thank you for 2000+ reads!! it's incredible.

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I love art.

I feel so relaxed for once, sitting here in college a place I don't even want to be, but I feel more relaxed then I have done in a while.

"You have 15 minuets free time before I let you go home so do whatever you fancy" Kate smiles, we're in the downstairs classroom today. I like this classroom, it's full of wall length windows so I can look outside and watch the cars go back.

Everyone seems to go on their phones, I roll my eyes and grab some paper and pencils.

The art rooms here have some of the best pencils I've ever used, even the paper is nice, I'm taking full use.

I start to sketch out grass, freshly cut grass, the smell of cut grass reminds me of when I was little in the summer dancing under the sun.

I draw colourful plants and the start of trees with a tree house perched in the middle, "What are you wearing tonight?" Amelia comes over to sit next to me, I feel her feet rest on my lap as she gets comfortable on her chair.

"Not sure, see what I've got" I shrug, she scrolls through her phone. "What about you?" I carry on dancing my pencil across the paper.

"This new two piece I got, it's so hot" she winks, "I think Yasmine is going" She nods.

"You don't normally go to parties, I was surprised when I heard you were going" She puts her phone down paying me attention, "Something different" I shrug.

I carry on drawing, when Amelia leaves to go back to her computer, I go back to being relaxed.

My drawing is not how I want it to be so start again but this time something different, I never really draw flowers it's not really my thing. I like to draw people, places, whatever is in my imagination but today I want to draw a flower.

My pencil gets to work, progressively I start to loose connection to everything else in the room, everything becomes background noise and all I can hear is the sound of my pencil against the paper.

I can feel myself loosing breath panting for air as I let myself go, free myself into the drawing, releasing anger.

I detail my flower, the fine strokes, the broken strokes, petals on the flower, petals that have fallen, the perfect stem, the broken stem. I add colour, bright and dark until I get jolted back into the room.

All my attention is focused on this drawing, my pencil wearing down rapidly. Drawing has always been a way for me to realise my emotions, happy or sad.

"Darc, are you okay?" Issac frowns, his hand on my shoulder, I look around puzzled. The room is empty.

We had 15 minuets, has it been that long? I look down at my drawing surprising myself. I've draw a rose, two roses, one perfect and colourful and one broken and dark side by side.

"Wow-" Issac sounds taken back, looking at my drawing, "Don't look at it" I scrunch it up and throw it on the floor getting my things and rushing out the room.

Flustered I lean against the wall, the sunlight leaking onto me. I've never felt like that whilst drawing before, I don't know if I liked it or not.

I've always drawn when I'm happy or sad but never anger. It was like a waterfall pouring out of me in waves but I feel like I can breath now.

"Can you not rush off like that" Issac huffs, coming out the doors, "Sorry" I mumble.

"I hear you're going to a party" Issac stands in front of me, worry on his face, "Yes" I nod.

"Not normally like you, you don't like big crowds" He frowns, I glare at him, "You don't know me"

"Yes I do, stop being so defensive all the time, it's me" His voice is annoyed and upset, "Sorry" I repeat again.

"Darcy c'mon, what's the matter?" He tucks hair behind my ear, "Nothing is the matter" I fold my arms.

"Yes there is" He immediately wiggles his fingers between my arms and unfolds them so they drop back down to my sides, "Can I at least get a smile?" He raises his eyebrows, giving me his own cheeky smile.

I force a smile, "No an actual smile" He laughs, "That was an actual smile" I huff.

"Don't lie to me, I know it wasn't" He copies my expression.

"Okay I'll tell you a joke" He wiggles his eyebrows, "Mickey Mouse wanted a new computer, can you guess which one he got?" He tries to hide in his little giggle.

"Urm, I don't know?" I shrug.

"An iPad Minnie" He starts to laugh, I can't help but chuckle at his terrible joke.

"An iPad isn't a computer" I laugh, "But it put a smile on your face" He says proudly, "Because your joke was terrible" I shake my head.

"Yeah yeah, it still worked" He skips away to his car, "Coming?" He raises his eyebrows, I follow him along.

When he drops me off at my house I thank him and get out. I see everyone's cars on the drive and instantly roll my eyes. I feel bad for not wanting to see them but at the same time no one acts the same around me anymore, they all step on eggshells.

I unlock my front door as quietly as I can and tiptoe my way upstairs unheard. I dump my stuff on the floor and decide to relax and have a bath.

The woman from the crisis team said a good way to distract myself was pampering myself so I may as well see if it'll work.

Isaac said that people want to help but I feel like no one understands. I have so many years of bottled up problems and emotions that I don't think anyone can dig out. I don't know how to get my feelings out, some people cry, some people talk but none of it works for me, I do talk to people, example Issac and Ezra, I don't talk to Ezra anymore but it helped when I talked about it just not enough to make it better.

With a sigh I sink into the bath, not being distracted from my thoughts I turn on some Netflix, I love to put myself in someone else's life when watching programs it gets me out of my own head. I think being an actor could be fun.

I shave my legs because I plan to wear a dress and get out after a nice soak. I dry myself and just wrap the towel around me and then put on a face mask.

I open my wardrobe, quickly sinking in that I've nothing to wear. I dig through some clothes and then pull out the big storage box that I packed with clothes about a year back. I sit on the floor and go through the clothes, I've never been one for parties so I don't tend to buy any party type clothes unless a slogan t-shirt counts.

My eyebrows raise when I see a velvet navy blue material, I pick it up to see it's a v necked thin strapped dress. Doesn't seem like something I'd normally buy or wear but I don't complain, it's quite nice.

I wash off my face mask when it's done and moisturise my body before wrapping my towel back around me and start to do my hair and makeup.

"Blend, blend, blend" I repeat in a whisper to myself as I apply eyeshadow. I straightened my hair and put on the base of my makeup, I've always been trying to improve my skills since I started doing makeup but I always keep it simple, especially for college or day to day things.

I put on some fluttery fake lashes and just finish off, proud with myself I walk to the bathroom, I'm glad I allowed myself more time to get ready because it was quite relaxing, for a few hours I felt relaxed.

I slide into my dress, it's a prefect fit I almost wonder if a fairy has visited and planted it in my box of old clothes.

I haven't done that bad I think to myself as I look in the mirror, the dress clings to my body and highlights my body shape and my makeup is little but very effective.

I add some jewellery, I've decided I'm going all out adding a necklace and some earrings. It might be nothing to some people but this is the most dressed up I've felt in a while.

I wonder what mom is going to think, I paddle downstairs shoes in hand, I'd forgotten I sneaked in not wanting to see them, no one had come to see me so I'm guessing they knew I wanted to be alone.

I hear murmurs from the closed kitchen door and sigh with relief that I can get away with out anyone seeing but that washes away pretty fast when I put my shoes on the floor and the kitchen door opens up.

"Darcy, we didn't hear you come I- oh" Ezra notices my appearance, "What?" I raise my eyebrows half expecting him to start telling me off.

"You look very beautiful, where you off to?" He smiles, I stumble for words surprised he hasn't called mom to come beat my ass, "To a party" I shrug throwing my bag over my shoulder.

"Do you need a lift?" He offers, I actually hadn't thought of a way of transport to get there, "Yes please" I nod.

I narrow my eyes, something seems off, why is he being so weird? He normally gives me rules and things not to do whenever I go to things like this, which is hardly ever, but last time I went to a party he gave me a half an hour talk just on making sure no one puts anything in my drink.

"Ezra do you like this for the new hou- oh hello" A girl emerges, pin straight brown hair and piercing blue eyes, "You must be Darcy I'm Karen" She smiles, putting out her hand.

That's why Ezra is being weird, his girlfriend is here. I'm still upset with him, why did he think he couldn't be honest and tell me he was with someone? That he was moving out? How could he not tell me.

"Hello" I force a smile and shake her hand, for Ezra's sake, "Darcy-" he starts a sentence but I cut him short, "Let's go" I walk out the front door.

Thankfully the night air isn't that cold tonight, it's quite a gently breeze, much better then that hell whole of a house, I always feel so angry and heated in there.

"Darcy we need to talk-" Ezra comes out the house but I again don't let him finish. Tonight I just want to have fun and enjoy myself, I don't want to have this conversation with Ezra right now, "Can we just go please? I don't want to talk right now" I get in the car.

I will talk to him, just not right now. For one night I just want to enjoy myself, for me. It feels like ages since I've smiled or laughed properly, just feels like a person I used to know.

"Be careful" Ezra gives me a concerned look as we pull up outside Eric's house.

"Careful is my middle name"

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"Oh my god, you're actually here!" Henry's high pitched voice rings from the other side of the room, "I told you I would be" I wink.

He runs over to me from the dance floor and holds my hands, "Eric looks so good tonight, how am I looking?" He twirls for me.

"You look incredible, tonight is the night" I twirl him round again.

I see Issac talking to Eric and a few of the others, Micheal, Nathan, Oliver, etc.

Henry pours me a drink and hands in to me, "How drunk is one wanting to get tonight?" Henry gives me a mischievous look over his shoulder.

I think, "How ever drunk you're getting?" I take a large gulp of my drink, "Great answer!" He takes my hand and runs me off to the dance floor.

Me and Henry dance to the songs, whaling when a good song comes on and drinking more and more. The first time I ever had alcohol it burned the back of my throat but now, I barely feel it.

"You're on fire tonight!" Henry shouts over the music, "Just having fun" I shout back with a smile.

My body feels looser more free just like it did earlier when I was drawing except, not as intense. Henry starts a twirl that turns into a twerk and I pretend to throw money at him, I laugh.

"Hey Darcy" Eric smiles approaching us, "Hello" I poke his chest, "Come to dance?" I try luring him onto the dance for.

"No no" He laughs pulling away, his teeth are perfectly straight and white, "Oh c'mon, it's a party!" I take his hand pulling him towards me.

"I don't dance" He shakes his head, "Well tonight is the night! Dance with Henry he's amazing" I smirk, pulling him towards Henry.

"I guess I can't say no to that" He laughs, once they start chatting and dancing I slope away. I see Henry give me a wink when Eric isn't looking.

I giggle to myself walking off the dance floor in hope I might find Issac. I enter the kitchen where I last saw him.

When I catch his gaze I smile and walk over to him, "It's been ages since I've seen this smile" He grins, I quicken my walk over to him and wrap my arms around his torso.

"Hello" I look up at him, he smiles looking down at me, "Hello" he kisses my forehead tucking hair behind my ear.

"You haven't moved from this spot since I got here" I frown, "I was gonna go and hunt you down but then I saw you out there dancing and from this spot, I could see you perfectly" He smirks.

"So you were watching me like a little weirdo?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Couldn't help myself, you look absolutely beautiful" He bends his neck down and kisses the start of my jawline.

"Oh put her down" Michael interrupts making Issac huff, "How lovely of you to join us" Issac smiles at him sarcastically.

I look over to see Eric and Henry dancing, laughing, I smile. Henry looks so happy. "What have you and Henry been up to?" Issac raises his eyebrows, "Nothing" I giggle.

I get myself another drink letting go of Issac, "C'mon let's go get you some fresh air" Issac takes my hand leading me outside, "I don't need fresh air" I huff, a hiccup escaping my lips.

He pushes the back door open and walks round to the other side of the house so no one can see us, "The stars are pretty" I look up at them.

Issac pulls me towards him so our bodies are touching, "You look like your having fun tonight" He strokes my cheek.

"I am" I nod taking a sip of my drink, before I would of never dreamed of going to a party, watching a film and curling up in bed would of been more appealing but people think they have such a perfect picture of me and I'm sick of it, I don't want to be reckless I just want to feel what it's like to have fun.

No doubt in the morning I'll just wind back to my lifeless self, feeling like an empty shell because that's what seems to be happening lately, I'll feel happy and hopeful then I just get whacked in the face and I'm back to square one.

My dad keeps suggesting I go and meet his partner and his daughter, my half sister but right now I'm choosing not to class her as that. Every time I think about him, my body gets fired with anger and I don't know why.

"What are you thinking about?" Issac mumbles, leaning his head back against the brick wall.

I sigh being pulled out of my thoughts, "Nothing" I shrug.

"Hey c'mon, it's me, you can tell me" His expression is sad, "I just," I pause not knowing how to carry on.

"I just, I don't know, I'm angry" I rack my fingers through my hair, "About what?" He tilts his head, "I can't explain I don't know, I'm angry at everything and everyone and even though I'm in there having fun dancing it's still there and I can still feel it" I pull away from him.

"Darcy, this is why you need help" He frowns his eyebrows, "I don't want help!" I shout.

"Why do you keep saying this? No one can sort out the mess I am Issac, I have so many years of problems and emotions that I don't think I can sort or dig out, so how is anyone else going to?" I shout, glaring at him.

"They're professions, that's what they've been trained to do!" He matches my raised voice, "I just can't, I just can't do this" I turn around facing the opposite wall leaning against it.

"Can't what Darcy? We want to help you! Christ sake Darc. I don't want you to feel like this, I'm trying my hardest to be here for you and help you but you're making this hard for me! I just want you back!" He shouts facing my back, his voice is dripping with hurt and anger, "I'm right here!" I snap, turning around.

"But you're not you! I know you're unhappy, I know your sad and don't say I don't because I've been here for you, and I've sat with you all those times, and listened to you, and held you whilst you cried! The only way you're going to sort this out is by getting help, people want to help you, I want to help you" He looks at me, I can almost see his heart breaking through his eyes, "I'm sorry" I whisper.

He looks away and leans back against the wall burying his face in his hands.

"It's okay" He sighs, I walk over to him and hug him, I know I can be a pain from time to time, I don't want to loose Issac but I fear I might be pushing him away without realising.

He wraps his arms around and gives me a squeeze, "Lets go back inside" He shows a lopsided smile and takes my hand, leading me back inside.

The atmosphere in the room is like electric, everyone is dancing, furniture been pushed back so the whole floor is ours, I smile to my ears and drag Issac in with me.

The music moves my body to the beat, swaying it to the rhythm. I feel Issac's hands on my waist and the room feels like it's exploding. My bodies felt numb lately when he's touched me but tonight I feel those fire bolts tingle around my body.

I turn around to face him, slowly snaking my hands around his neck, my body still moving to the music his hands dancing with my body, his eyes pierce into mine and my stomach does flips.

My heart is banging against my chest but the music is still so wild in my ear, it's amazing. I don't know if it's the alcohol in my body or if I'm actually feeling this good, I feel so alive and free.

"You're incredible" He whispers in my ear it gives me goosebumps, "I could stay like this forever" I mumble, surprised he can hear me over the music but even though it's so loud, it feels like it's just us in the room.

"I wish we could, just me and you" Our bodies stop moving, standing in the middle of the dance floor, he strokes my cheek and I feel the warmth spread to my cheek, "But we have to get you home"

"Why? I don't want to go home" I frown, the thought of going home makes me sick, I never want to return to that place, "I know, you can stay at mine tonight" He smiles.

I nod, it is getting late and as much as I'm enjoying this, my feet do hurt.

I go to say goodbye to Henry but when I turn around I see him and Eric kissing, I smile. They look so happy in the moment, just like me and Issac a few seconds ago - minus the kissing - standing still whilst everyone else is dancing to the music around them.

I smile before turning around and walking out the door with Issac.

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this is a slight longer chapter, i'm currently at the airport traveling to majorca !!

enjoy (:

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