of control already.

"5? More like 10" He winks and the next thing I know his head has disappeared under the sheets.

❥

How can one human make me feel like this? How on earth does he do it? Do I make him feel the same? Am I that powerful?

I look at him in awe, just watching the tv he looks breathtaking, "Darc?" I realise I've been staring at him for the past 10 minutes.

"Mhmm?" I nod, still half in trance, "You alright?" He raises his eyebrows with a smile.

"Mhmm" I nod, again, embarrassed. I look away.

It's later in the day, I haven't said much. I feel like I've been pretty mute but I can't help it. I'm trying to figure out what happened and why I didn't stop it, why I didn't go over the things me and Louise have worked hard on.

I can't wait to see her in a few days, explain all of this. Issac hasn't asked about it and I haven't brought it up.

"I-Issac?" My words jerk like I've stalled a car, he hums slowly removing his eyes from the TV to me. "Nothing" I shake my head cowardly.

"What is it?" His eyes are soft like I could sink into them, "It's nothing" I shrug, realising I have no idea where I was going with it.

He pauses his program, "I know there's something bothering you, you've been in your own head all day. I'm not turning the tv on until you at least, attempt to try explain to me what's going on in there" He pokes my head.

I stare at him, he knows me. He knows what I'm thinking and feeling and even though that's scary, it's also quite nice.

"Last night..Issac, I don't know what happened. I thought I was doing okay" My words come out a bit slow but I manage.

"What were you thinking at the time?" He swivels on the sofa so he's facing me, giving me all his attention.

I hesitate, unsure of his next reaction. "Us" I mumble.

A panicked look crosses his face, "What about us?" He tries to hide the fact his voice has got slightly higher than normal.

"At dinner, when I mentioned Ellie" I quickly figure out how to word the sentence, "Every time I mention her you go so cold and blunt, I know you may not like her but there's something Issac, I know there is, I can feel it" Another look of panic rushes over his face. "I was thinking about if I ever lost you, if there's something going on that I don't know about"

"What do you mean? Something going on?" He frowns his eyebrows, "Has something happened between you and Ellie? Is something happening?- When you were drunk?" His face drops emotionless.

"You think I'd do that to you?" His face crosses with anger as he recoils from me, "I don't know Issac! Every time I mention her you go silent, I know you're not her biggest fan but you can't possibly hate her that much! You slept with her for christ sake" I find myself shouting.

"And look what happened when I did" His voice matches mine and I can feel my insides bubble, "No Issac! It's more then that, it's something else! Just tell me the truth!" I shake, unknown anger floats out of me.

"Darcy nothing has happened! We haven't slept together since-" He shakes his head, "Then why are you being like this?" I get to my feet, ready to give up with this whole argument.

"I've told you, I don't like her" He looks away, "No Issac, I'm not stupid. You were friends before and I know things change but a little falling out wouldn't make you act like this" I glare at him.

"Why do you care so much?" He snarls, "Because you're my boyfriend! I know when something isn't right, I know when you're lying to me" I stare up at him, he's now on his feet in front of me.

"Nothings happened" His voice is cold, blunt, just like every other time, "Fine, lie to my face. I'll find out what it is myself" I turn fleeing out the house.

Issac's scared voice trails after me through the house, taking my wrist but I gather my strength and rip it away from him.

I just want to be on my own, Issac follows me out the house but I break into a run down the narrow lane until I'm by myself, alone to cry.

I walk until my legs hurt, aches shoot through them but I ignore it and carry on marching along until I find a bench, it's a little dusty but it'll do.

It's perched on top of a hill looking at an amazing view, I sit in silence for a few minutes feeling a tear trickle down my cheek.

I know there's something, I can feel it to the point I can touch and taste it. The flavour of eventual heartbreak and floods of tears. I know he's lying.

Why would he lie to me? He can't say there's nothing going on until he's blue in the face but I won't believe it, I just can't and it's breaking me.

I want to ignore it because, I love him and it's crippling because I love him so much but, can I be so stupid as to let him pull the wool over my eyes? Can I let him walk all over me, do whatever he wants?

I don't believe Issac would ever do that but this is so scary there's so many thoughts whirling around.

I think to my breathing exercises and practice them.

Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out.

I get interrupted by a rattle of tree's, I sigh and crack one eye open, it's a ballon tangled in the trees.

I didn't notice it before but I ignore it which seems to make it louder, it's string tugs harshly on the branch as if it's trying to reach the sky.

I stand to my feet, I have a sick sense in my stomach. It's string pulls harsher and harsher but the tangle meant doesn't budge.

I stare at it. I'm sure this ballon wasn't there, maybe it landed there when I was doing my breathing exercises. My stomach knots at the thought that dashes into my head.

"Andrew" I mumble not talking my eyes off the ballon. Am I going crazy? Is this a sign?

The balloon is the colour of the sky, Andrew loved the sky, the clouds, the stars. I untangle the balloon, feeling a sense of comfort when holding it.

"Hi" I whisper staring at the balloon, it rattles in the breeze of wind. "Where have you come from?" I look around, maybe someone's having a party and lost a balloon.

There's no houses in sight, not for a few miles anyways. I'm surrounded by grass, tree's and leaves.

I sigh and look at the balloon, "Why are you here with me and not with Issac?" I give up and talk to the balloon. I'm sitting on a bench, crying and talking to a balloon, I'm past caring what people think.

The balloon just rattles, I smile, "I wish I met you Andrew, Issac never stops talking to you" I trace my fingertip against the balloon.

Dog walkers pass, not even second glancing me, I must look fairly normal then.

I sit for a while, playing with the string until the sky gets darker. I sigh and look at the balloon once more, "Andrew, send me a sigh something, please. Is Issac lying to me?" Almost instantly the wind drops, the breeze disappears and the balloon stands pin straight.

My heart tightens in my body, an overpowering sense to be sick engulfs me. I shake my head, it's just a coincidences.

What about if it's not? I know he's lying! I can see it in his eyes, the way they shine over the truth hiding it, blocking it out.

I stand up again, I don't know how long I've been here but it's pitch black, I look around nervously.

I suddenly notice I have no idea where I am, which direction did I come from? I have no light and there's no body around.

My body shakes with fear, I stand hold onto the balloon wrapping it securely around my wrist and taking steps to the right.

I check for my phone but I must of left it behind, I can't believe I've forgotten it! Even if I had of brought it, there's no signal out here.

The trees wave in the dark looking tall and scary, the leaves rattling from the side to side, the moon glares above me providing me with my source of light. I walk past a sign and it looks some-what familiar but I'm not sure.

I jump at a sudden crunch but realise it's myself treading on a fallen leaf. I sigh and regain myself before carrying on down the lane.

My stomach grumbles, I frown frustrated with this weekend. It was supposed to be romantic and peaceful but it's been nothing but.

After me having my episode last night and now having an argument with Issac I don't think there's any hope for it.

I stomp my way down the narrow road looking for directions or other people to direct me. It's so weird now in the day time the country can look so beautiful, but at night it's absolutely terrifying.

I jump at any movement of trees, brushes or crumble of leaves. The balloon carries on rattling beside me.

A fox comes running out of a bush and I scream jumping back, the fox looks at me. His piercing green eyes shine in the moonlight before he darts back into the opposite bush, I breath for a minute and without warning tears flood down my cheeks.

I can't help but feel embarrassed over all these tears but this weekend has been so not what I wanted, even though I'm mad at Issac I want nothing more then to be wrapped up in his arms.

I walk along, more petrified then ever coming to a crossroads. I stop in my tracks unsure which way to go. I think back to my journey from the cottage. I can't remember turning around corners, I remember it being a straight line but something about the dark uneven road on the right looks to familiar.

I decide to walk down it, it's pitch black as a massive tree shields the moon making me walk slowly, giant trees stand to the left of me, swishing about.

I look around noticing this road doesn't look familiar anyone, I don't remember this field of crops or the massive trees.

"Issac" I whale out with tears. Having no hope, he can't hear me, or if he's even out looking for me.

"Darcy? Darcy!" His voice appears and I'm not sure if I'm dreaming, "Issac?" I mumble wiping my cheeks.

"Darcy!" His voice is behind me, I spin around and see him at the top of the crossroads.

Instantly I'm running back up to him, fear and relief making me run ten times faster then I usually do. "Thank god you're okay" He wraps his arms around me.

I bury myself into his shoulder, inhaling his scent which makes me feel safe. We break apart, it's obvious that we're still upset with each other but thankful to be within each other's company and walk back to the cottage.

The balloon that's tied to my wrist floats behind my head, i'd almost forgot about it.

We walk in silence. I'm so happy when the little cottage comes into my vision. Issac unlocks the door and we step into the warmth.

"Why have you got a balloon?" He looks at it, "I brought it back for you" I mumble, he's avoiding my eye.

"Why?" He frowns his eyebrows confused, I fumble with the string anxiously.

"For you to send off, for Andrew" My voice is no more than a whisper, finding myself embarrassed.

"Oh" He whispers to and reaches for my wrist. I pull away before his skin touches mine, untying it for him.

"Here" I hand it to him, "Can you come with me?" He tries to catch my eye but I don't allow it.

I nod and follow him outside, we sit on the big step that leads down to the jacuzzi, he sits in silence for a minute.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you, I'm sorry I wasn't the big brother you deserved. I will love you and miss you everyday, I hope you're okay up there" His voice is weak and broken, tightening my heart.

He holds the balloon up staring at it for a while before he slowly lets it escape from his fingers, flying up to the sky.

I take his hand intertwining our fingers, despite what he may or may not have done, he needs me right now.

❥

hii ! i had a bit of writers block for this chapter but i hope you enjoyed it.

vote if you like!