thank you got 14k+ reads!! i appreciate this so muchhhh !!

also sorry for the change of book cover, im still not happy with it so it will probably change again :/

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I can't concentrate my head is all over the place, after hearing Cindy and Adelaide are coming on holiday with us I'm more of a panic then usual.

I kept dropping boxes when I was helping Ezra move into his new house making him frustrated so I went home. Cindy must hate me, after the way I acted and even though it was a birthday present that I'm very grateful for, I'm trying to think of ways to get out of it.

Romeo becomes tired and lyes down in the grass, I've come outside for some fresh air to clear my mind and to help me relax I'm trying to paint Romeo but everything is a distraction, I'm having a bad day.

I sigh dropping my sketch book beside me and putting my head in my hands. I hear the sliding doors open from my house and mentally grown.

"Having a hard day?" Karen's feet stand in front of me, her perfect polished white nails glisten before me in the sun, "Everyday's a hard day" I mumble.

"Well, we at least have to try make it a good day, try and keep positive" She sits crosslegged in front of me.

"C' mom, what's up?" She catches my eye when I remove my hands from my head.

"Nothing" I shrug, she wouldn't want to know my problems. They're so boring and unimportant.

"Well I'm not leaving here until you tell me and nor are you. A problem shared is a problem halved" She smiles at me, I try smile back but my body struggles.

"It's this holiday" I shrug, "As much as I love the idea, I don't think I can do it" My face heats up with anger towards myself.

"And why's that?" She frowns her eyebrows. Her elbows resting on her thighs.

"Because Cindy and Adelaide are coming, what if they don't talk to me or like me? I ran out on them last time" Tears well up but I blink them down. Karen frowns, her long blonde hair reaching her lap.

"Darcy I'm sure they like you. Cindy has to understand this is hard for you, and I'm sure your dad has explained your struggles and battles. If she doesn't understand-that-then-that's her own problem" My eyes drift from hers, "My parents were never together and I was so frustrated, but when I was old enough to understand that and get my head around them being with other people, I realised my step dad is the most amazing man in my life, along with my dad of course" She nods.

"This is scary for Cindy to, she's going on holiday with peoples she doesn't really know and is probably making such an effort to get to know you, Ezra and Joseph" She frowns and the guilt washes over me, I've never thought of it like that.

"You're right" I hunch my shoulders.

"Exactly, and Issac is coming so you don't always have to hang around with us, you can go and have your own time and explore new things together like me and Ezra will do, if I can drag him out the local pubs" She rolls her eyes, I laugh.

"So, since I've hopefully got you in the holiday spirit, fancy going shopping for the occasion?" She winks at me, I nod. This will be a great way to get to know Karen.

We both get to our feet, I pick up my notepad and pencils before walking back into the house with Karen, "I'll just go grab my coat" She nods.

I hear my phone go off in my pocket and reach to find out who it is, It's Ellie informing me about her morning sickness.

I frown, she's telling her dad she's ill and having to fake being sick during the day and night time, just so it isn't obvious with being morning sickness.

She hasn't been out lately, she's been cooped up at home since everyone is out enjoying the sun, failing to offer her an invite, "Hey Karen?" I call up the stairs.

"Yes?" She responds, I make my way up the stairs to put my pad and pencils away, "My friend Ellie, she's going through something at the moment and hasn't been out. I was wondering if we could maybe invite her along with us? I know it would mean the world to her" I smile shyly, this is a great time for me and Karen to properly bond and I don't want her to think I'm making an excuse for that not to happen.

"Of course, more the merrier" She smiles, a wave of relief washes over me. I text Ellie immediately excited, I don't think I've ever been excited to see Ellie but after she'd opened up to me, I saw a different side to her.

I slip my shoes on, grab my coat and slap everything into my little rucksack before swinging it over my shoulder.

"Has she replied?" Karen asks me when I walk out onto the landing, I check my phone to see her response is a yes, I nod, "She said she'd love to come" I grin.

We make our way out the house, it's drizzling outside so we speed walk to Karen's car. Ellie texts me her address. "I heard you were having troubles with this Ellie?" Karen raises her eyebrows, looking at the road.

"Yeah, we've been a bit off with each other but we've made up" I nod, I'm guessing Ezra had told her about Ellie, I shrug it off.

Ellie walks out with her hood up and quickly slides into the back of her car, "Thank you for letting me come, I didn't want to intrude" She says shyly, Karen heads back off.

"Don't be silly, a friend of Darcy's is a friend of mine" Karen smiles, "Ellie, this is Karen, Ezra's girlfriend" I turn around slightly so I can see Ellie's face.

She looks run down but she's put on some makeup, not to heavy but it compliments her nicely. She weakly smiles at me as she removes her hood.

Ellie is the type of girl to always be done up, styled hair, makeup, glam outfit, heels. She wouldn't be without one of them wherever she goes, but today she's got none of that. No styled hair, her natural straight blonde locks have just been brushed back, lying just in the middle of her chest with a base of makeup on.

Her outfit is simple, jeans and a hoodie and I see she's wearing vans but I don't think I've ever seen her look better. Her more natural look gives her an approachable touch unlike her normal one that intimidates.

We arrive at the shopping centre and I properly introduce Karen and Ellie, "Nice to meet you" Ellie says shyly. I've never seen her so shy, she's always so confident it's like I'm with a whole new person.

We head inside and go into a few shops, I need a new bikini and shorts. It's always nice to buy new clothes for holiday. "This would look nice" Karen holds up a blue bikini and Ellie appears with a kimono in hand, "And this" She holds it up against the bikini.

"I feel like I have personal shoppers" I giggle, "I'd love to be someone's personal shopper but I'd get to jealous of all the clothes they'd have" Karen laughs.

I feel the bikini material in my hands, "We can get a couple, they do the best bikinis here" Karen nods, "This can be for the beach or, for when you come off and want to cover up" Ellie smiles, "Good idea" I put it in my shopping basket.

Karen leads us to the luxury looking bikinis, how have I never noticed these before? I always buy cheap ones from offline, they normally break after the first use. "I'm just going to the click and collect desk to pick up my order, I'll be back in a minute" Karen smiles. We both nod and start looking around,

"We should get you something nice" I smile at Ellie, browsing the swim wear. "What's the point? I won't fit into them soon" She frowns.

"You aren't going to be pregnant forever" I say in a quiet voice, "What about after, when you're back in shape?" I raise my eyebrows.

"True, I do love buying clothes" Her eyes roam the clothes around us. "What about this?" I grab an off the shoulder dress and show it to her, "A dress?" She looks at it nervously.

"Yes, Ellie you wear dresses all the time. You're gonna want to show off this figure again when you've had the baby" I lightly poke her waist, she smiles at the compliment.

I walk over to a full length mirror dragging her with me, "See? You could even wear it now, you're not showing" I lie the dress up against her.

"You don't think?" She looks down at her stomach, "I've just gone two months" She looks worried, "Am I supposed to be showing by now?"

"I'm not sure, every woman is different I guess during pregnancy. My mom told me she didn't even show that much when she was carrying Joseph and no one guessed she was pregnant until she mentioned it" I nod.

"I'm going to tell Nathan soon I just, don't know when" She frowns, I can see her getting upset, "Look, let's not get stressed about that here, we've come to do some shopping and have some fun so you're going to buy this dress, come back to my house and stay the night and when we go to college tomorrow you're going to wear this dress and we'll get you feeling more cheery again" I insist, she smiles. "Thank you Darcy" She hugs me.

We head home after we've done looking into every corner of the shops. Ellie brought the dress and even some shirts and a jumper. Karen brought a few things for the new house and some clothes.

I've had such a good time. Karen is amazing and completely not what I expected. She's very work driven and is determined to be as successful.

Karen drops us back at Ellie's so she can pick up a few things. "Wow" I stand speechless when I enter her bedroom. I expected a massive queen sized bed and a luxurious wardrobe but instead, got a creaking single bed and a chester draws.

There is nothing wrong with these items, but Ellie always gave off the impression she was dripping in diamonds so, I automatically expected that she lived in a matching home.

"It's not much, but, it's home" She smiles sadly. Her eyes gazing the photographs on the wall before harshly looking away. Her room is full of pictures, some past and present pictures hung up in different sized picture frames, the same man appearing in almost every picture, except for the more recent ones.

"Whose this man?" I ask, approaching her wall of pictures, "He's my grandad, he passed away when I was thirteen" She frowns.

"Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, you looked close" I look at Ellie when she was younger, a beaming smile and covered with freckles.

"We were, he was my best friend but cancer took him away from me" Her words wobble, but she distracts herself with packing some over night things in a small bag.

"You probably weren't expecting this" She sighs before I get chance to speak, "I don't bring many people here, ever" She avoids my eyes.

"I used to have the lifestyle you expected when you came here, but about a year ago my dad lost his job and we had to sell the house" She forces her words out, over the embarrassment.

"Now my dad works two jobs so I'm here mostly on my own" She shrugs, "I used to stay with my grandad a lot, he was my rock. I wished he was here when my dad lost his job, he was angry all the time" She stands up, looking at her pictures.

"I've never opened up to anyone like I have grandad, and now you apparently. In the space of three days you've almost got my whole life story" She laughs nervously, "I wish he was here to see this little one" She gently pats her stomach.

"And he will, he'll be up there watching" I smile, she does also. She doesn't say much after that, she swings her bag pack over her shoulder and we go back to mine.

Everyone is at home, "Guys this is Ellie" I smile, they all say hello. Ezra isn't here and it feels weird but I wave it off.

"What would you like to eat tonight?" My mom asks, looking around at us. "I was gonna order me and Ellie pizza?" I suggest, she nods.

"I've to stick to my diet so, probably a salad" Joseph rolls his eyes. "A diet?" Ellie raises her eyebrows.

"Yes, how else do you think I've this gorgeous body?" He smirks, we just roll our eyes and head upstairs.

"Ignore my brother" I laugh, flopping down on my bed feeling exhausted. "Don't worry, he's kinda cute" She says devilish, I sit up straight away.

"You think my brother is cute?" I scrunch my nose up, "Yeah" She nods.

"You must be blind" I shake my head and flop back down, Ellie joins me. "Do you think you and Nathan will ever be together?" I wink at her jokingly.

"Ew no, I know I slept with him but I could never be with him" She giggles, "Why not? He's not that bad" I say unsure, making her giggle.

"Because he acts like a kid whose stuck in a teenage boys body. He still masturbates to the posters on his wall" I cringe at her words, covering my face.

"What's wrong with that?" I ask but I don't really want to know, "Because who does that anymore? Why doesn't he just watch porn?" I start laughing, which sets her off. We end up historical messes.

"His orgasm is hilarious, he looks like this" She pulls a face and the sound effect with it, my laugh becomes uncontrollable.

"What's the best orgasm face you've ever seen?" She asks, "I've never seen one" Our laughs slowly come to a stop, but a few giggles creep out.

"What do you mean you haven't seen one?-" Her face shows realisation, "You're a virgin?" She looks at me, shocked.

"Yes" I nod, confused. Why is she shocked? "But you and Issac? You haven't done it?" She sits up surprised, looking like she's about to plan something.

"No, I haven't really thought about it" Which I haven't. After everything that's been going on, sex was the last thing on my mind.

"Oh my god!" I sit up opposite her, "Do you want to do it?" She wonders, "I guess, I don't know" I shrug.

"I'm jealous, I wish I was still a virgin" She rolls her eyes, "Not because of the baby but because I lost mine when I was only 15, it was the only thing on my mind because I thought it meant something if I didn't do it" She shrugs with a look of regret.

"I wish I had waited for someone who cared, who wanted me for me" She frowns, "Ellie stop putting yourself down, who wouldn't want you for you?" I frown my eyebrows.

"It's my own fault, I put on an act" She waves off, "They want the girl who wears the fancy dresses, designer handbags and high heels. Not the girl who enjoys watching cartoons on a Sunday morning, or who would pick a night in doing a jigsaw over going out, if given the option" She fiddles with her hair.

"I'm just so stuck in this act I play that sometimes, I loose control. Like when me and Issac slept together- oh Darcy I'm so sorry about that, I knew it would hurt you and I still did it" Her voice becomes wobbly.

"I knew it wasn't right. He was only doing it to get back at you, and I was only doing it to try win Issac for myself which wasn't fair. I knew he didn't feel the same, I've always known but I still tried to force it" Her shoulders slump in defeat.

"Forget about Issac. I forgive you, you said sorry and that's all I can ask for but Ellie, you can be whoever you want to be. You're such a different, beautiful person whose kind and considerate underneath that hard surface" I hold her hands, me and Ellie only ever seen to have deep meaningful conversations but I think that's what she needs.

"But let's do something more up-lifting! Face masks" I jump up from the bed and grab my two favourite masks.

She smiles and we run to the bathroom to apply them. I giggle when I see her strawberry face, "This mask is supposed to be red, right?" She looks at herself in the mirror.

"Yes" I laugh. When we've applied the face masks we wonder back to my room, scaring Joseph on the way.

"Is this you?" Ellie smiles looking at a framed photo on my dresser. "Yes, me and Ezra. I was about fourteen" I look at the photo.

"You were so cute" She picks it up, examining it. It was a photo taken on holiday for Joseph's birthday. "I didn't think that back then, I was so insecure about everything" I move from the photo and onto my bed.

"I hear you, so was I" She places the photo back where it was, looking at some more that are dotted around. "I don't believe you, you're so pretty" I say, she's so beautiful I find myself jealous.

"Not back when I was a kid, I worked really hard for this body" She sighs, "I used to be a chubby kid at high school, year seven was the absolute worst. I got bullied and even beat up by people it was horrible" She stands by my window, the night sky shining with stars.

"One day I got my period in school and I was wearing shorts because it was P.E. I went to the toilet and discovered that I'd had my period I panicked, the only thing I had on me in my P.E bag was a sanitary towel and it was massive. My mom had accidentally brought me the wrong ones, not to be extreme but it looked like I was wearing a nappy, and everyone noticed. The names I was called, 'Ellie the nappy', 'Massive vagina Ellie' some people just called me nappy in the end, it had become my nickname" She frowns, "Actually the only person who was nice to me was Issac, I'd known him since before I could walk due to our parents being long term best friends, so I had a massive crush on him" She says, hiding the embarrassment.

"I was so insecure about myself I tried to stave myself, only drink water, run the entire day around the park until my legs were numb. One day I asked him after he'd found me sitting under the park trees, I was crying eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream all to myself, I asked. "Are you only friends with me because I'm fat?" He didn't seem phased by the question he just answered, "No, I'm friends with you because I like the person you are, size doesn't make you 'ugly' or whatever people say. I think whatever size is beautiful in it's own way" I remember crying when I got home because he didn't see me as fat, he saw me as a person" She was gone in the memory, floating in it.

"At the end of year 10 I'd had enough, the constant verbal abuse and shaming had me at the edge, so I decided to change. I changed because of them and I hate that, I never looked in the mirror and thought I was fat or ugly, they made me think and see that until I believed it. During the summer I signed up for the gym, cut out every single bad food in my house, followed every single fitness and healthy living video I could find and lost all the weight. I got back to a size 10 but I didn't love myself or feel good like I thought I would, all I thought and saw when I looked in the mirror was how I'd change for them, because of their words, not for me. I didn't change for me, I changed for them" Her words become angry but she calms herself down, "So I guess that's what built me. I had boys flocking at my feet when I went back in year 11 and I suddenly become popular. I don't look in the mirror and love myself like everyone thinks I do, I put on an act, show off my body so people will call me pretty instead of ugly, fake confidence so people wish to be me instead of being thankful they aren't me. But I'll still come home and drown in bad foods and cry until I make myself sick" She sits on the bed, "I've never told anyone that" She lyes back.

"If it makes you feel better I once peed myself in front of the whole school once" I lye my head next to hers, so they're resting against each other. She giggles, "But seriously, don't let people change who you are because they don't like something. I know that's hard, words are hurtful, peoples words are hurtful but you've to stay strong. I'm so sorry that happened to you Ellie and I wish I could of given you the biggest hug back then and tell you that you didn't need to change, that you're beautiful no matter what" I hold her hand.